"Why?" Tony gulped not liking Malachi's answer, though he'd been thinking much along the same lines.
"Illan always felt like the shunned son of Eli David. He always sought the man's approval. Did whatever he was told. Ziva on the other hand, constantly battled against her father and still, she was his favorite in Illan's eyes. She would break the rules, and go her own way at times and though Eli would punish her in some way temporarily as his disobedient agent, ultimately she was his daughter and would forgive her in ways no other agent would be shown mercy. Illan was jealous. That he'd felt a part of this family, having grown up with Ziva and I since we were all children really, training in the same classes. I can only imagine that he'd shot her in the back, choosing her heart as his kill shot as his own psychological gesture of how he felt all those years of being second best in Eli's eyes to Ziva. That he was stabbed in the back. He wasn't of course; none of the rest of us felt that way and we were all treated the same. If anything, Eli was even more tough on Ziva then any of us, because she was his daughter and he commanded obedience from her. She was the top assassin in our Kidon unit, the best Control Officer he had in Mossad and when she gave that up to stay on NCIS, those actions were unforgiveable in Illan's eyes. Eli seemed to think so and agree in the beginning as well. He told her that it was her fault that Rivkin was killed. To prove herself worthy by finishing what he'd started and making it her Aaliyah."
"With the mission in Somalia?" Tony asked quietly knowing the answer already.
"It was a suicide mission we were on and we knew that, she was to give her life proving her loyalty to country and her father. Her Aaliyah as promised. We knew going in, there was very little chance of us coming out alive. Not all of us anyway. And when she continued on alone, she knew there was no way she'd be returning. Her only objective was to get close enough to Saleem to kill him before his guards killed her. As you know, she was captured before she completed the mission." Malachi's voice held no judgement, only spoke as though these were the facts.
"And you knew that she was still alive inside that camp? For how long?" Tony asked feeling his anger rising thinking about how long she was there before rescue.
"At first, we believed she'd been killed. And then after a week, we received Intel from our source that she'd been captured and taken alive. That she was being held and tortured for information."
"And yet, you just left her there?"
"Yes, Agent DiNozzo. That is how it works in our line of business." Malachi seemed to tense hearing Tony's accusartory tone, "You're on your own if you get taken alive. We don't perform rescues. These are our Orders. Your life is given in service to your country. Her life was not worth the lives it would have taken to rescue her in the eyes of Mossad. We could only pray that her suffering ended quickly. To our dismay, it went on for nearly four months." His voice fell away at the kind of hell she was in for so long.
"Until we rescued her." Tony felt his anger surge thinking about how long Ziva has suffered in that place.
"Yes. Until you rescued her. That was incredibly surprising for us to hear." Malachi's eyebrows rose with a slight smile, "I was there when her father heard the news. Eli was relieved, I think, but also knew in that moment that he'd lost her forever. For it to be you and NCIS who'd come to her rescue, not Mossad or her father, I believe he knew he could never again call into question those Ziva could trust, at least in her eyes. Whatever pull her loyalties and duty to her country and father she'd had going into that terrorist camp, were gone when it was you and NCIS pulled her out." Malachi paused a moment as they sat in silence. "You've never spoken with her about any of this?"
"Not in detail, no. What happened during her time in Somalia has always been an off-limits topic."
"Well that is understandable. Speaking of one's time being tortured is never something you want to speak of or remember." Malachi nodded softly.
"You've been captured before?" Tony asked with rising curiosity.
"Yes, briefly. I was captured by Hamas and held for only two days before I escaped." He paused a moment, "They were the two worst days of my life. I can't imagine what Ziva went through for four months." He swallowed hard and looked away.
Tony stopped asking questions. He didn't want to think of it either, though visions of her healed scars he'd seen flashed through his mind; wondering briefly what they must have looked and felt like when they were fresh. He shook his head softly to clear the images and the car once again fell silent. Though now, the two men were sharing the tin of cookies as their eyes remained focused on their target.
"There he is!" Tony dropped his cookie and reached for the door handle, Malachi doing the same.
They walked slowly across the street towards the man leaving the club in the company of several women. As soon as the man saw them, he froze and then took off down the street.
"Oh why must they always run?" Tony reached for his gun in exasperation as they tore after the man.
The man was giving them a run for their money, weaving in and out of side streets for several blocks and chasing him into a black alley. The sounds of flesh pummeling flesh greeted their ears before their eyes could adjust enough to see what they were hearing. McGee pulled the car around, shining the lights on what was happening just in time to see Liat put the man on his back. He now lay unconscious beneath her. A slight blood trickle from the gash in her forehead where he'd whacked her with a board from the construction garbage nearby.
"What took you so long?" She asked looking us all over sitting with heaving chest from the exertion on the man's chest and a smug smile on her face in triumph.
Tony glanced over just in time to see a slow smile spreading across Malachi's face, shaking his head at the way Liat was looking at him. The hidden feelings behind those looks now very obvious to Tony and wondered briefly, if all the shared looks and gestures with Ziva over the years were as obvious in their true feelings as well to onlookers. Even when they couldn't admit it to themselves.
"I'm glad to see you're still in one piece, Tony." McGee spoke quietly once they'd returned to NCIS with their suspect and finally alone.
"Oh McGee of Little Faith! No blows this time, though, the conversation was entirely illuminating…some parts, so bright I may be blind." Tony blinked widely rubbing his eyes in exaggeration trying to scrub the mental images his mind conjured of Ziva having sex with Malachi.
"What's that supposed to mean, Tony?" McGee couldn't believe the two men had even spoken to each other considering…
"It means I now know things about Malachi and Ziva I wished I'd never knew from her time in Israel when we'd left her behind!" Tony sat roughly into his chair causing the wheels to roll back a bit and McGee's eyes widened with understanding and disbelief.
"And you didn't punch him again?" McGee asked quietly across the space as he took his own seat behind the desk.
"Can't very well punch the guy for being there for her when I wasn't."
"And you're not angry with Ziva over it?"
"How can I be? I was doing the same thing, likely at the same time with several other women. I would definitely be the 'black pot' as the Israeli's would say, if I were to get angry at her for it."
"Tony, I'm impressed with your restraint and understanding. You've come a long way in just the last few days even it seems." McGee was honestly impressed.
Tony shrugged, staring at the photos of Ziva on his desk and thinking about how far they'd come, grateful they had another chance. "I really want to keep hating the man but I found myself empathizing with him in the car. He's only now just figured out how much he cares for his partner, after she's going to marry someone else. He's going through his own private hell right now. One I'm all too familiar with unfortunately."
"Yeah, she mentioned that." McGee added slightly surprised Tony knew the other side of the story he'd just heard today. When Tony looked at him with his own surprised eyes he added, "What? She talked to me. Women talk to me, Tony. Why does that surprise you?"
"Oh, nothing. It doesn't surprise me McGee you have that sweet baby face thing going for you that just invites women in." Tony smiled and McGee rolled his eyes. "So Liat told you she knows how Malachi feels about her?"
"No, she didn't say that. The opposite actually. It seems she believes he doesn't really feel anything towards her more then friendship and as partners. She felt more towards him but after seven years of waiting for Malachi to give her any indication he wanted more from her, she said she gave up and went looking elsewhere." McGee couldn't help but also think of how similar this sounded to what Ziva and Tony had been through, and looking at Tony's expression now, it seemed to be dawning on him as well. What Ziva's side of the emotional fence may have looked like when she nearly married CIA Ray.
"So she's going to marry this other guy, even though she really loves Malachi, because he's never made a move? One at least that showed he was serious about her?" Tony found himself a little defensive for Malachi seeing himself in this position.
"Yeah, Tony. Probably." McGee set to work on his computer, typing up their report while Tony continued to stew.
"How can she do that?" Tony gasped, unsure why this bothered him so greatly right now.
"Well if he never made his move in seven years, what is she supposed to do, Tony? Wait around forever? Perhaps, he should have just asked her himself if it bothered him so much to see her moving on with someone else." McGee raised his eyebrows knowingly, and sending a message that he knew they weren't actually speaking of Liat and Malachi anymore, but of Ziva and Tony and her near marrying Ray.
"Maybe he wasn't ready." Tony offered softly as an explanation.
"Well, then I guess that's a risk he's taking… Time waits for no man." McGee finally turned to look at him. Hoping that Tony was done wasting time when it came to how he felt about Ziva and making a life with her work.
"Now who's calling the Pot black!" Tony slanted his eyebrow back at McGee, deciding maybe he liked the Israeli's mash-up of their American saying.
"What's that supposed to mean, Tony?"
"That maybe you should take your own advice. And ask Abby out on a real date sooner rather then later." He smiled brightly at the shell-shocked appearance on McGee's face. "Tick tock. Tick tock, McGee."
"Well looky what we have here!" Tony smiled greeting Ziva and Abby first thing in the morning. He'd worked through the night with McGee and the Israeli's on their new suspect. The man was refusing to cooperate, even under the death glares of the formidable Gibbs. Abby was holding loosely to Ziva's elbow, walking around the room. "Good morning, beautiful ladies." He smiled kissing Abby's cheek and then Ziva's.
"It's good to see you up walking." Tony smiled at Ziva.
"It's good to see you're still alive." Ziva smiled at Tony with a teasing look in her eyes, referencing his time spent on stakeout with Malachi.
"What can I say other then… it was certainly illuminating to spend such 'quality' time with your friend Malachi. I had no idea he'd been so helpful to you in Israel." Tony smiled in turn, the same teasing look in his eyes though Ziva could see it was through gritted teeth. The way he held her eyes, she knew that he now knew she'd had sex with Malachi.
Abby saw the look passing between them and felt the unease as Ziva tensed in her arms. Clearly she was missing something.
Ziva didn't respond though Tony could read in her eyes, she understood what he'd meant. The look he saw in return was something between guilt, anger and sadness. He reminded himself that he had no right to be angry with her, when he'd done the same thing with other women during that time. He took a breath and focused on the good instead. Smiling, he stepped forward, taking her head gently into his hands and brushing the fallen strands of curls from her eyes, he held her gaze a moment and then dropped his lips to her. Kissing her gently and telling her with that kiss, that it didn't matter who'd she'd had sex with before.
"I missed you." He spoke quietly still holding her face in his hands. The look he was giving her told her that he'd meant those words for so much more then just last night. He was telling her, that he missed her when she was in Israel, the first time.
"I missed you too." Ziva responded trying to keep the tears at bay and the emotion from her voice. She saw the flicker of emotion in Tony's eyes that, he too, understood she meant it in the same way. Not only for last night, but also missed him during that time she was in Israel. The painful time, they'd spent apart with so many unresolved feelings and emotions. "We have a lot to talk about." She spoke quietly as if she and Tony were still the only two in the room.
"Yes, we do." Tony nodded softly, fingering a loose curl behind her ear and then kissing her forehead. "But not today." He smiled.
"Tony, Ziva and I were talking… we have an idea." Abby spoke up, wanting to cut the tension and change topics to something less intense.
"Oh now, this can't be good. You two and your ideas." Tony teased waiting to hear the details.
"I don't want to stay in this tiny room all day anymore." Ziva said matter-o-factly.
"I knew that was coming. Slightly surprised actually, it took you so long." Tony teased Ziva with a smile.
"We'd like your help finding two recliner chairs. So we can put one in my lab and another in autopsy. So Ziva can sit and visit with Ducky, Palmer and I while we work and you guys are busy working upstairs." Abby smiled brightly at this plan.
"I will still be able to sit and rest, while also not going completely mad feeling caged inside this room." Ziva spoke as though there were little to no room for argument, making Tony smile.
"I'll see what I can find." His smile grew.
"Ziva, did you know that Yule Brynner was part of the Romani? The wandering Gypsies of Russia." Tony smiled with the light of a little boy with wonder in his eyes as he turned off the movie they'd been watching later that evening, "My mom took me to see The King and I on Broadway when I was six. I think she had the hots for him." His smile widened causing Ziva to smile hearing such a detail. He'd only recently begun to speak more of his mother since finding the photos of them together last fall.
"He is very handsome." Ziva smiled, "I remember thinking the same thing growing up watching the Ten Commandments during Passover. It greatly unnerved my mother that Tali and I would make such comments. He was after all, playing the man who enslaved our people."
Tony laughed softly thinking of a child-Ziva ogling Yul Brynner with her sister, much to the dismay of their Jewish mother. He too, had watched the Ten Commandments each year during Easter as a family tradition and loved hearing that it seemed, Ziva's family had done the same.
Silence fell over the room once more as Tony rearranged the pillows on his cot, preparing to lie down for the evening.
"Tony," Ziva addressed him finally, playing with the edge of her blanket. "We need to talk."
"Okay," He stopped fussing over the pillows and slowly set them aside. Swallowing hard with butterflies in his stomach to see and hear the tone in her voice knowing this was going to be serious. "About what?"
"About Israel." Her fingertip unconsciously traced lightly over the rough staples at the base of her throat and beginning of her incision.
"Which time?" Tony asked quietly with eyes staring at the staples she was tracing
"I suppose we should begin with the first time." Ziva stopped tracing and let her hand fall slowly into her lap.
"Okay." Tony nodded, waiting for her to speak first, not knowing where to begin.
"I gather that Malachi told you he and I had slept together during my time there?" She asked nervously.
"He may have mentioned something." Tony shrugged looking away.
"Tony." She gave him a look that said now was not the time to be coy if they were trying to clear the air of things that had gone unspoken for too long.
"Okay, he told me that you didn't exactly sleep together. More like, rough and wild sex after an intense sparring round in which he believed you were invisioning beating me to a pulp." Tony spat out quickly, still refusing to look at her.
It was Ziva's turn to swallow hard and look away. "Yes, something like that. Are you angry with me?"
"No." Tony answered honestly. "I'm not angry at you for it. How could I be? We were nothing. And I'd done the same thing." He couldn't miss the immediate fallen look in Ziva's eyes. Hurt and then welling tears, though she fought to keep them back.
"But we weren't nothing. Were we?" She asked trying to keep her voice from cracking at just what were they at that time.
"I don't know. You were in love with Rivkin and I'd killed him. You'd made that very clear when you pinned me to the ground with a gun against my chest." Tony tried to keep the old emotional hurt and anger from his words, "I didn't know where that left me in your life."
"I wasn't in love with Michael." Ziva admitted out loud, realizing how true that statement was. She loved him. She was not in love with him. A very significant difference.
"You never said otherwise." Tony swallowed hard, remembering that day outside Mossad when he threw it at her like an accusation.
"I knew before you left Israel that you were telling the truth about your reasons for killing him."
"Then why did you stay?" Tony couldn't believe what she was saying.
"I had my reasons." Ziva shook her head. This was difficult to talk about.
"I thought we were talking and telling the truth here, Ziva?" Tony pushed seeing her walls going back up.
"We are, its just that… some of my understanding of these events only came after I had a lot of time to reflect on them…during my captivity." She really didn't like speaking about any time frame associated with her time in that camp.
"So at the time, you weren't admitting to yourself that you knew I was telling the truth? Or that you didn't love Rivkin?"
"Yes. In a way I guess."
"And that clarity only came later." Tony was trying to follow the sequence of events, seeing that this really was difficult for her to speak of. She wasn't purposefully trying to be evasive.
"Yes." She swallowed hard taking the plunge, "At the time, I was angry with you, Tony. To me, it seemed that you didn't want me but you also didn't want anyone else to have me either. That made me angry. I didn't know where I stood in your life, either. This was before you'd killed Michael that I began to feel this way, with your incessant pursuit of him. After you killed him, I was blinded by my emotions. I didn't know whom to trust anymore. I felt as though everyone was lying to me and manipulating me in some way to get what they wanted. You, Michael, my father and Gibbs…I needed time to think."
"I'm sorry." Tony took hold of her hand, realizing that was true. "You were right. I was jealous of your relationship with Michael, and I wasn't ready to admit how I felt about you even to myself. It wasn't fair to you and I'm sorry. But I swear to you, Ziva, when he and I got into our argument that day and I confronted him, the last thing on my mind when I shot him was killing him out of that jealousy. I was defending myself and trying to protect you."
"I know that now, Tony." She nodded softly feeling a single tear slip from her eyes, looking down at their entwined fingers, "I had many months to go over every single detail leading up to our goodbye in Israel."
"I did too." Tony admitted catching her gaze in surprise, "The months you were gone, before we'd heard that you were dead…and those after, I'd lay in bed at night going over everything I'd said and done, thinking of how badly things had gone wrong. I was angry with you, too. Angry that you trusted me so little then, that I was so easy to leave behind that you'd made no contact. I had more then one sexual encounter with bottled rage at our situation. I hated that I was left thinking of you, when it seemed you were completely over me, with no contact at all. I'm not proud of those exploits or my reasoning behind them. They of course ended the moment Gibbs told us you were killed on the Damocles."
"Why then?"
"Nothing else mattered after that. All my reasoning and logic for justified anger at you were completely washed away in that one phrase. 'No survivors.' None of those reasons mattered. Only that you were gone, forever. I funneled what anger and rage I'd had over our unresolved situation into finding Saleem and making him pay."
"After what I'd done to you, you really were the last person I expected to see at that time… when he pulled that hood off my head."
"I certainly wasn't expecting to see you either." Tony smiled softly, running his thumb nervously over the back of her hand, needing the contact as feelings from that time period began washing over him.
"I really thought that I was going to die there." Ziva took a deep breath, willing her tears not to fall.
"You weren't the only one."
"What do you mean?"
"I never intended to leave that camp alive, Ziva." Tony spoke quietly, holding her eyes and seeing the confusion.
