Disclaimer: I own nothing. Warning for traumatised Snape.
Chapter 12
The absolute and undeniable proof that I had rubbed off on Hermione was when she idly mused about using a spork to dig the fat bitch that was Umbridge's eyes out. I hummed in longing to tell her to go for it. Actually I briefly considered killing her as a time saver, and justice, another part of me thought viciously. The rest of the feast passed in little more than an annoying haze while I tried to force as much of the great Hogwarts food that I never thought I would have again, into my stomach.
I was right about one thing, currently, presently and at this very moment… I could not handle the glory of an undestroyed Hogwarts filled with the bluster and chatter of happy, not-dead, because plenty of them had been undead, children. As I prepared to go to the common room and deal with the incoming confrontation Snape slinked past to drop me a reminder.
"I will see you in my office for detention," he said silkily, swooping out of the room with his cloak billowing around him like Batman. I tilted my head to the side.
"Blimey," Dean said in surprise, his mouth dropping open. "Eric, how did your sister get detention already?" he asked. Faint amusement coated the faces of our nearest holiday guests.
"She unleashed a level of snark see before only out of the mouth of Snape," he answered, "And then dared him to come between her and her morning coffee." Hmm, I hadn't realised that they had heard that. "And that wasn't the craziest thing Lina pulled this summer," Eric continued, a note of pride in his voice. For a brief moment I wondered if he was talking about my anti-Vold moment or Serena.
"Lina?" Dean questioned.
"Yeah so it took a while to shorten the horror that is my name," I said shrugging, "Sue me. Does anyone have a problems with me messing with our dear professor?" The last question I asked so demurely that it made the ones who had any idea shudder.
"He'll be in a mind healing ward by the end of the month," Fred snorted with a shake of his head, followed by a bright smile.
"Have fun," George said waving me off. I made my way through the castle using several short cuts that weren't even on the map and having to pause for the sake of my mental health just as many times. My magic tingled forcefully under my skin as desolation crept over me. I let my magic bleed into the wards, strengthening them and was relieved when the migraine that had become part of daily life eased and the strain lifted. I let out a content sigh. Of course this was only a temporary fix. The moment I stepped outside of the wards it would snowball me.
"You're late," Snape said without a sneer. In fact the polite tone almost gave me a heart attack.
"You're astute," I replied, making it clear that I didn't care. On the table there laid all sorts of ingredients and a black cauldron. Maybe he was about to make a potion or something. Meh, wasn't any of my business.
"Don't you take that cheek with me," he snarled, the polite veneer sliding off like a skanks dress, "You will watch your mouth or I will put Gryffindor so far into the negatives that it will take a week to get out of them." Suc-cess. I gave myself a mental pat on the back, before deciding what the hell? All in. Stick, meet bear.
"Oh dear, you mistake me for someone that cares. How cute," I said swinging myself up so I was sitting on his desk, "Now, I helped you out and you gave me detention. What do you want honey?" His eyes glittered with fury, but the reminder that he wanted something from me seemed to calm him.
"You will teach me the modifications to the potions you gave me," he said as if it were an instruction. I looked him up and down, giving him the once over before chuckling lightly.
"You know how sometimes extraordinary and unlike things happen that make you feel like you stepped into another dimension?" I said gazing unfocusedly on a spot just over his right shoulder, "Let me give you a for instance, I am about as a completely Slytherin question."
"And what pray tell is that?" Snape demanded softly. I leaned forwards.
"What the fuck's in it for me?" I asked brightly, "Surely as head of Slytherin you can appreciate such a question?" He looked at me blankly and I couldn't believe that he didn't see that one coming. I mean really?
"And why should there be anything other than a bearable school life in it for you?" he asked me, raising what was once an intimidating eyebrow. Time and war had dimmed its effect.
"Because of the position you're in," I said absently fiddling with a lock of my hair.
"And what position is that?" he enquired. To be fair to Snape, words that I never wanted to think again, let alone utter, there were many things I could be talking about. The relationship between my father and him, being a spy, or his general assholism.
"Two men on the opposite sides of a war have got you by the short and curlies honey," I said truthfully, "Do you have any idea what that means?" He sent me a scathing look that I probably deserved, because hey it was his life.
"Do enlighten me," he drawled in a voice coated in more sarcasm than Lily put syrup on her pancakes. That, of course, meant that it was on.
"Other than the fact that two men over seventy have their hands on your balls," I said nonchalantly watching with deep satisfaction as he winced with horrified eyes, paler than normal skin and a distinctly ill look on his face, "It means that my secrets can't be you're secrets until I know you're not going to give them up as a lesser evil when whomever is squeezing hard enough to think that you're going to lose one. So bottom line, get your balls back and then we'll talk."
I sat there for a few minutes and watched the blank look on his face. With all of Snape's spying and, as loath as I am to admit it, self-control, I didn't think that it would be so easy to break him. Never the less I'm sure if I shook him I'd hear the fragments of his mind I'd probably just shattered rattle around in his head. I popped up and made my way to the door.
"And where do you think you're going?" he asked, managing to snap himself out of it much to my pleasure. I stared at him for a moment.
"To bed," I replied as if I was telling the truth.
"You still have detention," he answered firmly. I repressed a groan and swung around.
"Really? Dick move Batman," I grumbled. He was about to retort when his fire went off. I made my way into his private store room when he began to speak. Looking over the jars and general organisation of the room my nose twitched in disgust.
"You better not be pocketing anything," Snape warned after coming into the room after his call.
"Nah, I have better suppliers," I comment before realising that I shouldn't have admitted that, "How the hell do you find anything in here? I don't know what your system is, but it's terrible."
"Don't even think about messing about with anything. I already have everything perfectly set up," he pretty much growled at me, "I have to go, you will stay here until I come back. Don't touch anything, don't move, in fact when possible refrain from breathing. You are to try and contemplate a less annoying existence."
"Ten-four," I said sitting down cross-legged and throwing him a mock salute. He glared at me for a moment and then swept out of the room. My attention was drawn back to the shelves of chaos and I grimaced again before muttering to myself, "There has got to be a better way to do this."
I'll leave imagining Snape's reaction to you. Enjoy and Review me.
