Steve sat on the couch next to Rafael and handed him his first coffee of the day. "I told you that he stalked me," he began with a long sigh. "Well, there's a little more to it than that. Actually…a lot more. And, Rafael, it's not a time in my life I'm proud of..."

Rafael sipped at his still steaming coffee and shifted close to Steve. "You know that no matter what, I'd never judge you. It's my turn to listen to you and to help you if I can," Rafael said. To show his support for whatever Steve was about to say, he shifted closer to him and put his hand on his knee. "You can tell me anything."

"Well, Ken and I didn't even date for all that long, five or six months at the most. Anyway, I started to become suspicious of some of the things he was doing. Eventually, I found out the truth. He was a slum-landlord and he was involved with a lot of shady dealings; scamming insurance companies, packing too many tenants into his properties, that sort of thing. I broke up with him right away, but he kept calling me and asking me to look into and get rid of some of the complaints against him, and of course, I wouldn't do that. It wasn't long before I found out he'd been charged with some by-law offences."

"But his activities had nothing to do with you. None of that is your fault. And, you broke up with him as soon as you found out, right?"

"Right, well at the time I was up for promotion to lieutenant, which added a lot to my stress level. But, Rafael, here's the part that's my fault. To this day, I'm ashamed to even think about it…I wasn't out at work. I let people assume I was straight. Not something I'm proud of at all. It was a different time when I started on the force…I know that sounds like an excuse, but only a few years before I started, they said that gay people weren't fit to be law enforcement officers. So, I spent all those years keeping that part of my life quiet…Don't ask, don't tell, you know?"

"Steve. It's no one else's business but yours. I can understand why you didn't tell. It wouldn't have been easy, especially in those days. It's sad that you didn't feel comfortable, but that's not your fault, it's the way things were, and still is a bit."

"Well, he threatened to out me, to the squad and to my captain at the time. Eventually, he did just that. I should have done it myself in the first place of course. I shouldn't have been ashamed, and I wish I had been braver. I regret it all now of course. I lost some friends over it. Some people couldn't handle me being gay. Oh, god Rafael, it was such a mess," Steve explained, his voice wavering.

Rafael frowned at the pain that was so evident in Steve's voice as he told his story. "Steve. That's horrible. I don't know what to say."

Sighing, Steve ran his hand through his hair and patted Rafael's knee. "I thought I'd face discrimination, I even thought I'd lose out on the promotion. Well, I did get promoted, and of course I wasn't outright harassed, but, I was treated differently for a while after. Eventually, it all became old news, and everyone but Ken moved on. He didn't stop. He began to stalk me and create drama whenever he could. Finally, just before I met you, things with him went quiet. I found out that he was arrested and charged with some tax evasion, he was supposed to serve two years, but he obviously was paroled early."

"Oh my god…Steve." Rafael crawled next to Steve on the couch and put his arm around him. "The guy sounds like scum. I'm sorry that you ever had to deal with someone so horrible. I wish there was something I could do."

"Anyway, there's an element to him that's dangerous…he's not all just white-collar. He made threats and made my life miserable for a long time. He was the worst mistake I've ever made. It was Derrick who stood by me through everything. He believed me through it all, he saw how Ken really was. Rafael, when he showed up yesterday, I was in shock. I wanted to protect you from all of this. You have to believe me, I never, ever wanted you to be subject to him. I wanted to hit him, it took everything for me not to. If I would have, I would have been giving him exactly what he wanted…then he could have had me charged. That's why he was saying those things about you, to get me to hit him or to lash out at him somehow. Nothing about him should surprise me about him anymore. Here's the thing, Rafael, when you got to the hospital, Derrick made some calls. A 911 call was made from the bar, just after we left, reporting that a man, meaning me, was tampering with drinks. They thought I had put something in your drink and was dragging you out of the bar against your will…Of course, it did look like I was dragging you out of there, because, well, I was. The police showed up, and witnesses remembered seeing us leaving. Derrick got that all sorted out, thank-god, and we think that it was Ken who placed the call, and led people into thinking I did something. I know he'd slip you something to make it look like I did it. To put doubt in your mind about me, and to get me into trouble. He had no qualms about harming you, to get to me…That's how calculating he is…"

Rafael shook his head his head at the words that poured from Steve's mouth. Not one to ever be speechless, Rafael searched for the right words. He sat up on his knees and put his arms around him. "I can't believe that you had to go through something so awful."

"I'm just so sorry that you had to be involved, that you got hurt because of one of my past mistakes. I swore that after everything you went through with your father, I would always protect you. And, now, here we are, you got hurt because of me…I'm so sorry, I was so worked up over seeing him, I didn't even realize what had happened. It was Derrick who figured out that there was something wrong. He's the one who thought you were drugged, if it hadn't have been for him, things could have been worse. I keep thinking of what would have happened if he hadn't noticed. You have no idea how awful I feel. And when I had to tell your mother? I was so ashamed…I couldn't tell her about Ken, it's all just too awful."

"What happened wasn't your fault. Besides, he'd already spiked my drink by the time we even saw him, right? So how would you have even stopped him? I shouldn't have left my drink, but, it's his fault, not yours."

"But it's my past that caused you to end up in the hospital."

"Steve, I'm fine. I feel like I have a bad hangover, but, I'm ok. He's the one that's crazy. I'm just sorry that you had to deal with him…Don't feel bad for me…I don't even remember it really. Derrick noticed, but you're the one who looked after me, again, like you always do. You're the one who made sure I was safe." Rafael sat back and leaned against Steve's chest and looked up to his eyes. "You helped me get into bed. I kind of remember that…you made sure I was safe and comfortable. No one else would do that for me."

"Your mom helped too."

"I can't believe she came."

"She was so worried. I could see it in her eyes, Rafael. She loves you. You should probably call her and let her know that you're ok."

"I'll call her. But right now, I'm more worried about you. Don't blame yourself, please? Don't think that I do either. I'll tell you something, I have never felt safer than when I am with you. You're always looking out for me. You always put me first. I didn't get that growing up. You spoil me and put up with all of my quirks. No one has ever been so nice to me. I love you so much."

"How are you feeling now?"

"Like I said, hungover. But, I'll be ok."

"Hungry?"

"A little bit. I guess I should eat something."

"You lay down here and I'll make you a snack."


"There's no way I can convince you to take the day off?" Steve asked, as Rafael dressed for his first day at work after the incident with Ken.

"Steve," Rafael said, as he looped his tie around his neck and made a Windsor knot. "I'm fine."

"You're sure?"

"Yes. I'm sure." Rafael stood on his toes and gave Steve a peck on his cheek.

"Ok, well then let me give you a ride…I can sneak out a little early and pick you up."

"All the way to Brooklyn? No, I'll be ok."

"I don't mind."

"Steve."

"Rafael."

"I'm fine."

"I know you're fine. Just let me drive you."

"What do you think is possibly going to happen? He's not going to abduct me off the street."

"I know. I just worry."

"You worry way too much. I'm a big boy," Rafael said, as he buttoned his coat and checked his pockets for his gloves. "He's not going to do anything."

"Call me when you get there then."

"Are you serious?"

"Please? For me? Just to ease my mind."

"Ok, but really…"

"Oh, one more thing…for me? I know you're going to sigh and roll your eyes, but here," Steve said, handing him a paper bag. "Have lunch in your office."

"You made me lunch?" Rafael asked. "You know me all too well." He rolled his eyes and sighed. "You were right about rolling my eyes."

"Just stay in for lunch today."

"What's in here?" Rafael asked. He opened the bag and examined its contents. "A sandwich, cut diagonally, just like my mom used to, an apple, some yogurt, a granola bar…Where's the juice-box?" Rafael took the bag and tried to fit it into his briefcase.

"Don't, you'll squish it."

"God, Steve," Rafael said, closing his briefcase and frowning as he examined himself in the mirror, holding the bagged lunch in one hand, his briefcase in the other. "I look like I'm in grade two."

"Just be careful. And, call me when you get there."

"Are you going to check up on me 20 times today?"

"Hmm…30."

"I'll call you as soon as I get there," Rafael said, opening the door. "And Steve?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks…And you be careful too."

For the next few days, Steve insisted that Rafael check in with him several times a day. Rafael tried to be good-natured about it, but Steve constantly hovering over him was quickly becoming tiresome. To appease him, Rafael complied and called him, once when he arrived safely at work, if he had to leave his office, and before he left work for home.

"We have to talk," Rafael announced one evening when he walked in the door from work. He dropped his briefcase to the floor and hung his coat in the closet and turned to Steve.

"About what?" Steve asked, kissing Rafael's neck and wrapping him in a warm embrace.

"I think you know," Rafael said with a slight smile. "You can't go on worrying about me all day. I mean, it's sweet that you care, and I appreciate it, but I can't keep calling you all the time. Like today, I got busy, and you got all panicky. I had three missed calls from you. I don't want you being so worried all the time."

"I'm sorry. I'll try to stop…I promise I'll stop. I just worry."

"I know. But, I'm not a little kid. I'm a big boy. I can look after myself."


After the long and rough week that they had both endured, Rafael should have been happy that Friday had finally arrived, but the end of the week also meant dinner at his mother's which he had been dreading. A general sense of unease grew in him through the day and he wished he could come up with a plausible excuse to get out of the situation which was certainly going to be uncomfortable.

As he pulled on his jeans, Rafael sighed, knowing that running away from the situation wouldn't help anything. All he could hope for was that his mother would be nice to Steve and that she wouldn't say anything negative about their relationship.

"You look gorgeous, just so you know," Steve said, rising from the bed and touching Rafael's shoulder. "Only you can look so good in a pair of jeans," he added, smoothing Rafael's hair and pecking him on the cheek. "It's going to be fine. We're going to go and have a good time, ok

Rafael smiled to hide his nerves and ran a comb through his hair. "I hope so," he said, his smile growing wider as Steve took the comb from him and parted his still damp hair.

"Remember you were supposed to show me how to do your hair? Is that deal still on?"

"Yeah," Rafael said, taking the comb back from Steve's hand and tossing to the dresser. "But this is good enough for tonight. Steve, I'm a little nervous."

"Are you alright?" Steve asked, rubbing Rafael's shoulders.

"Yeah. I'll get over it."

"You're sure?"

"I'll be alright."

"I'll be right there beside you. You just remember that I'm there for you, ok?" Steve embraced Rafael and softly stroked his cheek. "I love you, sweetie," he whispered into his ear.

"I love you too." Rafael pressed his head against Steve's chest and looked up into his face. "I'll be ok." He blew out a loud breath, his smile belied his doubts.