Alright everyone, thanks for every single review you guys have posted. And thanks for believing in my story. You guys are awesome. And yes, I know my earlier chapter was really sad but it was the way I envisioned it and this chapter will explain my madness:P So read away people and review at the end!!!
Disclaimer = I don't own Twilight!!!
Chapter 12
Bitter sadness
Today was the day… I was going to see my brother for the last time. Today was the funeral and Edward would be there, by my side, like he did for the past two days. I went to school on Tuesday but I wasn't in the best of moods. I didn't tell anyone that my brother had died on Monday and Alice tried to talk to me again. This time, she looked really sad. I guess Edward filled her in about the situation. But the thing is that Edward wasn't the only one who was next to me during the funeral arrangements. Alice was there too. Emmett stayed and took my homework in every class but apparently, he wanted to be there too to comfort me.
It was nice of them to stay there with me but it was unnecessary. Sure it was sweet but I think I could have handled it alone with Henry and Chanel. Wednesday, Henry and I went to by the flowers and the coffin. I told Edward and Alice that they didn't have to come but they insisted on coming. It was really nice of them to do that. I know Edward and I were starting to rub off on each other but I had just met Alice and she wanted to be there.
The good thing was that my head injury was gone. I didn't feel dizzy anymore and the pain was nothing compared to my arm. My leg started to heal but it would leave a scar at the end. I was planned on getting my stitches removed Monday. Now that we were Friday, I was looking forward to getting my stitches removed. Although, my arm was getting worse. The chemicals must have been really infecting my skin right now. It was hurting like heck and I had to put ice on it a lot. I tried not to show any sign of pain in front of Edward and Alice but it was a real challenge.
Yesterday was the open casket. The family was invited first and then it was open for the public. He knew a lot of people so most of his acquaintances came to his funeral to give us their condolences. It was just so hard to see him there in the casket. He was just so peaceful that it was hard to see him there. I had to leave a few times just to be able to come back in the room.
I woke up really early the next morning. I didn't want today to come in the first place. I didn't want to see Jeremy in that coffin, his skin as pale white as the Cullens. Whatever had happened to Jeremy must have happened for a reason but it was an unfair reason! He was so kind and gentle! Who would want to kill him? I started putting on the black dress and black jacket that I was planning on wearing today and stared blankly at the still dark sky. I had to say a little speech in front of everyone at the church about Jeremy and it was going to be extremely hard not to cry. Jeremy was everything for me. A friend, a brother, even someone I'm not afraid to talk to about something personal. I was planning on putting that in the speech and keeping it simple but to the point.
I looked myself in the mirror and looked lifeless. I just hated funerals. There was so much sadness in the church that it was just so unbearable to watch. My face was emotionless in the mirror. The person in front of me wasn't Juliette Shrike. I stopped looking at this person and decided to go downstairs to make myself a hot cup of hot chocolate. It always relaxed me before something big like this. I looked at the time on the microwave. It read four fifty-seven. But it didn't matter anymore. I got my pot of hot chocolate started and in minutes, it was ready. I sat down and drank slowly my hot chocolate until it was getting cold enough to throw away. The sun was rising when I finished my cup of hot chocolate. I put my cup in the washing machine and laid my hands on the counter and looked at the sun rising just above the house in front of us. The sun was beautiful in the morning…
I sat at the table again and decided to take a little nap on the table. It seemed like hours when I heard someone calling my name. Then, I felt someone shaking me awake.
"Jules, wake up! It's time to go! Come on! Get up!" I recognized that voice. It was Henry. I guess I've been sleeping for a while. I fluttered my eyes open and saw him in a black suit with a white shirt. He didn't sound too happy. Well, no wonder. I checked the time on my watch and it read nine forty-one. The funeral was starting in less than thirty minutes so I had to hurry. I was ready but I just needed to put my coat on.
Suddenly, the doorbell rang and I decided I should go answer it before Henry tells me otherwise. "Coming!" I yelled as I went towards the door. I opened it and saw Edward and Alice standing in the door frame. They were also wearing black. They looked like Ying and Yang. Black and pale white but with golden topaz eyes. Alice was wearing this beautiful Italian black dress and Edward a fancy black suit with a white shirt.
"Morning Jules." Alice responded but her voice was much more different than the days before.
"Good morning Alice. Good morning Edward." I said; my voice as lifeless as my figure looked this morning in the mirror.
"Are you ready to go? It'll start soon." Edward said with the same tone as Alice. He also seemed upset. He didn't need to be. It was my brother's funeral, not his.
"Yeah, will you guys be following us?" I asked.
"Yes, but if you'd like, you are welcome to ride with us." Alice suggested, looking at Edward and back at me as she said it.
"Sure… Dad, I'm going to catch a ride with Alice and Edward." I said as Henry came at my side soon afterwards. "Is that alright?"
"Whatever works best for you guys, I guess. I just want to get there early." Henry said as he walked towards the staircase.
"Thank you, sir." Edward said with a strong, gentleman voice.
"Let's go Edward. If we want to get there early, I think we should leave now." Alice said, now facing Edward.
"Alright, shall we go Jules?" Edward said; his hand in front of me so that I could take it.
"Yeah…" I said; my voice still lifeless. I think Edward and Alice noticed since their faces turned from still to sad. I took his hand and walked out the door with Alice and Edward on my sides. We walked towards Edward's white Mustang but Alice insisted that I sit in the front. They were siblings so I didn't want to intervene between them. So I sat in the back and stared out the window. It didn't take long for them to get to the church. The drive to the church was silent. No one dared to talk the way there because they feared that I might be more upset.
I kept staring out the window, thinking of Jeremy the way to his funeral. Why did he have to die? He was so sweet and wouldn't hurt a fly that there was no reason for him to get killed. Edward looked at me from his rear view mirror and saw that I was upset.
"Jules?"
I turned my head swiftly to look at the windshield and saw his golden topaz eyes in the rear view mirror. He looked at me with worried eyes. "Huh? Oh sorry. I was just dazing." He didn't seem convinced by my statement.
"Are you sure you're alright?" Alice asked me as we drove in the parking lot of the church. The time had come and I was going to see my brother for the last time. Sure, I had seen him for the open casket but this would be the funeral and his burial in the cemetery. He looked so peaceful in the casket that it was hard to look at him yesterday. But now, it was going to be all over. I would never see Jeremy again. Chanel and Henry would be crying their eyes out at their "only" son and see their only daughter talk about him in front of everyone.
"Yeah, I'm fine… Let's do this…" I said as I got out of the car. They followed my motions and came to my side in a split second.
"Don't worry; we'll be by your side the whole time." Alice said as she took my hand in her cold marble hand. Edward did the same thing but with my other hand.
"Thanks you guys…" I said as I tried to make a smile on my lifeless face but it looked more like a grimace than anything else.
"No problem. Hey, you know what you need to do tomorrow to get your mind off of all of this?" Alice said with some happiness in her voice.
"And what might that be?" Now, she made me curious. What did she have in mind?
"Oh no…" Edward said as he stared at the clouded sky.
"Shopping!" She said with a smile on her face. Oh, dear god… Not shopping but she seemed to love it. I wanted to be her friend and I guess I should do what she likes. "Come on, it'll be fun. And it could get your mind off of all of this. What do you say Jules?" It pained me to answer this but I wanted to make her happy.
"Sure Alice. Whatever you want. I'm up for it." I said with a little happiness in my voice.
"Yay! Trust me, it'll be great. And it's my treat. We're going to be great friends!" She said as she hugged me softly, trying not to break me. What she said was probably true. We'd get to be great friends in the long run.
"You're really going to go shopping with her?" Edward asked me after she had stopped hugging me and we continued walking. I think he heard my voice was sort of off when I agreed to go to the mall with Alice. It wasn't my favourite thing to do but it would suit her. If I wanted to get along with someone, I might as well start with Alice.
"Why not? It'll give her some fun and I want to get along with her." I said as I made my way towards the church. Edward and Alice had to go inside since the family had to come inside the church with the casket so I waited outside while they went inside. Edward didn't want to leave my side but I told him I'd be fine. He didn't need to worry about me that much. I could manage going through this… maybe.
It took a few minutes until the public started to arrive and enter the church. Chanel and Henry came to my side when they arrived. Chanel came and the first thing she did was give me a hug. Lou was beside her the whole time, trying to comfort her but she wouldn't let go of me for a while. She was already crying her eyes out and I had to be the strong one. Great… Henry was crying too. And he usually told me to stop crying and take it like a grown up. But I seriously couldn't blame him.
It took a few minutes until the whole family came and we started marching in the church. It was starting to get cold outside and I was glad to come in the heat. Edward and Alice were in the front row waiting for me to sit down beside them. As we brought the casket inside, I took my seat between Edward and Alice while my parents went to sit beside Edward. The priest started talking about Jeremy like he knew him all his life. It was his job to do that but it was still sad. A lot of people around me were crying for Jeremy like Chanel and Henry. After a few minutes of the priest saying prayers and talking about Jeremy, it was my turn to talk about my brother in front of everyone. I didn't know if I was ready to do that but I had to do it.
I got up and went up to the podium while taking out the piece of paper I had written for today. It had little notes on Jeremy that I could say to everyone. I cleared my throat and hoped for the best. "Um… How to start? Jeremy was kind and sweet to everyone around him… He wasn't just a friend to most of us… but a brother… A brother at work, a brother in his guy friends, and a brother to the family. He was a beloved son that could never hurt a fly. He might have been built but he was gentle. He wasn't just a brother to me… He was someone I could trust, someone I could tell anything to like a best friend, someone who was there for me…" I stated, right now on the verge of crying but I had to keep my tears where no one would see them, like at home. I had to finish my speech with dignity. "I'm really going to miss you big bro. I hope you're in a better place." I finished before folding my paper and going back to take my seat between the two Cullens.
Alice patted my back with a smile on her face and Edward was petting my arm with his cold hand. They were there for me when I needed them to most and I appreciated every minute of it. The priest continued talking and soon went to put holy water on the casket along with pure smoke. As soon as they were done, it was time for me to get behind the casket with the rest of my family to go to the cemetery. Everyone was badly crying except me. They probably thought that I was heartless but I had to be strong. Henry would even say so.
I went to ride with Edward and Alice again but they still didn't say anything. We arrived in no time at the cemetery but we arrived soon after the casket had come. The ceremony at the cemetery wasn't long. The priest said again a few words and each one of us put a flower on the casket. I put one of his and my favourite flowers, a lilac. He used to buy me bouquets of lilacs when I was young and I always put them beside my night stand. After putting the flower on the casket, I couldn't stay here anymore. I had to get out so I walked slowly towards the car. Edward and Alice both put their flower on the casket and followed me. I had a few tears falling down but I couldn't let them see that. I wiped the tears away and arrived at the car. They came soon afterwards and got into the car in no time whatsoever.
That was the last time that I saw my brother. Alice and Edward drove me home but Henry wasn't there when I arrived. Alice gave me a hug when we were finally inside. She was happy that I was able to do this without letting out any of my emotions. Even now I wouldn't let any emotion come on my face. I was lifeless like before the church. Edward asked Alice to go back to the house so that we could be alone for a while and she willingly went back home but reminded me that she'd come and get me tomorrow morning bright and early to go shopping. I wasn't the type of person who liked shopping all that much but if it would please someone else, I'd do it willingly.
Alice left my house and ran at vampire speed back to her house. School was over by the time I got back home and Edward was now looking at me, golden topaz meeting deep sea blue.
"You were extremely brave today, do you know that?" Edward said as I sat down at the table, putting my head between my hands.
"Thanks…" I said; my voice lifeless like before.
"I'm astonished that there weren't any tears that fell from your beautiful eyes." He said as he took a seat in front of me. Well, that was kind of weird, the way he said that sentence but right now, I didn't really mind what anybody would say.
"I have to keep my tears inside. Henry always said to take it like a grown up and that's what I'm doing, not showing any emotion. Henry would be upset if he saw me cry." I said, now waving my hand in my hair to move them a little.
"But you have to let it out sometime. You can't always keep your emotions to yourself." He said, now taking my left hand in his cold marble hands and looking me in the eyes.
"But that's the thing Edward. I can't! I can't let my emotions get the better of me. I've been lonely many times before and this doesn't change much. I've lost one person in my life that was keeping me here. Now, I just… I just don't know what to do anymore." I said, now on the verge of crying.
"If it helps, I've been lonely before a few weeks ago. But someone made that change. Someone came and brought me closer to them. I've been lonely for more than a century and now, you changed all of this Jules. I don't normally get this attached to a human before but you're different. I want to be with you. I want to be with you because I love you. At first, it was nice to be friends. But I believe that you can fill my starless night with bright lights. After seeing you today, I don't think I could be with anyone else besides you. Someone who doesn't show their feelings to anyone but to the ones that will be there to listen. I will be one of those people Jules. I want to be there for you." Edward confessed that he loved me. Wow… I loved him too now. The way that he helped me today and the days before to arrange this was magnificent. I'm lucky to have someone like him now in my life. I wanted so much to say that I love him too but for now, I just wanted to look into his eyes, to find if he was lying. But he wasn't. It was the truth. He did love me.
"I… I love you too, Edward. After what you and Alice did for me these past few days, I couldn't want to be with two people more than now. I hope Alice and I can be friends and I hope that you and I could be more than friends. I usually don't show my feelings like this to someone but—to use your words against you—you're different. I love you Edward." I said truly. And this was the truth. I loved Edward Cullen and he loved me.
"As I love you Jules." He said with his crooked smile that I loved so much. But it vanished soon afterwards. I realized that now the tears were coming down. I couldn't hide my feelings any longer. I was infuriated that my brother was now gone forever but I was so delighted that I was now able to love someone for real. I was mixed between the two. Edward came next to me and pulled me against his cold marble chest. He petted my back as I let the tears flow willingly.
"It's alright Jules, just let it out…" He kept repeating to me. I took hold of his chest and started crying into his shirt. Edward was there for me when I needed someone to tell my feelings to now. He took Jeremy's place. But it was so unfair. Now, I was the only child in the family. But… I'd have to leave everyone now. I wouldn't be staying with Henry any longer. I'd have to go back to Chanel in Seattle and leave Edward here. This was so unfair. I know Henry would be furious with me if he saw me right now. But at least I got to love Edward before I had to leave. "And so the lion fell in love with the lamb." His angelic voice said.
"What a stupid lamb…" I said between sobs.
"What a sick, masochistic lion." He said and I could tell he was smiling.
At least I knew Edward's true feelings now. I wanted to be with him forever.
Alright, now what do you guys think? I know, quite the pivitol turn of events but it's worth every penny to see Edward and Jules together, isn't it? :) Well, anyways, review so I know what you guys thought:) You guys' opinion means everything to me in this first story.
Bellacullenswan17
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