Thursday arrived. Jack carried his coffee and the morning paper into his office. Reports from his men about the otherwise uneventful Gala already on his desk. Just as he put his coffee down, he heard a familiar voice.
"Jack, may I have a word with you please?"
"Yes, Sir. Let me put my things down and I'll be there right away." He took some deep breaths and tried to remember the tactics he'd been taught during his years at the Academy to calm his body. Nothing helped. He picked up the reports with shaky hands so he would have something to hold onto and headed for Mr. Thatcher's corner office.
"Good morning, Sir." He nodded, his eyes on the floor. "Would you like me to call in Charles or any of the others, Sir?"
"No. I want to talk to you, Jack. Please close the door and have a seat."
Well this isn't going to be fun. He wondered if there would be retribution; would he be demoted, or worse, fired? Nothing we've done is illegal. Is it in my contract? I didn't even read it. I was desperate for the job. I was desperate, period.
Jack closed the door and took a seat in front of his boss, placing the reports that he hadn't even read yet on the corner of Mr. Thatcher's desk. It would be really great if he just wanted to talk about work.
William's voice cut through the air. "How are you feeling?"
Smalltalk. Great. "I'm okay. Thanks."
"Well you look like you've been run over by a truck. Same as you did last Friday night. You didn't know she was my daughter, did you?"
Well, here we go. Jack felt the sweat break out over his body and he tried to swallow the heat, exhale it away. "No Sir. I did not."
Mr. Thatcher looked at him straight-lipped, but his eyes were kind. "I'm going to ask you again, Jack. How do you feel?"
Jack slowly lifted his eyes to his boss and then dropped them to his lap again. His head low and his body like a cowering dog with its tail between its legs. "Frankly, Sir, I feel embarrassed. Humiliated. Ashamed that I should have known who she was. It's my job to know who she is. Ashamed that I let this go on for so long without knowing her last name. Ashamed that I let my son get so attached to her. Ashamed that I took her out to lunch and to the zoo and otherwise put all of us at risk, creating tension that I really didn't intend to. Mr. Thatcher, I just feel ashamed. And very sorry." His sad eyes were glued to his wringing hands as his shoulders drooped.
"Jack, Grace and I have done everything in our power to keep our daughters out of the media. We encourage them to keep a low profile and they do. They know it's for the best." He emphasized his next words. "We encourage the press to leave them alone and the ones that we allow exclusive access into our private company functions do. I give them free reign of me if they stay away from my family. That's how I've kept them out of this and kept them from needing protection themselves. I didn't realize that you hadn't been introduced before and for that, I apologize. She was unaware of your position this whole time wasn't she?"
"She had no idea. I lead a very private life. I take my role as a father very seriously, just as you do. It's important in this line of work to involve as few people as possible. I don't divulge details of my job to many people at all. In fact, my own parents and Brother don't really know what I do. It's a helluva lot less dangerous than my old job where I was shot at seemingly on a weekly basis, but caution is still paramount."
"So you were dating my daughter and you didn't even know her last name?" his looked at Jack with raised eyebrows. "Do you make that a habit?"
The words were cutting and Jack's face burned, the capillaries in his face stinging with shame and pain. He could barely make eye contact and felt like he might get sick. "No Sir. Absolutely not. In fact, she was the first and only woman I've seen since… since Luke was born. We had only had a few actual dates. I assumed she was just working in the ECC where I've taken Luke since we was 6 weeks old. I thought she was an employee. I didn't think it really mattered that much and that I'd figure it out eventually. She's been watching him since I started here 2 years ago. I thought your daughter was younger, in undergrad. Honestly, I didn't dream your daughter would be working in a daycare, Sir…"
Mr. Thatcher interrupted. "But you've been getting to know her better for quite some time though, right? Not just since your dates last week?"
Jack's eyes lifted again. How does he know? His face must have given away his thoughts.
"I visited Ellie yesterday and she told me the exact story that you just did. Her bubble has burst, not only about you, but also about the reality of who we are as a family. She's not in a good place, Jack."
At the sound of Elizabeth's name, he perked up, only to be reminded of the chasm between them. "I'm so sorry." The words weren't enough.
William could see the agony on Jack's face and he truly felt awful for him. He spoke to him as a friend, not as an employee. "I've never seen her like this, Jack. I didn't even know what to say to her. She looks like you. Eyes drawn, listless, detached. Heartbroken."
Jack's head sunk lower and lower as the lump grew in his throat. "I'm so sorry, Sir. I would have never…"
"Never what, Jack? Left your beautiful newborn son in her wonderful, capable care? Taken this job that provides well for him? Let yourself fall in love again? Do you regret it?" William watched this strong, fierce, brilliantly talented man whom he trusted immeasurably blink back tears fiercely.
The very personal questions from his boss were overwhelming, but he wouldn't lie to him. He sucked in a shaky breath. "Knowing this is how it would turn out, yes, I regret it. I never would have done it to her. To Luke. As much as it was what I wanted, I would have never put her in danger. Put you in danger. Luke in danger. That's why it's over. It's over before it ever really began."
"Are you sure about that? This is the decision you've made together? What you both want?"
"She decided, Sir." He swallowed hard, twice. "And I will respect her wishes and I will remain a professional, if my services are still desired."
"They are."
"Thank you, Sir. I really appreciate it." He stood to leave and picked up the papers. "Is that all, Sir? I should get started on these reports."
"Yes, Jack. You can go." William opened the agenda on his desk and looked up again, right as Jack was reaching to open the door. "Do you love her, Jack?"
Jack froze. Unable to take another step, unable to form any words. He couldn't deny it, but he couldn't admit it audibly to her Father. His boss. He simply turned around and met William's gaze for a brief moment with pursed lips and a slight affirming nod.
Four weeks passed. They had managed to avoid seeing each other miraculously. But every time he drove by the road leading to her neighborhood, he held his breath.
Any time she saw a black Pilot, she couldn't breathe. Why are there so many of them in the city? Don't these families know that minivans make your life so much easier with kids?
It was torment of the most sadistic type hearing William talk about her, or worse, to her, on his phone. The conversations one-sided, but he could imagine the words on her lips, the soft lips that he wanted for himself. Lips he wanted to watch speak and breathe life back into him.
It was brutal hearing her Dad talk about him, or worse, to him, on his phone when they met for breakfast or lunch. Her Dad would laugh and she could imagine Jack's smile, the way his eyes crinkled and his dimples pressed into his cheeks and all the way down to his jaw. The dimples she loved to kiss. The smile that told her just how much he loved her.
William was at least kind enough not to plan something that required them to see each other, but he was unsure how long he could keep up the charade. He kept a close eye on both of them, a worried Father and a concerned boss.
Jack despised taking Luke to the Center. Luke hated going now and would cry for 'Melly' every morning. The tantrum started before they even arrived and continued as Florence peeled him off of Jack's body, Luke clinging to him like a starfish. He thought about quitting simply because it was so painful to see it all day in and day out. But she had left him. She gave up and told him to leave. She didn't want to see him.
And he needed the job. He knew there was nothing comparable to be found in the job market as far as salary, benefits and the hours. There was no competition who could even touch the golden ticket of a job that he had with the Thatchers. He knew. Because he had looked. Extensively.
We haven't even spoken in a month. She wants nothing to do with me. I'm such an idiot. I'm surprised her Dad didn't fire me.
Elizabeth hated studying in her house. Everywhere she looked reminded her of something about Luke, or worse, something about Jack. The dead, over-watered flowers. The pool. The trains. Jack's sweats. The empty barstool in the kitchen. Luke's room. Her room… their room.They hadn't spoken in a month. She felt lost but she had no answers. She felt empty but there was no one who could fill her. She couldn't ask him to quit. It was much too great a sacrifice. He has to support Luke. He comes first.
Her phone vibrated. "Can I call you? I'm in a real bind and I have no one else to turn to."
She sighed audibly and dialed his number, hands shaking. It slowly and painfully rang.
He spoke quickly and quietly. "Hey Ellie. I'm really, really sorry to even ask this, but your Father and I are in a rather heated meeting with some business associates and I'm supposed to be picking up Luke in a half hour. I can't get away. I can't leave your Father and I've literally tried every other person I know and no one can pick him up. Can you get him for me?"
Elizabeth exhaled long and hard. You've got to be kidding me. Really God? Haven't I suffered enough? I have 4 days until my Qualifying Exams and now this? "Yes. I'll go get him, and I'll just bring him back home with me if that's okay with you."
"That would be great. Thank you, thank you so much. I'm so sorry to do this to you, to him, but I don't know what else to do. I can have the secretary take my key down to the front desk so you can get his car seat out of the truck."
"No need. Violet bought seats for Eden, Esli and Elina to use when they're here so she didn't have to lug theirs back and forth. As long as you're okay with him riding in a purple car seat, we're good."
"Purple sounds perfect. People always think he's a girl anyway with that hair," he chuckled slightly. "Thank you again, Elizabeth."
"You're welcome. Be safe, Jack." Her voice warm and sincere.
"We will. I'll call when I'm on my way." His voice soft and caring.
"Bye Jack."
"Bye Ellie."
Jack hung up the phone and rubbed his hand over his mouth. The conversation had gone better than he hoped. Friends help friends. Maybe we can be friends. I can handle this. His body was covered with chills. Deep breaths Jack.
Elizabeth hung up the phone and bit her lower lip. The conversation actually seemed almost normal. Friends help friends. Maybe we can be friends. I can handle this. Her body was achy and on edge. Deep breaths Ellie.
Florence hadn't seen this much joy out of Luke for weeks. His fluffy, golden curls bounced as he ran to her. "Melly Melly Melly!"
She watched the light dance off of him as he approached. It was pure jubilee. For both of them. "Hi Lukie! Your Daddy's running late and asked if I could come get you. Is that okay? Do you want to go to my house for a little while?"
Florence's face lit up. Well, well. Isn't this an interesting turn of events? "Elizabeth, it's so wonderful to see you! How have you been?"
"Staying busy. My exams are in 4 days, so I haven't really left my house much lately. How are things here?"
"They are good. The kids miss you and ask for you a lot. Especially this one. He cries every single morning at drop-off and he never used to." She wanted to ask what had happened and why Jack looked so sad all the time and why Elizabeth stopped coming and why… but all of that would be too nosy.
"Oh, I've missed him too. All of them, really. And the staff. There just aren't enough hours in the day!" Really, she just couldn't bring herself to come over, afraid of seeing Jack and afraid of seeing Luke. Wondering how they were doing, but too afraid to ask. Too afraid of the feelings and what she would do if she saw him.
"Hold you Melly."
It was a simple request. One that she'd heard hundreds, maybe thousands of times. She happily obliged and hugged him tightly. "Let's go little man. Your trains are waiting."
Florence watched as Elizabeth gathered Luke's things and carried him outside. Curious at what was going to happen next.
A mixture of nerves and anxiety was having its way with Jack's body. Both from the heated meeting he had just sat through with William and from the knowledge he was going to have to see Elizabeth tonight. He kept checking his watch.
"Jack, I'm so sorry to have kept you so late. I'll make sure your quarterly bonus reflects it. Did you find someone to pick up Luke?"
"I called everyone I knew, but no one could take him." He sighed forcibly. "So I had to call Elizabeth. She took him to her house." He searched William's face for any sign of his thoughts on the matter.
He smiled. "I think that was a very wise choice, Jack. Luke loves her and feels safe with her in your absence. I know how hard that was for you, and I respect you both for asking for help and for telling me the truth."
Jack just nodded.
"Why don't you take the day off tomorrow? I saw that Scott is the one on duty for the weekend and you've already put in 50 hours this week. I'm sure Luke is more than ready to see his Daddy." And my daughter is more than ready to see you too.
Jack promptly gathered his things and drove straight to Elizabeth's house. He pulled around back and stopped. 5-2-2-5. The bay was opening. She hadn't changed the code. She hasn't moved on. She's stuck, just like I am.
He walked inside and sat down on the bench seat. He pulled off his brogues and started to put them in the cubby underneath, but found Luke's Jordans in the bin. I've been wondering where these were. He put his keys and phone down on the kitchen island and walked towards the stairs. It all felt so domestic and natural.
It was already 9:30, so he knew Elizabeth had certainly put Luke to bed. The house was dark and quiet. He crept up the stairs, trying to avoid creaks in the hardwood to the best of his ability. Her room was dark and empty. Where is she?
He made his way to Luke's room and slowly opened the door. He walked inside carefully, giving his eyes a moment to adjust to the darkness before walking over to his crib. What in the world?
Elizabeth was in the crib with Luke. He was laying on her chest sound asleep and she had her legs folded up and an arm behind her head. She was asleep too. That cannot be comfortable.
She sensed his presence in the room and opened her eyes to a soft smile on his lips. She slowly slid Luke's limp, sleeping body off of her and gingerly stood to climb out. The bed groaned with the shifting weight. Elizabeth stood frozen at one end of the crib, afraid to move again. The movement on the mattress made Luke open one eye before he rolled onto his belly with his bottom up in the air and went back to sleep.
Jack reached for her hips and helped her out of the crib. He sat her down right in front of him, their bodies touching. A fiery spark passing between them that neither could deny. But she would. I have to. She stepped back.
They tiptoed over to the open doorway and walked through it, closing the door quietly behind them. He followed her down to the kitchen where she retrieved two waters from the refrigerator and handed him one. "Have you eaten?"
"No. I didn't want you to have to wait on me any longer than you already had to."
"Sit down." She walked to the refrigerator. "Do you like meatloaf? Luke and I made it together along with some mashed potatoes and his favorite fruit." She couldn't contain the grin.
"Staw-beh-yees?"
"Yup. He had some mango too, but he ate the strawberries first and then polished off his food with his fingers."
"Oy. Bet that was a mess!"
She nodded. "Yes, but he took a bath afterwards in my tub. He loved the jets and kept turning them off and on and saying 'toot'," she chuckled. "He was ready for bed after that but wouldn't lay down unless I was there with him." Her tone changed and her smile faded. "He kept saying 'Melly go bye-bye' and nothing I said could convince him that I wasn't leaving him. After almost an hour of rocking him, my arms were exhausted and I ended up just climbing into the crib with him."
"I'm sorry, Elizabeth. Thank you for feeding him and bathing him and for being so patient. He's really regressed as far as his sleep in the last few weeks. I've just been letting him sleep with me most nights because I need to be able to rest so I can do my job. I can't say that I'm sleeping well without him either."
She reheated the plate for Jack and placed it in front of him. "It's not his fault," her eyes rested on the floor. "I'm going to go change. I was a little bit wet from bath time and now I have Luke's sweat all over me too."
A cold rush descended over Jack's body as he thought about her and what was underneath the wet clothes. I wish it was me all over you. Jack, knock it off. You can't just be friends with her and you know it. "Take your time, Ellie."
She wished that he would follow her, take her, kiss her like he did before. Your tongue down my throat, your body ready to swallow me up. Her insides hissed and pounded. Take your time with me, Jack. We can't just be friends.
She splashed some extra water on her face and then returned downstairs to find Jack staring out the back window at the woods. He heard her foot on the creaky second step. "I'm sad that I missed the leaves changing on all of those Tulip Poplars and the Maples especially. I'm sure they were beautiful."
"They were for a couple of weeks. I sat out on the deck nearly every night just enjoying the stars and the smell of fall in the air."
"Sounds peaceful."
"It is. Was. Now it's cold and the trees are empty." Much like us.
Jack took a deep breath. They were standing next to each other, still gazing out the window.
"You know, when Luke was about 9 or 10 months old, he said 'Dada' for the first time. My heart beamed with pride, only to be told that nearly every baby says 'dada' first because it's an easier sound to make. A few weeks later, he started saying another word constantly and I couldn't figure out what it was." He shook his head and continued. "None of us could. Not my parents, not Lee and Rosie, no one. He was saying it with purpose, even at Tom and Natalie's house. And then one Friday Natalie was picking him up from the Center. This was like a couple months later, just before his first birthday…"
Elizabeth didn't know where he was going with this story and interrupted. "When you cut his curls off and broke my heart?"
Jack smiled a lopsided grin and forcibly exhaled a chuckle through his nose. "I know, everyone hated me for it, but people were starting to think he was a girl!"
"I was just glad they grew back." Their gaze met awkwardly before Elizabeth's shot back to the backyard. She just couldn't look at him like that anymore. It was too painful.
"Anyway, he said the word again when you walked over to Natalie with his bag. At first she thought he was saying 'me leave,' so she took the bag and started to leave. She said he started kicking and screaming the word over and over until she put him down to let him cool off. And do you know what he did?"
Elizabeth didn't remember this happening. "No."
"He stopped crying, stood up and took his first steps to you. He only made it a couple before falling down and crawling the rest of the way to your feet, but Natalie said as soon as you picked him up, he said it again and she knew exactly what he'd been saying for months. 'Miss Ellie.'"
He looked over at her, standing quietly looking out the same windows. Her breath huffed and she filled the window with a light layer of steam.
Her broken eyes shot to his. "Why would you make up something like that, Jack? Are you just trying to mess with me? This is already hard enough and now you're just being cruel and manipulative." She crossed her arms angrily.
He turned into her in retaliation. "I'm not making it up! Ask Natalie. She'll tell you! Luke took his first steps for you. Your name was his first real word. And just like these trees, I am empty and cold without you. Please, just let me love you. Let me choose you."
The silence was deafening. He reached for her arm.
"Please say you still love me?" The tears were streaming down his red face. "That you haven't given up on me and that we'll find a way. We have to find a way."
He stepped closer to her and she was frozen. Stiff. Wanting to run and wanting to hide. Wanting to kiss him and let him in.
He moved his hand up, slowly stroking her cheek with his fingertips, making light lines, making his presence known, but not taking anything that wasn't being given. As he looked into her eyes, he couldn't think about the things that were unsaid, but rather the things that were. His touches would tell her what he wanted her to know. What he needed her to know.
She pressed her cheek into his hand, needing to feel him there with her. Broken and lost without him. But what of actions? Of words? He had abandoned her love before when she wanted him to fight. Left her in the floor of the nursery wrecked and defeated. Because of her last name. It had been the end of her. But she had made him go. Too afraid to fight for him.
Their end wasn't known, couldn't be seen. For too long, he had lived his life in moments, in breaths, fleeting and lost in memory. There she was, in a story, chapters, that made up more of his life than just about anyone else. She was a constant in a world filled with so much distraction and noise.
Did he need to say it? Did she need to hear it?
"Ellie. I love you. I have to fight for you. For this. For us." He didn't know if those were the right words, the ones he needed to say, but it was all he had. He was desperate for her.
She leaned into him, reaching up for his hand on her cheek, placing her hand over it, her eyes reflecting ocean waves and calm seas. His love of the blue water was staring right at him, but had taken the form of a woman who was finally back by his side.
"Jack. I love you. And I love Luke. We'll find a way."
And that's all he needed. Her confirmation of things lost, now regained.
She reached for him, kissing him hard, tasting him in her mouth, running her tongue along his teeth, the roof of his mouth, wherever she found space.
Their mouths were fighting, quenching their thirst for each other and for the first time since he knew her, they weren't just playing a part, a game. Bereaved Dad and adoring caregiver. Handsome guy and beautiful date. Amazing dad and pretend Mom. Trusted employee and the boss' daughter.
They knew each other. Jack Thornton. Elizabeth Thatcher. And it carried more everything. More weight. More understanding. More love.
The only two people in the world were standing in her kitchen window. Their cheeks touching. Their bodies pressed together. Nuzzled in each other's necks. Breaths ragged.
He felt his temperature rising, fiery and furious, needing more than just a kiss and a 'goodbye' from her lips. She felt her blood whooshing, tingles and chills, needing more than a long embrace and a 'see you tomorrow.'
He didn't need to be told what a risk this was, what a mess it would be. And she knew it too.
But the taste of her tongue, the feel of her body, the implications of a future that could be so much more were enough to pull him to her. To make him ask questions when they needed to be asked but not when she was here, asking him to kiss her deeply, without restraint.
And maybe he was still naïve enough to believe it could all work out.
He could feel her heart pounding and he wanted to touch her, touch her skin because touching her was where he felt safe, right. The feeling of being home was there, right beside her, with his arms around her and his baby boy sleeping peacefully upstairs. His body craved the feeling, like a perfect spiral of never-ending and yet completion every time.
She was here. He was beside her.
He was shaking and anxious and afraid. She was nervous and wanting and apprehensive. But they felt the relief of knowing maybe this wasn't a dream that would burst like all the others, but rather build and build.
To what?
Something different. Something beautiful. Something out of a disaster.
A diamond out of ugly, hard coal.
Happiness. Despair. Ruin. Excitement. Joy. Love. His life. Their life.
It could be anything and everything all at the same time.
As always, thanks to Em for sharing your amazingness with me! And thank you to the amazing readers who leave us your thoughts every week. We read them all and appreciate every single one. You make the time we put into this worth it.
