"It's nothing," Steve snaps, making DJ's mouth twist sourly at his tone. He takes a deep breath and softens his next line. "It's just from when Clint hit me with the arrow… The wound opened back up when I changed. I'm fine."
DJ full out scowls and toes closer to the foliage. "Very few people would be fine after getting shot. Don't be a dumbass, Steve."
"Don't talk down to me," his voice hardens again from the dark. "I'm smaller, not dumber."
"I think everyone in the general vicinity knows full well that I would talk down to you regardless of your size and mental capacity." A twig snaps under her boot and she hears Steve skitter backwards at her approach. "It's one of my infamous charms. Still wanna marry me?"
Steve laughed weakly, fidgeting with the sleeves of his now over-sized armor. "Still wanna marry me?"
"To be fair, I never said yes to begin with," she replied, earning a glare from Natasha that said certainly not helping. "But I would totally conceive another illegitimate child with you."
"Daisy."
"What?" She challenged with a smile. "Don't believe me? I'll strip down right here and climb you like a tree."
DJ can practically feel the heat radiating from the blush she knows must be there, and the trademark 'aw shucks' scrunched shoulders. "It'd be more like climbing a small shrub."
"Oh? Oh. Christ Steve, it's not the size of the boat, it's the-"
"I wasn't talking about that!" Steve squawks stomping indignantly out from the trees. "And could we not talk about my- you know- here?!"
With a sly grin DJ grabs his hands and leads him further out into the clearing. "It got you to come out of hiding, didn't it? And the magazine's say I'm all beauty and no brains!"
"The magazines also say you're one of New York's most eligible bachelorette's," Bruce comments dryly. "But I think they've overlooked one of your growing problems."
DJ responds with a pout. "Too soon for fetus jokes, Banner. Too soon."
Howard, however, perks up. "You're in magazines?"
"Oh yeah," Tony answers, moving to throw an arm over his not-dad's shoulders, but stops the gesture halfway. "You should see her spreads. You'd love 'em."
"Trust me, I've already seen her sprea-"
Natasha holds an arm out as Steve takes a not-so-menacing-but-probably-intended-to-be step forward. "Am I the only one who doesn't have a one track mind?"
"No," Clint smirks. "Banner doesn't. If he did he'd turn green and kill us all with his arousal. Oh. Well I guess that's not true anymore. Congrats, man." He unseeingly extends a hand towards no one for a high five.
A deep rumble from the earth cut off any witty response that may have come, and Thor groans disagreeably. "It seems we are misfortunate enough to be in the presence of a foe."
Understatement of the century. From behind them something gargantuan, tube-shaped, and slimy burst out of the ground, making the ground quake as its armless body thrashed against the ground.
"Really," Tony commented flatly. "A giant worm."
"Actually," DJ corrected in the same monotone. "It's a slug."
Steve nodded. "A giant slug."
"A bug is a bug." The corners of Tony's mouth tug downward as he takes slow, careful steps away from the slug.
Natasha pulls a gun out of a holster and cocks it. "Neither a slug nor a worm is a bug."
"We should run," Howard says a little easily. "Eagleeye here can't even see."
"You know damn well that's not his name," Steve scolds as he takes the gun out of Natasha's unsteady and wavering grip. He takes a deep breath and releases five shots in quick succession, nailing the slug directly between the eyes. The others just stare. "What? I might have lost the serum but I wasstill in the Army."
The shrug convulses and a stream of fire explodes angrily from its mouth, scorching the tops of the trees.
"Fire-breathing giant slug," Tony sighs. "Yes. Run."
"Okay," DJ began from inside the cave they'd run into for safety. "So our powers are gone. But Tony and Bruce are still geniuses. Howard too, I guess. The magic glitter fog apparently thought he was useless because they didn't take anything from him. Steve can shoot and strategize. Natasha can probably still outwit the baddies and Clint's resting face is still terrifying. I bet Thor could drink anyone under the table, and I…"
Thor scratched his beard thoughtfully and offered, "You're pregnant."
"Thanks," she drawled. "My worth is equated to my vagina."
"You're still a bitch," Clint shrugged at the wrong person. "You could exasperate the slug into submission."
Howard perks up like a dog with a bone. "That's it!"
"No," Tony stops him with a sharp look.
"What?" Steve cocks his head to the side, picking up on the tension but missing the reason.
"Pops here wants to use your girlfriend as slug bait."
Steve jumps to his feet, standing toe to toe with Howard, forgetting momentarily that he doesn't exactly tower over people the way he used to. "Don't start putting ideas in her head. You know she'd volunteer in an instant. There's more than just her to think about. Think about the baby."
"I'm standing right here, Steve. I don't need the menfolk to make my decisions for me." DJ rolls her eyes in annoyance, dragging Steve away from his failed attempt at intimidation. "I've been in situations far more dangerous than this. I can handle it. Besides, I can't sit around and be useless just because I'm pregnant."
"Just because you are pregnant?" Thor bellows before Steve gets the chance. "This child is a gift. A symbol of your love and so much more. As a friend, I will not allow you to risk it. If I have to guard you myself, you shall stay here."
Her eyes sharpen and it takes all of her will not to stomp her feet. "There is a giant mother fucking fire breathing slug! You guys are going to need all the help you can get."
"And we're going to need all of our concentration," Natasha counters coolly. "If you go in on this, Steve's only going to have his eyes on you. Don't get him killed because of your wounded pride."
DJ sighs and leans her weight against the wall of the cave, grumbling to herself. "Fuck you and your logic."
"Clint's staying behind, too," Natasha adds both coolly placating and sharply adamant.
Body immediately tensing and raising ramrod straight, Clint didn't even attempt to face Natasha's general direction. "Bull shit I am!"
Tony (ineffectually) rolls his eyes at his temporarily blind teammate. "What help do you think you're going to be shooting arrows and missing by a mile? You'll be worse than a distraction, Helen Keller, you'll shoot us instead."
Howard's plan was straightforward enough. Thor and Howard, loud mouths that they were, would distract the giant fire-breathing slug from either side on the ground, splitting the attention and preventing a focused attack. Steve and Tony would take to the tops of trees with a couple guns, firing with the aim of guiding the slug towards the cave. The tricky part, however, came when Natasha and Bruce crouched on top of the cave as she walked him through setting up the overly complicated SHIELD explosives her shaking hands were too imprecise to manage.
And of course while this happened DJ was expected to lead the blind through the forest to safety.
"If this is a glimpse of what my future as a mother will be like, I'm quitting while I'm ahead," DJ grumbles mostly to herself.
Clint scoffs indignantly even as he trips over a tree root. "I'm not that incompetent."
"I meant sitting out of battles, dumb ass."
"Oh…" He trails off, stopping just centimeters from running head on into a tree, which cruelly disappoints DJ. "But it'll be worth it, won't it?"
With a growl DJ lets her head fall back onto the body of the tree. "I thought I might it quite clear a long time ago that I didn't intend to do the feelings talk with anyone."
"You do them with Steve," Clint tries to stare pointedly, but really only pulls off looking brain dead.
"Yeah, well, Steve is Steve. He's the embodiment of feelings and earnestness and infuriating unwavering stubbornness and nauseating loyalty and whatnot. You don't say no to Steve when he wants you to tear yourself open and face the terrifying reality of your emotions."
He smiles smugly and surprisingly manages to point at her when he speaks triumphantly. "Which is why you're an idiot."
"Pardon?" She balks. "I will walk off and leave you in the jungle alone."
Thoroughly unimpressed by her threats, Clint doesn't give up on his point. "I'm just saying, if you don't marry Cap and make a dozen more unfairly attractive children then that'll be the biggest mistake of your life. And you've made quite a few."
"You know insulting people doesn't really persuade them to listen to you."
"You only listen to insults."
"Deep-seated self-hatred. It's a mutant thing."
On the other side of the jungle Howard starts to lag, panting heavily. "Finishing up with those explosives about now would be swell."
"Something's not right," Natasha calls back from her position on the cave top. "Something must've jostled loose inside. It's totally unresponsive."
"I can't keep this up," Howard groans, hands curling around his cramping sides.
"Rest," Thor insists with an energetic bounce on the balls of his feet. "Even without my powers I have ample energy. I will distract the beast on my own."
Tony pauses in his strategic stream of bullets. "Bruce, any chance you can shoot? I'm coming up there and cracking it open for a look."
The wild haired man frowns nervously. "I'm afraid not. Smashing is more my forte."
Steve lowers his gun and nods approval at Tony. "Just go. I'll cover Thor from the ground and see if we can wrangle it that way."
"You sure?" Tony asks even as he starts making his way down the branches.
"I rarely am."
DJ, tired of volleying, loses her grip on her anger in a way that, under different circumstances, would have brought a building down on Clint's head. Instead she whips around and lands a kick square in the center of his chest. The satisfaction of the blow last only for a brief second, until the guilt comes rushing in.
She just kicked a blind man. A blind man who has stumbled a few steps backwards and started a slow roll down a very steep hill she didn't notice just seconds before. "Oh shit!"
Carefully making her way down after him, DJ winces as he hits a body of water with a splash. She sincerely hopes his lack of eyesight doesn't hinder his ability to swim. "Clint! Are you alright?! Shit!"
His head breaks the surface and he's gasping, flailing in surprise. "Uh, wha- I can see!"
DJ pauses at the edge of the small lake and arches a skeptical brow. "Really? All it takes is one this-is-Sparta kick to the chest and everything's back to normal?"
"I don't think so," Clint responds flatly, cupping a handful of glitter-specked water. "The sparkly shit must have stuck to us and then-"
Without waiting for him to finish, DJ leapt into the water beside him. She beamed and shook her sopping blonde locks like a dog, smattering his face with droplets.
"I thought you were the least eager to get your powers back?"
She shrugs, testing herself by turning a cluster of boulders to dust. "I guess the only thing I hate more than being a freak of nature is having to sit on the sidelines."
Clint's expression shifts minutely, but DJ has known him long enough to read his look as I don't really want to be the one to have to say this. "Then how great is it that you'll be so integral in saving us by leading Thor back here to wash off while I grab my bow."
"You bastard!"
My optimism in quickly cranking out chapters during winter break was greatly demolished by the reality of my tendency to sleep all day and an internet connection that only works one tenth of the time. So I apologize if I got anyone's hopes up. But hopefully I've gotten my ass back in gear (again)! Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, followed, or favorited. You guys are fantastic and are the only reason I've lasted so long with this. There are about two or three chapters left of this, then who knows what I'm doing with my life. Keep up the fabulous feedback!
