Chapter 12:

"We need to talk," said the voice on the phone. "Come down to my office as soon as you can," and then the phone went dead. House raised his eyebrow in curiosity and left his office to head to Cuddy's.

House stared at his feet, bouncing his cane on the floor in Cuddy's office.

"Tell me what you're thinking House." Cuddy said.

"Do you really think she wants to leave?" House asked.

"I don't know her as well as you do. What do you think?" she asked.

"I think it doesn't matter what I think," he said as he stood up to leave.

"You should talk to her," Cuddy said.

"She's going to do whatever she wants. My talking to her isn't going to make any difference," he said.

"You don't know that."

House stared off into the distance before turning around and heading out the door. "I may not be over tonight," he said as he walked out.

Cuddy watched him leave with his shoulders slumped and leaning a little more heavily on his cane than he had been in a while. She hated to see him like this. Between their relationship and Susan's arrival at PPTH, he was as happy as she had ever seen him, even before the infarction. If Susan decided to leave, he would be devastated.

MDMDMDMD

Wilson's door was locked. House knocked, "It's locked," came the voice from inside. House didn't say anything and left. Wilson continued working, but after a moment put his pen down. He's expected a response and having gotten nothing, he started to worry. He got up and opened his door. Nobody was there. He walked down the corridor and turned to go to House's office, "Did you knock on my door?" he asked.

"It was locked," House said.

"That's never stopped you before," Wilson said noticing the look on House's face. "What's wrong?" he asked as he sat down.

House didn't say anything for a moment, "Susan wants to leave the lab."

"No, Susan loves the lab," Wilson countered.

"Apparently she loves teaching more," House said.

"Have you talked to her?" Wilson asked.

"No," House said. "There isn't much point. She's made her decision."

"You need to talk to her," Wilson said.

"She doesn't want to talk to me; she's been holed up in her lab for two days," said House

There was a knock at the door, "Dr. House?"

House looked up and recognized Dr. James standing in the door.

"Do you have a moment?" he asked.

Wilson excused himself and David came in and shut the door behind him, "May I sit down?"

House gestured to the chair in front of his desk and waiting for David to begin the conversation, "I had lunch with Susan today."

"To talk her into leaving the lab," House said. "Thanks," he added sarcastically.

"No, I listened – something you should do more often," David said. House glared at him, "What do you want?" he asked.

"I'd like to get to know Susan a little better," he said.

"What are you telling me for?" House asked. "She's a grown woman; she can make her own decisions."

"I know that, but I also know your reputation and if you don't like something, you'll do anything in your power to stop it," David said, "and I know how Susan feels about you and..."

"And you want me to put in a good word for you," House said completing the thought.

"Well, yes actually," David said.

"I don't know you and so far all you've done is encourage her to leave," House said. "Why would I want to put in a good word for you?"

"I didn't encourage her to leave, House. I encouraged her to do exactly what she is doing, but I also told her that if she did decide to leave lab work that I would bring her on full time in my department," he explained. "If she does decide to leave the lab, she wouldn't be leaving you – just the crap that you've indirectly put her through. She wouldn't even be leaving the campus." David stood up to leave, "You know she really does care about you. I don't know what's going on inside her head right now because she seems to think she's some kind of a disappointment, but she loves you and she loves what she does. She feels fulfilled working in your department, but she's tired of all the crap that people send her way because of your behavior. In most cases, you reap what you sow, but for Susan she reaps what you sow. She's an easy target for your enemies, try thinking about that the next time you piss someone off."

House watched him walk out the door. Well, the man didn't have any problem saying what was on his mind, which was a point in his favor as far as House was concerned. House thought about what David said, "She seems to think she's some kind of a disappointment." It was a recurring theme practically all month long – all month long. House suddenly pulled out his copy of her personnel file that included information that he had found on her during his investigation as well as her employment documents. He read through the different documents he had found. Her mother died in February 2003, but he didn't know what from. He already knew that Jeff had died in February and of course there was Valentines that dredged up a lot of hurtful memories. He read through her resume – she was laid off from that manager position in February 2001. February didn't seem to be her month. I got her drunk in February, so she can add that to the list now, he thought to himself. Hmm, she finished her graduate program in February 1990 – that was one positive thing, he thought. He needed to know what happened to her mother. House got up and went to the lab. Susan wasn't there. He went around her desk and tried to pull her drawer, it was locked. OK, so she was still around the hospital somewhere. He tried to call her; the phone rang – in stereo again. She left her phone in her lab jacket again. He pulled out her phone and put it in his pocket. House stood staring into space and then he smirked, he knew where she was.

"Should have realized you would find me out here," Susan said when House walked over to the picnic table.

"It's not one of your more original hiding places," he said quoting her from earlier while handing her cell phone to her.

Susan chuckled under her breath as she took the phone and put it in her pocket, "It's a nice day – one of those rare February days in the 70's. May as well enjoy it, it's going to be cold again next week."

"How did your mother die?" House asked out of the blue as he sat down next to her on the seat facing away from the table and looked out over the pond.

Susan looked over at him for a moment and then looked back ahead watching the ducks swim around fishing the water with their beaks for something to eat, "Alcohol poisoning," she said. "I found her in the bathroom on the floor where she'd passed out from drinking."

"So she was an alcoholic," House said.

"No, she wasn't. She was upset about something; nobody knew what and decided to drink herself into oblivion. I don't know if she intended to kill herself that way, but I found an empty glass container of 180 proof alcohol on the floor next to her. She had drunk the entire two quarts in one sitting. She asphyxiated while I was in the backyard with Jeff and the rest of the family. She was still warm when I found her, if I had come in even a half hour sooner, I could have saved her," Susan said, clearly blaming herself for not getting to her mother in time.

"So that's why you don't drink," House said.

"That's part of it," Susan admitted, "alcoholism was common in her family and she had chosen not to drink because she saw the damage it caused to her family members and their families. I've always assumed that there might be something in our genetic makeup that makes us venerable to addictive behavior since there were so many alcoholics in our family, so I avoided all vices to avoid addiction. I don't drink, but I also don't smoke and I've never tried drugs. I just don't want to risk it." Susan explained.

They sat together quite for a moment staring out over the pond when House broke the silence, "Susan, do you really want to leave the lab?"

"I'm tired of screwing up Greg. I can't do anything right, the only thing that seems to be going right is my class," she said.

"You're not screwing things up. Do you realize that our lab passed inspection with no violations? The main lab had six violations that they have to correct." House countered.

"That stuff is easy; it's just a matter of documenting everything. Life is hard and I've managed to screw up my entire life. I can't do anything well no matter what I try to do and how hard I try to do it," Susan said.

"You have a master's degree in chemistry, how is that a screw up?" he asked.

Susan looked over at him and sighed, "You know, if you go to med school and you go to class like you are supposed to, but you make mediocre grades, do you know what they call you when you graduate?" House just looked at her, "They still call you 'doctor'." In graduate school, you can go to class, maintain a B average, because C's aren't allowed, and do everything you are supposed to do, but if someone on your graduate committee takes a dislike to you, it doesn't matter what your grades are, they'll send you packing. I have a master's because I don't have a PhD, not because I went to grad school with the purpose of getting a masters degree. I should have a PhD, I did everything I was supposed to do, carried a B+ average, passed all of my cumulative exams with flying colors, but one professor on my committee decided he didn't like my dissertation despite it having been approved by the committee and since the committee vote wasn't unanimous at my dissertation, the school awarded me with a master's degree instead of a PhD."

"Were you married then?" House asked.

"Yes, but we didn't have Laura yet," Susan said.

"What did your husband do when you went home and told him what happened?" House asked afraid of the answer.

"He shrugged his shoulders and didn't say anything," she said. "He was never a big fan of me going to graduate school. He said I should have been working and making money instead of wasting money to go to school. He was probably right; it ended up being a big waste of time and money."

"Susan, you enjoy teaching your class and you couldn't do that at the college level without having a master's degree." House paused

"I know, that is one good thing," Susan responded.

"Susan, if you really want to teach full time, I'll support you in that, but I'd really like you to stay with me, in the lab," House admitted.

"I keep screwing up. I'm tired of disappointing you again and again," Susan said.

"You're not screwing up and you're certainly not a disappointment," House said.

"What about the testing without ordering issue and that bogus diagnosing accusation?" Susan asked. "That's just one more thing out of several at this point – and what about all the personnel issues I keep having? Chris hates me and I haven't done anything to him; before that it was Jeffrey and Martha. Who knows what's going to happen next, especially after the incontinence issue," Susan exclaimed.

"Heard about that did you," House asked.

"Who hasn't, it's all over the hospital? It is kinda funny though," she admitted after a moment.

"Susan, those issues are not your issues, they're mine. I allowed the pro-active testing, I even encouraged it. I'm the one that has hurt or insulted people and they are taking it out on you because they won't fight back to my face. It's my fault, not yours." House said.

"I lost my temper the other day," Susan said.

"And you apologized for it. Susan, February is a tough month for you; most everything bad that's ever happened to you seems to have happened in February. I don't blame you for losing your temper, it's been a rough month and I didn't help matters any by trying to solve your puzzle behind your back, I should have trusted you when you said you were just a little down and I'm sorry," House paused. "I've learned my lesson, but you have a lesson to learn as well, Sis."

Susan looked at him, surprised as him calling her 'Sis'.

"You need to let go of the past. Despite what you think, there is nothing wrong with you and you are not a disappointment. You never have been. I didn't know you the better part of your life, but I knew you when you were little and I've known you for the nearly all of the past year. You're bright and you're beautiful, not just attractive – you're beautiful." He held up his hand to shush her before she retorted back, "No, don't say it. I'm doing the talking right now. I see you turn heads down every hall you walk, but you're oblivious to it. You've got yourself so convinced that you are used up and past your prime that you don't see your own potential. My old patient, Georgia, called you, "Arm Candy" that day in the clinic and you are. I think you need to give yourself a chance. Jeff was abusive Susan. He may not have physically hurt you, but he did hurt you emotionally. You didn't deserve that then and you don't deserve to keep beating yourself down now."

Susan looked down at the wedding ring she still wore. She looked up at House and then back down to her hand, "Arm Candy, huh?" she asked.

House nodded, "Yup"

Susan took the ring off of her finger, twirled it around in her fingers as she looked at it and then handed it to House. Susan knew it was past time to take it off and she didn't want to be tempted to put it back on, but she didn't want to get rid of it either. "Do me a favor and hang on to that for me for a while?"

House smirked, "I'll do better than that." He took the ring from her and threw it as far as he could into the pond.

Susan mouth dropped open as she watched it fly through the air and land in the pond, the ripples moving out from the center from where it splashed and the ducks swimming away from the noise, "I was actually thinking of giving that to Laura at some point," she said after a moment.

"Oops," he said as he looked her direction guiltily.

Susan smiled and shook her head. House stood up and offered her his left arm. Susan took his arm and House escorted her back toward the hospital, "Hey, don't tell anybody what I told you, OK? I wouldn't want anybody to think that I actually said something nice to somebody."

"Your secret's safe with me," Susan said as they slowly made their way. "So, what do you think about Dr. James….?"

Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed the story. If people are interested, I'll start another episode soon. Let me know what you think – good or bad.