Chapter 11: Starlight in a jar

This episode is brought to you by this quote: "…invaders blood marches through my veins…like GIANT RADIOACTIVE RUBBER PANTS…the pants command me…do not ignore my veins." (Ha see what I did back there? I referred to something.)

Throwing himself against the plastic, he was just able to turn the silver knob before smacking his head against the door. He stumbled through the door, before steadying himself through desperate arm flailing. He felt pain arch through the knobs of his spine as he forced himself out of his slouch. Girs little glowing eyes were glued to the large plasma screens dangling from the ceiling. He doubted Gir would notice if a whole swarm of earthinoids barged in with guns blazing. The little slave probably would offer them cookies or tacos or some other stupid earth food. Stupid robot. Stupid spine. Zim managed to put his hands on his hips before he could bend over.

"Gir, surrender the couch. I need to crash." Zim ordered wearily. He slammed the purple plastic door shut behind him dramatically, locking it with the little silver latch. Prehistoric but effective, he allowed himself to admit, Thank Irk and his mystic scepter of deliciousness the walk from the door to the couch is short. He turned his head away from the door in time to see Gir gasp then promptly clap both hands on top of his mouth. Gir scooted closer to the door and crouched near the armrest. Gir peeked his aqua eyes above the pastel pink sofa, Blue crescents gazed fearfully at him.

"What?" He asked impatiently. There was a small mechanical whirr and Girs head emerged fully from his hide-y hole, his silver clamps balled into tiny fists over his mouth. He unlocked his hands and mumbled a mumble before quickly covering his mouth again. Zim felt himself scowl at the sniveling metal can. "WHAT?"

"You look bad'n scary." Gir whimpered softly. Zim felt his scowl lift and anger slowly melt. He took a deep breath and sighed in exhaustion.

"Yeah, well I feel bad'n scary." He replied dismally, walking over to the couch. He turned and collapsed into an uncomfortable slouch that he was too tired to get out of. He rubbed the space between his eyes before removing the scratchy contacts and setting them down on the small stand near the phone. He removed the dirt and trash covered wig, shaking it vigorously before tossing it over his left shoulder, not really caring where it landed. When he managed to find the strength to make his jaw work he groaned out, "I had a really bad and scary day."

He stared at the endless wires and coils lining the ceiling before feeling a slight pressure on his right arm. He opened his eyes to find Gir slowly pushing him sideways. Gir hesitated when he saw him staring at him, then got up and under the arch into the kitchen. Zim heard a slight pop then the closing of the trash tube leading downstairs. Zim sighed with relief only to halt when he heard mechanical footsteps approaching.

So close and yet so far from serenity, Zim thought, Wait…what the? Harsh high pitched beeping noises were coming from the kitchen. Gir reappeared making beeping noises while walking backwards carrying what looked like a ham wrapped in a blanket. Zim watched as the little robot carried the bundle towards the couch. The SIR unit hopped onto the couch, barely making a dent in the fabric.

"For a moment I was afraid you set the kitchen on fire again." Zim told the little robot. Gir looked up at him smiling. He then continued unwrapping the bundle. Pulling back the pink fabric Zim finally saw a white first aid kit, a light blue furry pillow, and what looked like a bunch of grapes. Gir draped the blanket over his lap, and fluffed the pillow before forcibly shoving the pillow behind his head. Zim shifted up around before giving Gir a suspicious glance. Suddenly it all made sense. He grabbed the imposter and shook him furiously shouting, "WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH GIR?!"

"I'M…eh heh…i dunno!" Zim flinched at the slaves stupidity. He stopped shaking the robot and set him back down on the couch. Gir wobbled back and forth before falling face first on the floor with a clank. Zim leaned down, only slightest bit concerned. Gir suddenly popped up and clambered over the couch as far away from his master as possible. Zim reached out for the first aid kit and scooped up the white box with one black claw. He looked back at his slave in confusion.

"What's this about?" he asked. Gir turned to face him.

"There's a hole in your head riiiiiight here." Gir answered gesturing above his left eye. Zim touched the spot and winced as he made contact with the sore spot of where his gash used to be. Gir scooted closer as he flipped open the box and pulled out a small pastel green tub similar to a small human makeup jar. It wasn't big, just 2 inches tall but inside…Zim unscrewed the cap and looked inside smirking. Gir gave a little 'ooooo' as little flecs of light bounced off the cream onto him. The pale white cream, caught in one of the moons rays, fractured the light, giving the illusion of tiny stars caught in a single jar. Zim scooped a small dabs worth of the cream on his index claw, and applied the amount to the area above his eye. He felt the sensation similar to cold liquid spread throughout his body and seep deep into his skin. He didn't allow himself the pleasure of smiling, mainly because if he showed it was good Gir might get into it and waste it trying to make himself 'glitter'. He screwed the cap back on and set it back in the box. He looked down at Gir who sat next to him marveling at his forehead, which he knew from experience was healing on fast forward. Zim looked at the huge flatscreens before looking back at Gir.

"Watcha watchin?" he asked.

Gir rose his hands above his head, "A dvd!"

Zim just looked the screen. The TV was on mute and was still on the Main menu. Zim looked from the silver robot to the plasma then back to the robot again. "Umm", he asked pointing to TV, "Wouldn't it be better if we I don't know…turned on the sound?"

Gir looked at the screen. "OOOhhh yEEEAAAhh."

Zim resisted the urge to face palm. He reached down in between pink couch cushions and dug around for the remote. After a few minutes of finding a few undesirables, (mainly old moldy tacos which Gir unfortunately ate before he could throw out, which even he had to admit was a new low), he found the silver remote and pressed play and unmated. The screen turned black and with a flourish and a fanfare showed the entire earth floating through space before disappearing into the gloom.

"Oooh look! I know that thing! IT's PLUTO!" Gir anouced pointing at the blue sphere.

Many tedious song filled minutes later

Gir turned as the convict in the coach began to sing…again, towards Zim. He looked at Zims legs hidden under the pink blanket then at Zims face.

Zim frowned. "No way. There is no way on Irk that your head is going on my lap." Zim folded his arms across his chest and tried to focus back on the film. He glanced down at Gir then back at the movie then back at Gir who had put on his best pleading face. He felt his will starting to crumble. He shook his head before turning back to see Gir quietly trailing a silver trail of water down his face. He clenched his fists to keep himself from screaming. He grit his teeth angrily before managing to growl out, "FINE! But if you bawl on my leg so help me-"

"YEAAY!" Gir hugged his face before dropping his head against his lap. Zim grimaced as the heavy canister fell like a ton of bricks on his knee.

"I don't like you." Zim murmured, more to himself than actually at Gir, who now lay sucking his thumb on (regretfully) his lap. He cautiously put a hand against the little slave and let it rest on his head. He examined the little slave scrupulously for damage. Soft turquoise light shone out of his shoulder, wrists, chest piece and antenna joints, making the bobbles pulse and beat out in the rhythm of a heartbeat. The grey bodice making up most of his slave contrasted nicely with the silver head and appendages the tallest had installed onto him. There were no signs of rust or damage despite Girs less than amazing record of abuse and sometimes plain neglect. Gir, never taking his eyes off the screen, grabbed part of the long blanket dragging on the floor and pulled it over him, snuggling deep into the softness of the blanket. Zim watched him sigh in contentment before putting on that stupid tongue-y grin of his. His master twiddled with the antenna on top of Girs head before getting bored again, turning his attention to the film again.

There was something about this 'Javert' that made him feel…strange. He would never admit to liking him, but he would admit begrudgingly that he had some qualities that you'd find in a good invader; loyalty to the law, duty above all else, espionage,(me: his disguise is amazing note sarcasm) and relentlessness. He wondered if humans would be able to survive Hobo13 or pass the trials on Devastis. He had seen lower species on Hobo13 so maybe things had changed while he was gone and conquered inhabitants could become soliders? Humans weren't as durable as Irkens were. Their bones broke too easily and they weren't strong enough to survive being blasted by a cannon into space…but still they were persistent and that was both good and bad. His pondering was interrupted as Girs started humming along to the song. Zim blinked realizing he hadn't been paying attention in the slightest to what was going on. Some earth punk was waving around a ridiculous red banner singing about…singing? Zim gave the overly enthusiastic flag waving weirdo a questioning look. Okay, even for humans that was redundant. He rolled his eyes and looked up at the ceiling. The pillow encased his head with its softness successfully drowning out the sounds of human voices and Girs soft sobs leaving him alone with his thoughts. Red and black…pish…what kind of colors are they? Red and black are only good for evil goat boy eyes, fruit, and human blood. What do humans see in those colors? They are not as beautiful or passionate as the mighty pink. They're nothing compared somber, royal, luscious color of purple. They aren't very good colors. Zim smacked his lips. Wonder if there's any cola left in the fridge? Should probably restock the pantry while I'm at it. Zim shrugged indifferently…

Wait.

Darkness

Stars

Solar eclipse

Door

Darkness

Lab

Metal

Eyes

Red eyes in the dark

"Gir! The lab!" he bolted upright, all exhaustion escaping from his body. As soon as Gir raised his head of his lap, he tore the blanket aside and forced himself not to run like a crazy lunatic across the tan tiled floor into the shiny trash can; instead he ran like a normal lunatic across the floor into the kitchen with Gir following him like a shadow. Gir ran ahead of him, pressed the foot pedal and stood in salute as he hopped into the trash can, landing gracefully on the steel platform. The lid closed with a clang. The grey circle bobbed from impact before slowly sinking past the topsoil deeper into the earths crust. "Computer. Take me to HUB! Level 7! Sector 8! Now!"

The clear tube glowed white before the platform descended rapidly towards the lowest level of the base. Zim felt his stomach fly into his chest. He looked out into the earth through the glass. Tubes bearing the Irken symbol replaced the bits and pieces of human junk like bones, bottles, lost toys and coins as he sunk below. Amazing how much filth the humans had buried away overtime. Zim noted, when this planet is conquered I wonder if the organic sweeps will be able to kill things under the surface? Zim looked up as the glass in front of him shimmered slightly, rippling like water when a stone is dropped before a hole appeared in the center of the ripple. The hole expanded to form a perfect oval which he promptly stepped out of as soon as he heard the ding of the elevator. He stepped out onto the hub.

The Hub was a domed room that made a perfect circle. A thin computer monitor the size of the Times Square Jumbotron was attached to the stainless steel purple wall opposite of the elevator. Thousands of cables ran from the bottom half of the sphere…underneath those metal coverings were raw wires making the metal coils buzz slightly with electricity. Zim rushed down the catwalk onto the adjoining crows nest in the center of the room. When he arrived at the crescent table, he cracked his knuckles and snapped his fingers.

"Wakey wakey, COME ON, COME OOONN ALREADY!" he snapped. The tabletop flickered bright pink Irken symbols forming an advanced control board. The monitor turned itself on with a whirl and soon a loud snoring sound echoed from the speakers.

The snoring broke off with a snort as the computer woke up.

"Uggghhhh…weren't you just here like…eight hours ago?" the COMPUTER asked.

Zim nodded the question off, "Yes, yes, oh that reminds me, how are the narwhales doing?"

The computer monitor fizzled with snow before a security fed leaked onto the monitor. Two narwhales swum in a tank filled to the brim with salt water in frustration trying to eat the bagels he had slid purposefully down those exceptionally pointy horns. The voice boxes he had placed on their throats kept crying out in despair, "…don't understand this. My mouth! My mouth! Get into my mouth…you delicious goodness GET INTO MY MOUTH! WHY WON'T YOU GET INTO MY MOUTH!"

"INGENIUS!" he proclaimed. He reached into one of the hidden pockets on his shirt, pulled out a small purple flash drive and plugged it into the UV port. "With this new upgrade, you should be able to connect to any WIFI signal within 20 miles!"

"Oh joy." COMPUTER stated sarcastically.

He leaned forward placing both hands on the table waiting for an answer. He quickly grew impatient. He waved impatiently with his hands, "Weeeell how do you feel?"

"Like someone just shoved a piece of metal into my-"

"Good, good," he went on, not really caring about the answer. He swept his hand across the touch screen and a new set of controls zoomed in from the left. Making a sweeping arch with his finger, he opened the new program on the dock. The compass, when clicked, started…

"Is it supposed to be dancing?" Zim asked the COMPUTER. In rhythm of his two hearts it bounced, rising and falling like a dancer leaping and landing. He could picture the COMPUTER scowl as he snapped, "How should I know?"

Zim stood still for what felt like centuries when there was a sharp bing from the elevator behind him. He turned and saw Gir skipping along the metal catwalk, each skip producing a sharp metal bang from the catwalk. Why on Irk was Gir so heavy? Gir stopped his little skips and stood beside him before giving a little gasp of pleasure. He heaved himself up onto the glass counter top and tried pressing buttons. He felt himself smirk inwardly. Well at least I know the new table serves its purpose, Zim thought as Gir began banging at the buttons in frustration. He turned his attention back to the monitor. A small "window" appeared of the screen. On a plain white background, in bright bold colors was the title 'Google'.

"Google?" he scoffed, "What is there to google at?!"

"Sir-"

"OH MY GOOOOOOOD wE gonna watch Cat videos?" Gir asked excitedly hopping from side to side.

"No, Gir, we are not watching cat videos because they are stupid and only stupid people like stupid things. We have a new enemy Gir! Humans use this aaalllll the time. We can use this against them and find out " He typed in antichrist in the search box and clicked the little search button. Immediately after clicking, if the little fine print could be believed, about 8,680,000 links appeared. Zim gasped. He looked up at the ceiling where, somewhere above him, the master brain was stored. "WHY WAS ZIM NOT MADE AWARE OF THIS AWESOMENESS!?"

"You were busy with trying to destroy the earth."

"Oh right. I wonder…" Zim looked back at the monitor. An idea hit him. He typed in "how to destroy the earth". 84,100,000 results from all over the earth poured their knowledge into his computer frame in less than 0.23 seconds. Zim stared at the monitor. "Why would they put that online? Never mind."

He clicked the back button and scrolled down, clicking and reading from a satanist website, "Blah, blah, blah, ruler of all time, blah, blah, boring, servitude forever… well…this

is…interesting?" he looked at a picture of what the 'antichrist' was supposed to look like. A man with a goatee stood upon a pile of flaming skulls, ram horns protruded from his temples, tail and bat wings emerged from his back, and his feet where that of a goats. Zim looked at the picture long and hard. This couldn't be the same child…could it be he was lying? And if he did, why would he lie? Zim shook his head trying to clear it unsuccessfully. There's something wrong with that smeet. The way his eyes changed, vanished into thin air made the cavern pressure increase...how did he do that? How could something do that? It's impossible. The cavern…that brat…the tables…the mosaic on the floor… "This doesn't make any sense."

He clicked the back button and typed in underground classroom.

I don't know what they're playing at, he snarled in his head, but soon you will know the-"Gir!", he screamed as a little window opened up with a kitten playing a kitten opened on top of the search results. He exited out of the screen while Gir protested. He looked at the little robot. Then back at the monitor, then back at the controls, then back at Gir. "How did you do that if you don't have finge-you know what I don't want to know."

He turned back onto the screen. Nothing came up. Zim slammed his fists on the desk, outraged, "How come they have 84,100,000 ways to destroy the earth but NOT have anything on these underground classrooms?" He glared at the screen angrily, daring it to answer. It remained as blank as ever.

"Fine. If you want something done," Zim turned on heel for the elevator, his slave following in tow like a shadow. He stepped inside. "you got to do it yourself. COMPUTER, take us to the launch pad."

"Where we goin'?" Gir asked once they were moving up the chute. Zim looked down at his slave and replied curtly, "A field trip."

"Woohoo!"

I will NOT apologize for not having posting for so long...okay...well...I'm a little sorry...sorta.