Rick walked the perimeter of the farm. He held a tight grasp on his gun. He was stressed so he was trying to get his mind off of things.
It wasn't working.
All he could think about was her... Lori.
His memories were of the good times, before the world went to shit.
He thought of their wedding day.
'Rick I love you so much."
'We did it baby. We're married! I love you.'
He picked her up and put her over his shoulder.
When she had told him that she was pregnant with Carl.
He had just gotten home from work at the station and there was a beautiful dinner sitting at the table for him.
Lori came up behind him and kissed his neck softly.
'Baby... I'm pregnant.'
He stood there shocked.
'Really?'
'Yes!'
'Oh my god Lori. I love you so much. I love you. I love you.'
He kissed her over and over again. That moment was beautiful.
When Carl was born.
'Come on baby you can do this.'
'Ahhhhh!' She screamed in pain.
The doctors had to do a lot to save her life, Carl's birth was a tough delivery. But thank god they saved her. He had forgotten just how grateful he was for that.
He had forgotten how much he loved her. Rick had let stupid things stand in the way of his relationship with his wife and he would regret that for the rest of his life.
He snapped back into reality. His face was wet... He hadn't even realized that he'd been crying.
"Damn it Lori. I loved you so much- I love you so much."
He looked to the sky. He could only hope she was up there in 'heaven.' Hell he didn't even know what to believe in anymore.
All he knew was that he couldn't let her down. She wouldn't want him to do this to their children.
He had to be there for them, for Lori.
He took a deep breath, sat in the grass and cried.
Carol had watched Rick from the kitchen window. He was unraveling before her eyes. She wanted to go stop him, help him, but she knew he needed this. He would snap out of it eventually and when the time was right he would be back.
She looked at the sleeping baby in her arms.
"Your daddy's is going to be okay." She hoped...
She felt Daryl's warm arms wrap around her body.
"Hey you."
She turned and kissed him.
"What's goin on?"
She nodded toward the window.
Daryl looked. He put his hands behind his head.
"Fuck... He's gettin worse."
"No, I think he's actually getting better. He needs to let it all out."
He raised his eyes brows.
"Daryl trust me... People like Rick, they hold in their emotions and they build up and eventually they need to come out."
"Ya talkin bout me too?"
She smiled.
"Maybe."
Daryl couldn't help but laugh. He would've been pissed but her sweet giggle... He couldn't resist it.
"You should go talk to him."
"Ya want me to talk to him?"
He thought he should be the last person that should talk sense into Rick.
"Yes. You are more like him then you think... It'll be good for him, and you."
Daryl nodded. "Fine. Just this one one though."
Carol laughed and nodded.
Rick stared out in the distance. He had never felt this vulnerable in his entire life. He felt like he was being torn up, for the first time he wasn't in control of himself and that scared the hell out of him.
Daryl watched his friend closely. He had never seen him act like this before. This was a new thing for everyone. He wasn't sure how he felt about this new Rick. Something about him gave Daryl and uneasy feeling. He felt like Rick would snap eventually and it wouldn't be pretty.
"Rick... I'm uh I'm here if ya need to talk."
Rick stared at Daryl for a long time. There was nothing in Rick's eyes, no sign of any emotion... Just nothing.
Rick finally spoke but kept staring at nothing. "I bet they all think i'm crazy huh?"
Daryl smiled. "Nah.. We understand, we know what your goin through."
"I almost feel selfish ya know? For making this all about me. I can't even imagine how Carl feels..."
"Carl's one hell of a though kid."
Rick smirked. "Tell me about it." He finally made eye contact with Daryl. "Just like her... Lori."
Rick said her name to someone for the first time since she died. He surprisingly felt relieved. It felt good to take down the wall that he'd worked so hard to build.
Rick suddenly didn't want Daryl to keep making the same mistakes that he did. He wanted better for his friend.
"Daryl you can't hold things back. I know it's hard for you... Trust me I get that more than anyone. You have to live every second like it's your last... Because hell in this world every second is our last. I don't want you to keep going on the same empty path as me."
Daryl was touched by Rick's words. His friend wanted the best for him and that meant a lot... A lot more than he could ever even begin to explain.
"I love Carol."
Rick smiled. He wasn't surprised, he knew this would eventually happen.
"Does she know that?"
"Ya. I told her."
"Good for you Daryl, really. That's great."
He smiled. "Thanks."
"You guys have something special, don't ever loose sight of that."
Daryl nodded.
"I need to hold my daughter."
"You do."
Rick nodded and stood up.
"Thanks Daryl." He patted his shoulder.
Daryl nodded. He wasn't quite sure why Rick was thanking him, he thought it should've been the other way around.
Rick walked into the living room and saw Carol holding Judith, singing a lullaby to her.
Rick cleared his throat.
Carol looked up and gave Rick a small smile.
"Can I uh..."
She nodded. "Of course."
She stared at Rick as she put Judith into his arms. Tears filled his eyes.
"Oh my god..." Rick mumbled.
Carol left the room.
She was the most perfect little angel. Rick just held Judith and cried. He never wanted to let her go.
"Thank you." He whispered.
Lori had given them the most beautiful gift they could ever ask for. He didn't understand it before but now he knew. He knew why she chose the baby's life over her own. He had the most amazing woman standing right before him, willing to give him everything, but he just tossed her to the side over stupid, stupid things. He saw it now, he saw everything now.
His heart filled with love, love for this baby. Whether or not it was his he could care less. He loved this baby and Carl more than anything in the entire world. He would never let anything get in the way of that love ever again.
"I love you angel." He kissed Judith's head over and over again. "Daddy loves you."
Rick held Judith and sobbed.
The next day Daryl decided to keep teaching Maddie how to use a crossbow. He thought it would be a good idea if she learned how to use a gun soon too.
"Daryl?"
He looked down at Maddie.
"This is kind of scary... Using the crossbow."
He took a deep breath and kept looking forward. "I know, but ya gotta learn... If something were to happen to Carol or me you would need to know what to do."
Maddie's eyes shot wide open.
"What's going to happen to you guys?"
Maddie was starting to realize that she could loose them too. No one was safe in this world, not even Daryl and Carol. Maddie never thought about the possibility of loosing them too.
"Nothin i'm just sayin if somethin did happen..."
"You all lied! You said that I would be safe! You said that you would always protect me!"
"Maddie that's all true. We never lied, but you just need to face the reality that bad things happen sometimes and we can't control that."
Maddie started to cry. She was finally starting to grasp the whole "end of the world" concept. She would eventually loose everyone she loved.
"I hate this!"
Daryl felt for this little girl. No six year old should be having to face these facts. He cared so much about Maddie and he chose not to shield her from the truth.
"Me too."
Daryl did something that he never would've done a month ago. He hugged Maddie. He pulled the girl into his arms and held her tight.
