What Feels Right
Spock opened the door of his father's mansion and Sarek stood in the walkway where they initially walk into the huge common room, ready to greet the family. As always, Nyota hugged Sarek and kissed him on the cheek. Sarek immediately said, "I apologize that I was not present earlier to welcome you to your new home, Lady Uhura. I noticed that your belongings have already been taken to your lodging quarters on the west region of the house. I certainly hope that the quarters are comfortable to you."
She nodded her head and said, "Comfortable, but a bit extravagant to say that it's in a Vulcan home. Also, it's a bit far away from everything else in the mansion. It's a far walk."
Sarek clasped his hands together and answered, "Yes, well the last time that you visited, Vulcans at the Embassy reported hearing sounds emerge from your room and I thought that you might enjoy the privacy of having that portion of the house to yourselves, for when you... need it." It took a moment for Nyota to realize that he was speaking about her and Spock sexually interacting, and upon realization, she felt herself blush tremendously and she looked at Spock, who, of course was not the least bit phased by the words.
"Thank you, Father." He said, evenly.
Sarek bowed to him and said, "Spock, welcome home. Welcome also to you, young Styik." He bowed to the boy, as well.
Styik bowed back and greeted him, "Hello, Grandfather."
If the word had affected Sarek at all, the Vulcan shielded it so well that he showed no sign of it as he informed Styik, "We prepared a room for you, as well, on the same side of the house as your parents, but a bit further down the hall from them. It is far enough away for them to maintain their discretion in their private moments, but not too far to travel if the need arises for you to do so."
"Thank you, Grandfather." Was Styik's reply.
Sarek looked from Nyota to Spock and announced, "I believe that I have addressed all of the formalities expected of me, and now, I believe there is a member of the family whom I have not yet had the chance to become acquainted with. Present to me my new grandson." Nyota presented Sytar to Sarek and Sarek gathered the baby and lifted him into the air to study him. He carefully rotated the boy he had collected, and observed, "The child's weight is very light. I would venture to say that he is approximately six pounds and perhaps five ounces… 6.547, to be exact. That is to be expected due to his early arrival. However, the boy seems fully functional. His limbs and appendages seem to be in working order. I presume from his brow lines that his eyebrows will grow properly. Although his ears are fairly rounded, now, I believe that the points on them will become more defined as he ages. Spock's had to, as well. This child is clearly healthy, and that is a positive discovery." He handed Sytar back to Nyota and headed for a seat in the common room. Spock and Styik followed, but Nyota stood still for a moment, simply holding the baby awkwardly and blinking. Vulrak placed his hand on her back and gently guided her towards the rest of the family.
Nyota finally laughed and said to Sarek as he took his seat, "That was the oddest handling of a baby that I have ever seen in my life." She took a seat near him.
Sarek looked at her for a moment before responding, "Certainly you did not expect me to give him the traditional human introduction. You are probably more accustomed to the illogical practice of speaking to the child in a high pitch voice, treating sounds as though they are words and adding rhyming non words on to other words. The Lady Amanda used that practice with Spock when he was an infant."
Sarek could see her as clearly as though she were directly in front of his face. Amanda, laying on her side, on their bed, with the baby, Spock facing her and smiling brightly. She repeatedly touched the tips of his ears and sang out to him in a higher pitched voice than what she spoke with, "Spocky wocky has himself a little wittle pointy wointy, now doesn't he? That's right! That's right! Those points are showing now. Ooh, looky that! Little wittle pointy wointy on his wittle ears! Yea!" Baby Spock giggled and Sarek stared at Amanda, confounded, but not showing it.
He said to her, "Your antics are preposterous. Even the baby seems to find them disturbingly ridiculous, as he is now laughing at you."
She kept her high pitch voice and bright smile as she announced, "Tell daddy that's the point. We want to amuse the wittle baby Spock. Who wants to see a happy baby? Huh? Mama wants to see a happy baby Spock. Mama wants to see a happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy..." Her high pitch rose higher and higher as she repeated the word and Baby Spock let out a high pitched screaming giggle and flapped his hands.
Sarek's eyes glazed over as he reflected on the sweet memory of his late wife and the baby Spock. Now, he looked at his fully grown son, such a difference from the baby that he had been, and he looked at the golden baby Spock had made and thought about the Vulcan that he may some day become. He had to admit, both of them made him proud. Sarek said, "You have done well in your son's creation, Spock. You also seem to have done quite well with Styik. He looks like a completely different child than the one that you left with eight months ago. Also, your wife... she always was an excellent choice and without her, I am certain that your success with these boys may not have been so definite."
Nyota smiled at Spock and held out her fingers to him and he met hers with his. Both of them noticed Sarek's eyes move towards the gesture, although he did not respond to it. He held his hands out towards a chair across from himself and said, "Styik, your father has shared with me your interest in neurological science and your studies. Now seems a proper moment for you to share with me your ideas about the subject." Styik nodded once, took the seat that Sarek was offering to him and began to speak in his Vulcan monotone to Sarek about his self assigned dissertation research.
Nyota walked away to head for the bedroom to feed Sytar and Vulrak followed her until Spock began to follow, and told him, "You may rest." Vulrak bowed, respectfully and retired to the common room with the woman Vulcan who was responsible for Styik's safety. Nyota glanced at her and took note that she was an extremely beautiful Vulcan woman, probably the most beautiful one that she had ever seen. Even more lovely than Sybok's wife, Ravalan. Then, it occurred to her that she had not seen Ravalan. She looked at Spock, "What happened to Ravalan?"
He frowned at the question and responded, "She is here. She and my father are raising Sybok's son, Suzak... as Vulcan and wife." Nyota gasped and covered her mouth. Spock went on to say, "He needed a mate, as he realized that he would eventually go through..." He stopped talking as he realized that he had never discussed an extremely important portion of his nature to Nyota. She stared at him as though waiting for the rest of his thought and he finished with, "A time of passion."
She laughed, knowing full well that despite their calm demeanors, Vulcans apparently were capable of more than just "a time of passion" . She said, "Well, it's not a perfect situation, but at least she didn't sink her claws into Ambassador. Where is he, anyway? He should be here to see your son."
"He will be. He had business to tend to." Spock informed her. He wondered if she was speaking of him solely, or using the plural "your", but did not ask her. Perhaps, at this point, it was better to presume that she was speaking solely of him, as Sytar certainly was only his son with her. Trying to consider Ambassador Spock's relation to the baby made him uncomfortable.
"I want to tell you something." She said, stopping from the walk, which was now taking all of her breath. Spock paused and looked slightly concerned. He could tell that the walk was not easy. He thought that she may tell him that she was not feeling well, from her expression, but she said, "I am really glad that you decided to leave the ship and come with me. The meeting at my father's house was extremely difficult for me and for Styik. You have no idea how happy we both were to see you come into the house." Spock did not respond. He was unsure of how to and as he thought about the statement, it seemed that there was no response to it. She was just giving him information. She moved in closer to him and laid her head on his chest. "I know that it was difficult for you to agree to come with me in light of your duty to the ship and I really appreciate the fact that you stood by me."
Now, he answered, "Taking a leave of the ship was the logical course of action for our situation. The planet is not as safe as my childhood Vulcan, and I am comfortable in my choice to leave the Enterprise to take care of my family." She smiled up into his eyes and he began to walk again, taking her into a protective embrace as he did. She needed him holding her up this way, for her to be able to continue to walk. Then, he added, "Now that we are here, the thought of you here without me, but with Vulrak around is quite unsettling."
She sighed. She knew that it would come up, eventually. She dared to think that it may wait until another day, but there it was, out in the open – her moment to have to try to explain a little attraction. She chuckled, awkwardly, still embarrassed by the fact that the other Vulcan had gotten to her, earlier, and she attempted to salvage herself. "I am really sorry about my reaction to him. I feel so bad about that, especially with everyone who was there to see it. I know that you probably didn't appreciate it too much. I was caught off guard, and I did not have the time to make myself not react..." She realized from a look on his face that her words were not helping, much. So then, she said, "Surely, you know that no one, no matter what they look like could ever come close to comparison when I think of you, Spock. I love you above all other beings that I could ever come across." He led her into their room and she set Sytar down on the bed and took a moment to lie there and catch her breath.
Spock laid next to her and draped his arm around her, confessing, "Early into our relationship, you once asked me if I ever thought back to occurrences between us. Today, when you allowed yourself to react to your opinion of Vulrak, it triggered a thought in my mind of the night which you entered my quarters at the academy and discovered Nurse Chapel and I on what you thought to be a date. I never told you, but after you left, she informed me that you were being territorial with me, that you obviously considered me your territory, for no other woman to venture. I actually became pleased about that realization. I am pleased that you would wish to demand claim of me as your very own. I do realize that it does not have the same affect on you when I become territorial, and I sincerely try not to. After all, it is illogical to become jealous or angry. But, I must admit that when I saw the color in your face changing when he touched you, I found it extremely difficult to suppress my anger and my jealousy, however I did accomplish the task."
Nyota turned on her side to face her husband and stroke him down his face. It seemed to ease him a bit as she assured him, "Spock, as a human, it is not as easy for me to suppress my reactions. I may have seen something that I thought was attractive, but I will never search for or even hope for anyone else other than you. When I think about the fact that we existed in an alternate reality and we were not together, it breaks my heart!" She heard her voice crack and he temporarily shut his eyes when it did. She continued, "The thought of being without you terrifies me and the thought of being with anyone else does not even cross my mind. I knew that I was going to love you with all of my heart before I ever even obtained you, and that was why I tried. The feeling in my heart is why I fought to have you, and keep you, even when you were refusing to allow yourself to open up to me and to feel for me. This relationship has never been easy for either of us, I know – but the fact that we both kept going, despite that just confirms that there is no one else that either of us should be with, to me. From my hair follicles to the tips of my toenails, I am, will always be, and will always want to be, yours and yours alone, inside and out, Spock.." She said his full name. He had not realized that she had finally learned how to pronounced it correctly, and it took him by surprise, but he was more pleased by her heartfelt declaration. Spock pulled her close to himself and kissed her, grateful for the confirmation provided to him.
She sat up and reached for the baby, surprised that he had not at all began to cry, as she knew that he must have had to be hungry. It was certainly past time to feed him, that was clear from the feel of her breasts. She collected him in the manner appropriate for feeding him and proceeded to do so. Spock laid his head on her lap as she did and shut his eyes. He hardly wanted to leave the room again, but knew that he had to. He knew that he should go check on Styik and Sarek, but he decided that he would give them a bit more time together. He was right where he needed to be, in Nyota's presence. In the presence of the woman whom he belonged to. To him, it was a much deeper acknowledgment of sentiment. I belong to you. He enjoyed hearing it more than the traditional human I love you. Although, he would happily accept either, coming from her.
After she laid the child to sleep in his crib, she began to undress and confessed, "I am going to wash up and lay down for a while. If Ambassador arrives, you can just tell him to come inside, if that does not bother you."
"It does not. Also, it would be wise of you to spend the remainder of your down time here. Anything that you need, the servants can provide for you. Vulcans are not as sentimental as humans, and you will not be disturbed frequently, except for maybe by my father, Ambassador Spock, and Styik. I will let them know that if they must visit with you or the child, that it would be easier for them to come to you than you to them."
"Thank you." She said, but she knew that she would not be spending the remainder of her down time in that room. For one thing, she had to begin working out, ASAP. For another, it would be bad enough that she would be the only human that she would see besides her father, for months, she did not want to be so isolated that she hardly even saw him.
"T'Pring will bring you supper." He said on his way out of the door.
"Wait." She said. He turned around and she asked, "T'Pring? Wasn't that your fiancee's name?"
He answered, evenly, "That is the name of the woman who was intended to be my bond mate. She is Styik's personal guard." Nyota felt all of the color leave her face. The Vulcan hottie in the common room was Spock's sort of ex.
"She is absolutely beautiful, Spock." She felt a bit stupid for saying such a thing, but it was the first thing that had come into her mind.
Spock replied, "Her appearance is quite pleasant. She is a very logical Vulcan, as well."
Now, Nyota did not know what to say. It was not often that Spock made an agreement with anyone on the nature of the physical beauty of anyone, and the first time that she was hearing it, it just happened to be in reference to a woman who almost had her position in his existence. She asked, trying not to sound too desperate, "It does not make you uncomfortable to have her here, helping with your son?"
Spock's tone remained unchanged. "No, it does not. Does it make you uncomfortable?"
She nodded her head and said, under her breath, "Probably more uncomfortable than it makes you to have Vulrak here."
Spock lifted his eyebrow slightly and answered, "Vulrak is the best possible suited guard for you. His selection in guarding you was purely logical. If T'Pring makes you uncomfortable, she can be replaced. I will ask you to consider these facts: She is beyond capable. She has helped to perfect the guarding of Vulcan noble children in the past few months, as Vulrak's second in command."
Nyota decided to swallow her hurt pride and said, "Well, it seems to me that her selection in guarding Styik was completely logical, as well." After all, if she was the best Vulcan for the job of guarding their son, how could Nyota argue with such a fact. He nodded and left the room without another word. Nyota climbed into the shower and stared at the wall, thinking about this T'Pring. For some reason, she had always imagined her differently – like some waif of a wallflower Vulcan woman with a silly haircut and unflattering features, but the woman was lovely. Nyota Uhura had a lot of pride in how she looked herself, but found herself admitting that she even though that T'Pring was a much prettier sight, especially now, with Nyota's body all fatly out of whack and her skin still struggling to come back to it's usual flawlessness.
T'Pring had stunning light brown eyes and long, silky, sheen brown hair. Her eyebrows actually added to her attractiveness, as opposed to some of the other Vulcan women on the planet, and her ears were decorated with piercings, which made her seem oddly interesting, for a Vulcan. Nyota felt strange having seen the woman, in this house, and seeing that she looked better than her. Spock probably did not think so, but she would have no way of knowing but to ask, and she would have felt silly to ask him about such a thing... especially since their most recent talk. She finally decided to wash up and get out of the shower.
When she emerged from the bathroom with a towel draped around her and came into the bedroom, she paused upon seeing Ambassador Spock in the room, peering over the baby's crib, stroking the infant's face. "Spock." She said. He turned to see her, and froze for a moment, before turning back to the crib.
"I apologize for coming into the room unannounced. Spock told me that you wished to see me when I arrived. I did not expect you to be indecent." Ambassador Spock said, grateful that his tone did not betray his reaction to her body wrapped in only a thigh length piece of fabric, which barely closed around her heavy set build.
"I'm sorry that I came out like this. I expected you later, for some reason. I know that I am not a very nice sight to see right now, not like this." She reached for her luggage and stooped to dig out an evening gown.
"Miss Uhura, you are as pleasant a sight as you ever were. If anything, motherhood has increased your beauty." He did not look at her when he said this.
But, she looked at him as she pulled the evening gown over her head. She rubbed her belly and said, "Motherhood has increased something, alright. I am going to have to begin my exercise program, again. Oh, I am decent now, Ambassador." Now, he turned to look at her and she saw his eyes glaze over. Beautiful, as always, he thought. Nyota approached him and wrapped her arms around him.
When he returned the gesture, she kissed him slightly, on the lips and stared at him for a moment, then tilted her head and said, "I am sorry... It is amazing how natural that kind of thing comes to me, with you."
He lowered his head to stare into her eyes and replied softly, "I completely understand." She unhanded him. Ambassador Spock looked upon the baby again and commented, "He could not have entered into the world more perfect. He is exactly as he should be. I mourn for those which we lost, but now, we will appreciate Sytar even more." She laid her head on his arm and nodded, in agreement. Although he had not had any emotion in his tone, she could sense emotion in his words. His emotion only partially seeped through when he declared, "It is a strange thing to have a firstborn son and have to consider him not my own."
Nyota squeezed his arm and said, "I consider him yours. He is made up of your genes. It is a strange thing to me to look at you and try not to see my husband. I know that you are two separate beings, but you really are not. You have all of the same make up, the same parents, the same genes down to the very last chromosome... I do not understand how to separate the two of you, in my mind, or in my heart."
"Please, do not tell me these things, Ms. Uhura. Your confession will not make the situation any easier for either of us, nor for Spock." Ambassador Spock said. She wanted to retort, "But you are Spock." But, she decided to just leave the conversation alone, and wrapped an arm around him as they looked at the baby sleeping. Their baby, sort of. She felt a headache coming on, and she meditated briefly. Just don't think about those details. For the moment, he is Spock, your husband, and this is your baby. In a moment, deal with whoever he is, at that time.
There was a knock on the door and a woman's voice with a strong Vulcan accent called out, "Lady Uhura, I have your supper."
"Enter!" Nyota called out, dropping her arm from around Spock. When T'Pring entered, carrying a tray, she stared at Ambassador Spock, as she asked Nyota, "Where shall I set this, My Lady?" Nyota cleared a few items from the nightstand and T'Pring set it down and looked at Ambassador Spock, for an awkwardly long moment. Then, she asked, "May I do anything else for you, My Lady?"
Nyota's eyes moved from T'Pring, to Ambassador Spock, curiously, then she answered, "No, thank you." T'Pring bowed respectfully to Nyota, then threw Ambassador Spock one last look as she left the room. Nyota walked back over to him and asked, "What did I miss, Mr. Spock?" The moment had passed. This was no longer her husband, but she still felt a prick of jealousy when she had the suspicion that something was happening between Ambassador Spock and T'Pring. Every woman knew that territorial look, even when a Vulcan woman was giving it. T'Pring had been emotionless, for the most part, but that last glance at the old Spock was one with passionate displeasure.
"Sarek believes that the bond between his house and T'Pring should be resumed through myself. T'Pring finds it logical, as does Spock. I have yet to decide." Ambassador Spock answered. Nyota felt like her wind had been knocked out. She sat on the bed and he came over and sat next to her, adding on, "I do not know if I could be bonded to her. I do not know that I have not been involuntarily pulled into the bond between yourself and Spock."
"It sometimes seems like you have." She said, trying to separate them in her mind, again. She might have to learn how...
Ambassador Spock broke into her thoughts with, "This is a realization that I myself share with you. It complicates the issue of whether or not I should attempt at a bond with T'Pring. My logic is something that I greatly value, however, I feel that I have lived a long life of logic already. I would enjoy a life of fulfillment, and this is not something which I believe I could find through a bond with T'Pring."
Nyota cherished this time. Whenever Spock opened up to her, she knew that the issue was grave, and now this Spock was treating her in the same manner, in a way that most Vulcans did not dare to share even with their wives, and she had two Vulcans to emotionally handle. She took his hand into hers and said to him, "Spock told me that you once told him to do what feels right, and because of that, I have you to thank for him returning to Starfleet and to me. I ultimately have you to thank for my new family. I love you, and out of love, I have to extend to you the same advice, your own advice. Do what feels right, Mr. Spock."
He removed his hand from hers and said, plainly, "What feels right is not an option for me, at the moment. I must wait until something else comes along." He did not need to explain it to her... she knew that she was what felt right for him, just as she had been for Spock, and no matter how much it seemed so, he was not her Spock. He was not her husband, and she belonged only to Spock, her Spock, her husband.
That did not stop her from wanting to hold him in her arms and soothe away his pain with her embrace and her kisses. To look into his eyes and give him the comfort in knowing that he did have a home, within her heart, and that it could never be destroyed, as long as she lived. It did not stop her from wanting to lay down with him and convince him in every possible way that she knew how, that nothing else mattered but what they shared. She sadly looked at her hands and replied, "Then, I pray that your wait is not in vain."
Styik found the sight of her amusing and distracting, using the small infant as a weight as she proceeded to do squats, lunges, twists, and crunches. She had began with stretches, while Spock and Styik were having their early morning meditation. Then, she used Sytar while she did her toning exercises. After the morning meditation ended, Spock left for the Embassy, and Nyota and Styik headed for the obstacle course at the Academy, while T'Pring and Vulrak accompanied them, remained on the sidelines, and kept the baby.
Being Spock's family had allotted Styik and Nyota the privilege of using the course each morning. Styik ran the course once, for his daily exercise, while Nyota faltered behind, with her weight, at her own current pace. When he finished, he came back around, caught up with her and finished the rest of the course with her, at her pace, for moral support.
After they finished, Styik went to wash up and headed for school, where it was not necessary for T'Pring to be, once he entered the building. Typically, she went off into her own doings until it was time to collect him after dismissal from lessons. Mostly, she went to the Embassy, but Nyota was unsure of what she did there. Nyota washed up and began reading and studying. She read wireless reports of the Federation news and listened to the frequencies that she could pick up from her own system. Her mornings were not too eventful. Vulrak would have one of the house Vulcans bring her breakfast. Sometimes, she would get a transmission from Toimu to meet up with him. Toimu had decided to stay on the planet, after finding out about Ashaki. He asked Mwinyi to bring her home and dedicated himself to watching her and making sure she was alright while Mwinyi was at work. Nyota was glad to be able to spend time with him, and she was glad that her mother was at least back in a house, even if she may not have been aware of exactly where she was at all times.
Many afternoons, Nyota spent babysitting Suzak for Ravalan to allow the Vulcan of passion some time to herself. Nyota greatly enjoyed having the nearly eight month old Vulcan baby with her for the period that she did. He could walk nearly as well as a human child and he could say several words, clearly, although he did not use sentences, yet. Spock had informed her that Sytar probably would not develop as quickly as Suzak, being that Sytar was only a quarter Vulcan and Suzak was full blooded, but Nyota did not care how quickly Sytar developed, as long as he remained alive, healthy, and well. Suzak called Sytar "baby", never by name, and called Nyota, "lady". He liked to hand items to Sytar and watch the smaller baby squeeze them. "Strong", he would say to the action. Suzak also enjoyed playing with Nyota's ears. He found them to be funny, she guessed because she was the only human that he had familiar exposure to, and her ears were the only ones like them in the house. Nyota was happy that Ravalan was not the type of Vulcan to raise a child to denounce all emotionalism, and hoped that Sarek would not put such a pressure on the boy as he grew older.
"Sing", Suzak would sometimes tell Nyota, seemingly out of nowhere, and no matter what she was doing, she would begin to sing a song in Vulcan and he would smile at it. He, like most others, enjoyed hearing her singing voice. When Ravalan came to retrieve him, he would look at Nyota and say, "kiss" and Nyota would kiss him on the cheek, while he gave a kiss to the air. She would make a loud "mwah" sound, which he would say along with her as he kissed nothing.
Nyota would sometimes take a short nap after Ravalan collected Suzak. Whenever Sytar wanted her, he would give a soft whine. He really was a quiet baby and had not cried very much, at all. But, while she was sleeping, she heard her son's soft whine, which her ears had become accustomed to waking to. She was pleasantly surprised to find Ambassador Spock seated on a chair, playing with the baby when she stirred. He did not seem to notice her open her eyes as he coaxed the baby, "No more noises, or you may wake Mommy." She could not keep herself from laughing lightly at his humane tone, and Ambassador Spock looked at her. "I apologize, Ms. Uhura. He has been well, until just a moment ago." He approached the bed with Sytar in his arms, explaining, "When I entered into the room, he was wide awake and you were sleeping quite peacefully, so peacefully that I did not wish for either of us to awaken you."
She sat up and patted the spot next to herself on the bed. "Have a seat, Mr. Spock. Sytar is probably just hungry again." Ambassador Spock sat on the bed and handed the baby to Nyota. When the infant became overtly excited just to be in her arms, she confirmed, "Oh, he is definitely hungry, alright. He seems to need a diaper changing too. Could you hand me that baby bag next to the door?" He went to do as she asked and she began to feed Sytar.
Upon turning around to see her, Ambassador Spock froze in place, and took a deep, silent breath. Perhaps he should simply focus on her face, and not even glance towards the feeding. This is a natural part of life, nothing else. To envision her in any way other than that of a mother feeding her baby would be illogical and distasteful. He kept his eyes fixed on her face as he presented the bag to her from the side of the bed. "Sit down, Spock and open the bag for me." He simultaneously hated and loved when she called him "Spock", it made things seem too comfortable between them, which made things feel more complicated to him. He returned to his previous seat on the bed with the bag and opened it. "Now, just take the items out of the bag and set them neatly on the bed for me, please." He followed the instructions, quickly, focusing himself on the items, and not daring to glance in her direction.
Once Ambassador Spock laid all of the materials out, he sat still, staring straight ahead with his hands placed firmly on his knees. After a while, he felt her moving next to him and he glanced over just in time enough to catch a full glimpse of her round, heavy breast being placed back into her top. He turned quickly away, although the "damage" was already done, and with his photographic memory, he knew that the sight would remain with him forever. "Here," he heard her say. He looked at her and she placed a baby blanket on his shoulder and said, "I am going to show you how to burp him and change his diaper, you know, in case you and T'Pring ever have a baby." She laughed lightly, but the look on his face showed her that he was not amused. She stopped smiling and said, "I apologize, Mr. Spock. I will never joke like that again." She showed him how to burp the baby and helped him to change his diaper. Almost immediately afterwards, Sytar went sound to sleep.
"I have decided, and the answer is no. I am not going to become bonded to T'Pring again." Ambassador Spock announced, calmly.
Nyota turned from the crib to the elder Vulcan seated on the bed and asked, "Whatever happened to the two of you the first time? I mean, you weren't with me in your alternate lifetime, so I know that I didn't interfere, like I did this time..." She sat next to him and placed one of her legs beneath her body weight.
Ambassador Spock told her a story about how he began to go through this mating period called Pon Farr, and she was not familiar with it, so he told her all about it, surprised that Spock had not. She found herself even more shocked that Spock had left this information out. Then, she remembered what he had told her about Sarek's current marriage to Ravalan, for a time of passion. Pon Farr must have been what he had been referring to, but she did not want to take her focus too far away from Ambassador Spock's story. Spock would have to explain all the particulars, later.
In that time period, he was on the Enterprise and needed to go back to Vulcan (the old Vulcan) to have his ceremony with T'Pring, so that he could mate with her instead of possibly dying. When he got there and began his ceremony, T'Pring made him try to fight Kirk to the death. Nyota gasped and covered her mouth at the discovery, but the elder Spock quickly tried to explain T'Pring's logic behind it... how she had not wanted to be the wife of a legend and how she had a chosen another mate that she wanted instead. Nyota did not see it as a good reason, but then again, she was not as logical as T'Pring. Spock had thought that he had killed Kirk, and it had broken the fever of his Pon Farr. He was delighted later to see that Kirk was still alive, and his attachment to T'Pring was released.
Nyota sat silently for a while, then she asked, "So that silly bitch thought it was logical to just give you up? Funny, she walks around here singing a completely different tune. She wants one of you. I think that she wants my Spock, and since she can not have him, she is trying to have you."
"That is a logical prediction. This T'Pring had not come to the point in her life where she found another mate before Spock released her from their bond for you. She thinks it was rather disgraceful to her, to be turned down for a human, by a Vulcan who is half human, himself." Ambassador Spock said. "She was able to get onto an evacuation shuttle to exit Vulcan before it was destroyed. With the way that things have turned out for our people, she may still wish to be connected to the young Spock, despite the fact that she has been replaced. "
"She may also wish to have her feelings hurt. I know that Vulcans do not deal in feeling, but if she wants to fight over Spock, someone ought to give her the statistics of my record with fights over him. I am second to none."
"That much is clear, Ms. Uhura." He responded, trying not to smile.
She smiled at him, then asked, "So, what made you decide not to marry her? Besides the fact that she tried to have you fight your best friend to the death and she shacked up with some other Vulcan before you were separated. I mean, that wasn't her, not this one, but another one, right? This junk is confusing when I start thinking about it."
"My past with her had nothing to do with my decision. My past with you did. I have tried a logic based life and it was rewarding for me. I gained friendships that I can never replace and lived a life that I would never trade. There are things that I may have changed if I could, but hoping for things that could have been will not make them so. Therefore, I am going to do as you suggested to me, and do what feels right. I have not yet discovered an option on the matter, but I do know that it is not in a relationship with T'Pring. My past with you, having lived it the way that I did, and now knowing how differently it could have been if I would have dealt in logic less, I must attempt to live for myself, this time." Ambassador Spock said. Nyota placed her hand over his and smiled.
Only a moment later, Styik entered into the room and paused when he saw Ambassador Spock and Nyota seated closely together on the bed. He glared at him and glanced at Nyota, "What is he doing on my father's bed?"
Ambassador Spock stood up and Nyota folded her arms and said, "Excuse you, young man, but there are no adults in this household who answer to you. You owe Ambassador Spock an apology." Styik stared at the old Vulcan, but did not make an attempt to apologize. She had heard that Styik was not fond of Ambassador Spock. He seemed to be even less fond of him than he had been of Spock when they first took him in, but yet and still, Ambassador Spock was his elder and was a variation of Spock. He also was a friend of Nyota's and her present company, and Styik was not going to speak in that way concerning him. Nyota said sternly, "Styik, that was not a suggestion, Son. You were rude and I expect you to apologize to Ambassador Spock."
"I apologize that you were seated on my father's bed, Ambassador Spock. No one is more apologetic about that than I." Styik said, evenly. Nyota stood up, now, angry and marched over to him.
She grabbed his arm and said, "That is not funny! You need to respect..." She screamed a loud scream, let go of him and fell to the floor. Vulrak rushed into the room from outside of the door, with T'Pring entering behind him. Nyota held her head, the baby woke up crying, and Styik covered his mouth and nose with both hands. His eyes widened at Nyota on the ground and he was afraid for her.
T'Pring walked up behind him and asked, "What happened?"
Vulrak checked on Nyota and she shook her head and muttered, "I am fine." Ambassador Spock had picked up Sytar to try to calm him from the terrifying scream which had disturbed his rest. The baby was not letting up. Styik looked at Ambassador Spock and Sytar and found himself becoming mad, again, instead of afraid.
T'Pring looked at Styik and asked, "Was this your doing?"
"It was an accident." He said, uncovering his face. "I got mad." He tried to calm his demeanor as he answered, but there was a slight tremble in his voice.
T'Pring ordered, "Report to your room. Your father will be notified for an issuing of punishment for your actions." Styik lowered his head and began to leave.
Vulrak helped Nyota to stand and she said, "Wait." Styik paused and looked at her. Nyota's face was hurt, not physically, but emotionally. She waved everyone out of the room, but stopped Ambassador Spock. Vulrak and T'Pring glanced at each other, walked outside of the room, and closed the door. Nyota folded her arms and asked, "Why is it that I, your mother issue an order to you, and you challenged me, then when this Vulcan woman issues one, you obey? Do you respect her more than you do me?" Styik glanced at Ambassador Spock, then looked back at Nyota, without answering. "And now, you won't even answer me? I am very disappointed in you Styik." She said. She shook her head and turned away from him, "Go. Follow T'Pring's order." Styik heaved out a heavy frustrated sigh and stormed out of the room and down the hall, leaving the door open, with T'Pring following him quickly.
Vulrak reentered the room and asked, "Do you need me to meld with you, to make certain that no harm has been done?" She shook her head, not wanting to look at him, or anyone else, for that matter. Styik had hurt her feelings, and she wanted to be alone.
As she collected the baby from Ambassador Spock, he said, "I will leave you to your solitude." He was so in tuned with her. She did not even thank him, but she could tell that he knew that she was grateful. Vulrak announced, "I shall be right outside of the door, as usual, My Lady." She nodded without looking at him, and after she heard the door shut, she took a deep breath and allowed a few tears to fall, but she wiped them away, and her cry was over. Thank you Spock for silent meditation techniques.
When Spock entered the room, he came in quite quickly and she could tell that he already had been told about the earlier situation, because of his urgency. He sat next to Nyota on the bed, placed his hand on her head and said, "Tell me what happened." She replayed the entire situation in her mind, and he pulled his hand away. He sighed and folded his arms. "What shall I do with him?"
"He seemed to feel bad enough that he had almost hurt me. I don't want to be too hard on him, because he has been having a hard enough time at the school. The logical Vulcans reject him for being so passionate and the others reject him for not being able to control himself when he is passionate. He is having a rough time, but at the same time, I don't want him thinking that just because he is having a rough time he can come home and act however he wants to act, and treat people however he wants to treat them."
"He really hurt your feelings when he responded to T'Pring." Spock stated. It was not a question, he had already felt her sorrow from the meld.
She tried to explain, "I had just told him to do something, and he refused. He did not even flinch in doing what she said."
Spock attempted to explain a theory, as well. "Perhaps he believed he had been defiant enough for one evening, but I will talk to him about it. I expect him to respect both of you, but particularly you, Nyota." He stroked her face, gently with his thumb. "In the meantime, Ambassador Spock and I have decided that perhaps it would be wise not to accidentally provoke him any further. He will no longer visit you in our bedchamber." Spock announced this news a bit too proud for Nyota's liking. She was not going to make an issue of it, since both Spocks had agreed; it would be a done deal. She nodded her head, then leaned forward to lay on Spock's chest. "He loves you. It is as you said, he is having a difficult time at the school. I am sure that it was not his intention to disappoint you. I will speak with him, immediately." He gently removed her from his body and left the room.
Spock entered Styik's room and found him heavy into his emotional modulator. The boy was groaning and struggling with the machine, but as he was restrained, it would not let him go. He was crying and practically roaring as the machine announced that it was about to inject him again. His levels were critical, and the machine did not seem to be helping. After over an hour, finally, Styik's levels were safe enough for the machine to release him. He immediately rushed over to Spock and threw his arms around him. He began crying and confessed, "I was not trying to hurt Mother. I would never do that on purpose. I want to be somebody different. I hate being me, Father. I hate myself."
Spock felt his own throat catch hearing Styik say these words. He simply held him in his arms and rubbed his hair for a while. "Please do not say such things about yourself, Styik. Both your mother and I realize that you did not intend to hurt her. We never assume that you do the things that you do on purpose. Hearing you claim to hate yourself is very painful for me, because I love you, very much. I do not wish for you to have the amount of pain that you have."
Styik pulled back from the hug and looked at Spock's face. "Why do you love me? I have done nothing to earn your love. There is no logical reason for anyone to love me."
"There is no logic to love itself, but it is something that does exist and it is something that is extremely prevalent in our family." The answer flowed out of Spock, without him even considering it, but it felt like the right thing to say, despite that fact. Spock hardly ever dealt with his family's emotions logically. They made it quite complicated to do so, and he had adapted to their needs.
"Uncle Toimu is afraid that I am going to hurt Mother or Sytar like I did Grandmother Ashaki, and I almost hurt Mother. I could have hurt her." Styik squealed and began to cry uncontrollably.
Spock placed his hands to Styik's crying face and withdrew from him every bit of pain that he could. He continued with this for a while before the door opened and Nyota walked in. She did not close the door when she walked over to them. Styik glanced at her, but Spock did not break his hold from the boy. Nyota wrapped her arms around both of them and Vulrak and T'Pring both stood right outside of the open doorway, watching them. After a while, Styik stopped crying and turned to hug Nyota. She collected him into her arms and Spock glanced over and shut the door with his foot.
T'Pring looked at Vulrak and sent him a mental message, "Did you happen to peer in and notice the connection between the three of them? Not even your Sybok could break it."
"That is excellent news, T'Pring, as we would not wish for anyone to break the connection between them." Vulrak responded. T'Pring did not answer. She simply walked away and headed for her own quarters. Vulrak watched her go, with his arms folded. When Spock and Nyota emerged from the bedroom, Spock informed him, "Vulrak, you may retire to your quarters as well. I am going to remain here for the rest of the night."
When Spock was on this side of the house, Vulrak was not needed outside of the door. Vulrak nodded and said, "Very well, Sir Spock. Good evening to you, and to you, Lady Uhura." He bowed, then headed down the hall himself. Spock and Nyota went back into their own bedroom, and her first action was to walk over to Sytar's crib and look at him. Spock walked up beside her and placed an arm around her waist.
"Dear Lord, please do not allow this baby to ever have to face the things that his brother has." She whispered to herself. Spock pressed his nose against the side of her head and mentally told her, "Whatever either of them will have to face, we will be there for them." She laid her head back onto his chest and they stood at the crib until she grew tired.
Nyota went to bed. Spock did not. When they had been in Styik's room, connecting with him, showing him, through touch telepathy the depth of their love for him, he sensed an interference, an intrusion. He sensed someone else, within the vicinity, peering into one of their minds, most likely Nyota's as hers was the easiest. He did not go to sleep at all that night.
