You know, as a kid, the dark used to scare the shit out of me. I kept, y'know, hearing shit in the dark, sounds like whispers, like voices that weren't right. Eventually, I grew up…and discovered people could be a lot fucking darker. And then I died…and I learned I had a really good reason to be afraid of the dark.
Because what was lurking in the dark was me…and the dark itself.
My men are screaming in agony.
That's all I can hear. Screams. But they're amplified. You know those fucking annoying "screamer" videos those douchebag kids send each other nowadays? It's like that. My ears feel like they're gonna burst. I can feel The Darkness putting itself over my ears like earmuffs. At least it cares about my hearing.
I see all around me, all these fucking shadowy demon things; they're tearing my men apart. I empty my guns into them. I howl in a berserker fury as I shred them to ribbons. I grab a demon and blow half its head off. I empty gunfire into them for what seems like hours, but is probably only a minute. I stop, letting my guns cool, as the last of them hits the ground.
That's when The Darkness moans.
Jackie…YOUR SAVAGERY…IS…unexpected…
"Yeah, well it serves you right, killing my men like that!"
Jackie? We DID NOT kill them. THERE'S NOTHING HERE.
"Wait…if there's no one here, then what—"
My blood runs cold.
There, splattered across the subway tunnel, are my men. No demons. No Darklings. Just me and my men.
Jesus Christ…I killed them all.
I feel my heart shatter. I drop to the ground. I try lifting the guns to my head, but I can't. They're too heavy.
And then, icy, spiteful laughter echoes in my skull.
"SHOW YOUR FACE, YOU SPITEFUL BITCH! YOU WANT ME, YOU CAN SUCK MY—"
My mouth is closed forcibly, and she appears, laying one slender finger against my lips.
"Naughty boy. " The Angelus coos, batting Jenny's eyes in mock seduction.
"WHY?!" I scream, anguished.
"You reap what you sow, ratface. Didn't the Sisters teach you anything?" she mocks.
I get mad enough to grab her and throttle her. I feel Jenny's soft skin, barely hid beneath her cold, unfeeling armour. My hand is around her throat, and all she does is smile.
"You fucking murderer! You can't spin that as a 'good deed.' You can't! You made me hallucinate and kill my friends when I thought I was saving them!" I scream.
I can't take it anymore. I've lost all will to go on. I break again. I just shiver on top of her.
The Angelus flings me aside, and The Darkness wraps me up, one tendril quietly grabbing a small object and slipping it into the shadowy folds of its armour.
"Your evil actions will always bring suffering. The Darkness cannot be used for good. You are a being of chaos and you did not deserve Jenny. You had no right to have her. She's safe and warm with me now."
I rise to my knees.
"Fuck. You. First of all, you're right! Maybe I didn't deserve to be with Jenny! Maybe I am a horrible person! But here's something you don't get. Jenny's not some prize to be won. Jenny's not a fucking carnival game. But you seem to act like this is. You're rigging everything, you're trying desperately to hold onto her like a giant, cheaply made stuffed animal, and you have no clue how humanity works. You're right! I'm a rat bastard, and I always have been. But I've got standards. Decency. Compassion. Shit you'll never understand. Humans aren't black and white! It's always one or the other with you, and that's why you'll never deserve to be with her. That's the key difference. People are people. You don't understand them. I don't know where you fit in with the celestial hierarchy, and frankly I don't give a flying fuck, but let me tell you something. I know you aren't God, and I'm not taking orders from you. We were born with choices. And it's with those choices that we end up good, evil, or neither. No one's purely good or evil, not even you. Because you aren't a force of good. You're a force of order. Order and chaos aren't good and evil. They can be either. And no matter how good your intentions, there's nothing good about making a man kill his own friends, or killing children to make a superweapon, or hell, most of the things you do! If you're going to be a force of good, then stop acting like you're infallible when you're clearly not! You're like, the equivalent of The Darkness for order, right? Well, The Darkness lies, kills, cheats, shit like that. But it's been used for good, too. I used to take advantage of my powers to retrieve things people lost on subway tracks. I avenged the murder of countless innocents who died when my uncle blew up an orphanage. No, I'm no saint. But neither are you."
The Angelus looks pretty pissed, but it seems to be genuinely considering what I'm saying. Look, I'm not the nicest guy, but I like to think I don't bullshit people. That shit's for Wall Street.
The thing wearing Jenny's face maintains a neutral expression.
"I have things to consider, Jackie. In the meantime, perhaps…you should head home. Think things over. After all, I'll be seeing you again…very, very soon."
In a flash of blinding light, she's gone.
I head home with a heavy heart. I drive the now-empty van by myself, and it hurts like hell. My guns lie cooling on the passenger seat. The mansion seems fifty thousand miles away. I drive like hell, but the cops don't seem to notice. Maybe nobody wants to fuck with me tonight, who knows. I don't know and I don't care. The mansion gates are soon in front of my eyes and the slide open for me. I sigh loudly as I park the van, and trudge my way into the elevator .
Jimmy's at the elevator when it opens up. He can always tell it's me, somehow. I asked him about it once, and he said it was just an old man's intuition.
This time, and not for the first time, he sees a battered, bloodstained wreck emerging, guns hanging limply from his hands.
"Jackie! Jackie! What's happened? Jackie?"
"I killed them. I killed them all. Johnny, Carlito, Al, Garcia, Tony, they're all dead. And I killed them."
"Jesus Christ, Jackie, that can't be right!"
"I was tricked, Jimmy. It was dark, our lights broke…and I saw demons attacking my men…I tried to save them…and then The Darkness says it hasn't done anything to my men…The Angelus…she…she…turned on the lights…and they were all dead, and their blood was on my hands…"
Jimmy's expression turned grave.
"The moment we can, we go old school on that thing. We hit it hard and fast. Did you get what you came for?"
I felt something smooth slide into my palm.
"What's this?" I ask.
Sara steps in, looking concerned.
"That's part of what we need, Mr. Estacado. You don't look so good…"
I shake my head.
"I'll be fine…I hope…I'll see you all in a few hours."
Ten minutes later I'm in the Jacuzzi, soaking away, trying desperately to think of something else.
When I close my eyes, I see Jenny…and she's crying over the bodies.
