Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Marvel-characters!
AN: Here I am again, with a new chapter. I am so sorry for not updating this story in so long. I had a writer's block for this one, but I now know again where I want to take this story. The truth is, that it is coming to an end. I could drag it out, but I refuse to do so. I hope you guys are still interested in seeing how this story will be resolved. Thanks to everyone who reviewed chapter 11. I hope you will all enjoy chapter 12!
~ Nobody Sees ~
Chapter 12
"What the hell-" Thor slammed both his hands down on the table surface. Two cups of coffee rattled and the hot liquid spilled over the edge. "-were you thinking, Stark?"
Tony had never seen Thor so angry before. Scratch that and make it absolutely furious. His blue eyes spoke of murder. There wasn't even an occasion where Tony could recall Thor ever raised his voice and he would never have called him a temperamental man, but today he was proven that there was another side to the young Englishman. That side clearly only came out when it came to his little brother.
Oh how Tony wished he had never taken Loki to see Doctor Doom right now. In truth, he should have known it was a bad idea.
"Look," he said, forcing Thor to listen to him, "what was I supposed to do? Loki just showed up on my doorstep, looking shaken and upset. I could hardly turn him away, now could I?"
"You should have called me," Thor growled. His usually amiable eyes appeared cold and hostile.
Tony refused to be impressed and intimidated by him. "Honestly I thought about that," he said, making sure he didn't raise his voice himself. One, he wasn't going to get into a fight with Thor over Loki and two, he just wasn't going to get into a fight with Thor. Seriously, Tony was certain Thor could snap his neck with the mere use of two fingers. "But then your brother started talking and I had to listen to him since no one else would."
Bad choice of words. Tony wanted to smack himself on the head.
"I listen to him!"
"Maybe," Tony quickly countered, "but you are also his brother. At that moment, he needed a friend and I decided I could be that for him."
Thor's expression softened for a moment though his body still appeared very tense. Tony swallowed heavily and then remembered he was home. If he wanted, he could just call Happy – his bodyguard who was never around when he needed him – and have him kick Thor out, but only if the situation ran out of control. Tony would never want to kick his friend out of his house.
"I had to listen to him, Thor," Tony repeated, emphasizing every word, "everyone kept telling Loki how he should feel and no one even tried to understand him. I thought that maybe if he spoke with that doctor one last time, he would finally get that he isn't to blame. You have a troubled brother, one who has a lot of issues. I was hoping I could help him a bit."
"My brother does indeed have a lot of issues," Thor sighed, pinching the bridge of his noise, "you know what else he has?"
Tony was greatly confused.
"Stockholm syndrome," Thor explained.
"What?" Tony breathed.
"It's a phenomenon also known as emotional or traumatic bonding," Thor explained, "it's when a victim feels sympathy for those who abused him. People often think that you can only have Stockholm syndrome when you've been kidnapped or when you've been held hostage, but abused children often display the same symptoms."
Tony wanted to say 'I know what Stockholm syndrome is', but he was momentarily dumbfounded. He couldn't speak anymore. He could only think of the stupidity he had committed. Loki feels sympathy towards Doom – that wasn't really a secret – and Tony had been brainless enough to actually take him to see that man again!
Now he wouldn't even stop Thor if he tried to choke him with two fingers.
"What happens now?" Tony asked carefully, "With Loki I mean."
Thor sighed heavily. He pulled back a chair and sat down. For the first time since this mess had begun, he looked tired and almost desperate. Tony didn't know what is was like to have a little brother, but he could imagine that having a little brother like Loki was energy-consuming. It made Tony think he was glad to be a single child.
He watched Thor pull a cup of coffee closer towards him. It was probably cold by now, but Thor drank it anyway.
"My parents took Loki to a new psychologist," Thor said quietly, "but I don't think that is such a good idea. You should have seen Loki's face when they told him they were going to see another doctor. I hadn't seen him so frightened before."
Tony had no idea what he was supposed to say to that. He wasn't an expert on psychology. In truth, he had never really given it much credit. Tony was a man of mechanics. Give him a car and he'll gladly dissect it, only to put it back together but as an improved model. Dissecting the mind was something Tony avoided. It only proved to be irregular and nonsensical.
He could imagine that Loki's mind was ten times worse.
"He doesn't want to get hurt again," Tony said when Thor remained silent, "I doubt he trusts anyone at this point."
Above all, Tony wanted to be a good friend, but at the very moment he felt like he was failing. He had never had proper bedside manners, let alone that he knew how to comfort a friend with an almost psychotic brother. He could hardly say everything would be all right in the end. Tony had never been a liar and he wasn't going to start now.
Thor rubbed a hand over his tired face. "He seems to trust you," he said quietly.
Tony was taken aback by Thor's words. "I hardly think Loki trusts me, Thor."
"He does," Thor replied instantly, his blue eyes connecting with Tony's brown ones, "he came to you, didn't he? You were right, Tony, none of us were listening to him so he came to you. You are his friend and I would appreciate it if you could help him in any way."
It wasn't fair of Thor to ask so much of him. They could all hardly expect Tony to fix this! He was a genius, yes, but he was also the biggest idiot when it came to human relationships. Could he be a friend to a hurt, screwed up boy? He wanted to, truly he did, but that didn't mean he could actually do it.
"I'll try," he said eventually, hoping that he could help Loki in some way, "but I can't promise that I'll be any good to him. You and I both know that I am not the best person in the world. I have my own flaws."
"We all have flaws," Thor said, "I might even have the biggest one. After all, I hid Loki from all of you. I never even told you I had a brother. What kind of person does that make me? I shouldn't have abandoned him. I should have supported him."
"You were just a kid yourself," Tony argued, not wanting to hear any of Thor's wallowing. Yes, he made mistakes and yes, he could have been a better brother to Loki, but what's done is done. If Thor acted like a good brother now then that was good enough, wasn't it? "We'll help Loki in any way we can, I promise."
To that, Thor dared to smile.
~ 0 ~
Loki couldn't believe that he was in this kind of situation again, but he knew he would not make the same mistake again. He was a smart boy after all, a boy that had never been a boy in the first place. Loki had grown up years ago. In fact, he believed he had never had a childhood to begin with.
But whose fault was that? Odin and Frigga's for keeping such a heavy secret from him? Thor for abandoning him when he had needed him most? Doom for taking advantage of him or was it Loki's fault for accepting Doom's actions? Was it Loki's fault because he had tried to murder his true father? Was it his fault because he had shattered his family apart, forcing him to grow up so quickly?
It turned out Loki could be the cause of many things. He couldn't help but sigh which he instantly regretted. The new psychologist's gaze sharpened and Loki wished he could just get up and leave. He wouldn't though because he had promised his parents that he would try and make this work. Too bad he didn't want to make this work. What was the point of it in the end?
Loki did not like the man sitting in front of him. He was tall, had ordinary brown eyes and ordinary brown hair of which a few strands were already turning grey. He was skinny, but the casual suit he was wearing fitted him well. He wasn't particularly handsome, but the way he held himself, the way he kept pushing his glasses higher up his nose told Loki that he was a very self-conscious man.
What was his name again? Ah yes, Reed Richards. According to Loki's parents, this was a brilliant man with more PhD's than you could count on your one hand. Loki couldn't really spot the brilliance of this man. To him, Reed Richards was another person he could not trust.
"What are you thinking?" Reed asked when the silence had lasted over ten minutes.
For a while there Loki thought that that was how they would have spent this session: in complete silence. He wouldn't even have minded. He wasn't the kind of person that cracked under pressure of dead silence. He grew up in juvie so he was used to these kind of situations.
"I wasn't thinking of anything in particular," Loki answered indifferently. He wasn't going to spill his guts to a stranger. He wouldn't even do it to someone he trusted like Thor.
He had done it to Tony, though, Loki thought. That irritated him, particularly because he didn't even know Tony that well. But he had confided in him so did that mean he trusted Tony? Probably not. After all, Loki did use right afterwards.
"You always look thoughtful," Reed commented, "I think, actually I know that you are a very smart and bright young man. That makes me believe you always think about everything."
Okay, so Reed had one thing right. That did not make him a good psychologist. Doctor Doom was a good psychologist. Too bad he also liked children he was supposed to help. Loki forced himself to focus on Reed again. He couldn't help but think that as Reed spoke, he thought to hear empathy and kindness. He wondered what that truly meant.
"Am I not allowed to think about everything?" Loki asked sharply.
Either Reed was exceptional at hiding unease or he simply did not feel uneasy at all. In truth, Reed appeared rather relaxed, certainly in comparison to Loki who couldn't help but fiddle with his fingers.
"You may think of whatever it is that you like," Reed said leisurely, "and you may share anything with me if you wish."
If you wish. So Reed did not actually want to force Loki into revealing anything? Reed didn't want him to share his feelings and thoughts? That was strange and frankly, Loki didn't trust it. He did not trust that man for one bit. If Reed didn't want Loki to talk, then what did he want in the first place?
"And what if I don't want to talk?" Loki asked carefully. He meticulously studied Reed's face at that moment, but he couldn't find any change in his expression. The kindness remained.
"If you don't want to talk," Reed said, "then that is fine with me."
A smile spread across Reed's face, revealing a row of perfect white teeth. It was a genuine, warm smile. What the hell was that supposed to mean? Why was that man smiling at him? Loki just couldn't figure out what that man wanted of him! Then a click was made in his mind. Of course, Loki thought, what else could Reed want?
Slowly, Loki stood up and walked over to where Reed was sitting. He failed to notice Reed's frown and simply continued with his actions. He kneeled directly in front of Reed and placed both his hands on his inner thighs.
Reed's hands instantly grabbed Loki's and he all but pushed the young man aside as he jumped up from his seat. He quickly took five steps back and sucked in a sharp breath.
"No, no, no," Reed sputtered. He straightened his shirt and tried to hide his unease.
Loki was greatly confused at this point. "You don't want me?" He asked. Now that he saw Reed's shocked expression, Loki felt himself grow hot in the face. He had never before felt so embarrassed! Of course Reed didn't want him. Who in his right mind would want to have a screwed up young man as himself?
"I only want to help you," Reed said.
It surprised Loki that the psychologist remained so composed. His eyes held no accusation or disgust whatsoever. Loki suddenly realized he was still kneeling so he quickly jumped up. His face still felt extremely warm and he knew he was blushing. Never before had he felt so mortified! The urge to escape overwhelmed Loki so he spun around, turning his back to Reed, and headed for the door.
"I know you don't trust anyone," Reed said before Loki even grabbed the doorknob, "and you least of all trust me. Why would you after all? Last time you trusted a psychologist, you ended up very hurt."
Loki was faintly aware that his breathing was coming raggedly from his lungs and that his heart was racing inside of his chest. He truly wanted to leave now, but something was preventing him from doing so. Or rather someone. Loki wanted Reed to shut up.
"I want to promise you, Loki," Reed said sincerely, "that I won't ever hurt you, nor will I force you into anything. There are some difficult times lying ahead and you will often feel pained by the truth and by reality, but I won't ever harm you. I will be here for you, helping you get through those difficult times. That is my promise to you."
Carefully Loki turned around again. He suspiciously eyed Reed, looking for any sign of deception, but he found none. He asked the one question that still lay on his mind.
"You still want to help me," he said, "why?"
"Because despite everything," Reed answered, "you are a still a good young man. You deserve to be given a second chance and I want to help you make the best out of it."
Loki bit down on his lip. He might deserve a second chance, but he was most likely to screw that up anyway. Why would anyone bother helping him? Why would anyone care?
"I know it's not fair of me to ask this of you," Reed continued after a short silence, "but can you trust me? Can you believe that I only want to help you? Together we can make things better, Loki, together we can resolve the past and make something of the future."
Loki rather liked that idea.
"We have two hours in the week together," Reed said, a faint smile returning to his face, "and sometimes you'll feel like talking and sometimes you'll want to tell me things. Other times, you won't feel like talking at all. That is okay with me. Just know that I am here and that I will listen to you."
Loki nodded, no longer trusting his voice.
"Then I'll see you next week?" Reed asked.
Loki cleared his throat. "I'll be here," he answered.
