Chapter 12

Misato was still trembling as she walked into the Commander's office. She looked down at her shaking hands and clenched her fists in vain hope of making them stop. She'd put a gun to the head of one of the most powerful and dangerous men in the world, humiliated him, and watched while his own son beat him and broke his leg with his bare hands. She'd thrown her lot in with a fourteen year old boy, and on the way to do it she's seen things that shook and confused her. She wanted to scream as she approached the small group of people in the office- Fuyutsuki and Ritsuko standing by the desk, Shinji himself lying upon it as though it were a bed, with Rei seated on it beside him, and Asuka, dressed in a plugsuit for no reason, spinning around in the Commander's chair and snickering to herself.

She put her hands in her pockets as she approached, to keep herself from balling up her fists or tugging at her jacket, and waited. An eerie silence fell on the room, broken only by the sound of the chair squeaking.

"I can't believe I went along with this," Ritsuko muttered.

"What do we do now?" said Misato.

"We should probably get some chairs in here," said Shinji.

Asuka guffawed, Fuyutsuki remained stock still, his face a mask, and Ritsuko visibly flushed, biting at her lip. "Shinji," she said patiently, "this isn't a game. If the Committee finds out what we've done, we're all dead."

He sat up and rested his arms on his knees, and fixed his gaze on her. "You're right. I shouldn't have acted. I should have let him torture Rei. I should have let him kill Asuka. We should go back to the Professor here sitting in his office filling out paperwork until the world ends. You can go back to my father periodically showing up at your apartment, taking his frustrations out on you, and leaving you to cry yourself to sleep. Misato can go see if she can drink herself to death before Instrumentality begins."

"Instrumentwhatity?" said Misato.

Ritsuko ignored her. "How did you know I was sleeping with your father?"

"He has you under twenty-four seven surveillance, that's how. Does that surprise you?"

"No," she snapped, "Not really."

"Hey!" Misato snapped, "I feel like I'm out of the loop here. What the hell is Instrumentality. How the hell do you know about that surveillance stuff?"

Ritsuko sighed. "Misato, I-"

"Wait," said Rei, her soft voice cutting through their harsh words. "Before we begin, we must induct them into the Lodge."

"The what?" said Misato.

"In the Lodge, there are no secrets," said Rei, "and no judgments. What has gone before, is no more. We are a brotherhood of warriors."

"Uh," said Misato. "What?"

"Arguing about what we've already done won't help us now," Shinji clarified. "It's time to open up to each other fully. No lies. No secrets."

"Fine," said Misato, "I'll go for that, as long as you go first. You didn't do all of this by lifting weights, damn it."

He smirked at her. "No. From the moment I first arrived, I have been talking to my mother. We grew closer every time I synched with the Evangelion. Through the Eva's connection to the Magi, we were able to access the system and I began to learn. Every time I sat in the simulators or in a synch test, I learned more and more. Every time I fight, I leave a little of myself in the Eva, and bring a little of her back out with me."

"I don't understand," Misato said softly. "What do you mean, she's in the Eva-"

"He means," Asuka growled, "that the people who built these things knew what they were. They knew they needed a human soul to work. So they fed our mothers to them and psychologically abused us so we wouldn't be able to connect with anyone but Evas."

"Oh my God," Misato breathed, "I had no idea." She snapped to Ritsuko. "How could you never tell me this?"

"It was classified," she muttered, staring at the floor.

"There was no reason for you to know," said Asuka. "I have access now, too. You're only the Operations Director because Gendo need a convenient subordinate to get rid of. All of this is planned out in advance."

"What? How?"

"The dead sea scrolls," said Fuyutsuki. "There exists a secret set of scrolls, which lists the arrival and disposition of each angel in detail. The Human Insturmentality Committee and Seele, the group responsible for securing our political influence and funding, believe that when the sequence is complete, they will initiate Third Impact themselves, forcing humanity to join together into a single gestalt mind. Under their control, naturally."

"Uh, what?"

Shinji sighed. "They plan to disrupt everyone's AT-Field simultaneously, killing everyone on Earth."

"Is that even possible?"

"Absolutely," Ritsuko said quietly. "The Evas have already done it on a small scale, and the poisonous sea in Antarctica is left over from the same effect during Second Impact."

"We can't let that happen! How do we stop them?"

"There is but one path," said Shinji. "We kill them all."

Misato winced as her voice broke. "How can you say that?" she said softly. "You're just a kid."

He slid his arm around Rei. "You heard what he threatened to do to Rei. Those were the actions of a man who opposes Seele and has been trying to undermine them from within. They're worse. Think of the world we could have lived in, the life we would all lead if there had been no Second Impact, no Angels, no Eva. They stole that from us. There, now I've made my confession. It's your turn, Akagi."

Ritsuko paled, "I… I…" her gaze slid to Rei. "I hate you. I hate that he loves you and not me, even when he's inside me. I used to image what would happen if I killed you and destroyed the cloning tank."

Rei met her gaze levelly, until she turned away. "He does not love me." She ran her fingers down her cheek. "He loves her, and only her. I am a thing. Someone grew me in a lab. He gave me her face. Made me someone I am not."

Shinji pulled her into himself and ran his fingers through her hair. "I am not Yui," she whispered, "I am not Lilith. I am I. I am Rei."

"How cute," Asuka snorted.

Rei slowly turned and stuck her tongue out at her. Asuka snickered. "This is great. We should roast marshmallows. Are you going to confess your crush on the barbarian, Misato? I'll make my confession first, how about that? I used to hate you all. I absolutely loathed everyone. I hate you because you've been nailed by Kaji and you have a bigger rack than I do and you're older and you're a real woman. I hate Rei because Shinji paws all over her, and because she makes me have really weird thoughts about her when she's naked. I hate Akagi because I know she's smarter than I am. I hate Shinji because he can do things I can't do. I hate Kaji because he treats me like a child. I hate my idiot school friends because they're so dull, and I hate Shinji's little followers because they're idiots and they're like goofy puppies. You know who I hate? You know who? Me. I hate myself, because I've been so stupid."

There was a tear welling up on her good eye. "I'm kind of indifferent to Fuyutsuki, though."

Fuyutsuki shrugged.

Asuka went on. "I understand how stupid I am, now. Now I know who I should really hate. It's not on my shoulders anymore. I'm free."

"I don't get it," Misato whispered. "Who do you hate now?"

She smirked, exposing the sharp little teeth on the left side of her face, barely hidden under the hair she'd brushed over her eye. "My mother. I hate her most of all. She left me. She knew what the Eva was going to do to her. Unit One had already eaten Shinji's mother. She knew, they all knew, and she did it anyway. She went along with it. I wouldn't have. I would have kicked and screamed and clawed my way out. They would have had to tie me down and shove me in there. But I still love her. Now I have her and she's mine forever, and no one can ever take her from me. The hate doesn't bother me anymore. It's just there, like a hollow in my head."

Shinji slid off the desk and moved to her side.

"Now, all I want is revenge. I want them to suffer for what they've done. Suffer like I suffer. I have her back, but I can't touch her. She can't hold me. I know she's there but I can't feel her."

Shinji brushed his fingers up her face, on the scarred side, and she shuddered. "I don't want to say anything else."

"You don't have to," he whispered.

"My turn," said Fuyutsuki. "My story is simple. I learned of all of this and did nothing because I was selfish. Gendo's plan was to reunite with his wife, and my only hope was that I would see her in the end. I wanted to see her happy one more time. I love her. That's it."

"So why turn against him?" said Misato.

"Because for all that we've done, she wouldn't want anything to do with us."

Shinji looked at her. "Your turn."

Misato looked at him for a long time, in silence. "I hate the angels," she whispered, "so much that I would do anything to hurt them and destroy them, even if it meant losing the three of you. I hate them so much it hurts."

"The angels are just things," said Shinji. "Take off your shoes."

She blinked. "What?"

"Take off your shoes."

Shrugging, she complied. When she stepped out of her heels, she was nearly of a height with him. Without warning, he grabbed her and pulled her into an embrace, crushing her arms to her sides. She squirmed, but didn't resist. "The angels are just things. They are what they are. They only exist because of Seele. If they'd just left the damned thing alone, your father would still be alive and none of this would have happened. It's them you should hate."

She bit her lip and turned her head from him, but a sob got out anyway. It seemed like forever until she was able to compose herself and he released her. She took a step back, still in her bare feet, and wobbled. He was right. They did need chairs in here.

"What do we do now?"

"Nothing," said Shinji. "We maintain the illusion that Gendo is still in control. Only a limited number of people have any idea what happened. As far as everyone else knows, he was injured during the battle and is sedated in the infirmary."

"I…" Ritsuko trailed off. "I told Maya. She'll stay quiet."

"You did?" Misato said. "Why?"

"Was it before, or after you made her wear the collar and the cat ears?" Shinji smirked.

"How did you know that?" Ritsuko stammered. "I didn't make her, she likes it!"

"Surveillance," Shinji grinned.

"I want that shit out of my apartment," Ritsuko fumed.

"Maintaining the status quo won't last forever," Fuyutsuki interjected. "We will be compromised eventually. We need a solid plan."

Shinji hopped up and sat on the desk again. "How long until the new Units arrive?"

"Three is being transported now. Four requires some retrofitting, but will be enroute within the week," said Fuyutsuki.

"Good, when they arrive, we search them for bugs and sabotage. I've already selected the new pilots."

"Wait," said Mistaro, "you selected the new pilots? I thought the Marduk Institute was-"

"A front," Ritsuko cut her off. "I write the reports. We know in advance who all the pilots are."

"How?"

"The 2-A class, essentially. They… we… I had nothing to do with this, you understand. It was already done before I began working here."

"What?" said Misato. "What is it?"

"Their mothers," said Shinji. "Dead, all of them. Nerv ripped their minds out and put them into cores. There's almost two dozen of them in Terminal Dogma, waiting to be inserted into Evas. That's what 'core data' is."

Misato almost fell over until Fuyutsuki rushed to her side and steadied her. "No. That's not possible."

"It is," said Shinji. "It's time to change our approach. Since our pilot corps is so unstable," he looked around to his fellow pilots, smirking, "and the Evas are damaged so often, we need to be prepared to field new pilots. This farce of a middle school class is over. Gendo is going to have this organization approach the parents and bring the potential pilots into a training program."

"What kind of training program?" said Misato.

"You'll help us with it. I will train them physically. Asuka will train them in Eva combat. Rei will train them to improve their synchronization. Together, we will teach them the riddle of steel."

"Why?" said Ritsuko. "Rei's score is lowest."

"She has the hardest time of it. Her Eva hates her and wants her to die."

"Oh," said Ritsuko.

"What about the government?" said Misato. "If they catch wind of this, they'll come down on us like a ton of bricks."

"If Seele decides that we are likely to betray them," said Fuyutsuki, "or simply when we have outlived out usefulness, they will feed the government information that we are planning to take over the country, or initiate Third Impact ourselves, or something of that nature. I would."

"So," Misato repeated ,"what do we do about it?"

"We have a spy for the government in our organization," said Shinji. "We simply feed them what we want them to hear."

"That won't work forever."

"True," said Shinji, "but if we can buy ourselves enough time, when Seele tells them we're planning to take over the country, it will already be too late."

"What do you mean?"

"I am planning to take over the country."

Fuyutsuki nodded. "I've begun the work on Section 2. Over half of the organization is loyal to me already. Gendo never inspired much in the way of love from his security detail. Once I've identified the holdouts, I'll transfer them out, and use the loyalists to identify new members to bring into the fold. When the time comes, we can begin bringing them into the Lodge."

"That sounds dangerous," said Misato.

"Necessary," said Shinji. "I can't run this organization if the most heavily armed and combat ready part of it can turn on me at a moment's notice." He turned to Ritsuko. "I have a project for you, as well."

"What is it?"

"Unit One and Unit Zero were built here. I want you to determine if we could begin constructing new Evas here and hide it from the Committee. The repairs to the Evas are so extensive..."

"I don't think I can," she mused, "but I'll see what I can do. Unofficially, of course."


For Gendo, routine was a comfort, unless that routine was imposed from outside. As it was, his current routine consisted of waking each morning, groggy from sedation, to stare at white tiles that someone had marked with the words "UNFAMILIAR CEILING" in magic marker. Each morning, Shinji would walk into his room holding a gym bag under his arm, lay the bag on the ground, and from it draw a sheathed sword. He would then draw it from the scabbard in a fluid, practiced motion and sit beside Gendo's bed for an hour or so, carefully honing it and polishing the blade.

"I might kill you today," he would say after a time, never taking his eyes from the blade. "I might kill you tomorrow," he went on, "but I know you'll never see or speak to my mother again."

Gendo, for his part, remained silent. Better to let the boy think he'd won, that could actually use humiliation as a torture tactic.

"I broke into your liquor cabinet last night," he told the sword, turning the blade in his hand to catch the light glinting from it in his eye. "Afterwards, Rei and I christened your desk. I hope you don't object. I should thank you. The height is perfect. She's a little shorter than I am, so we need to get her feet off the floor a bit."

His jaw tightened, and he winced. The bruise there was still fresh. He was bound to the bed frame, naked under the sheets, and Shinji had carefully seen to searching him to ensure he concealed no devices or means by which he would escape. He almost respected the boy now. When he did finally escape this confinement, he would have to be sure to kill him, as attempting to control him would prove fruitless. He was too dedicated. In a way, it reminded him of himself as a younger man, although he had never held much of a fixation for bladed weapons.

"Have you thought about Ritsuko, at all? She never thinks about you, I'm sure. She gets more satisfaction out of having her assistant meow and paw at her like a little kitty cat. I know you don't love her, of course. You aren't capable of love for anyone but yourself."

"That isn't true. I loved your mother."

"No, you love yourself, and she pleased you."

"That's not true."

"If it isn't, then why didn't you kill the people responsible for what happened to her?"

"You know why."

"All your plans and schemes mean nothing, Father. Do you think you people even remotely understand what you've done?"

He leaned the sword, point down, against the wall, and stood over the bed. He pressed his eyes shut and took in a deep breath and forced it out again quickly, almost snorting, then did it again, and again. When he opened his eyes they were solid green, save for tiny, constricted pupils, and when he opened his mouth, his teeth were razor sharp, and when he grinned it was as a shark's grin.

"You don't know anything," he snarled, his voice thickened and roughened by his fangs. "You don't know what the Evas are, what the angels is, any of it. You're children that found your father's gun and play with it without understanding what it's capable of."

He leaned closer, and for an instant, Gendo feared he would begin chewing on him, biting and tearing at him with those teeth. He felt the emotion displaying itself on his face and hated himself for letting his mask slip.

He defaulted to his natural reaction, one he'd long learned to control, but lying here with his wrists strapped to a hospital bed and a cast on his leg, he no longer saw any benefit in holding back. He snapped his head forehead and crushed his forehead into Shinji's nose. The boy recoiled with a yelp, clutching his face. He stared at Gendo for a moment, terrible green eyes wide, blood spurting between his fingers. He put his hand down and grinned, blood flowing over his fangs and stared, just stared at him for what seemed like forever, and then pressed his eyes shut, took a deep breath, and when he opened them they were normal. He wiped away the blood with the sleeve of his shirt and set his nose with a crunch of cartilage, barely wincing as he did.

"I thought there was still some fight in you."

"You have no idea."

"We'll see," said Shinji as he collected his sword. "I'll see you tomorrow. I might kill you, you know."

"I know."


They gave Asuka a stage. She insisted. She ascended her small platform, and as she was already taller than her recruits, it made her tower over them. She'd made a few modifications to her plugsuit. She insisted on a heavier armored panel over her torso as well as her legs, suggesting the appearance of boots. She no longer wore her nerv clips when she didn't need them, as she disdained the childish look of having her hair drawn back as if by barrettes. Instead, she kept it tied at the base of her skull, loosely, except for a neatly brushed section she allowed to fall over the left side of her face, covering her scars and the eye patch she wore.

She looked out over the twenty-six faces in front of her and smiled warmly. The boys, primarily Aida and Suzahara, looked thrilled to be there. The girls, not so much. Several of the huddled around Hikari, desperately whispering to her for answers.

Asuka threw back her cape. It was Rei's idea, but she liked it anyway. "All of you, shut up."

A silence fell over the room.

"I'm not going to sugar coat this, or feed you a line of bullshit about glory. I am here to save your lives. I will not succeed. Some of you will die. Death is inevitable. Hate me if you want to, but learn from me. If you fail, this awaits you."

She reached up and brushed the hair away from her face, let them have a good look, and let it fall again. "Understand this. I hate you. I have nothing but contempt for you. You have one chance to prove yourselves to me. It is time for children to grow up, and put away childish things. The world you live in is a lie. Most of the people in the world live in horrible hunger and poverty, and it's because of the expense of building this city and fielding the Evangelions. Today is the last day you live as pampered, spoiled children."

She let that sink in for a moment, watching the confusion build in their eyes. "Your lives are a lie, and I am the truth. Today, you join a new family. We are the children of death, the brothers and sisters of destruction. We will crush the angels utterly, make them suffer torments your fragile minds would never believe. When the angels are gone, we will remake the world into a new, better world, a world that was stolen from us by Second Impact. We will be cruel to our enemies, for they have earned our cruelty. Through discipline, you will achieve a glorious communion of warriors. I offer you the key to something so profound and beautiful words cannot describe it."

"To take it, you need only pass my test. There is only one question you need answer. What is the Riddle of Steel?"


Kaji sat apprehensively at the table, leaning against the wall. He sat so that he appeared as casual as he could while resting his hand on the gun in his pocket, watching the people walk by. Ever since he'd arrived here, it amazed him how easily these people adapted to having been exposed to their utter destruction over and over only to wake up the next day and just go about their lives, as if attacks by mind bending horrors beyond the stars were simply bad storms or a freak weather pattern.

He was almost surprised when Misato dropped into the seat beside him, and he caught himself admiring the bounce as she came to rest. His admiration faded when she kicked her foot out of her shoe and jammed her toes into his crotch. He yelped in surprise, and by the time he realized what'd happened, she slipped a gun out of her purse and held it resting on the table, hidden by the handbag so passersby couldn't see it.

"Hello, mister super spy," she said sarcastically, training the gun on his head. "Let's talk."

"What about?"

She flexed her toes, making him jump again. "You're working for the government, and Nerv, and Seele. You're a triple agent."

He looked down at the gun. "How did you figure this out?"

She smirked. "I can't say. As of now, you're a quadruple agent. You work for us."

"Us?" he quirked an eyebrow. "Who is us, exactly?"

"Doesn't matter," she shrugged, and his eyes flicked to the gun. "You feed your contacts the information we want you feed them, when we want them to have it. Do you understand?"

"Let's say I do. What do you want me to do?"

"First," she reached into her handbag, "You're going to help us with this."

She flopped a tabloid newspaper onto the table, and he spread the curled pages with his hands. The front page was dominated by a crisp color picture of Shinji in his plugsuit in front of the damaged Evangelion Unit One, in what was, to him, an obvious pose. The headline screamed, "Identity of heroic giant robot pilot revealed!"

"I'm not following you."

"We want to make sure the government doesn't suspect anything, first off," said Misato. "Second, I want to know the names of every Seele agent and every politican under their influence in the government, and you're going to get them for me."

"You do realize that I could be killed for helping you."

"Yes, but if we fail, we're all dead anyway."

He sighed and sat back in the chair as she stood up, folding her arm to her side to keep the gun trained on him until she was far enough away that she looked around to be sure she wasn't watched, and then slipped it back into her bag. He watched her go for a while, then ordered a drink. He downed it all at once, and then curled up the newspaper to slip it into his pocket. A small scrap of torn paper fell out, and he picked it up.

If you hurt her, I'll know. -S