Chapter Twelve
Ever since he was a boy, Spock had taken blows for his brother.
At age thirteen, Spock purposefully attracted the attention of three older boys at school who began picking on Jim. Those encounters resulted in twenty-nine counts of late arrivals to class, fifty-five harsh words directed at Spock's family, forty-two of those referring to Spock himself and nine physical blows, all over the course of three months. In total, there were thirty-five attempts to elicit an emotional response, one of which was highly successful.
Spock had spent those months believing that each time he endured their attention, he was protecting his little brother, saving Jim from the older Vulcan students. After the twenty-third encounter, Jim revealed that the effort had been in vain. After that, Spock was fed up with enduring the physical blows and dealt some in retaliation.
Jim's attempted Kahs-wan resulted in serious injuries that kept Spock bed-ridden for two months, several operations required to keep his heart inside his body. All those months of recovery were worth it to see Jim unharmed, if guilt-ridden.
Time and time again, Spock stood in front of Jim and taking everything that was aimed at him, accepting blow after blow to protect his family.
It wasn't until Spock spoke with Doctor McCoy that he realised he had turned around and dealt some pain himself.
Space took on a strange quality during warp; the stars streaking past on the view screen looked ethereal and almost gave McCoy motion sickness just from looking at it. He forced his eyes down to the helm, not letting his aviophobia conflict with his tightly reigned in anger. At the helm, the two officers were reporting on their course.
'Warp 3, sir.' The helmsman said, the same one that had accompanied Jim to the drilling platform and McCoy had tended to a serious bruise on the Lieutenant's cheekbone.
'Course 515 Mark 3, Laurentian system.' An accented voice added.
'Thank you, gentlemen.' Spock replied.
Standing behind the Captain's chair, McCoy forced himself to unclench his tightly squeezed fist.
'You wanted to see me?'
Alerted to his presence, Spock stood and linked his hands behind his back. 'Yes, Doctor.' He inclined his head to indicate that McCoy should walk with him. 'I understand that Jim is a friend of yours. I wished to assure you that my actions, though extreme, were necessary for Jim's protection.'
McCoy released a small huff of breath. 'That's your explanation?'
'I am merely-'
'Are we done here?' McCoy interrupted. 'Am I dismissed, Captain?'
The frustration boiling under the surface of the Doctor's military façade evidently unsettled the acting Captain.
'I also wished to enquire about Jim's emotional and mental health over the years that you have known him.' Spock's voice was surprisingly gentle, and his eyes attentive.
Tight lipped, McCoy requested, 'Permission to speak freely, Sir.'
'I welcome it.'
McCoy smirked and took that as a personal challenge.
'I met Jim on the recruitment transporter in Riverside. Been with him ever since.' McCoy began. 'He's my best friend and the closest thing I've got to family. And you just sent him to an ice bucket.'
Spock merely blinked at the statement and rage boiled over inside McCoy. He wanted, more than anything, to shatter that cool Vulcan exterior and make him realise how disastrous his decision was.
'Are you out of your Vulcan mind?' McCoy snapped, outraged. 'What the hell were you thinking, sending Jim away?'
'I was protecting this ship and Starfleet's best interests, Doctor.' Spock answered coolly.
'Really? You're gonna stick to that?' McCoy said, seeing right through Spock's deflection. 'I don't know what your damn plan is to defeat Nero, but I think Jim had a point, didn't he? This is worse than a suicide mission. It's revenge.'
Spock closed his eyes for a long moment, then eased them open. 'We have just experienced the worst disaster in the history of the Federation.'
'And you think Jim doesn't have as much of a right to be there when Nero suffers?'
'I would rather a universe where Jim is alive.'
'And we are dead?' McCoy finished. 'You know he can help us, he's the best damn strategist in the Academy. You know, back home, we got a saying. Never leave a man behind. I mean, are you even worried about him?'
Fierceness was a terrifying thing to witness on Spock, his superior Vulcan strength was not even necessary to threaten. His physical presence alone was enough as he took a step forward, forcing the doctor to step back against a wall.
'Do not presume to know anything about my emotions, Doctor. You will soon realise they far outweigh your own.'
'For someone who cares so much about emotions, you've got no problem screwing with Jim's.' McCoy replied.
'Explain yourself.' Spock demanded.
McCoy raised his chin defiantly. 'I was there when he took the Kobyashi Maru. Perhaps you remember.'
That comment struck a nerve, bringing up memories within Spock of medical files and surveillance equipment recording his brother fading to white and expelling his stomach contents onto the simulation room's floor.
'The test was designed to-' Spock began, the excuse catching in his dry throat.
'It was designed against him.' McCoy said, repeating Jim's explanation from the hearing.
Spock's eyes narrowed. 'Jim defeated the test yesterday, Doctor. His instability in facing the Kobyashi Maru is therefore hardly a solid foundation for your argument.'
'You threw the memory of his killed parents in front of him to keep him from going into space, didn't you?' McCoy demanded. Spock stayed silent. 'Admit it!'
'My motives are not for you to question, Doctor.' Spock said, thin-lipped.
'You're so far buried in your Vulcan mind that you can't even recognise when your brother is hurting.' McCoy accused. He spoke harshly, his hands gesturing wildly. 'You haven't even spoken in what, three years?'
Spock's eyes dropped to the floor, and his voice dropped to a whisper. '…seven.'
McCoy was visibly taken aback, looking the Vulcan up and down with a measure of disgust. 'Seven goddamn years.' He reiterated. Spock nodded guiltily and McCoy gave a bark of laughter.
'So that's what he has to do to get your attention? Cheat on your exam and call a hearing? That's messed up.'
Spock didn't deny it, and a tiny line formed between his arched eyebrows. 'Tell me about him?' he asked, voice just as small as before.
It was phrased as an order, but the uncertainty in his voice gave the questioning inflection. McCoy considered for a moment, scanning the other man's face for any visible emotion. He couldn't see any, but the unsettling thought entered his mind that Jim would be able to understand exactly what was going through his brother's head.
McCoy crossed his arms over his chest. 'You're the one not talking to him.'
'He was not talking to me.' Spock clarified, sounding more like a petulant child than a Starfleet Commander.
'And why would he?' McCoy snapped without thinking. 'I can't imagine why Jim put up with you emotionless robots for as long as he did.'
Something cold entered Spock's brown eyes. 'Doctor McCoy. You clearly do not understand my family. Let me inform you that the only reason I am listening to your advice is because Jim evidently trusts you. I do not suffer fools lightly, Doctor, and I do not take my brother for one.'
There was a long stretch of silence while McCoy considered with a furrowed brow. 'What is this, interrogation of the boyfriend? No wait, don't answer that, I don't want to know.' McCoy waved a hand dismissively. 'My point is, Commander, that you've got no right to be in Jim's life any more. You gave that up the minute you walked out on him.'
'He's my brother.' Spock said, low certainty as if that fact trumped all else.
'No.' McCoy said angrily, righteous fury boiling over. 'You don't get to claim that, not any more. I was the one who was there for him when you were off designing tests that landed him in the infirmary overnight.'
'Stop…' Spock whimpered.
'I was there when he found Pike's dissertation and got drunk with him after he read it. I was the one he confided in, you bastard. And you have the gall to call yourself family?'
'…please.'
Their eyes met, and McCoy delivered the final blow.
'I'm more of a brother to him than you ever were.'
Okay, I'm gonna sit here and make excuses for a while. The last three months were possibly the most busy of my life. I've now officially started University, which means I may end up getting more writing done because of the train, or not at all because of the workload. So, uh, expect the unexpected!
So I have you all a choice last chapter, and in the end, the polls came very close. But, this confrontation scene won out in the first little while. To be honest, this chapter really screwed with me. It was probably one of the hardest ones I've written, and definitely the hardest for Surrogate. The chemistry between Spock and McCoy is so much more delicate and different to each of their relationships with Jim. I found it a little hard to complete the "Aristotelian Triad" (Seriously, go read some Star Trek essays on the Ethos, Pathos and Logos, it's really enlightening). I also found that the confrontation slightly leaned towards "McCoy-smashing-Spock" when it should be a little more even. At least until the end there, ouch.
I've got plans for the next chapter, the mind-meld. On a (potentially) un/related note, does anyone have a Original Series Star Trek episode they'd think I'd like? I'm about up to ep 20ish from watching on youtube (making do with what I have), but if anyone knows something they think I'd like, please please tell me, I really want to educate myself further. Special nod to Krishnaa, since I have a heap of pms from her becoming more strongly worded begging... and threatening.
So please review! Tell me what you think about this difficult chapter. Is there anything else you want McCoy or Spock to bring up? What do you want to see in the mind-meld? Is anyone still alive after so long?
