Chapter Twelve
"Sarah Morrissey-McGarrett. That's a bit of a mouthful" said her friend Monica, a fellow teacher. They were in the staff room, working on the upcoming exams.
"Yeah well, I couldn't give up my own name, and I like the idea of taking on my husbands name" Sarah shrugged as she worked alongside her friend "So the best option was to hyphenate".
"Good for you, although I didn't think you'd be that traditional" she commented.
Sarah was taken aback slightly, "What does that mean?"
Monica looked up from her paper, "You know, being from New York and all, I thought you'd be really career oriented. You're only twenty-four and I honestly didn't think you would be this comfortable with becoming a wife and mother so soon. Especially a Navy wife".
"Okay, I really don't understand what you mean by the Navy wife comment" Sarah felt like a moron, but she wanted to know what was going on.
Monika looked a little sheepish, "Look, sweetie don't take offense, I was just trying to say what I was thinking" when Sarah remained quiet she explained, "My sister was married to a Navy SEAL, and they were married all of two years. In those two years I only ever saw her happy for the first month".
Sarah could feel irritation rising in her, "So you're basically telling me that marrying Steve was a mistake".
"Look I didn't mean that. Steve is no longer active, but he will always be a SEAL. They are a different breed" Monica leaned forward and touched her hand in what she thought was comfort, "Forget what I said, it was really stupid and idiotic of me to do that".
Sarah snatched her hand away, "Yes Monica, you should not have". She left the room and went to the ladies room to splash some water on her face.
She looked at herself in the mirror and realized she had also washed away some of her make-up but she couldn't care less. Monica was the third person to imply that she had made a huge mistake in marrying so early, especially to a SEAL. Monica had been the most direct out of the three.
She rationalized that if she had been making a mistake, her family and friends would have said something. And besides she could not be this happy and have made a mistake.
Then her mind turned back to the last couple of month. The honeymoon had been ideal bliss and Steve had been amazing. But the two months after that, there had been something that she could not put her finger on.
It could easily be that they were back to real life now. People said that immediately after the honeymoon was a very depressing time for a couple, because they were essentially coming down from a high.
Sarah thought back to the phone call that Steve had made the last day of their honeymoon. He had evaded all her questions and had not answered anything. She had let it go and all she knew was that he had had a meeting with someone the day after.
He had been tense around her ever since that meeting.
Sarah's cell phone chirped from her back pocket. She pulled it out and no surprises it was her Steve, "Hey there sailor".
"Hi pretty lady. How are you feeling?" he said in a husky voice.
She smiled, "I'm good. Missing you" she heard a groan and a muttered, "Oh my god". She knew then that Steve was in the car with Danny, "Hi Danno".
"Hi. Can you please not tell your husband you are missing him while we are on our way to question a suspect? He gets all goofy on me" he sounded pained.
"I do not get goofy on you" Steve defended himself, "Sweetheart can you imagine me goofy?" he asked her.
Sarah laughed at that, "Oh goodness you could never be goofy, only sexy" she teased back.
"Steve's head just grew in size. You need to stop stroking his ego so much" Danno advised again.
"You stop telling my wife what she can or cannot do" Steve spoke.
Sarah put on her best teacher voice, "Alright boys, you didn't call me for this. So what's up?"
"Nothing much, honey. Did you tell your principle that this week was going to be your last before you go on maternity leave?" Steve asked her.
"Not yet, I'll speak to her after school is over" she took a breath to ask him her next question, "What about you? Will you be able to get some time off as well once the baby is born?"
She heard Steve hesitate, "I'll have to see how that pans out, but I do need to discuss something important with you"
"What is it?" for some reason Sarah could feel a fear creep up her spine.
"I'll tell you when I get home okay?" she hated the way he always talked to her when it was something important. As if she were a small child who had no understanding of how the world worked.
"Fine. I'll make dinner".
She heard Steve sigh, "I love you".
She felt a smile curl her lips, "I love you too".
When she disconnected the call, she convinced herself that she was worried about nothing. Everything had to be okay.
-X-
As Steve entered the house, he heard the music playing in the kitchen. As usual he felt a smile as he visualized Sarah dancing as she cooked. Although tonight instead of something upbeat, his wife was listening to some woman wail mournfully about how much she loved a man.
He entered the kitchen and sure enough, Sarah had her back to him, her long hair pulled up into a lose top knot, she wore nothing but a blue and white sarong, tied halter style around her neck. And she swayed and sang along to the music.
Steve put the flowers he had bought for her on the table as he crept behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist and nuzzled her soft nape.
"What a depressing song" he muttered as he licked a trail from her ear to her shoulder.
She melted into his chest and purred like a kitten, "Don't you dare bad mouth Lana Del Rey. Her voice is sexy".
Steve laughed, "Hmmm, I think you're sexy".
"You better, or you'll be in a world of trouble" she turned in his arms, stood on tiptoe and kissed his lips. "So what was it that you needed to discuss?"
Steve let her go and watched as her expression became troubled, "It can wait for me to have a shower and change my clothes".
"You do that and dinner will be ready by then. You want to eat on the lanai?"
"Yeah sure why not, its great weather outside" he kissed her forehead and left her to have a quick shower.
As the hot water beat down on his shoulders, Steve abandoned his usual Navy shower in favour of a long one. He needed to collect his thoughts.
He had to tell Sarah about the meeting he had had with Jacobson. He had finally agreed to be a part of the special task force for the CIA and he needed to tell his wife about it.
Joe had encouraged him to tell her as soon as he made the decision, but he had hesitated. Steve was not used to making decisions based on anyone else apart from himself.
Despite that he had only hesitated slightly when making this decision. To be honest he missed the highly charged situations he used to be in as an active SEAL.
It was in his blood and he had been out of his element for a long time now. He felt as if he needed to be back in the environment he was most comfortable in. He was a warrior and he knew that Sarah would understand that as well. After all she knew exactly what she was getting into when she had decided to be with him.
He dressed in a pair of shorts and a sleeveless t – shirt, then went downstairs to join Sarah. She was outside, pouring herself a glass of iced tea, an open bottle of beer was set out for him.
"That smells good, what is it?" he asked as he kissed her on her lips and sat on his seat.
"I made Chicken and Mushroom risotto" she had already served it out into plates. "So what was it that you wanted to talk to me about?"
Steve took a breath, "On our wedding day Gov. Denning introduced me to Nathan Jacobson".
"I don't remember seeing anyone with the Governor" Sarah observed as she took a bite.
"Yeah, he only spoke to me for a couple of minutes before the ceremony".
"So who is he?"
"He works for the CIA and he wanted me to join a special taskforce" Steve watched as she put her spoon down and sat back in her chair.
"I am guessing that this discussion is mostly you telling me that you have already made the decision about joining" she spoke quietly.
"Yes"
"And I am also guessing that you decided that you would do it" again her voice was extremely quiet.
"Yes" he didn't know what else to say.
He watched Sarah take a deep breath, "Were you the only one that they needed?"
"They needed a SEAL and the specializations that I bring with me"
"Does that mean that it could be any SEAL or just you?" she asked more pointedly and he had an idea of where she was going with this.
"If not me then they would have approached someone else".
"And you wanted to do this because you missed being in active duty" her voice held understanding but also anger. "Did you think about me or the baby when you made this decision?"
Steve remained quiet, because he did not want to be dishonest with her. And the truth was that he had not thought of her when he made the decision.
He noticed tears come into Sarah's eyes, but she didn't let them fall, "I can see the importance we have in your life" she got up as gracefully as she could being seven and half months pregnant.
"Baby, don't talk like that. You know that both of you are my life" he followed her into the house, the food all but forgotten.
She turned to him, "If we were your life, you would have been happy without having to be out in God knows which part of the world, getting shot at and getting yourself killed".
"Sarah, you knew what I was before you married me" he could not keep his own agitation out of his voice.
"Yes I knew what and who you were. But I never thought you would make a decision that would have such an impact on our lives, all by yourself. Without even talking to me about it" by this time she was unable to control the tears that leaked onto her cheeks. He watched as something dawned in her eyes, "Unless you thought that I would make a big fuss".
He had never thought of it that way, but now that she had mentioned it, he had to agree that it was one of the reasons he had not talked to her about it.
"That's what you thought, isn't it?" she asked again as she grabbed his arm and made him look at her, "When have I ever made you not do anything? You have always done whatever you wanted, without me saying a word to stop you".
"Not yet, but I have never been in any real danger before" he defended himself, albeit weakly.
"Not in any real danger? What do you call being almost tortured to death by Wo Fat?" she asked him, her small body shivering with anger, "Do you have any idea what I went through during that time?"
He knew he was not being rational but he could feel his own anger surging, "I am still in the reserves and I could be called away anytime, you already knew this before you married me. How different is this situation from that? If you thought you couldn't handle being a SEAL's wife, why did you agree to this life?"
"I agreed to be your wife and share your life because I am in love with you" she yelled back at him. She laughed hollowly, "You know, just this morning one of the teachers at school pretty much suggested that marrying you was a mistake. She was the third person to tell me that".
"Well sweetheart, I am a SEAL and you may have deluded yourself that I was different, but you're wrong" he spoke as his anger sharpened at her. "If you cannot handle being a SEAL's wife, then maybe this woman is right and you did make a mistake by marrying me".
Sarah pulled her self up to her full diminutive height and glared at him, "I always knew that deep down you were a SEAL and you would never change, but I didn't want you to change. I even knew that there were things in your life that you could not talk about" a single tear slipped out and she looked sad, "I just hoped that as your wife, I would be given enough respect to be considered while making a decision that could change all our lives".
Steve felt his anger seep out of him as he watched his beautiful wife turn around, disappointment in her eyes. She was beautiful and dignified as she walked out of the living room, making feel like an absolute asshole.
This was their first major fight as a married couple and he could only hope that she would forgive him for what he had done. Because, he wasn't finished yet.
-X-
Sarah changed into her nightgown and brushed her teeth. All the while tears just flowed and she couldn't stop them.
She knew that every couple fought, it was normal. Sometimes they fought like children, like the time Steve had eaten a genuine New York Slice without bringing her a piece as well. But this fight was even worse than the time they had fought about her father and he had accused her of being involved with Wo Fat.
Steve had betrayed her in the worst possible way by not even thinking about her while deciding to join the CIA taskforce. This made her realize her worst fears about not being enough for Steve.
His life had changed so suddenly when he had made a commitment to be with her that now he saw his previous life of a free man slip right out of his hands.
She knew that him taking this assignment was nothing more than an attempt to get his life back. And frankly if he wanted his old life back he could have it!
When she opened the bathroom door, she stopped, Steve was blocking her way into the bedroom, "Excuse me. I have an early morning tomorrow and I'm really tired" she said as she tried to move past him. But he didn't budge.
"Not before you let me apologize" he spoke quietly. He pulled out the abandoned bunch of flowers from behind his back.
"How can you apologize for being honest, Steve" she was more tired than angry at him.
Steve made an attempt to pull her into his arms, "Baby, you have to realize that I could not tell you about it".
"Then why did you tell me now?" she asked, but when he didn't say anything she knew what he was saying, "You are going on assignment soon". Sarah could not even look at him, much less stand his touch, "When are you leaving? Or is that confidential as well?"
She heard him sigh, "I leave day after tomorrow".
Sarah felt her heart beating faster in fear. Fear of losing him and their marriage, fear for his safety.
"Baby, say something" Steve came up and wrapped her in his strong arms, and even though she was mad at him, she let him giver her that support.
"What do you want me to say Steve?" she asked him. She honestly had no idea what to say to him. This was the first time she was at a loss to say anything to Steve. "I need to be alone tonight Steve. Please".
She felt him stiffen and loosen his arms around her. He turned her around and kissed her soundly, "I'll do anything you want".
"Will you change your mind and not go?" she asked, testing him. Again he remained quiet, saying absolutely nothing, but answering her question with more clarity than if he had spoken the words, "That's what I thought".
Sarah turned back to the bed and switched off the bedside lamp.
For some moments Steve stood by the bed, but then she heard his bare feet move, taking him out of the room and away from her.
