Hey, only me :)
I have something for you, that I have a feeling you may like... Grab something to drink and get yourself comfortable :)
Thank you so much for your comments and follows. Your appreciation means a lot to me. This story is actually taking a lot outta me so I really enjoy hearing your feedback. Just briefly:
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Enjoy!
The colours were bright. The sky seemed bluer, the whiteness of the clouds stark against it and Gail had to squint to focus. Everything was happening in slow motion, voices were distorted and people were in different places. Andy was behind the wall this time, it was her she had been talking to when she heard the shout from behind her.
Even though she knew what was coming her reaction time was slower, it always was, every single time and her gun felt heavier in her hand. She spun around on her left foot, her neck snapping around first, her eyes catching up moments later as she felt her body follow.
This time the guy was closer to her, only a few feet away, she saw the barrel of his gun right in her face, directly between her eyes. She could never see his face though, that was always a blur but the terror always gripped her right in the final moment, exactly when she saw the gun pointing at her. The dread present in her chest, her heartbeat the loudest thing she could hear as her pulse ripped through her body. Every part of her shook as her eyes closed, somebody's voice calling out her name as the wind carried it to her. She felt death like it was a second away and it scared her-
"Gail!"
Her eyes flung open and the darkness of the room seeped in. Gail was sitting upright in bed, her chest panting heavily and she could feel the sweat on her face, down her back and across her chest. Her hands were bracing the mattress and she closed her eyes again, relieved.
She knew it was just a dream, a familiar one she was having; each of the last three nights now since the raid and they weren't getting any easier. She pulled her lower lip through her teeth and tried to control her breathing. Gail became more aware of the hand moving up her back, gently and slowly. Comforting as it rested on her shoulder. The way Holly's fingers danced across her skin always had a calming effect. She felt the tenseness in her shoulders ease, the rigid line along her neck relax and her body seemed to lose its nervous edge.
"Gail," Holly repeated, her tone far gentler this time. The first time she had to shout in order to wake her from her nightmare. Holly ran her fingertips to the base of Gail's neck and she lightly massaged the skin there. She felt Gail loosen under her touch and she too, took a relaxing breath.
Holly was deeply concerned for Gail. This was the third night in a row and the nightmares weren't getting any better, no matter what they tried. She knew she was going to suggest to Gail that she talk more to Dr Chambers, actually let the department counselor help rather than sit in muted silence as she knew Gail was more than likely doing, but Holly knew she wouldn't thank her for bringing it up. But she was going to do it anyway.
Gail turned where she sat once she felt a little more composed and she reluctantly brought her eyes to Holly's. They were so full of worry and compassion it made Gail feel bad. All this had to be having an effect on her too. Night after night.
Holly smiled at her, it was her trademark half smile and it immediately made Gail feel better. Holly lifted her hand from Gail's neck and gestured for her to snuggle up to her which Gail did without hesitation, and Holly slowly lowered them both back down against the pillows.
Holly was on her back and Gail pushed herself into her side, her arm snaking over to Holly's side and she pulled her as close as she could, her leg hooking over Holly's and Gail quickly settled her head into the crook of Holy's neck. Gail breathed her in, her eyes closing and she felt Holly's fingers trailing along her arm, lighting tracing patterns and her other arm wrapped around Gail's shoulder.
Gail tried to push the thoughts out of her head, she needed to focus on something other than the park but as the last three nights proved to her, it was difficult to erase the images from her mind. Her heart rate was slowing however, her pulse settling. Her body molding into Holly's as she felt more and more protected, more and more looked after and she loved it. She needed it. Gail's hand was playing along Holly's ribs, her fingers rubbing into her skin and it was comforting, the entire embrace was exactly what she needed. Holly's ability to calm her was amazing.
She knew Holly was worried, though, and she was just waiting for her to say something about it. She hadn't yet, though, and Gail was grateful. Maybe it was the look in Gail's eyes every morning; Holly always looked at her with such sympathy and at the moment it seemed Holly was content with just showing her compassion. Just being there for her but Gail knew Holly would want her to get some proper help, at some point. Probably sooner rather than later.
"I'm sorry," Gail breathed, her lips in at Holly's neck. The last week hadn't been easy on Holly either, and Gail knew her constant nightmares wouldn't be helping her to put things behind her. Gail really wanted them to just move on from everything that had happened recently, but it was going to be difficult with this constant reminder, night after night. Gail just hoped Holly wouldn't be having second thoughts.
Holly gripped Gail tighter. She turned her head so she could kiss Gail on the forehead. Her brow furrowed. "Don't be," she whispered. "It's not your fault."
Gail couldn't help but think that it was. She lifted her hand from Holly's ribs and moved it up to the side of Holly's face. She needed something, she wasn't sure what. Gail lifted her head and looked into Holly's eyes.
Holly could see the fear there, the trauma and all she could think was how much this woman had been through, in the last few years but somehow she survived. It made Holly thankful that she'd found her, and now it was her job to look after her. To keep her safe. Gail licked her lips and Holly knew, and as Gail leaned forwards their lips crashed together, Gail's fingers digging into Holly's neck below her jaw.
It wasn't necessarily heated, or a kiss spurned on by desire. It was a different kind of want. Gail just needed it, like in that moment she craved comfort and needed to feel Holly pushing up against her, as if to confirm everything would be okay, like Holly had this. Like she had her, and that she needed Gail just as much, too.
After a few moments Gail pulled away and she rested her forehead against Holly's, both of them breathing quite heavily. Gail's eyes were closed, she felt so tired she didn't really know how to place herself. Her body ached, and her mind was heavy. All she wanted was a peaceful night's sleep but she knew it might not come. She felt Holly's hands on her back and they guided her down so she was lying pretty much on top of her, Gail's head against Holly's chest.
Regardless Holly made her feel better and it was effortless. That first night without her was horrible and at least now if she had a bad dream, Holly was there to comfort her and that meant more to Gail than she knew how to communicate.
"Try and sleep," Holly whispered, trying to sooth the stress away. She felt Gail's body go limp against her and she promised herself she would bring this up with Gail in the morning, as much she might not want to address it.
Holly was going to make her do something about it.
Gail sat on Steve's desk, her legs absently kicking up as she stared off at the corner of the room, her mind feeling a little numb. She wasn't bothered, though, it was better than what was occupying it lately. Frank had told her to take the week off but she refused. There was no way she could stare at her four walls all week, or even at Holly's four walls, regardless of how much she loved her apartment. She'd just rather be at work, even if it was on light duties and she'd finally persuaded Frank to let her back after just a few days.
Gail passed her endurance exams which surprised everyone involved, least of all Holly who knew Gail despised breaking into a sweat for any reason, apart from sex, of course. For two days solid she trained and it seemed her neck and ribs healed miraculously, either that or Gail just pushed through the pain and so with constant pestering, and even though the department counselor hadn't effectively declared her fit for duty, Frank decided to bring her back. He was quite a few bodies down anyway so he could hardly afford to turn her away. Dr Chambers though insisted that Gail continue her sessions, until at least she was able to form actual sentences rather than just mumble a word here or there.
Her first day back was to man the phones and Gail was bored. So bored in fact she was happy when her brother summoned her to Guns and Gangs so here she was, sitting in an empty office waiting for him to finish with Andy and her report, obviously another loose end seeing as how Andy was going to be off for a couple of weeks with her leg.
Gail didn't envy the amount of paperwork Steve would be sitting on about now. Nick had shot the main target after all, after he nearly shot her, and the amount of illegal weapons they seized from the surrounding buildings was enough to keep the whole department buried for months. She tried not to think of her own report but knew that's why she was likely there, as she'd been avoiding it like the plague. No one was pushing her for it though so far but perhaps only half a day's leeway was all she was going to get. Now Steve was going to tell her to stop dodging it and get it over with.
Gail sighed. Her neck still twinging a little when she moved sharply and her ribs were still tender but she could deal with it; she'd ignored it for the past few days so she could ignore it now. The nightmares though were taking their toll. Not that she hadn't suffered from those before. After Perik it had been months since she was able to sleep through the night, without the aid of drinking tequila until she passed out of course. That was her favourite kind of therapy but she knew Holly wouldn't let that happen night after night so she daren't even try, this time.
Holly.
Gail got off the table and started to wander aimlessly around the room. Taking in the various mug shots and photo's of dead bodies that were taped to the wall, obviously the remnants of the raid. She brought her palm to her neck and she stretched it, wincing as she felt the skin pull where it was healing.
She knew she needed to do something about it, if only for Holly if not for herself. The worry in Holly's eyes every night and every morning was not something Gail was happy about, but she didn't really want to talk about it. Not to the departments counselor or to anyone else, really.
Gail was sure she could deal with the raid. Yes it played on her mind but, she had been shot at before, she was abducted, for God's sake. She was convinced she was going to die so she was certain she could deal with what happened in the park. She could put it behind her. It was just the looks she was getting. The accolades, the praise, the promise of a commendation and for what ? For being in the wrong place at the wrong time ? Gail felt it rising up in her chest, the familiarity of it recently making the dread even worse. She hated it; the apprehension, the uncertainty, the nerves. The panic. It sat in the back of her throat and tormented her, just as it had the past few days. Her heart felt like it was convulsing and it made her uneasy. She had to shake her hands out in front of her as if the motion outside would lessen the trembling inside. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath in through her nose and pushed it out through her mouth. Sometimes it helped, but today it didn't.
Everyone had such an idiotic smile on their face whenever they saw her, whenever she visited 15 over the last few days and especially today and of course they had to make a comment about her bravery, about what a hero she was and Gail just hated it. Every second of having to hear it. Of being asked what it was like. What it was like to be a hero. If everyone just let it go she knew it would be okay, but it was the constant reminders, the never ending comments or conversations that made it all the more unforgettable to her. The fact that she had been so scared, was scared even now when she thought about it and it made her feel even less of a hero, and even more of a victim of her own circumstance.
"Gail!"
It sounded like McNally, so Gail rolled her eyes and turned around to see Traci bounding over to her, a little too enthusiastically, in her opinion, but then she supposed she hadn't seen her since the hospital, after all. Nor had Gail text her, which she supposed wasn't the most friendly of things to do seeing as they were such good friends now, or something. Andy was hobbling along behind her on a set of crutches and Gail had to stifle a laugh at how ridiculous she looked, trying to keep up with Nash.
Traci reached her first and she leaned against the table opposite where Gail was standing, obviously trying to hide how relieved she was that Gail was okay. "Great to see you back, Peck," she smiled, clearly going off the pissed off look that was occupying Gail's face so she just slapped her on the arm affectionately. "How you feeling?"
Gail tried to relax a bit and she afforded Traci a small smile, thankful for the downplayed reception. Gail appreciated it when people knew she didn't like a fuss being made. She shrugged. "Okay, I guess, for being shot at."
Andy caught up and she let go of her crutches in Traci's direction and then she flung her arms around Gail's neck, hugging her as close as she could without impacting Gail's neck or her own leg. She clearly, was not as versed in Gail Peck as Traci was.
Gail screwed up her face, her hands coming to Andy's back awkwardly.
"Oh my God, Gail. I'm so glad you're okay. I can't believe what happened."
Gail hadn't seen Andy since the park, her thigh wound needing much more attention than Gail's neck and it turned out for all her panicking, it really wasn't that bad. Even though the bullet went quite deep it only just nicked the femur which stopped the bullets movement and accounted for all the bleeding, but ultimately didn't cause too much damage. Apparently Gail did a really good job of stemming the flow, as well. Gail really hoped McNally wasn't about to go into a chorus of how thankful she was, and how amazing Gail had been, yada, yada, yada, blah, blah, blah.
Gail sighed. "Yeah you know, McNally, this still really isn't how I communicate." She lightly pushed Andy's hips away from her hoping she'd get the idea.
Traci was hiding a grin.
"Yeah okay," Andy smiled, stepping away as she grabbed her crutches again. "But than-"
"-Don't say it." Gail cut in, holding up her hand. "Really," and her eyes bore into Andy to reiterate her point, the exasperation pouring from her like a river.
Andy held her tongue, and raised her eyebrows in defeat.
"I just want to forget the whole thing."
"Good luck with that," Traci started, and Gail's attention snapped to her. "Your mom wants to dedicate the whole commendation ceremony to you."
"Ugh, don't even joke about that." Gail scoffed, rolling her eyes. That was totally the last thing she needed. She could imagine the photos, her mother's speech, the absolute PR field day. The Superintendant's daughter. Hero, lesbian, life saver, Super Cop. Elaine had never been so proud...
"I'm not," Traci said, her eyes widening. "Gail, when was the last time you spoke to her?"
Gail's sense of dread tripled as she realised Traci might not be joking. If it was possible, she went a shade paler. "Nash, what do you know that I don't?" her tone deadly serious.
Traci shook her head, holding her hands up as she averted her eyes. Luckily her phone rang and saved her from any awkward questions. Sometimes dating Steve and getting the inside track on Peck family business did her absolutely no favours whatsoever.
Gail sighed and felt the stress weigh heavily upon her. Her neck was hurting and she didn't know right then if she wanted to be back at work or not. She wanted to disappear. Oblivion would do. Just anywhere other than living her life right now.
"Gail, are you really okay?"
Gail looked at Andy and saw those big expressive brown eyes staring back her, filled with the kind of compassion found only in someone who really cared, and also in someone who had a lot of newfound respect and, something like awe? That was a new one on Gail. Especially from Andy. Especially from anyone, really. Gail went to say something but then looked down at her hands, her fingers playing with each other just out in front of her. It was something else she just couldn't deal with.
"Oh my God," Traci suddenly said into her phone, and both Gail and Andy turned to her. "Oh my God! That's amazing! Okay, okay yeah, she's here. I'll tell her."
Traci hung up the phone and the smile overtook her face. "I can't believe it," she said quietly, almost to herself.
Andy took a fumbling step toward her. "What is it?"
Traci's eyes were bright and they shone with the kind of optimism Gail hadn't felt since before the raid. That felt like an age ago.
Traci pushed herself off the table and stood facing Andy, just a few steps from her. "It's Sam, Andy. He's awake."
Andy instantly backed up, her body seeming to go tense and limp all at once. Gail was thankful for the crutches because without their support she was certain Andy would've keeled over there and then, her body crumbling as her face was.
"No," Andy whispered. "What?" She felt faint, the relief flooding her as a certain weight also seemed to float away. She felt light, and easier than she had done in months.
Traci grabbed Andy's forearms. "Andy, Sam's awake." She shook them, as if trying to shake some life into her. "You need to go to the hospital," she smiled, "now."
Andy's eyes were brimming with tears but finally it sunk in, and a massive smile erupted across her face. "I have to go," she grinned.
"Yeah," Traci replied, "you do."
Andy turned around on her crutches and looked at Gail, her face so full of happiness Gail couldn't help but smile in return. "He's awake," Andy grinned, and then she laughed a little, like she couldn't quite believe it.
Gail couldn't help but feel happy, at least something good was happening, amongst all of this. She followed Andy with her eyes as she left, and watched as she hobbled into Chris, Nick and Dov just outside the office, clearly just returning from their shift and on their way to see her, she assumed, as that morning at parade there wasn't much time for conversation before they were all deployed. Nick didn't move from Andy's side, helping to keep her vertical as she explained about Sam, she again assumed, and then Chris and Dov suddenly became animated, slapping each other on the arm as they seemed rather joyous, compared to Nick who kept his smile small, his reaction rather contained.
Gail scrutinized him as Dov and Chris entered the room, Nick staying with Andy and it made her smirk. He really must love her, Gail surmised, if he'd just volunteered to drive Andy to the hospital which she supposed he had, and to the man she really loved. Gail actually felt some sympathy for him, and it surprised her it was completely genuine. It made her thankful for Holly and the relationship they shared and right then she promised herself she would talk to Dr Chambers. Actually talk. Because it was something Holly wanted her to do.
"Gail!" Chris beamed as he approached her, "You look better."
"Not quite as pasty," Dov contributed, as he hopped up on a table across the room.
"It's great about Sam, huh?" Chris asked, the smile on his face almost too big for it. His shoulders were high and he felt a world of relief, all of his friends now out of the woods. "You, Andy, Chloe all walking around. Oliver in one piece and now Sam." He sucked in a breath and his chest expanded, "Ah, it's a great day to be alive!"
Traci laughed and Dov smirked.
Gail rolled her eyes. "Yeah don't jinx it," she quipped, and then resumed her position from earlier on one of the tables. Chris' expression dropped a little as he looked at her. "There's still time, Diaz, something might happen to you."
Traci walked over to her, shaking her head. "Ever the optimist, Peck." She slapped Gail's thigh, "Let him have his moment. Today's a good day."
Gail scoffed. If only she could sleep, then maybe it would be a good day. She felt her phone vibrate in her pocket and she pulled it out, glancing over the screen. It was from Holly.
So how's your first day back? If you're too bored I could maybe help out with that.. Say, me and food at 1? xxH
Gail smiled. Still with the 'H'. She instantly typed out a reply.
You read my mind. The idea of you and eating has just perked me right up.
Gail really hoped Holly was taking a sip of something when she read that, but at the same time hoped she wasn't in a meeting, or maybe sitting across from a new intern, or something. She started giggling, actually she really hoped she was.
Traci eyed her. "What are you smirking at?"
Gail averted her eyes. "Nothing."
You just made the idea of chicken on wholegrain very uninteresting. Maybe we should skip the actual food and you can just drag me to an interrogation room?
Gail stared at her phone, aware that conversation was going on around her, probably about her, but she didn't care. There was a spark in her abdomen and it was all she could focus on. Her and Holly's conversation that morning before work was hardly a pleasant one, and much of it involved Holly looking at her with stern eyes, imploring her to speak to Dr Chambers properly about her nightmares but of course, Gail wasn't having any of it, and left rather flippantly, with a remark about how people needed to stop caring so much about her, because she didn't need it.
Gail hadn't even kissed her goodbye, which lent itself to her rather awful morning and of course out of pure stubbornness, she hadn't even text Holly once, all morning, even though she knew she was the one in the wrong which made this text conversation even more brilliant, because it showed that Holly knew exactly how to deal with a perturbed Peck. Well, at least the blonde good looking ones.
She knew Holly would bring it up again at some point, and Gail would then apologise and tell her she had already starting talking to Dr Chambers properly, or at least she was making more of an effort but right now, Holly knew the best thing was to go along with Gail's distraction technique and it was one of the many reasons why Gail loved her.
Gail's lips curled up as she typed out a response.
I'm not sure you can be quiet enough for the interrogation room, Stewart. Not when I push you up against the two-way glass and bite your neck where you like me to.
Gail shivered, imagining the actual likelihood of them getting away with that, on her lunch break at work. The risk of someone interrupting them was just too great…Gail played with her phone in her hands as she pondered it, still looking down in her lap. The idea of it was doing things to her, the risk of getting caught adding to it and it would certainly make her day much more, interesting, and exceptionally more enjoyable and she could definitely do with some immense relaxing and Holly was very, very good at that-
"Yo, Peck!"
Gail looked up and saw Dov glaring at her. Chris' eyebrows were raised and Traci was laughing.
"What?" Gail asked.
Dov shrugged. "See. Gotta be Holly."
"What's gotta be Holly?" Gail immediately went on the defensive.
Dov pointed at her phone. "Distracting you at work," he said by way of an explanation. "When your friends have made the trip all the way over here to see you, and you're not even talking to us."
Gail screwed up her face. "All the way? It's not Vancouver, Epstein, we're on the second floor." Her phone vibrated in her hands.
I'll be there at 12 xx
Gail smiled triumphantly and tried to quell the tingling she immediately felt, absolutely everywhere. She loved how hot she still was for Holly, even with all this stress. She licked her lips, tapped out another message and then pocketed her phone.
Bring donuts! I may need carbs. x
Traci laughed even more at Gail's Vancouver comment. "Yeah and who cares if she's texting Holly, Dov. Aren't you usually texting Chloe every two seconds?"
Chris laughed at that, and slapped Dov on the leg.
"Hey!" Dov protested, looking affronted at Chris, like he'd just been seriously betrayed, or something.
"Sorry, man," Chris smiled. "She's right. You generally are."
Traci shook her head and then looked back at Gail. "So how's your neck? Are your ribs better?" Her face taking on a sudden maternal expression.
"Yeah, okay," Gail answered. She nodded. "Better."
"I don't know how," Dov started, thinking that was an incredulous thing for Gail to say. "I'm surprised you didn't make it any worse after the other night." He scoffed and then turned his head away.
Gail frowned at Dov, and Chris looked at the floor. "What?" she pretty much spat, having no idea what he was going on about.
Dov looked back at her and shrugged, his face taking on a hint of innocence. He straightened up on the table and put his hands on his thighs. "The other night when you and Holly made up," he stated, matter-of-factly as if it was clear what he meant. "I'm sure the doctor would've told you to take it easy, you know, and try not to strain anything." He gestured at his own neck and then smiled. "All I could hear was straining."
Traci moved away from the table and towards the door. "Woah, Dov. Too much information."
Chris put his hands on his hips, biting his lower lip awkwardly. Gail's attention hadn't moved from Dov and her eyes were like saucers, her body deathly still.
Her tongue poked out in contemplation before she took a sharp breath in. "You weren't even in."
Dov's eyebrows shot up even further on his forehead. "I was coming home. I could hear you in the hallway."
Traci left the office as Steve walked in.
"Hey," he grinned as she brushed past him without a word, an affectionate hand running across his stomach as she powered away from the impending awkward conversation.
"I wouldn't, if I were you," was all she said as she disappeared down the hall.
Steve looked at her and continued on into the office. "Gail," he smiled, "glad you're here." He looked at all three of them, all like statutes in some kind of standoff.
Gail sized Dov up, and then a small smile touched her lips. "Painkillers work wonders, Epstein, don't tell me you didn't figure that out when Chloe was in recovery?"
Dov shook his head, smiling as he slid off the table. "Just trying to look out for you, Gail. Don't want you causing yourself further injury."
"What's this about?" Steve asked, and Chris turned to him, gesturing for him to not get involved.
"Awe," she began, mocking him, "was Chloe jealous because you never make her sound like that?"
Steve's forehead crinkled in surprise.
"Oh ha ha," Dov sneered, wishing he hadn't really started this. "Chloe wasn't even there."
"So what, then?" Gail grinned, enjoying making him feel uncomfortable. "You were just perving on me and my girlfriend having sex?" She leaned back on her hand and tilted her head, her voice becoming a little gravely as she warned him. "Is that the kind of thing you enjoy, huh?"
Steve recognized the bravado in his little sister's voice and knew there was no way Dov was going to come out on top of this one.
Chris looked like he really wanted to leave and he reached for Dov's arm. "Hey, Dov, c'mon we have that thing."
Dov though wasn't easily pushed over, even though he stood there knowing he was defeated. His shoulders sort of slumped forwards. He hit Chris' chest with the back of his hand. "Hey, Diaz, back me up. All I'm saying is they were pretty loud, right?"
Gail raised her eyebrows at Chris who just looked at her, like he didn't want to be there. He sighed and fidgeted, a bit. She sat forwards on the table. "Is that right, Diaz?" she asked, her eyes sparkling. She actually felt quite good, something like her old self and she didn't want to let go of it. "We were, too loud for you?"
Chris held up his hands and made for the door. "I have earplugs for whenever Holly stays over, that's all I'm saying."
His comment just kind of hung there as he left and Gail's eyes fell on Dov, who laughed under his breath as she pretty much burned a hole in his head.
Steve went over to him and grabbed his arm as he helped him toward the exit. "If I were you, I'd leave before she kills you with her eyes." They stopped at the door and Dov looked at him. "You know she can do it." Steve was deadly serious and after a quick glance at Gail, Dov high tailed it after Chris.
Steve turned back to his sister with a smile. He put his hands in his pockets. "Some light banter with your friends, huh?"
Gail shrugged. "He started it."
Steve laughed and scratched the back of his neck, walking over to her. For the life of him he could never really understand her living dynamic, and why she wanted to stay in it, for that matter. "Well they are guys after all, Gail, and your girlfriend is very hot." He leaned against the wall opposite her. "It's to be expected."
Gail pursed her lips, her eyes just as mischievous as they were with Dov. She craned her neck, ignoring the slight pull she felt. "You think Holly's hot," and then she grinned, widely, "brother?"
He shrugged, "Yeah," and then he stopped, his brain catching up with what he was actually saying. He pulled his lower lip through his teeth. "Tell Traci I said that and I'll kill you."
Gail laughed, and Steve frowned at her, his voice lowering sternly.
"Slowly."
Gail felt her shoulders start to bounce as the levity struck her. It was honestly the first proper laugh she had experienced in days. Not that anything about Holly's level of hotness was funny, she was just exceptionally happy everyone seemed to know it, including her brother which was ultimately a little weird, but funny all the same.
"Ohhh, Steven," Gail sighed as it died down a little. She had to trace her index finger under her eye. "Why am I here?"
"Right," Steve coughed, trying to compose himself. He couldn't quite believe those words came out of his mouth.
"Is it about my report?"
"No. No," he shook his head, frowning because he wasn't looking forward to this conversation at all. "You can take your time with that. I'm going to be knee-deep in paperwork with this whole thing for the next few months."
Gail nodded. "Good result though, right?"
Steve looked impressed with himself. "Very," he smiled, before he dropped it immediately. Nothing was worth what nearly happened to Gail.
She sighed. "At least that's something."
"Yeah," he agreed quietly, and then he cleared his throat, again. "Just don't worry about the report."
A strange expression then washed over Steve's face and Gail couldn't quite place it. He was doing a good job at not looking at her, too, which was odd, and her earlier feeling of dread was starting to return. She suddenly felt anxious and she immediately hated it. She hated being such a victim of her own emotions and she just couldn't wait to get this whole situation with the raid over and done with. She still wasn't going to accept a medal, though. No matter what.
"Okay," Gail answered, wanting to know what was going on but also not wanting to ask, either. As if that made her bothered, or something. "Thanks."
Steve sighed. "Have you spoken to mom?"
Why did she know it was going to be about Elaine?
Because everything awkward and unwanted always starts and ends with the Master Peck.
"No." Gail hadn't talked to her, nor had she seen her. Clearly Elaine didn't feel the need to actually make the physical effort to see her daughter when she was injured; she just wanted to parade around in her unwelcomed glory.
"Well she's organizing the commendation ceremony-"
Gail rolled her eyes and hopped off the table, heading for the door. She'd already heard enough.
Steve stepped in front of her. "Hold on. She wants to talk to you about it."
"I don't want a commendation!" Gail fumed. She felt angry, and it was there in an instant. All teetering just below the surface and she couldn't be bothered to hold it all in. It touched a nerve, why couldn't people just listen to her?
Steve kept his voice firm. "Well you're getting one."
"I'll refuse it."
Steve couldn't understand her. Well, maybe he could. He had ridden on the crest of wave Peck many times and it was intimidating. It was pressured, but Steve thrived on pressure. He was used to it. Gail however, wasn't. She wasn't used to any of this attention.
"Gail you did this amazing thing," he gestured in front of him, trying to get her to see. "Why not have this? Why not accept it?" His tone was soft, he didn't want to scare her off, but he wanted to try and understand.
Gail felt it behind her eyes, and the tips of her fingers tingled. She was agitated, and exceptionally tired, of all this. She was so glad everyone was okay. That everyone survived, she just wished, absolutely more than anything else that it had been someone else doing the saving.
She looked at him, and her face was pained. "Because I don't deserve it." She stepped around Steve and headed for the door.
She did deserve it though, Steve knew. It seemed everyone knew that, apart from her. He looked at the floor and sighed. "She's coming to see you."
Gail reached the door and spun on her heel. "What?"
"She's going to talk you into it."
Gail felt her heart drop to her feet. "What?!"
Steve turned and their eyes met. "She'll be here at 12."
Gail panicked, and she fidgeted where she stood. Her breath caught in her throat. "Holly will be here at 12."
Steve shrugged. "Have they met?"
Gail honestly thought dying would be the best thing, right then. Her mouth had never been so dry. "No."
Steve pushed off from the wall and sat at his desk. "Well, now they will."
Gail saw Holly standing there, sort of milling around by the desks as she waited for Gail to appear. She was early. Thank God. Gail thundered down the steps and as she approached her, as Holly's face lit up in that cute way it always did when they had been apart for a while, Gail grabbed her arm and tried to pull her to the door.
"Let's get out of here," Gail said quickly, looking around them swiftly in case Elaine was early, too.
Holly didn't move, however. She just looked quizzically at Gail wondering why she wanted to shoot off. "Hey, what's wrong?" Holly asked, her brow knitting together.
"Nothing," Gail breathed, spotting no sign of her mother.
Holly was confused. Something clearly was up to make Gail forget about their, uhm, plans. "So, erm. What about the interrogation room?"
Holly looked so hopeful Gail couldn't help but soften, a little. She was clearly looking forward to that. So was Gail, but it was more important to dodge her mother, for a number of exceptionally important reasons that immediately jumped to Gail's mind.
"I bought your favourite donuts." Holly smiled, going off Gail's uncomfortable look that she wasn't going to expand any further. Her lips curled up and to the side and it made Gail sort of melt, or as much as she'd let herself melt at work but Holly could tell it was happening. She was very relieved Gail still wasn't annoyed at her for addressing the whole nightmares issue this morning, and it had been playing on Holly's mind ever since and that's why she felt the need to lighten the mood by texting her earlier, and it worked. But now Gail seemed anxious and Holly wanted to know why. She reached out for her hand and squeezed it, gently. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," Gail lied. "Of course."
Holly leaned in for a kiss and Gail let her, needing to feel the relaxation and comfort of Holly's lips. She reveled in it. It was a moment of sanctuary and Gail welcomed it, regardless of who might see.
They parted and Gail ran her tongue across her lower lip. She took in a deep breath and she was about to mention it, all set to tell Holly why she was so worked up but Holly interrupted her.
"Isn't that your mother?"
Gail crash landed back to the present. "What?" She met Holly's eyes who then looked out over Gail's shoulder.
"Behind you," Holly nodded.
"Gail, sweetheart. There you are."
Gail felt something run through her and she immediately dropped Holly's hand. She turned so she was standing with Holly just behind her. The stress instantly returning, thudding in her chest. "Mother," she said, the word falling from her lips like it didn't belong.
Elaine placed her hands on Gail's shoulders and pulled her down so she could kiss the air at Gail's cheek, embracing her as casually as she could. "How are you feeling? You're looking fantastic, considering what you've been through."
"I'm fine, mom." Gail whined, rolling her eyes.
Elaine spotted Holly over Gail's shoulder and she tilted her head, her grip becoming looser on her daughter's shoulders and she let Gail straighten back up.
Gail felt rigid, and she watched as Elaine sized up her girlfriend. She watched as Elaine's eyes flashed with recognition, and then her lips formed a tight smile.
"You must be Holly," Elaine stated, rather than asked, and then she held her hand out for Holly to shake.
"Yes," Holly replied, taking the offered hand and she shook it firmly.
Elaine's smile got a little bigger, but not by much. "We'd wait a lifetime for a formal introduction from this one." She gestured with her head towards Gail. She dropped Holly's hand and sighed. "You try to teach them manners and some of them stick," she shrugged, "but most of them don't."
Gail wasn't really listening. Her eyes just darting between the two and she honestly didn't think she could take anymore of this. She had never felt so tense, never so pent up in all of her life and her mother arriving was like the last straw. Her fists were clenching at her sides and it was like her chest was clamping down on her lungs. She was petrified of what her mother might say and she wished she hadn't come back to work at all. Her four walls were looking quite appealing, right now.
Holly looked at Gail and she had to stop, mid way through an awkward kind of smile at Elaine's comment even though it was mocking the woman she loved. Never had she seen Gail look so, distraught. Like an abject fear was making her face deathly pale, her eyes the iciest of blues. Holly wanted to reach out to her, and she went to touch her fingertips to Gail's exposed palm but she pulled away. Holly didn't know what to do, so she just stood there, and put her hands in her pockets.
Gail forced herself to speak. "Mother what do you want? Holly and I were just going for lunch." She sounded a lot more confident than she felt.
"Oh, Gail, honey. You know what I want." Elaine busied herself at a desk and then she leaned against it, folding her arms tightly across her chest. "Exactly what you've been avoiding."
Gail had to turn where she stood so she was standing opposite her mother, and Holly followed suit, feeling rather awkward to be involved in this, considering it was the first time she had met Gail's mother. Really she thought she should give them some privacy but something told her she should stay. That Gail may need support. Something about Elaine's demeanor told Holly she would be dismissed if she wasn't welcome, anyway, and Gail wasn't giving her any indication that she should leave.
Gail just looked at the floor. She really didn't want to have this conversation. A feeling in her gut told her it would get heated and they were pretty much stood in the middle of 15, with various officers and new rookies milling about. Of course Elaine planned it that way, to try and get Gail to concede easily. She suspected Elaine was even more happy that Holly was there, certain that Gail would be less likely to cause a scene with her girlfriend watching and even more so that she would be scared as hell that Elaine may say about Holly's family. Or what she knew about Holly's family, if Gail didn't comply with her wishes. Gail shifted anxiously. She really was petrified. If Gail was honest she really didn't think her mother would bring anything up, like that. Not here, and not like this. She wasn't that cruel and destructive.
Yes she was.
Elaine became annoyed at the silence. "Oh, Gail. It's a medal. You saved two of your colleagues' lives. You deserve it. Bask in it a little." Elaine noticed her daughter became more and more uneasy with every syllable she voiced. "Anyone else would."
Gail couldn't look at her. Her face just stared out to the side and her fingers pushed into the sides of her thighs. She felt like crying she felt that pitiful but she wouldn't. There's no way she would. Showing that weakness just wasn't an option. "Mom, I told you," she pushed out, "I don't. Want. It." Her voice was low. Her tone even.
Elaine threw her hands up in the air and she walked around the other side of Gail, choosing her words very carefully. "Well I don't know what to say to you. The ceremony will be in your honour. You will receive a commendation. You will embarrass the family if you don't show up to accept it. I will be," and she sighed dramatically, "disappointed."
Holly cringed, and Gail got angry. She'd warned Holly before what her mother was like but here she was, with a front row seat while her mother reduced her to an inch in height. Gail turned her head to the side but she didn't move her body. "Well why change the habit of a lifetime."
Elaine shook her head and then turned her attention to Holly. "And what do you say to all this?" she asked, and she noted how Holly held her shoulders back, her stance firm and tall as she jutted out her chin, her expression rather stoic. It was rather protective body language and Elaine was impressed. She was used to people crumbling before her. She raised an eyebrow. "I should imagine you'd want her to accept this. It's quite an honour."
Holly's response didn't require much thought. "It's up to Gail what she does. I'll support whatever she decides."
Elaine pursed her lips, it becoming clear quite quickly that she wouldn't find an ally in this one. "Well I did expect better but I can't say I'm surprised. If you're not going to be a good influence on her I don't know who is."
Holly couldn't believe the vindictiveness and it pretty much stunned her into silence.
"Don't talk to her like that," Gail warned, and as she turned around there was such a look of contempt on her face Elaine was quite taken aback. Gail took a step toward her mother. "Don't you ever talk to her like that." Her voice was quiet as she didn't want to make a scene but that really was it. She felt something snap and she didn't care right then what her mother might say in retaliation. She was going to have it.
Elaine reared up, a little. The look in Gail's eye scaring her. "Oh c'mon, Gail. Don't be petulant."
"No, don't you be petulant, mother." Gail glared at her, her eyes not even blinking. She was used to being walked all over, to being made to feel useless and unworthy but there was no way Elaine was going to insinuate Holly was anything other than the best thing that had ever happened to her. That was just out of the question.
"You think I deserve this medal, do you? You think I deserve all this praise, huh ?"
Elaine was looking away and she only glanced back when Gail finished her sentence. Her arms were back folded across her chest. Elaine suddenly noticed how there were far fewer people in the immediate vicinity. Just Holly who was watching them both rather closely. She felt Gail's eyes boring into her. "Well, you did risk your life, Gail. You are a hero."
Gail's eyes stung, and her whole body ached. She felt wretched, like nobody understood her. Not that she ever expected that from her mother. The only person who did understand her she knew, was standing right behind her and she was angry that after only minutes of meeting her, her mother was using Holly to get at her.
"I'm not a hero, and I'm not brave, mom," Gail started, trying to keep her voice from quivering but she wasn't sure how successful she was. "Hero's don't stay awake all night. They don't have nightmares, and they don't worry the people who care about them most."
Holly felt herself get emotional too. She wanted to stop this, but she too, also didn't want to make a scene. Even though her words were filled with emotion, Gail was keeping this whole situation composed. So far. But Holly just wanted to take her away from here. From all of this.
"If I'm a hero," and Gail pointed behind her to where she knew Holly was stood. "Then what's she?"
Elaine felt exceptionally awkward. Almost like she wished she hadn't started this conversation. Almost, but not quite. "I have no idea what you're talking about."
"No, you don't. That's because you don't ask, and you don't experience. You just sit behind your little desk with your little orders, planning your little games." She pointed again to Holly. "She's the one who holds me together, mom. She's the one who looks after me when I can't sleep, when all I can see is the barrel of a gun pointing between my eyes."
All of them felt it. The rawness of her admission and none of them knew what to do with it. No even Gail.
"I don't want a medal to remind me of that. To remind me I'm lucky to be alive. If anyone has to have a medal then it should be her," and Gail for the first time since she started talking looked at Holly, but only for a moment before she needed to pull her eyes away again. "Because she picks up all my pieces. And without her I wouldn't be anything."
After a second Gail backed away slightly, her body relaxing from how tight every part of her felt. She felt a tiny bit lighter, and fairly proud that she was able to keep her outburst fairly contained. Her hand went to her neck and she stretched it, making her wince.
Elaine just looked at her, having no idea how to handle this onslaught of emotion from Gail. It was the second time over a few weeks and she felt rather at a loss. Usually she could bend Gail to her will quite easily, but not anymore it seemed. Perhaps it was to do with Holly, and then she moved her eyes to look at her.
Holly just looked at Gail, wanting to wrap her up and never let her go.
"Well," Elaine sighed, as Gail stepped away and sat in a chair. "I can see this isn't the time." She approached the table and retrieved her bag from where she'd left it, slipping it over her arm. She regarded the back of Gail's head. "But we will talk again." She stopped as she went to pass Holly, wondering for a moment how she could perhaps influence her, to assist in bending Gail.
Holly looked at Elaine, and she had no idea what it was she saw in her eyes.
"Nice to meet you," Elaine said, rather simply.
Holly wasn't sure what it was she was supposed to say. It certainly wasn't a pleasant first meeting. "Likewise," she eventually conceded, and Elaine powered out of the room.
Holly sighed heavily and then went over to Gail who was sitting back in the chair, relaxing quite visibly once Elaine left. Her elbow was on the arm of the chair and her fingertips rubbed into her forehead. Her eyes were closed.
Holly crouched down in front of her and placed her hand on Gail's knee. "Hey," she said softly, and after a moment or so Gail opened her eyes but they were still heavy. Her lips tried to smile but it just didn't happen. "You okay?" Holly asked.
One of Gail's eyebrows went up.
Holly sighed. "Yeah stupid question." Her hand squeezed Gail's knee affectionately. She didn't really know what to say. "What do you need?"
Gail shook her head very slowly. She felt spent. Well and truly. Her eyes wandered sadly over Holly's face. "I'm just so tired," she whispered. "I don't want to be here."
Holly ran her hand up Gail's leg and gripped her thigh. She knew exactly what to do. "Then let's get out of here." She stood up.
Gail looked at her. "What?"
"Let's go somewhere."
Gail didn't quite understand. "Where?"
Holly shrugged. "Anywhere. Didn't Frank say you could have some time off?"
The idea didn't seem to compute, with Gail. She sat forward in her chair. "Yeah but, I can't."
"Why?" Holly asked, and then she smirked. "Aren't heroes allowed time off?"
It sort of stunned Gail, not really sure how to interpret that one. But then Holly nudged Gail's shin with her foot and afforded her that lop-sided grin and straight away, Gail couldn't think of anything else she'd rather do.
She smiled. "Okay."
Gail cosied up next to her, pulling the blanket tightly around her shoulders. She leaned purposefully into Holly's side and ran both of her hands over Holly's thigh; Holly's legs being bent at the knee and her feet were flat on the rock beneath them. Gail shivered, and she pulled Holly's leg closer and rested her head on her shoulder.
Holly looked at her fondly, it never ceasing to amaze her how Gail could be at times. She could be the most infuriating, offish, obtuse and distant person Holly had ever met yet sometimes, and it was happening more often now, Gail would just come to her and offer such a display of affection and warmth Holly was pretty much bowled over by it, every single time.
It shocked her at first, to the point where she wasn't quite sure how to deal with it, but now Holly was used to all of Gail's quirks and each one added to the list of reasons why Holly loved her so much.
They sat there, like that, Holly leaning back on her hands and Gail leaning into her, all wrapped around her like Holly was her rock and Holly moved her head to place a kiss to the top of Gail's head, before she looked back out across the ocean.
"It really is beautiful here," Gail admitted, watching the waves break on the rocks below them. "It's peaceful."
"Yeah," Holly agreed, but then she had always thought so. That's why it was one of her favourite places.
"Thank you for bringing me."
Holly smiled, realising this was Gail making it up to her for being so finicky and well, Gail like when it sunk in Holly had brought her somewhere so infinitely romantic.
"You're welcome," Holly smiled, sort of used to this kind of backward display of affection from her girlfriend.
It wasn't like Gail didn't appreciate it, or that she didn't want to be alone somewhere with Holly for a few days. Somewhere like this. The idea of that she really liked but she just felt awkward at the surprise destination and then the long sweeping seascape and private villa that looked out onto it, coupled with the cute, romantic long weekend thing and Gail's head just bolted. The stress of the raid didn't help either, but Gail knew she couldn't blame that. She had been rude, she knew, and flippant, probably, and more up on the sarcastic retorts in response to everything Holly said than usual.
Holly just smiled at her, though; she hadn't reacted and she let Gail have her mini freak out for the hour or so it lasted. Eventually just going out to watch the ocean until Gail decided to stop being such a fool.
So now here Gail was, out in the cold breeze, perched on this huge rock sitting next to Holly, watching as the tide came in and trying to make Holly see that the sentiment actually meant everything to her. Even if Gail hadn't shown it initially, because she didn't really know how to show things like that.
"I've never known anyone like you," Gail said, her hands still massaging over Holly's thigh in slow, circular motions.
When Holly spoke it was close in at Gail's ear, the wind getting up as night started to set in. "What, intelligent, suave, and hot?"
Gail chuckled. She had no idea what it was with Holly calling herself suave but for some reason Gail liked it. She supposed it would be like if she described herself as patient and obsequious, or something, but she didn't think that would be anywhere near as cute as the endearing look Holly got on her face when she called herself suave. Not that Gail could see Holly's face from how they were sitting, though, but she imagined it all the same; Holly's lop-sided grin stretching half way across her face and it made Gail's chest go all tingly. She hugged Holly's leg tighter.
"You get me." Gail said simply. "You get me like no one else ever has." She lifted her head up a little so it was level with Holly's eye line but she turned away to carry on looking out to sea.
Holly sighed, just a little, something sparking in her chest at Gail's simple words and they spread a certain kind of satisfaction through her being. Holly leaned forwards slightly and trailed her lips over the side of Gail's head that was just in front of her, starting at her temple and easing round to her ear.
Holly was aware she knew Gail inside and out, but it didn't mean it wasn't difficult, sometimes. "Doesn't mean you're not infuriating, occasionally," she whispered, pressing a light kiss behind Gail's ear and then nuzzling, ever so slightly into her hair.
"I know," Gail said quickly. "I know that about myself. But you're never offended by what I say," she started, feeling the need somehow for an explanation. "You see right through me. You just smile or, laugh or whatever and let me get on with it. You know when I need to be left alone, you know when I need you. You know when I need to talk or.." she rolled her eyes as she stopped and it made Holly grin. She nudged into Holly's shoulder, trying to get closer as she became embarrassed by her own words. She just couldn't confess that sometimes she simply needed a cuddle, but Holly knew it all the same.
"You never question why I am the way I am, and you stick around." Gail pulled on the material of Holly's slacks and hunched her shoulders, trying to get closer still. Gail loved the bubble they shared in moments like these and she never wanted to leave it. She felt comforted and protected; two things no one else had ever made her feel, not like this.
Her hands were moving more intently know, gripping at the material and then letting it go. Running all along Holly's thigh and then resting on her knee before they repeated the process again. They mirrored the pace of Gail's thoughts. "You don't tell me I should be another way, you know, like anything else, or like somebody else. You love me for who I am and it makes me want to be better. A better person. I think you make me a better person."
Holly didn't know where this was coming from but she knew better than to interrupt or question Gail when she felt like sharing. Her words were amazing and Holly felt them touch her deeply, her heart swelling at the intimacy and Holly knew that Gail would never stop surprising her. It was another reason why she loved her.
There was a longer pause and Holly watched as Gail's body language changed. She became tense and her breathing ragged. Her forehead furrowed as well like she was struggling with whatever she wanted to say next.
Holly intuitively opened herself up more for Gail to snuggle into. She pushed the leg Gail was holding onto further into her, and the arm she was resting on that was closest to Gail she inched around Gail's back, just enough so Gail could feel it there.
Gail didn't move however, but she was fully aware of Holly's movements and it helped her to continue, a certain shadow washing over her. "When Perik took me," she began, an anxious feeling rising in her throat that made her automatically want to gag. "I thought I was going to die."
Holly felt something plummet and she experienced an unpleasantness deep in her gut. It was the exact same sensation as when Gail first told her about Perik; a hatred and disgust she hadn't known before. Gail never spoke about it in depth and Holly never pushed, but she knew enough to understand what happened, and that Gail was deeply traumatized by it. A trauma that she generally treated with tequila and ferocious sarcasm if anyone dare try to discuss it.
Holly wanted to grab Gail and wrap her up in a protective hug and do her best to ease it all away but for some reason Gail wanted to talk about it, and Gail talked best like this. Little contact and on her own terms.
Gail was frowning, and her eyes were distant. "No, I knew I was going to die," she continued, the only movement between them Gail's fingertips twisting in the material against Holly's skin. "I accepted it. And after a while I stopped worrying about how he was going to do it," she shrugged, her head shaking quite tightly, "and the only thing I could think about was, how absolutely fine everyone would be that I left behind."
Holly sat forwards so they were now side by side. "Gail," she breathed, really wanting to do something to get her off this but she knew Gail wasn't done.
Gail looked at her quickly, her frown still apparent and her frame just as rigid. "No, I mean I knew people would be upset, to start with. But then everyone would just move on. I thought about Nick, how he'd left me before. He left me again soon after and I just remember thinking..."
Gail paused as her eyes seemed to wander even further away, her mind reaching out to a feeling she misplaced a very long time ago, like she had cast it out to be forgotten but now, for the purpose of this conversation she needed to bring it back again. "...I don't have that person. Someone you look at and think, 'Oh my God, I can't leave them. I don't want to have to go, and leave this person behind'." Her eyes met Holly's again and they were shimmering with unshed tears. "I'd never had that person," she paused, and licked her lips, "before."
Holly felt the emotion prick her eyes and her throat felt raw. Her insides were like jelly and she couldn't begin to contemplate what Gail was feeling. She had never seen her open up like this. Ever.
Gail looked back down to her fingers at Holly's leg. They had stopped their digging and just lay there. She felt a little more composed. "When I got back I swore I'd try harder. With Nick. To be more of a girlfriend." She sighed, heavily. "It didn't work out. Then you walked into my crime scene." Her frown vanished and the corners of her mouth crept up a little, as if the memory was her cure.
Holly was watching her intently and she felt relief flood her when Gail's body language lifted. Her shoulders seemed lighter and her fingers resumed their gentle caress. Holly felt like she could breathe again. "Technically, that was my crime scene."
"Swinging your lunchbox."
"Forensic evidence bag."
Gail genuinely smiled and she looked at Holly, the source of her smile and saw those big beautiful brown eyes staring back at her with such love and compassion it made Gail feel silly with happiness. "With your thousand words and stupid, lop-sided grin."
Holly laughed, her hand coming up to rub at her eye, just for a second. "Worked on you in the end though, huh?"
Gail felt so light she thought she was floating. After moments ago of feeling so dark all it took was one look from Holly, one smile and one laugh from this woman and Gail felt all better again. It was all she needed, she was all she needed.
"You changed my life," Gail continued. "You changed me." Gail took her in, looked her over from her head to her toes and back again. She felt an emotion grab hold of her, something warm and comforting, like a powerful yearning she couldn't quite control. It felt like her heart was beating with it, and her chest expanded with each breath as if it was impossible to hold in. Such utter happiness and devotion, of feeling so complete she hardly knew what to do with herself. She felt it rise up from deep inside and touch every part of her, taking residence in the back of her throat; a lump forming there that she couldn't hope to clear. Her body hummed, her head spun, her eyes were overcome. She had never felt so much love than in this moment. This woman was everything to her, and Gail knew it would be true for the rest of her life.
"Holly, you are my person. My one person. You could devastate me so easily," she admitted, knowing for all she was worth the statement was so true. If she was going to let herself feel this way for Holly then she was also opening herself up to the possibility of being crushed, so completely and utterly but she decided quite a while ago, she was worth it. Holly was worth everything. She took a deep breath, a look of seriousness colouring her face, her tongue running across her lips as the words just fell out. "I love you."
The admission just sort of, hung there,floating above them and Gail's eyes dropped a bit but then she made them go back up. Holly looked so shocked, she wasn't even blinking. Maybe she misheard, or hadnt heard. Gail wasn't sure.
"I love you more than I have ever loved anyone." The words came out stronger this time but Holly still seemed dazed. Gail felt herself begin to shake. "Sometimes I can't even," she stopped, "I don't know how to," she fidgeted, turning more so she was side on facing Holly. She had to take a breath. "I need you. I can't not have you." The emotion was stronger now, like a pounding in her chest,her eyes stocked full of tears but they weren't falling. "And I need you to promise me you won't leave me, because I'm petrified you might." They came out choked and she honestly felt a little queasy, not knowing how much longer she could continue if Holly didn't say anything. "You mean everything to me and if I don't say it enough, or act like it enough then I'm sorry. But you do." Her throat was hoarse and her eyes blinked back her tears. Gail didn't think she could be this emotional, nor did she think she ever would be again but she needed to say it. She had wanted to say these words before but tonight for some reason, it just all decided to come out. It wasn't planned this way but here it was. Gail sighed one more time, her breath a world of shaky. "I love you," she whispered.
Holly just lunged at her. Her legs wrapping around Gail's waist and she threw her arms around her neck. Holly didn't care what Gail needed at that precise second but she needed a hug, and a fierce one at that. Holly's chin was tight over Gail's shoulder and her fingers dug into her back. "Oh, God," she murmured in short, sharp gasps. She felt a wreck, Gail having so solidly assaulted her emotions with her words. She hadn't expected it at all, not at all certain when Gail would tell her she loved her, if in fact she actually ever would but it felt so damn good, yet she was still crying. The tears that threatened her earlier escaping all over her cheeks and she was unable to stop them, the cool air making them more obvious to her. "I don't think I could leave you even if I wanted," she confessed, her heart pounding at her ribcage.
It was all Gail needed. She sat motionless in the embrace for a few moments while she let it all sink in. Gail wasn't stupid, she knew nothing could ever be concrete but hearing Holly say it was everything she needed and more. She felt complete.
Then she felt herself smile as she realised she was kind of crumpled in Holly's grip but she didn't particularly mind, not quite believing she could have this effect on someone as composed as Holly but loving it nonetheless. It obviously meant something to her, what Gail had said and so it made her glad and she rubbed her hands comfortingly across Holly's back.
After a few moments Gail realised Holly was upset and she tried to pull back. "Hey, don't cry," she said with a smile, wanting to look at her properly.
Holly laughed. "Gail, I don't care who you are. You can't say those things to a girl and not have her cry. It's impossible."
Gail looked at her goofily. "It was supposed to make you happy."
Holly just stared at her, amazed. She wiped at her eyes. "I am happy," she breathed, and then she laughed, again. "You are so surprising."
Gail wasn't certain of the last time she had seen someone cry tears of joy. It gave her an odd sense of achievement, strangely, and she was continually bewildered that anyone could feel this much for her, let alone someone completely amazing like Holly. Gail felt the muscles in her mouth ache a little; it was from all the smiling, she knew. "As long as it's in a good way."
"A very good way." Holly pulled Gail into her, her one hand on Gail's shoulder and the other against her neck.
She kissed her slowly, and gently, and carefully until the world just fell away. So there were no longer any waves crashing beneath them, no cool breeze biting at their skin, just the sensation of their lips brushing together and sealing Gail's confession like it burned between them. Like it sizzled, and the heat intensified in both of them. Gail's hands at Holly's waist and Holly's now around her shoulders, her fingers playing in Gail's hair.
When they pulled apart Holly just gazed at her, and Gail squirmed a little beneath it. Holly's legs were still wrapped around her, albeit more loosely and Gail shivered, her blanket having fallen to her waist so she was feeling the cold.
Holly immediately frowned and she rubbed her hands up and down Gail's arms. "You cold?" she asked, concerned.
Gail smirked. "What gave it away?" And then she shuddered again as the wind really picked up.
"Smartass."
Gail leaned forward on Holly's thighs, placing her hands right at their tops making Holly flinch, a little. "You're forgetting one of the other reasons why I love you so much."
Holly never thought she'd tire of hearing that. She battled the jolt Gail's hands sent through her. "Another reason, huh?"
Gail lowered her voice. "Yeah." She pushed her face into the warmth of Holly's neck, kissing her throat purposefully. "You're so good in bed. I've no idea why we're still out here."
Holly laughed. She pulled the blanket up around Gail's shoulders and then she got to her feet, pulling Gail up with her.
Holly put her arm across Gail's shoulders and held her tight in at her side. It really was cold and she couldn't think of anything she'd rather do than take her girlfriend to bed. "You just want to be naked and under me, don't you, Peck?"
Gail's arm wrapped around Holly's waist and they walked down the short pathway back to their villa. "Well duh," Gail snickered. "That is my favourite place." Holly laughed and squeezed her shoulder. Gail brought her free hand up and held onto Holly's fingers that were resting there. "But I think first of all," she continued, "I want you under me."
Holly dropped her head and fought hard to contain her grin. Gail had her own special way with romance, and that was it. Holly's mind was already in bed and she just couldn't wait to get there and show Gail what her words just now really meant. She leaned into Gail's ear, a devilish glint in her eye. "I'll wrestle you for it."
So she got there in the end :) Hope you enjoyed. More to come.
