Chapter 12

Feyre

My steps were strong and confident as I sauntered towards the bed, the soft light of the evening shining through the windows. I could feel his ravenous gaze trace the curves of my body, as he watched my every move. His green eyes blazed with an almost predatory desire that only assured me that I was doing the right thing.

"Come here." He whispered in a low guttural voice.

I forced my eyes to brighten and then fill with a hunger that was fuelled by the need to feel Rhys's hands on my body. With a last thought of my mate, I warded off the bond between us, effectively blocking him from any emotions that I would feel. He should not have to endure this – not again.

A low, primal growl escaped Tamlin's lips as I climbed on to the bed. I remained seated on top of the smooth sheets, my knees tucked beneath me and took in his massive figure. Objectively, he was very handsome. Underneath his fine clothes, his frame was lined with muscles that spoke of the strength that prowled through his body. His skin was tan and perfect, only stained by the scars which I knew were hidden beneath his clothes. I breathed in his scent, remembering a time when I had found it so intoxicating that I couldn't breathe - now it was an effort not to cringe. I still enjoyed the individual smells; Lavender, rose, cedar, but something in his smell had changed. Beneath the woven fabric of his scent I detected something else – something both mouldy and airy at the same time. What was that? I concentrated on the smell, trying to separate it from everything else. Had it always been there? My brows furrowed slightly, but before I could think any further, I had to focus on Tamlin, because he was no longer satisfied just lying on the bed. He rose to his knees before me, his green eyes fixed on my face, reading every emotion there – or at least he thought he did.

"Feyre," he breathed "I know… I know it is… Difficult for you. I cannot imagine what you went through up there. I don't want to imagine." His voice was soft, but as he continued, it turned cold. "When I think about it, it makes me want to rip apart the world."

You did, I thought, but kept it to myself. Instead I cupped his cheeks with my hands.

"It was… is difficult. I'm sorry if I've been cold to you. I'm sorry. It's just… My mind cannot seem to understand that it's over. That I am free." My mind made no internal apologies to my court this time. I did this for them.

"You are; You are home. You are safe. And together, we'll figure things out. I know we will." His hands grabbed my hips and pulled me closer, our bodies almost touching.

My temper flared by the suggestion that we had to figure out his mess. The list of things to figure out seemed to be ever growing: Helping my sisters, training with Lucien, dealing with the king, saving the mortal lands. Not to mention the situation with Ianthe. I felt the skin on my hands stretch and twist, the burst of emotion bringing my shapeshifting abilities to the forefront of my mind. I did not need to call upon my powers - they were already there, ready to be wielded. Focus my mind warned and I turned my attention to the present and the male body so close to mine.

"Tamlin…" My voice shook with what I hoped sounded like love and desire, not hidden power.

Before I could say any more, his lips crushed mine in a wild, brutal kiss. His mouth moved impatiently on mine, as his hands roamed over my body, tugging at my nightgown – he wanted bare skin. I tried to answer the kiss, but the wildness of it caught me off guard. I could fake love and desire, but true passion was difficult. He sensed my hesitation and pulled back an inch.

"Are you…" he started, but I shut him up with my lips. I needed to get on with it, before my determination faded. The iron-resolve that I had gathered in my dressing room still soared in my veins and I felt more powerful than I had ever done before.

Tamlin pulled me down, placing me with surprising gentleness on the bed, before he pulled his tunic over his golden head. I didn't let myself dwell on his naked torso, afraid that I would start panicking if I did. Instead, I focused on the task ahead. I had to time this perfectly if I were to succeed. He traced his fingers along my thighs, coming to a rest at the edge of my nightgown, mid-thigh.

"You can't imagine how much I missed this." He mumbled hoarsely and brought his lips to mine, letting his tongue bore into my mouth, conquering me. I fought the urge to throw him off and tried to follow him. My hands on his bare back felt foreign, detached. My body and mind were two separate beings, performing their own tasks. I felt his right hand slide up, up, up, no longer skimming the edge of my nightgown, but moving towards the apex of my thighs and what lay between them. His left hand made to cup my breast and as his fingertips brushed the sensitive skin there, I struck.

Something had clicked into place while I fought off the daemati and I was in complete control of my mental powers. The strength and determination of a high lady surged in my veins and I saw everything clearly. I was not only Feyre, former human, survivor of Amarantha, mate of Rhysand, I was the High Lady of the night court - I wielded the combined powers of the seven high lords.

The ease with which I breached his mind stood in stark contrast to my previous attempts. I brushed past his defences as a shadow of his own making, masked in cedar and lilac. I was in complete control, and even though I clearly saw that curious obstacle that had held me at bay earlier, I had no trouble seizing control. My gamble had worked. The passion and desire roaming in his body left him vulnerable. I could finally access his mind. I felt his body go taut beneath me as I willed it to stop his advances on my body.

I had no time to dwell on the sensation of finally gaining entrance to his mind. I focused entirely on the task at hand – making sure that I embedded a false memory that showed us making love. Rhys had taught me that it was easier to feed off real experiences when twisting the truth, so I drew on the memory of us enjoying each other, getting lost in the throes of passion.

I began weaving images which would become his new memories, into his mind. Some were of us, ripping off the remainder of our clothes to feel the nakedness of each other. Others were of his mouth on my body, my mouth on his, nipping and licking at the sensitive spots. I made sure to make him remember the thrust of his hips as he sheathed himself in me with possessive power, and me, moaning his name over and over, I didn't let myself react to the images taking form. I had to keep a cold distance or my disgust would entangle itself in my perfect, fake memory. When I was certain that he remembered nothing but our mingled breaths, the sensation of our skin touching, his completion and me, falling asleep in his arms, I made him dress and walk out with a sudden urge to check the grounds, to make sure that whatever had frightened me in the garden earlier, had not returned.

As he slid out of my room on silent feet, the feelings that I had kept bottled up came rushing in, washing over me in waves of fear, guilt and disgust. I had taken control of his mind – his mind. I could have destroyed him completely with a few thoughts. Bile rose in my throat and I scrambled to the bathroom, just in time. I had spent so many nights in here, pressed against the cool marble of the toilet, wishing for it to end – this was no different.

When I finished heaving, I sat back against the wall letting the events of the last hour wash over me. I felt terrible. I had violated Tamlin's mind, and no matter how justified I felt I was, I couldn't shake the guilt. This was definitely a power to fear.

Alone, on the floor of my luxurious bathroom, doubt came creeping in. Tampering with Tamlin's memories was a risk. If anyone found out, be it the king or Tamlin himself, it could be disastrous. I'd done my best to weave the memory into the very fibre of his being by using his own power, but was it enough?

Stop it my mind answered and I shook myself. I just had to trust in my abilities and keep up appearances. No one would think to look twice at our supposed love, if I was visibly, nauseatingly in love with him. And if I had to do this every night, I would.

I crawled back to bed after an hour, truly exhausted. It was midnight, and before drifting off, I tugged at the bond, which I had kept thoroughly shielded during my time with Tamlin. Immediately, a sense of Rhys filled my mind, and I let out a small breath. He was there, at the end of the line.

Feyre, darling. His voice echoed in my head, carried down the bridge that linked us. It was faint, like a whisper of a wind coming from far away. I smiled. I would never be alone again. My eyes grew heavy and I fell asleep, thinking of my mate and my court.

I was brutally awakened at dawn by fists pounding at my door.

"Up, up up, lazy female! Training is about to commence."

I groaned at Lucien's too cheery voice that sounded from the other side of my locked door. The pounding continued.

"I'll keep this up all day if I have to," he yelled, using both fists now.

I buried myself beneath my covers, using a pillow to muffle the sound. I was so not getting up now.

His fists were relentless and I wondered why no one told him to stop. He must have woken the entire manor. I caught myself hoping that Tamlin would have finished him yesterday and sighed. No, that was not what I wanted.

"Feyyruhh" he called, over the pounding "Feeeeeeeyruuuh." Insufferable – he was insufferable.

"Don't make me break the locks." He threatened.

"Fine. I'm coming." I said from underneath the pillow.

"Did I hear something? Because if not…"

"FINE! I'm up." I yelled, throwing the pillow at the door in defiant anger. It didn't matter that it would not hit its target.

"You have ten minutes before I go in there and dress you myself." He said, and his footsteps drifted off, towards the stairwell.

I rose from my bed, mumbling to myself about early mornings and stupid males. I unlocked the door and a pair of servants were already waiting, ready to dress me, even if they looked rather distraught. How I missed Alis; she would have enjoyed this. I suddenly remembered the reason that she was not and for a second I couldn't breathe. She had not deserved to be punished, not when she had saved my life. I made a mental note to find out more about her fate, before turning my attention to the two servants who had already finished dressing me.

For once, I was not dressed in frilly gowns – instead I was clad in a practical tunic and pants with beautiful silver stitches to emphasise the green of the clothes. My gold-brown hair was braided into a single braid down my back and I wore a pair of comfortable, brown leather boots. For the first time since I returned to the spring court, I felt comfortable. I smiled a thanks to the servants, who disappeared as soon as they could, obviously not wanting to be here when Lucien returned.

I frowned at the thought of my rude awakening, and even though I knew it was childish and obstinate, I stayed in my room, waiting for him to return. It would give me a few minutes of peace as well. Training with Lucien would be difficult. Not because of the actual training but because I had to be careful in showing him how much exactly I had learned at the night court. I doubted training with Lucien would be as gruelling as training with Cassian, who was relentless when it came to perfecting the exercises. Either way, I really looked forward to finally do something, despite it being the King's orders.

I heard his steps long before he halted outside my door calling in a sensible tone

"I know you're ready. Do you want to train or play childish games the entire day?" he drawled, lightly tapping the door with a nail.

My blood boiled and I could feel my ears heating from it. Bastard. I threw open the doors, scowling at his scarred face which was set in a mask of innocence. He enjoyed this way too much.

"Let's go." I snapped, stomping past him down the stairwell and outside. When I reached the front garden, I realized that I had no idea where I was going. Even though I had lived here for quite some time, I had never been to or even seen a training area. I turned to Lucien, who stood a few feet behind, grinning smugly at me.

"Where?" I hissed, not bothering to utter a full sentence. It was too early and he was too cheerful.

"You're in a lovely mood this morning. Sleep well?"

I barred my teeth at him, crossing my arms. We waited, standing in front of each other like two combatants. I realised that the wariness and suspicion which usually followed Lucien when he was around me, was gone. I sensed only amusement and determination. He really was enjoying himself, not just sizing me up. He had told me how difficult it had been here, when I had left for the night court. Maybe he needed this too. Needed to get away from the manor, from Tamlin.

I relaxed my shoulders and gave him a small smile, still lined with annoyance at the early hour.

"Would you be so kind, oh great and fearsome warrior, to lead the way to the training grounds."

His answering grin was enticing, "My pleasure."

He offered me his arm, and lead me towards the stables.

"So, how did you sleep." He said genuinely

"Well enough." I answered, not wanting to share my hour spent hugging the toilet.

He turned his head to me, his metal eye whirring slightly in its socket, as if picking up some secret signals that only it could sense. I was suddenly struck by the brutality of the scar on his face. I rarely thought about it - it seemed such an integral part of him, but up close, the jarred edges spoke volumes of the force that had made it. He gave me a small smile and shrugged– he knew the direction that my thoughts had taken and didn't want to talk about it. I smiled back – I had scars of my own that I wasn't too keen on discussing.

"Where's Tamlin?" I said, trying to change the unspoken subject.

"At the western border. Checking up on the situation there. A few fairies tried to break through our defences. Nothing major." Lucien said dismissively.

I sensed the lie, but let it go for now.

"Where exactly are we going?" We had passed the stables and walked across a field behind it, towards the treeline at the end.

"Patience is a virtue."

I snorted "Not one I possess."

"I know." He grinned.

The trees were tall and thick, a testimony to their age. I had rarely been to these parts of the woods, hadn't really given it much thought. As we stepped underneath the roof of the trees, the temperature dropped, and the sun almost disappeared, a few rays of light finding their way to the ground through the thick branches stretching out above. The forest floor was covered in moss and fallen leaves, which muted the sound of our steps. Come to think of it, there were no sounds at all. No birds chirping or animals moving. Not even the sound of the wind, blowing through the leaves. I looked at Lucien, but he seemed perfectly at ease, as we continued deeper into the forest.

We must have walked in silence for five minutes, when he stopped and turned towards me with a mocking smile.

"Here we are." He pointed towards the trees ahead.

I couldn't see a damn thing. I was about to tell him to quit messing around, when I felt it. Directly in front of us there was a slight stirring in the air, like a soft humming. Lucien stepped towards it and with a last look at me, disappeared completely.

Involuntarily I gave a small yelp. Had he winnowed? No, I hadn't felt the distinct sensation of the world folding in on itself. This must be a glamour. And a very, very strong one. I took a deep breath and stepped forward, my right hand stretched in front of me.

With one step, I had left the gloomy forest behind and now faced a bright, open field, filled with fae who were all engaged in different types of training. A variety of familiar sounds enveloped me as I took in the scene; metal clanging on metal, grunts of pain and orders from commanders. These were the training fields and I hadn't even known they existed. I felt utterly stupid for not having thought about it before. Of course the spring court had soldiers and of course they were training.

"Well, here we are. The training fields." Lucien interrupted my thoughts and I had to tear my eyes away from the different areas of training to focus on him.

"How? Where?" I asked, still shocked that this place had appeared out of nowhere.

"The how is a well-preserved secret that has been lost to us. Sometime in the past, the lords of the spring court created this place for training purposes and it has been in use ever since. It is hidden from anyone but those who are accepted by the High Lord of Spring. We don't know how, but it is very convenient." I stared at him as his words sunk in. This training ground had been used for centuries, maybe more.

"and to answer your second question, we are still in the woods. You've merely stepped through the glamour and into reality. "

"But why? Why hide it? Everyone must know that you have soldiers?"

"Yes, but as you know Fae are a secretive people. The different courts are always locked in various power-struggles. By hiding our training this effectively, we have the upper hand if a war should occur. In times of peace, we do not use the fields as much but…" his voice trailed off as he looked from me to the enormous field which was somehow almost completely filled with fae, training.

"These are not times of peace." I finished for him.

"No." He said, softer than I had expected.

We walked towards the centre of the field, which was littered with tents of varying sizes, along with an area reserved for eating. Compared to the bleakness of the Illyrian war camps, this was almost too perfect. The soldiers were all focused on their training, be it with swords, daggers, bows or hand-to-hand combat. I did notice the small looks they gave us, gave me, as we walked, but no one approached us. Lucien stopped as we reached the centre of the grounds. Here, rows of different weapons gleamed in the sun, ready to be used. I took in a deep breath, readying my body and mind for what was to come.

"Today, we will begin with basic fighting techniques, but before that I would like to see how skilled you are with a bow."

Memories of me, aiming an arrow at his chest in the woods of the night court flashed through my mind. He would never let me forget that.

"I'm really not…"

"Don't." Lucien interrupted. "Don't pretend that you don't know how to use it. I'm not that stupid." The bitterness in his voice was obvious, and I wondered just how long we could balance this new-found friendship – or whatever it was – before one of us snapped.

I gave him a shrug and picked up a training bow. It was made from one piece of wood, and the smooth curve was perfect for my small frame. It fit well in my hands and as I pulled. then released the string, it sang to me. This was a fine bow, and would serve my purpose. Lucien nodded in approval and led me to an area of target practice. We stood far from anyone else, either to keep what I could do hidden or to make sure that no one was distracted by Tamlin's pet, training alongside them.

"Try not to miss." Lucien said with a smile. I made an obscene gesture and focused on the bow.

The time spent hunting in the woods to feed my family, and the training I had received from Cassian made my body react on instinct and as I nocked an arrow and pulled the string back, everything felt just right. I fired four arrows rapidly, each hitting their targets, not in the dead centre, but close enough. I relaxed my shoulders and lowered the bow to my side.

Lucien let out a low whistle, "So, you've already mastered the bow. I guess there's more of a huntress in you than we thought." His tone was light, but underneath it, there was a question too. How had I gotten that good, just by hunting rabbit and deer in the mortal lands? Careful. I had to be so damned careful. A huntress, he said. Yes, I was a huntress. And I would show him the huntress, not the warrior.

I smiled at him, handing him my bow. "What now?"

"Ah, so eager to begin. I'll soon have you begging for mercy."

"Show me then." I grinned, actually looking forward to this.

Lucien guided me to a secluded part of the enormous field, shielded with walls of fabric. I raised an eyebrow at him.

"I know, I know, this seems silly, but Tam still doesn't want anyone to witness your training apart from a select few. This is merely a precaution.

"Doesn't he trust his own soldiers?" My voice was clipped, strained. I was sick of getting special treatment. Sick of being protected like this.

"Trust is a rare commodity." Lucien said sadly.

Something in his voice made me pause and look at him, both with my eyes and my mind. His sadness was infinite, but there was also a sense of betrayal and hopelessness. Once again, I wondered what had happened between him and Tamlin in the months I had been away?

I opened my mouth to speak, to console him or question him, I didn't know, but he shook his head and interrupted me.

"I'm going to teach you basic fighting techniques, which are useful in any situation and with any weapon. We'll work with your punches and your stance and when you have perfected it, we will move on to handling weapons. You will not be allowed to use a weapon, before I am satisfied with your basic training."

I groaned. This sounded too much like what I had done with Cassian. Lucien winked at me, then swiftly threw out his hands while swiping the ground with his left leg. I knew the move well, had been thrown to the floor by it enough times to anticipate it. I could easily have dodged it, but that would probably give away too much and make Lucien question what else I could do, so I let him throw me down.

"Lesson number one – always be prepared." Lucien laughed as he hauled me to my feet. I bared my teeth at him, "That's not fair. I didn't know that we had started."

"Combat isn't about being fair. It's about winning." Lucien said.

In the hours that followed, Lucien took me through the basics. How to position my feet, how to hit, how to dodge. I had already mastered this and struggled not to show it. At times I was sure that I saw understanding glimmer in his russet eye, when I dodged an attack too swiftly, but he never brought it up.

I enjoyed working with him – it gave us both a sense of purpose and he really was an excellent teacher. He might not be a born fighter like the Illyrians, but he knew what he was doing. In some ways, his training suited me better than Cassian's. Lucien relied on his swiftness and lithe body, not brute strength. After hours of training, both our bodies glistened with sweat and our breaths came out in small puffs.

"Maybe you should take a break." A voice sounded from behind – Tamlin.

Luckily, I had my back to him, which gave me a fraction of a second to compose myself and remember the right way to act towards him. I loved him, we had spent the night together, I had to shine. Lucien's metal eye whirred slightly and he looked at me with a puzzled look, before relaxing his posture.

"A break might be in order. Feyre has really deserved it." Was it respect that I heard in his voice?

I turned to Tamlin, a bright smile in place. He looked at me, noting the sweat trickling down my brow, the tautness of my body and my shallow breaths. His eyes darkened slightly and a small frown curved his lips, but he shook them off in a second and brought me a glass of water.

"Been working hard, I see." He said, tracing a finger along my collarbone.

"Lucien is a relentless partner." I grinned, hoping he would catch the humour in my voice.

"You keep up well enough." Lucien answered, grinning as well.

Tamlin visibly relaxed and said, "Are you okay?"

Again, with the protectiveness, "Yes, I am perfectly fine." My eyes probably showed my annoyance because he smiled apologetically, "Just checking."
"I know." I sighed.

"After last night, I wasn't sure you would have the strength to train this hard." His right hand ran down my back in a suggestive movement and his green eyes sparkled with mischief and desire. It was an effort to lean into his touch, instead of flinching. I had no fond memories of last night, only me, violating his mind. At least it had worked.

I gave him what I hoped was a smile filled with desire and casually walked to the small table placed at the right side, to refill my glass. I needed to get away from the intimacy.

"So, when we're done here, maybe we could go riding." I said to both Tamlin and Lucien. I needed an excuse to not be alone with Tamlin for the entire afternoon and evening.

"Actually, Feyre…" Tamlin said hesitantly "I have to go, and I won't return until tomorrow."

I looked at him, quizzically. "Is everything alright?"

"It's fine. I just have to take care of things at the Western border and it's easier if I spend the night."

The western borders again. I sighed, "That's what I get for choosing a High Lord."

Tamlin smiled, a slow, concerned smile that did nothing to convince me that everything was fine. "I will be back tomorrow. Promise."

I walked to him and threw my arms around his neck – better get this over with.

"Be safe." I whispered in his ear and gave him a small kiss.

"Always." He answered before pressing me to him, his lips parting mine in a deep, hungry kiss. He didn't seem to care that Lucien was standing right beside us. Or maybe he wanted him to see.

Tamlin turned to Lucien and said gravely "Take care of her."

"I will." Lucien answered.

And with that, Tamlin left.

"The Western borders?" I immediately said, but Lucien shrugged and waved the question off. "Not now."

I hated that answer. Hated it more than anything. But I knew that no amount of begging and pushing would get him to tell me, if he had been ordered not to. No, I had to go with a more subtle approach.

"Fine."

He looked at me, obviously surprised that I was ready to let the topic go. I gave him an innocent smile and he narrowed his eyes.

"What?" He demanded.
"Not now." I answered, innocently.

And then he roared with laughter. I was so shocked by his sudden outburst that I just gaped at him. I was not that funny.

"Oh, Ferye. I actually have missed you." He gasped, still half laughing.

"Like I didn't know." I smiled, my eyes bright with pent-up laughter. Real laughter. In that moment, I knew that whatever Lucien had or hadn't done, he was still a friend. And we might not be able to forgive each other, not yet, but unknowingly, he was instrumental in helping me destroy Tamlin. Without him, I wasn't sure that I could keep up appearances.

"Ready for round two?" Lucien's voice cut through my thoughts and I watched him take a defensive stance.

For the night court. For Rhys, Amren, Mor, Azriel, Cassian, Nesta, Elain… Lucien my mind whispered "Ready." I said with conviction.