Riku gave me a weird look when he pulled away, sort of squinting at me and scrunching up his face slightly and I swallowed nervously; had he felt that I was way more into than him? Had I tried to kiss him properly without realizing it, just because it felt so right? And it felt so right. His lips were so soft and smooth and natural, not like Leon's, who uses (too much) chap stick, or like some of the other guys I've kissed, who almost all had chapped lips from biting and kissed too roughly.

I quickly averted my gaze and wondered if I should leave straight away, but I knew that would look seriously suspicious to everyone, so I just laughed awkwardly and avoided touching or looking at him for the rest of the night. At one point I caught Kairi's gaze and she raised her eyebrows sceptically at me like "you're being an idiot" before winking and smirking at me. I almost dreaded going home because I knew she was going to insist on coming with me, which she did, after leaving Tidus standing at the door of his jeep expectantly. Normally I would have teased her and given her shit about leading him on all night and then leaving him hanging, but I desperately bargained with myself that if I left her alone she'd leave me alone too.

Obviously that was just wishful thinking. We had to walk all the way across town to my dad's, since it was the weekend, and she left me in peace for the walk, chatting amiably about Axel and Xion, and telling me I was an idiot about my car, and offering to come with me tomorrow when I went with my dad to pick it up.

I was almost – almost – lulled into a false sense of security but I know her too well and sure enough as soon as we were settled in my room with a mug of hot chocolate each and changed into our pyjamas (well. I was in my pyjamas. She was wearing a t-shirt of mine and her underwear) and leaning against the pillows she turned to me slyly and said, 'So what was it like?'

I considered playing dumb but I knew she knew I knew what she was talking about so I figured I may as well just go with it. 'Not gonna lie,' I said resignedly, 'it was pretty amazing.'

'Tell me everything.'

So even though I felt like a total girl I told her about how soft his lips are and how warm his hand was on my neck and how fireworks went off behind my eyelids. Kairi squealed and fell against me excitedly.

'You are so lucky, you shit,' she told me affectionately, squeezing me.

'Yeah,' I agreed glumly.

'What's wrong?'

'Nothing.' I gave her my patented counterfeit grin that I developed over the last year while my parents were constantly yelling and such.

'Lies. Tell me.'

I shrugged helplessly. 'Well, you know.'

'You have a crush on him.'

I blushed. 'Is it that obvious?'

'Babe, you're nowhere near as obvious as I am, and if he hasn't noticed mine then he definitely hasn't noticed yours. It's just, for one thing, I know you, and for another, even if you were a complete stranger, you'd have to be mad not to get a crush on Riku. He's gorgeous and he's lovely, and he's totally cool. He's the trifecta.'

'Exactly,' I agreed emphatically. 'And if I wasn't falling for him before then I definitely am now and it's all pointless because he's straight as an arrow.'

'Hmm,' Kairi murmured, laying her head against mine, and for the first time in our lives she wasn't able to say anything to make me feel better because we both knew it was true.

'Tell me about Tidus then,' I eventually changed the subject.

'What about him?'

'Do you like him?'

'No. He's a prize idiot. He'd win prizes for his idiocy.'

'We were lucky he came to get us today you know, you might try being nicer to him!'

'Nicer! If I was any nicer I'd have been dry humping him on Xion's bed.'

'The fact that you associate niceness with sexuality is worrying, Kairi,' I told her sternly.

'Whatever. He is so not getting in my pants it is ridiculous. No point raising his hopes.'

'I think you might have made a mistake when you sat in his lap, then. Anyway he's totally hot, why won't you give him a chance? Do you still like Riku or something?'

Kairi pondered this. 'Well I still think he's smoking hot, obviously. But something about seeing a guy making out with your guy best friend puts you off him a bit.'

'Sorry.'

'No, it's definitely for the best. I couldn't handle the pressure of fancying him for much longer. Serious inferiority complex was materializing.'

'I think you should give Tidus a chance then. He's just like Riku, they both like getting in trouble and pissing people off, and this guy is into you.'

'And he looks like a vampire.'

I had to agree this was an accurate assertion of his silver hair and eyes and stunning paleness.

'Did you give him your number or anything?'

'Of course not. If he wants it badly enough he'll get his hands on it somehow.'

'I think you might be taking Xion's advice a little too seriously,' I confided. 'She at least gave Axel a chance in the end.'

'Yes, but my little gay friend, you are forgetting that she actually likes Axel. I want Tidus to go die in a hole.' I was about to protest that he hadn't actually done anything wrong, but she rolled over, announced she was going to sleep, and promptly went there. Then when I woke up this morning she was already humming in the tiny kitchen making toast and fried eggs for breakfast, so I just smiled to myself – Kairi only hums when she has reason to be really happy, and she never cooks – and didn't say anything.


Monday, 17th October, 2011

When I walked out of my dad's apartment building this morning there was a car I recognized idling in the car-park, which I presumed was waiting for me. Nervously, I walked past my own car and up to the passenger side, getting in without knocking or asking.

'Hey,' Leon said, smiling, but I could tell he was nervous. 'How was your weekend?'

Which was a question of such magnitude that I couldn't even begin to try to answer it, so I just shrugged and shook my head. 'Fine,' I managed, 'what about yours?'

'Good, actually. I did a lot of thinking. That's why I'm here. Can I drive you to school?'

'I'm in the car, aren't I?'

Leon grinned and put the car into drive, pulling out of the parking lot onto the road.

'So, I couldn't concentrate on anything over the weekend. I had to cancel my violin lessons with the kids and I didn't even get any homework done. I couldn't stop thinking about you.'

'Sorry,' I muttered awkwardly, even though it wasn't my fault.

'It's not your fault,' Leon said, and I was surprised, wondering who he would attribute blame to now, since Leon never blames himself for anything. 'It was me.' I was genuinely shocked. 'I was thinking about everything you said last week in the bathroom, about how I just decide things for us and don't consult you and basically, Sora, I'm controlling.'

I didn't bother saying that I could have told him that – that anybody could have told him that – because I didn't want to ruin the moment. Plus it was pretty remarkable that he had arrived at this conclusion by himself, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little proud of him.

'I've been a complete jerk to you and the worst thing is that I didn't even realise I was doing it. I was thinking about two years ago, when we first started getting together… Usually when I think about that time I just remember how happy I was and how you made my tummy flip over whenever I saw you.'

I couldn't help but smile at this. Leon had never told me that was how I'd made him feel. In fact, I'd been completely unsure of his feelings for me in the beginning stages of our relationship and was constantly nervous that I was going to put a foot wrong because he was two years older than me and when you're fourteen two years is a lot.

'But I never thought about how I'd made you feel back then and when I started thinking about it this weekend, Jesus, Sora, I don't even know why you got together with me in the first place. I guess because I didn't even give you a choice. I was always bossing you around, telling you where to meet me and when and never asking if it was even convenient for you, and then after a few weeks of that I just started introducing you to people as my boyfriend without even asking you if you wanted to be!' I shrugged; this was all true. But I'd been a very nervous, very confused kid back then. I'd only just come out to people and I was terrified of going through it by myself; even though a small, deeply buried part of me knew I was uncomfortable with how things were going, I was way more scared of being without him. He was so confident and self-assured and comfortable with who he was that I thought, this is it, this is what I need to get through this.

'And then, I don't know, I guess I was so used to treating you like that and you not complaining about it that I just continued doing it. I never even realised how much you hated it.'

I shifted uncomfortably. 'I guess I could have mentioned it sooner,' I admitted.

'Yeah, you could have,' Leon said, but he didn't seem accusatory. 'But I shouldn't have been doing it in the first place.'

I put my hand out and rested it over his on the gear shift. 'I'm really proud of you Leon,' I said softly him. Despite how controlling he was, he'd never hidden parts of himself from me, I knew him and I knew how hard that would have been for him to admit. 'I know that wasn't easy.'

Leon glanced at our hands and gave me a fleeting smile. 'A few weeks of discomfort isn't much compared to two years of being trapped in a cage of a relationship,' he said.

I frowned; that wasn't exactly accurate. 'That's not how I felt,' I told him. 'I was scared, sure, but I wouldn't have stayed if I didn't like you, if you didn't make me feel safe.'

Leon looked at me, his eyes wide. 'You were scared of me?' he demanded.

I shook my head, back-tracking. 'No, that's not what I meant, I wasn't scared of you,' I assured him. 'I was scared of being alone and what would happen if I came out without you as a support system. I really don't think I could have gone through that without you Leon, you were amazing.'

'But you never even talked to me about that. I was actually kind of jealous, I thought you were fine with it when it had been so difficult for me.'

I shrugged. 'I didn't need to talk about it. You always said the right thing without my even needing to ask.'

Silently, he pulled the car to a stop and I realised we were in the parking lot at school. He turned off the car and we both sat there, staring straight ahead for a few seconds.

'Bunk off with me,' I said suddenly.

Leon looked at me, surprised. 'What?'

'Bunk off with me. We still have loads to talk about and we're on a roll.'

Leon shifted uncomfortably. 'Um. Would you not just rather come over after school? I have a test today and…' he trailed off as I put my hand on his again.

'Bunk off with me,' I said again, looking into his eyes intently. 'Come on.'

Leon's eyes searched mine for a second, then he smiled and shrugged helplessly. 'Okay. But you are forging my sick note if I get in trouble for that test.'


I know all your little red perky butts must be raging because you all hate Leon. But as a wise man one said, "Don't hate me 'cus you ain't me." And I also know that some of you little perverts were all extacting when you heard bunk, it does not mean wanking or masterbation, is skipping, you perverts you. And sorry about gramar errors, I all this at two in the morning. And well.. This is when I have a bunch of emotions swirling in my body and I can't thing right but, eh, whatever.

Adious for now.

- MacabreObsession. -

XIII . I . MMXII