Chapter 12


She was seated at the kitchen table again. This time, she had been careful not to wake Anakin up. She hated when she caused him to lose some of the precious sleep he so often sought. With a soft sigh, she sipped at the strong herbal tea. What she didn't tell Anakin is that she always made hers twice as strong because the nightmares still constantly plagued her.

War had hardened her, she knew. She was young, not even seventeen, and yet she'd seen so much death. She even died herself.

Her fingers curled into a loose fist, but she forced herself to relax. Many things woke Anakin up. Loud noises, unwanted presences, and Ahsoka's turmoil. She thanked the Force for her ability to wake up from her nightmares soundlessly, though it hadn't always been that way.

The Togruta's stomach turned when she realized just why that was.

She was getting used to them. She was getting used to being tormented by images she couldn't stop from coming unless she drugged herself.

So she often waited for Anakin to fall asleep before making herself the drought, something Master Shaak Ti had showed her years ago. It worked on most humanoid species, even if it was more specifically for Togrutas. She swallowed down another sip, used to the burn of it when it slipped down her throat.

"How long are you going to stand there?" she called over to her young Master as he leaned against the doorway.

"How long are going to keep doing this?" he countered and her eye-markings raised in surprise. So he had noticed her late night disappearances.

She exhaled, watching the steam from the mug falter before rising again. "As long as it takes..."

"'Soka..."

"I tried not to wake you," she said, interrupting whatever monologue he planned to give her. "Sorry. I know it's hard for you to sleep sometimes."

She didn't look over at him, but she felt his stutter of confusion and then, the heaviness of sorrow. "I wake you up with my nightmares," he said, his voice quiet.

"I'm not usually asleep," she responded as she rested her head on her hand and finally glanced at him.

His expression killed her and so, she had to look away. But suddenly, his hands were on her shoulders, pulling her back against him. Even with a chair separating them, she couldn't help but feel a bit more at ease. But not enough.

"How long?" his voice was right next to her, his breath ghosting over her skin.

"Since Mortis."

She registered his next emotion as defeat and a wave of shame came over her. His grip tightened on her, but she simply slumped. "I'm so pathetic," she whispered, more to herself than to the man holding her.

"No."

Her fingers curled around her mug, fingernails pressed into the heated ceramic until it burned. "Stop!" Anakin latched onto her wrists and pried them off of the cup.

She stared down at her raw skin. "I just want to go to sleep, Anakin," she said, her voice cracking with each word.

"Then let's go to sleep, Ahsoka."

He turned the chair so she was facing him as he knelt in front of her. He pressed her fingertips to his lips, head bowed, eyes closed. "I can't..." she paused. "Will this war be over soon?"

"I don't have an answer for you..." he said as the same emotion of defeat weighed on his shoulder.

Her eyelids felt heavy. The tea was finally kicking in, it seemed. She wrapped her arms around Anakin's neck and buried her face in his hair while he buried his in her thighs. They sat like that for several minutes until Ahsoka softly said, "I think I can fall asleep now."

But she knew that he wouldn't fall asleep again and she hated herself for being the reason he stayed awake for the rest of the night.


Anakin's fingers worked deftly at latching on the ridiculous headdress for Ahsoka's costume. She looked beautiful, he had to admit. And maybe, if the circumstances were different, he would tell her so, but he abhorred this plan and the reason for the turquoise outfit. Imagining his Snips in chains, a slave like he had once been, disgusted him.

"Calm down, Ani," Ahsoka's voice was soft, dragging him back to reality. "You can't let your feelings get in the way."

He squeezed her shoulder discreetly before clasping the last clip. "You're ready to go," he said.

She adjusted the rings on her fingers as she stood up. She handed her lightsabers over to R2D2 as the plan dictated before facing him. "How do I look?"

"You look great, Snips," he said with a forced smirk.

She made eye contact with him as she sent him a relaxing wave. He inhaled. Exhaled. Her breathing followed him. "This is for my people," she said in a soft voice.

"For your people."

Their fingertips brushed against each other as they returned to the cockpit. "I was starting to think you both died back there," Obi-Wan said as they entered. Rex snorted next to him.

Anakin used his dramatic, fake laugh and winked at his Padawan. She giggled and rolled her eyes. This mission was going to go well, Anakin decided.


This mission was not going well, Anakin decided.

Anakin dropped down onto the balcony Ahsoka's cage was hanging from. He was surprised to see her meditating and briefly wondered if she meditated without him often. He couldn't meditate without her anymore. If he did, that darkness was there and he wasn't sure how long he'd be able to hide from it. But Ahsoka's light washed it out of his mind completely.

He was dependent on it. "Heya, Snips," he greeted and she turned to him with a blinding smile.

"Took you long enough."

He used the Force to lift her cage and release her. The moment she was standing, she crushed the shock collar around her neck. His fingers entwined with hers of their own accord. "Are you okay? Did they hurt you?"

She laughed and swung their hands back and forth momentarily. "Just some mild shocking. And you know Molec is a total creep, but what's new?"

Anakin blinked down at her then up at the sky. "What did Molec say exactly?" he questioned, a hint of fury dripping into his tone.

Ahsoka rolled her eyes before offering Anakin a small smile, "Nothing of consequence. Now, do you have a plan?"

He needed to put his personal feelings aside even if he wanted to rip Molec's ears right off of his head. Ahsoka's snort startled him and she grinned up at him. "Oh, come on, Ani. I know what you were thinking," she leaned in, even though no one was around to hear them. "I was thinking it too."


"You keep going off on these big adventures without me, Snips," Anakin teased after Ahsoka finished telling the story of her mishap with Lux Bonteri. "Even got a betrothed out of it. Pretty soon you won't even need me."

He meant it jokingly, but Ahsoka's smile dropped almost immediately. Her eye-markings knitted together as she focused on his face. His eyes. His nose. His cheekbones. His mouth. "I'll always need you, Anakin," she stated, her tone serious, any former mirth gone.

With a faint smile, Anakin twitched her fingers in his. She returned it after a moment, but her emotions still felt troubled. "I'm not going anywhere, 'Soka," he reassured her before placing a gentle kiss on her forehead. "Never."


So I'm listening to Ahsoka on audiobook and if you love Ahsoka, you should definitely read it or listen to it {it's narrated by Ashley Eckstein!}. And honestly, it just furthers my theories that Ahsoka had feelings for Anakin in canon.