Title: Causalities Of Accidental Dating

Author: skysamuelle
Author's Note: Betaed by Alta, inspired by impishdragon. You might want check my profile page to see the book cover Salix has made for this story.
Rating: MATURE

Timeline: Post 'Fool Me Once'

Summary: A series of accidental dates between Bonnie Bennett and Damon Salvatore stir feelings of a deeper nature than anyone would have guessed. Currently on – Blood and blurring boundaries, plus an inevitable realization catches up to two very stubborn people. Finally.

PART 12

XVIII

They like to pull at each other's strings until their defenses crack to splinters and the animal raging inside their heads is finally free. It's not often that they are soft with each other, but sometimes it happens.

Her hands clutch at his hips, grinding her pelvis into his as she slides her palm under the silk of his shirt, patient fingers tracing the contours of his abdomen and shoulders . In response, his eyelids sag close in delight because he loves her newly discovered assertiveness, although he has never been the one to literally melt under another's touch . An impatient growl reverberates from his locked lips to her soft throat when she tries to break away to dispose properly of his shirt.

"God, I want you," she purrs into his ear while he hoists her up, pressing himself between her quivering thighs and progressively increasing the pressure as the craving for the sensation of her body wrapped snugly around his grows urgent.

Kissing her deeply, Damon twists his fingers into her raven locks and tries to place the alien feeling of lightness spreading through his veins at her words. It's a disorienting sort of exhilaration he can't remember ever experiencing-before or after his turning- , terrifying in its utter unfamiliarity despite its disarming pleasantness.

It confuses him so much that he almost loses his balance and trips on her bed. "Sweet move, Salvatore" Bonnie giggles, falling under him. Usually Damon is not fond of women who laugh at his expense, but this time the light, inebriating feeling just intensifies.

He shakes his head to dispel it, crawling over her half-naked body and trying to focus on the exciting sight of all that bare flesh on display. It doesn't work.

He drags his sharpening fangs over the curve of her breast and her scent overwhelms him, her breathy sigh stirs something akin to awe within his chest.

This is not normal – the vampire reasons to himself, frowning. Undulating underneath him, Bonnie looks flawless, pulsating with life and heat, pure like a fallen angel even while she arches into him with a helpless whimper , wordlessly begging for it. She is warm and vulnerable and all the more distant for it, so distant that he can sense the most feral, primitive side of him yearning to bridge the gap.

He pulls back, smirking at her disappointed gasp, and then, with mercurial speed, plunges roughly inside her.

Rashly, her fingernails dig in his shoulder-blades as she cries out at the unexpected sensation of fullness: it should satisfy him but the hunger keeps raging on, thundering in his ears. This, too, is completely unprecedented but he can't think, can't do anything but sink his teeth into his wrist until he feels his own blood filling his mouth.

It's not until he forces his wound against her lips, disclosed in a moan, that things start making sense again. She fights it at first, her hips still bucking against his despite her struggle to resist, but then the taste of his blood starts to exercise its dark appeal and she gives in.

She gives in, and Damon has never felt less dead.

The pressure of her warm mouth suckling on his wrist, her tongue eagerly swiping against his cooler skin, the needful squeezing of her teeth on his flesh: everything makes for the single most satisfying experience of his life.

Bonnie wakes up, that night, with his arm around her chest, keeping her protectively tucked against him, his cheek flat against her shoulder, her loins sore, her mind throbbing with memories not hers.

She sees him as a little boy, sneaking in to see his mother after she had just given birth to Stefan just to find her empty-eyed and unresponsive to his tugging little hands. She feels loving Stefan despite that. She sees his father, commanding and severe, always making him feel less than he was, less than Stefan was, less than anyone could ever be. She feels his need for freedom and passion, his restlessness and dissatisfaction with his life. She senses him finding a purpose in Katherine, swallowing the frustration of never being quite enough for her, the humiliating suspicion that she preferred Stefan, his adoration of Katherine's ruthlessness and power. His desire to deserve her, to be just like her because, to him, she was the very image of perfection.

For the first time, Bonnie feels like she truly, entirely knows what intimacy truly means. She should be repulsed, knowing how many horrible acts Damon has committed only because he wanted to. She should be disgusted that he could love so desperately someone so evil, both willingly and guiltlessly.

She should be angry that he fed his blood to her for no plausible reason or ashamed that she has enjoyed it so easily.

She feels nothing but sated and content. Maybe even…at peace, for lack of any better definitions. This is the only place she wants to be, and she is glad she could share this with him.

She tries to memorize every sensation, to entrap this one perfect moment inside the very depths of herself so it can last forever.

The funny part? She is not even certain what has made this night so precious to her. There was something subtly different in Damon tonight, something special that has made her feel particularly treasured. Nearly beloved.

I'm in love with him. – it surprises Bonnie how easily she surrenders to that simple realization, considering how long and how hard she has been fighting it. Yet, once the thought has popped into her head, there's no denying it.

It's not precisely a happy revelation because she has no idea whether he might feel the same toward her. She is not exactly his type.

But she doesn't despise herself for it either. Perhaps loving someone is not about approving their history or character, but just about finding a person you can lay with like this, feeling like any miracle is possible.

XIX

In the end, their little brigade manages to locate Klaus' lair and decides to break in. By daylight hours, of course. Bonnie takes care of tearing down the magical barriers keeping the abandoned warehouse hidden from strangers' gazes and sheltered from sunlight.

Then all hell breaks loose as Alaric, Damon, Stefan, and Tyler get in the building. Elena stays by Bonnie's side, guarding her now exhausted friend from any unexpected threats, until the witch feels strong enough to stand again, strong enough to insist that they should follow their friends inside.

Incredibly, a few hours after, the nightmare is over. Klaus and his cohorts are nothing but a memory blurred from fatigue and Bonnie is with Stefan, Elena, Damon, Tyler, and an overly worried Caroline at Mystic Grill.

Bonnie grins as Tyler puts his arms around Caroline's waist, drawing her struggling, gibbering self in his lap with a sly smirk on his lips. She can't help feeling so very happy for Caroline, who has finally found a guy who cares for her as much as she does for him. Even if their relationship started on the wrong foot and they bicker most of the time.

Strangely, this makes the young witch miss Damon's presence beside her, although they are usually careful to never act too amicable in public. Her eyes, on instinct, seek him out only to find him standing behind the sitting Stefan and Elena, his hands on their shoulders, smirking impishly and whispering in Elena's ear something that makes Stefan cringe.

Always playing the three musketeers – Bonnie considers, pushing back a spike of pained sadness that cuts her unexpectedly from inside.

The morning after, when Stefan knocks on her door to tell her that Damon has left Mystic Falls on his classy sports car after a few shocking, caustic words of goodbye to his brother and Elena, Bonnie feels like screaming her lungs out, setting the whole town on fire, cursing her stupidity until her hair turns grey and lank. But she is not truly surprised, she realizes right away.

She is angry and hurt and in serious need of spreading some violence around, but she is not surprised.

Because they had both more or less taken for granted that their almost-relationship was set on a precise expiration date: Klaus' downfall.

And now that Klaus is done in, of course that Damon would leave her without one fucking word of warning. Like she means nothing, or perhaps like she means too much, but Bonnie doesn't care to tell the difference because it infuriates her beyond any chance of forgiveness.

"Look," Stefan tries to comfort her, his voice calmer and more soothing than usual, "even my brother is not that stupid. He adores dramatic displays. If he had not really cared about you, he would have come by, at least for a last…you know. "

Bonnie' s lips twitch in a bitter flavored smile, because it's too easy to picture Damon dropping by for a goodbye fuck, cocky and unapologetic as ever. What ever possessed her to fall for such an asshole?

"He'll come back," Stefan insists with too serious, too gentle eyes that seem to look disturbingly through her aloof façade to reach her aching, stupid heart, "I know him. He may be slow on the uptake, but he will get it right at last."

Bonnie appreciates the solidarity but still shakes her head, a cold fury hardening her features.

"I don't know if I want that he returns."

Because, honestly, what chances do they have? His values and hers don't match. Their lifestyles don't match.

They may have a terrific sexual chemistry, but Damon doesn't love her. He can't love her. He doesn't even want to.

And he hurts her so damn easily.

"Just promise me you won't ever tell Elena anything about this."

"Bonnie, you don't need to be ashamed."

She smoothes imaginary wrinkles off from her skirt, refusing to meet the younger Salvatore's gaze.

"I'm not, but I think I might hate her if she knew anything of this mess."

She has never envied Elena Gilbert over anything, and she won't begin today. But being pitied from 'the unofficial other woman'? It's not a burden she would be able to stand.

XX

At first, Damon tries to keep himself satisfied with women who are nothing like her. Redheads, blondes, chestnut-haired beauties like Elena and Katherine.

He doesn't compel any of them until after he gets to the biting part, because her voice is still in his head, complaining that compelling someone to have sex with you is no less than a form of rape. Annoying Little Witch, so far away and still spoiling his fun.

Two weeks of wandering all across the state and his mind is no less full of Bonnie than it was when he left her. He is haunted by sensory impressions of her: he lays down on a bed and the way her body curled against his will catch up to him; he will close his eyes while fucking someone else and will miss the contrast between her coffee complexion and his crisp white Egyptian cotton sheets.

He notices constantly that his stuff no longer smells like her and the absence of adequate verbal sparring gets on his nerves more and more every day.

It's maddening. He doesn't need Bonnie Bennett to make immortality entertaining. That's what he already has Stefan for.

Yet, he can't hide that he misses being around her at least as much he misses being inside her. Just being around her used to make him feel so…settled him with himself, like everything was okay and perfect and brand new. Like nothing was amiss. And experiencing her touch, her voice stuttering his name as she came for him ,the trust in her gaze as she confided her thoughts to him… all of it had felt like receiving some sort of undeserved forgiveness.

How had he never noticed any of this until she was gone?

It infuriates Damon, knowing he let someone have this level of power over him again. Has he not learnt his lesson with Katherine?

He blames it all on Bonnie, obviously. She just looked too naïve, too un-twisted to ever have the slimmest chance to affect him this profoundly .

So he finds a girl who looks enough like her-same exact complexion, full lips, big doe eyes and raven hair- compels her to believe she's someone else, to behave like someone else.

He convinces himself that a quick fix is all he needs to break the habit, that tainting the memory of her with some kind of abuse will make her less significant.

But it's difficult to preserve the mood, because the scent is all wrong, the taste of blood and skin dull. He feels dirty just touching the look-alike and he angrily wonders how Stefan could even stand it.

He can't even bear the way the other girl is touching him without shaking with frustration.

'You are repulsive' Bonnie' s phantom voice taunts from the back of his mind when he commands his victim to get on her knees.

So? -He snaps back inwardly, a self-deprecating imitation of a smirk settling on his lips.

'You are better than this.'

No, I am not.

'You might be.'

I don't want to.

Nonetheless, he stops the small hands fumbling with his zipper and breathes out in bitter, humiliating defeat.

After that particularly shaming episode, he decides to get spectacularly trashed.

Getting drunk is not easy for a vampire, but Damon Salvatore is nothing if not persistent. It takes emptying 17 bottles of vodka in less than 2 hours but his head is finally a very quiet, clean place.

He can finally rest.

The morning after, he awakens on the floor of a cheap motel room with no idea of how he got there. There are no corpses around and he doesn't know if he should be relieved or not. He has never treated himself so poorly.

I've became Stefan- he realizes with a horrified groan- only a more idiotic- if better looking- version.

Because Stefan had at least the sense to keep Elena, masochistic edge aside, and where's Bonnie now?

Probably in full-rebound mode and allowing Mutt to plaster his grubby, unworthy hands all over her.

The mental image alone sends a wave of bloodlust thundering through his skull and it hurts so much that his eyes actually water. Damn hangover.

He craves tearing someone apart, but what would that solve?

What he really needs is feeling Bonnie underneath him again. Burrowing his face in her long hair. Kissing her. Knowing she is glad to have him back.

I want her. I want her forever.- He admits to himself and it still doesn't feel like a complete truth.

It's more than wanting or caring. He is in love with her.

He might still walk away from it, because living without love is a choice like any other.

But he doesn't want to.