12-Hallucinations

He was completely and utterly nervous. No… more than nervous. He was terrified.

He'd been preparing for this moment his whole life and now it had finally arrived. He glanced into the mirror admiring his suit (black, Italian silk. Frasier said it was the best) and blue tie. He could hardly believe that in just mere moments, his very first patient of his own practice would arrive. He'd made it. He was finally a success. All of his schooling had paid off. It was like a dream come true.

He knew that his family was proud of him. His mother certainly was, if the way she'd announced to everyone in the neighborhood that her youngest son was a 'real psychiatrist' was any indication. It embarrassed him to no end, but she was relentless, telling everyone that she'd never been prouder.

Niles carried that pride to his new office, arriving much earlier for his first official day than he needed to; even earlier than his secretary. Mrs. Woodson was the perfect fit for a secretary. He could tell right away that she was warm and friendly and that she would make his patients feel welcome. He'd hired her on the spot, surprised when she'd burst into tears and hugged him. But maybe that's what was supposed to happen. He had no idea. He was still young; very young in fact. But he knew he was going to be a great psychiatrist like his mom and older brother. He was determined to make it so.

Wanting his first day to be absolutely perfect, he straightened his already-immaculate space; dusting the shelves, polishing his desk and arranging the cushions on his sofa. And then he sat down at his desk and organized his notes. He organized them by font and then again by page number. He read them over and over until he'd memorized very word. And then he read them again.

He was ready. He was more than ready.

And suddenly there was a knock on his door.

His heart racing, he cleared his throat and straightened d his tie. He took one last look around his office, praying that it was acceptable and then worked to control his breathing. Never in his life had he been so nervous.

"Um... Come in." he stammered.

The door opened and his heart nearly stopped. For standing before him was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen. Her blonde hair fell in waves to just below her shoulders. She had perfect cheekbones and sparkling blue eyes. Her pink lips were curved downward and worry showed on her brow. Dear God, this beautiful girl, who wore a burgundy floral dress that reminded him of a summer day couldn't possibly real. What had he done to deserve such an angel for his first patient?

"Dr. Crane?"

He blinked, instantly brought back to the present. "What?"

She looked around, leaning back to glance at the door. "You are Dr. Crane, aren't you? I mean, this is your office, right? Because your receptionist said-."

"Yes, yes… I'm Dr. Crane." He stammered. "Dr. Niles Crane. That's me."

If there had been a piano in his office he would have crawled underneath it the way he'd done when he was a child. Dear God, what was wrong with him? Wasn't this what he'd worked so hard in school to achieve? Why was he so nervous?

She smiled then. "Good, I was afraid that I'd arrived at the wrong office."

He laughed nervously. "No, no… it's the right one. I'm Niles Crane. Dr. Niles Edward Crane."

"Edward, huh? That's nice. One of my favorite names, actually."

He grabbed the door to keep from fainting. "So, what brings you by?"

Her eyebrows rose. "By? Well, I have an appointment for 9am. It is the twenty-sixth, isn't it?"

"Yes, It is." He stammered, and then looked at his watch as his eyes widened. "Dear God! What was I thinking? Of course. Have a seat!"

Too embarrassed to look at the beautiful girl, he mentioned to the couch where, to his pleasure she did as he asked. He sat down in his chair opposite her, armed with his pen and pad. "So, Miss…"

"Winters. Audrey Winters."

He sighed dreamily. What a beautiful name.

"Well, Miss Winters. What would you like to talk about?"

She looked around nervously. "I-I'm not really sure where to begin. I've never… been to a psychiatrist before. But my mother-."

Intrigued, he leaned in closer. "What about your mother?"

Her eyes lowered. "It was her idea. She… She thinks there's something wrong with me."

Niles jotted down a few notes, the way he'd been taught. But he found it hard to tear his gaze away from the beautiful girl; the one he shouldn't think was beautiful at all.

How could anyone think that there was something wrong with her?

This was wrong, this was so wrong.

It was morally and ethically wrong to have any sort of feeling for a patient, let alone someone he'd only known for a few minutes. He felt something touch his arm.

"Dr. Crane? Are you all right?"

He looked up sharply. "I'm sorry, what?"

"You seemed far away."

Humiliation came over him. He was failure before he'd even started his first session. He had to make this right or he'd be a failure for life.

"I'm sorry. I was just… Look, I want you to feel like you can trust me, okay? Nothing you say will ever leave this office. You have my word. I have very high standards and maintaining patient/therapist privacy is one of them."

"Okay… Thank you, Dr. Crane." She said carefully. "Well, I've been having these hallucinations."

Intrigued, he quickly made notes on his notepad, writing down the word hallucinations. "What sort of hallucinations?"

"I see… Images of people I've lost. M-my father. My-my best friend. My father was only 69 when he died and my best friend was 41. That's way too young to die. Thirty, I mean. I try to get the images out of my head but…" Her voice broke. "I see them all the time!"

"Are there times when these… hallucinations are worse than others?"

She was sobbing now; completely oblivious to the fact that he'd asked her a question. Clearly she was lost in her own grief. Grief that was very, very real. "I miss them so much, Dr. Crane! I don't know what to do! Please help me! I can't…"

At that moment, everything he'd learned in all of his years at Bryce Academy, Yale or Cambridge vanished from his memory and he was for perhaps the first time in his life, at a complete loss of words. He had no idea what to say or do to help the girl.

She was sobbing even harder, breaking his heart. He shouldn't be feeling this way, so compassionate for a patient. Clearly she was troubled; wasn't that why people went to psychiatrists?

Dear God is this what it was going to be like with all of his patients? Certainly not the physical attraction but the loss of the knowledge that he'd worked for years to obtain? It was something he had suddenly begun to fear.

His mother would be completely disappointed and he didn't even want to imagine the look of pride on Frasier's face when he learned that his little brother was a failure. Niles was certain that Frasier would relish the idea. But his family wasn't there at the moment. It was just Niles and Audrey. He had to do something; anything. He couldn't just sit there and let her sob.

Boldly he rose from his chair and sat on the sofa beside her. She looked at him through tear-filled eyes and neither one of them were fazed when he put his arms around her, allowing her to cry onto his shoulder. "Don't worry, Mrs. Winters. We'll work through this. Everything will be all right. I promise."

Perhaps it wasn't ethical to have such compassion for a patient, but at the time it seemed like the right thing to do. And wasn't that what being a psychiatrist was all about?

~TBC~