Here's the next chapter. Nothing much to say. Except I have Twisted, another Hardycest, story, up! :)
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12 – Alone
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Jeff's alone now.
His band's all gotten boyfriends, Randy's gotten that football player John Cena to be one and his cocky personality just fits John completely, Chris is with Adam and they kiss in front of them every five minutes, making Randy scream at them even if he and John are the same and all that Jeff wants is for him to get close to Matt like this but he can't and this is just reminding him of horrid memories and broken dreams and sweet horror and oh, how he wants Matt to hold onto him but there's nothing but air to hold him and he's always so alone and shattered on the inside.
He finds himself rolling around in his bed, with nightmares of what might happen to him without Matt. Or what might happen to Matt. He's going to Canada and Jeff will be all alone. There'll be nothing left to prove that they were brothers. He'd be all alone. Always and he'd have nothing there to fix him. He's so broken and so very shattered and so very hurt that he doesn't believe that he can be fixed. It's like all the nightmares are his only friends. No one really cares and no one should.
When he'd finally wake up from bed, he'd always look for his black clothing and he'd add a white, pink, or purple belt, sometimes blue just because it's Matt's favorite, and that little sparkle of bright clothing is Jeff's way of showing how much he really loves Matt, how he'd ignited the dark black fire in him and his hair, now dyed every few days, are there to symbolize just how many colors he wish would be there.
When he'd walk downstairs, he'd always, always, sit down onto the chair and play around with his food, purposely making noises with his spoon so that he doesn't feel so lonely and to break the silence that's burning between him and the room and he'd usually walk away with the bowl completely full and just a bit of milk dripping out of his mouth that he lets fall down onto the floor.
When he'd go to school, he'd feel as if he's an outcast, even if Randy, Chris and Adam still hang around with him. He feels different. No one understands how he truly feels deep down. He's still pushed inside of closets and he still has people make out with him. He'd still pushed around in the hallway, them taking off his shirt, and try unbuckling his pants, he doesn't care anymore.
He just wants Matt back.
Is that too much to ask for?
When he'd go back home, he'd spend his time drawing a picture of Matt, trying to prefect the beauty of his face, trying to just perfect him. He makes sure that his hair's all messy with curly ringlets that are dull and dreary and dry with just a hint of moisture in them. He spends his time trying to perfect those brown eyes, trying to make those flawless chocolate brown eyes, trying to make them hard and rigid. He spends his time trying to color the paleness of his skin, and every time he does, he pretends that his brother's body's pressing against his. The coldness of that skin. The softness of his pink mouth. It's enough to make Jeff cry.
Today's afternoon had been slightly different.
He hears the sound of his door opening and then there's Chris Jericho standing there with his electric guitar, "hello, Jeffy! You haven't been in practice for long so we decide to bring the practice to you!"
Randy, John and Adam walk inside. Randy shoves Chris away while Adam grabs onto his boyfriend's shoulder and kiss him. "We're not here for a make out movie!" Randy exclaims angrily, as he walks over to Jeff and sits beside him on his bed which makes Jeff shove his picture inside of his notebook as fast as possible because he doesn't want to be judged. The last thing he wants is to be judged. You don't want them to know that you're in love with him, do you?
"What's that?"
Randy grabs onto Jeff's notebook and basically rips it out of his hands and he takes out the colorful painting out of Jeff's notebook, staring at the details of the picture, about his little obsession. His Matt.
"I didn't think—"
"Matt sexually abused me. You all know that. But he's my brother. And I love him and I don't want him to go away." Jeff's voice's stiff and stern, just like Matt's and he realizes that he's truly missed Matt so much that his mind wants him to act like Matt. To be as unfeeling and emotionless as Matt.
"Look at him!" Adam exclaims. "He's a mess. He's confused."
"I'm not confused! Matt…I've really missed him. He's my brother and I don't want him to go away. He's taught me so much…yeah, true, he can be horrible when he's drunk but what can you do? Matt's Matt and that's just life. It's not his fault he got upset and went for a drink. He's just like that! It's not Matt's fault!"
"Yeah, I was. Listen, I'm going through some rough stuff, okay? Don't get mixed up in alcohol like me. You're a good kid, Jeff."
Matt's voice haunts the back of Jeff's head and he can almost feel the tears spilling but he won't cry. Especially not in front of them. He doesn't want to be weak. He wants to be strong. Strong for Matt. He needs to stay strong for Matt. And they can see it in his eyes how much pain he's in.
"Jeff, please, lay down. Rest or something. We'll see you tomorrow in school. You seem to be having a rough time lately and we don't want it to be worse." They all walk out of the room and he stares out the window, feeling a mixture of too many emotions burn inside of him as he lets the sheets cover his body.
It's the same routine to where he picks off.
He's alone again and he hears his father's car pull in the garage and he really doesn't care about it anymore as he pulls the sheets to cover his face. Same old night routine. And the nightmares would start up again, attacking Jeff. Leaving nothing of him.
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Get ready for a hospital chapter next! :)
Review?
;) Sam
