After Edward left last night I thought a lot. It was very important that I understood what he wanted and what he felt, if he felt anything at all, beside hate for me.
There was something I was sure and that was that Tanya and he were together since a lot of time. He said that she was important to him. How long had they been together? Had she played a big role in his life? And more importantly does she play still a big role in his life?
What should I do? Should just accept her existence and conform with the fact that I am his wife and she only his lover. She would never be openly with him. My children would call him father. My children would be his heirs. All the glory and respect were mine. But was that enough for me?
Could I just be pleased with an image only? How could I live with the fact that my husband sleeps with someone else. That his love goes to someone else.
What of my love? Would I ever be in love? Could I also try to find my love in someone else? Would he accept that? I already knew the answer of that. And it was no. He would see that as a humiliation. Of course only the men have the right to have lovers. For them is normal. The society doesn't condemn them, but totally the opposite. The younger and prettier the lovers were more proud are the men.
I hated this world where the woman didn't have the same rights. Being borne a princess didn't save me because I had to obey my husband and accept anything he wanted. The way my marriage was arranged didn't help my situation more. It was crystal clear that I had to accept Edward's wishes in order to protect my country from him.
I had a meeting with the Queen. I wanted to talk with her. I wanted to know her opinion about this situation. If I wanted to change I needed someone to side with me and who better than the Queen, but I wasn't sure what would she say. What her son was doing, was pretty normal, but she is a woman and she would understand me perfectly. I would prepare my next move according to her behaviour. I couldn't against all of them alone, but with the Queens help everything would be easier.
I prepared myself meticulously and went to see her. We would be meeting in her personal rooms. That was great. I had never been there. That was a clear sign that she trusted me more. With steady steps I went in front of her door and waited for the guards to announce me. I bowed in front of her as she came and helped me rise."'Good morning Bella! How are you? I was so pleased to hear that you wanted to talk personally with me.'' she said with a smile in her face.
''Good morning Queen Esme! I am very well, thank you! The pleasure is all mine. Thank you very much for dedicating me your precious time.''
''Oh Bella, I am always there when you need me. You are my daughter- in-law and I am always there for you when you need me.'' she answered me.
''Thank you very much! You can't imagine how great is for me to hear this from you Your Majesty. It is crucial for me to have your guidance and your help to help me prepare for this new role in my life'' I said all honestly and humbly.
''Isabella, I think I know pretty well, why are you here now. I am informed of what happened this weekend. I never thought Edward would do this in his first trip after the marriage. I am very disappointed in him and I will let him know about that. I wanted to come to you this two days, but I thought you would like better to stay alone in this difficult days, because my presence would make you feel uncomfortable.'' She said to me with a saddened expression.
''Thank you very much for the consideration. It is true that I didn't feel very well this two days, but your presence is always welcomed, my Queen.''
''Isabella, I am a woman also. I know very well the difficult situation you are living. Why are you here? To complain about Edward's behaviour toward you? Are you here to ask my advice with your next steps? Tell me the truth Isabella? I would love to help you.''
''My relationship with Edward is totally not functional. He doesn't talk to me. He doesn't want to spend time with me. Aside from the nights when he comes to bed I don't have any contact with him at all. I tried to engage him to talk with me, but he doesn't want to. He is pushing me all the time. I don't know what to do.'' I could feel right now the tears forming in my eyes.
''My child. I am so sorry to hear that. I knew that it would be difficult for this marriage to function properly from the beginning, but Edward's behaviour is going too far. I promise you that I will talk with him about this.'' She said to me.
''There is something I wanted to ask you. You need to have lots of patience with Edward. He has a bad character and sometimes can behave very bad, but you have to know that he has a good heart. My Edward has suffered a lot and the war was particularly merciless to him. This war marked him more than anyone. That is why is difficult to him to accept you as his wife. But I am that with patience and love he will reason and will abandon his hate and hopefully will open his heart one more time, to become the lovely boy he was once.'' She was crying right now as she spoke. I looked as if Edward's behaviour affected her a lot.
''Please, don't cry! I feel that I came here to make you sad Your Majesty!'' I felt so bad. I didn't know what to say. What does one say when you make your own Queen cry. Should I try to help her or let her alone with her pain, that apparently is very big and the wounds are still opened.
''Oh no Isabella, it is not your fault. Don't feel bad about it. I can talk with Edward and I will, but he is a grown man and I don't know how much he will listen my words. Tanya is with Edward since many years. She has been his friend and lately as you many know much more. I can't prohibit him from seeing her, but I can ask him to give you more time. Hopefully you will use this time wisely and bond with him'' she said.
He will give me more time. I have to use just a time he is free from his lover in order to bond. Was this the life I wanted? I couldn't believe it. I still hadn't said anything when the Queen spoke again.
''Don't make that face Isabella. I know it may sound bad but this is the truth and the maximum I can do for you. Please don't forget that you are fighting for you husband and there is nothing bad about it. There is nothing to be ashamed about it and less with the situation your marriage was arranged. I know very well what is to fight against someone for the love of your own husband. I couldn't believe what she was saying. I tried to control the expression in my face but I couldn't. I was sure that the shock was written all over my face.
''Yes my dear. My marriage was not much better than yours in the beginning. Carlisle was in love with someone else. He had been with her since he was child. They had grown up together and shared many things. When I knew about her existence I cried for many days and didn't go out of my room. I felt betrayed and hurt. '' she spoke with closed eyes as she remembered her past.
'' I was very young and I didn't know my strength. I was self-conscious and didn't appreciate myself enough. It was normal that Carlisle was searching for someone else. When I didn't like myself, how could I wait him to like me? I spoke with him and told him that it hurt me a lot that he was with her. I told him that I wanted to do everything to help our marriage and that I was ready to forget what had happened till now.'"'You want to know what happened? In the beginning he kept seeing her, but I was stronger, smarter and prettier. I was his wife. He didn't have to hide to be with me. I appreciated every moment with him and cherished it. I showed her place in front of him, because I was his wife and she was just a lover. Her tactics would come to an end and it came. Carlisle got tired of her and stopped seeing her. In the same time I was pregnant. This bounded us so tightly.'' She was smiling as she spoke right now.
''This is my story. It doesn't have to be yours. You are your own person with your own personality. I believe that you will take the best decision in order to save your marriage with my son. There is something I want to say you. '' I was listening very carefully what was she saying. I needed her help and much more when she had passed the same situation as me.
''Don't forget who you are and who you are going to be. No one can make you fell weak if you don't give them permission. This was my mother's advice for me and it helped me a lot. I am sure it will help you also if you behave gracefully and pride is your first quality.''
The tears were running in my cheeks, not because I was sad but because she was being so good. It felt like my mother was here. I still couldn't believe that she shared that sad history about her life with me. Slowly she grabs my hand and takes them into her owns. She looked in directly into my eyes and said: '' Don't cry and don't say thank you. The only way you can thank me is when you put into practice what I say, my dear. Please don't forget my words!''
With these words I got-up and with a look of appreciation I left her room. Suddenly I felt good.
I was feeling more hopeful. If she did it why couldn't I do it? I was young, beautiful and very strong. I was motivated. One because I wanted to be happy and two because that was the only way to protect my country. I wanted to take a walk through the garden and reflect on what the Queen said me. I had to think carefully if I wanted my plan to succeed.
Today was a nice day and the weather was very good. The sun was shining and the garden looked wonderfully. A nice walk was a good idea.
I went in the garden at the back of the castle. It was smaller but quitter and prettier. Right now I wanted to stay alone and think very well what I was going to do. I just walked through the garden admiring the colours and smelling the idly perfume.
All this peace was disturbed when I saw Tanya sitting in one of the benches, enjoying the sun and looking very happy.
My blood started to boil in my veins. Why had to be she here right now? Why did I have to see her face all the time? My first reaction was to leave, but then I thought what I talked with the Queen. I had to change. I couldn't be any more the small scared girl that escaped everything.
I kept walking till I was passing Tanya's bench. I didn't want to talk to her. She was no one and she had to understand that.
I was surprised to hear her talk to me.
''Princess Isabella, good morning!'' she said to me with a smile in her face.
I couldn't believe she had the audacity to talk to me. She was to a lower rang, so she can't talk to me if I don't acknowledge her, but it seems she doesn't care.
''Lady Tanya, I thought you had better manners. But why would that be? You have no dignity. Why would you have manners.'' I said to her. Her face was priceless. It was like she couldn't believe her ears.
"Look our scared girl is showing her true nature. There is no more sweet and naïve Isabella? Why would that be?'' I hate the expression in her face. I would do anything to wipe that stupid smile form her face.
"You don't know me, so you can't talk about my nature. Only a narrow-minded person like you can judge persons from the way the look or the clothes they wear. But don't worry I am not disappointed, because I didn't have high expectations of you. You turned up to be what I thought: empty and stupid.''
''Uau, big words said by a kid, don't you think that, my dear. I am sorry that you are so young and that Edward won't consider you at all. It is very sad, but this is the reality. He wants me, because I know what he likes and I am not a shy, small and boring little girl'' she said coming nearer to me.
''I have no doubts that you are more experienced than me. No one in this court has, believe me. I am young as you said, but not stupid nor ugly. You know that very well. I can see it in your eyes the panic that Edward is getting bored with you. And I will be there: young and welcoming. ''
Looking her in the eyes I said:'' I am his wife. That is never going to change, I promise you. You are just his whore and he is going to get tired of you. You are no one, absolutely no one. Don't think highly of yourself just because you warm my husband's bed.''
And one more thing: 'I will never forget this weekend. You are going to pay it dearly what you did. "Believe me, you don't want to be against me''
And now I wish you a nice day, if you can have one.
With that I left for my rooms with a big smile.
Hi!
Two updates in one day! I am really spoiling you. Well to tell the truth I believe in one principle" One has to become always better, one should achieve every time more". So I promised my self I would have for each chapter at least one review more. So, you already more than passed the nr of reviews of chapter 10, that' s why you get a new updated!
You never fail to bring me a smile in my face with your comments, never!
So what do you think about the talk with the Queen?
Who ho was saying in the end" Take that you bi***!"
Some bad new:( I am going tomorrow to Oktoberfest in Munich and I think I won't be able to update this weekend, but maybe your love can make me find some time to do it.
-E
