School sucks. And a certain guy at my school kind of does too. Pity he's adorable. Ah well. I'll wear my best party dress and look fabulous anyways. So he can see what he's missing.
Evans,
Listen, I'm sorry about Snivellocity not speaking to you, but that's not really my problem. Anyways, why would you want him to? He must spray you with slime every time he opens his mouth. Speaking of slime – that jogs my memory. I remember why you're mad at me now! But how could I help it if me and Sirius just wanted to forestall your plan of dumping hippogriff poop all over us? It was a precautionary measure really. By stuffing your overhead compartment full of hippogriff poop, you were unable to complete your dastardly deed, so our mission was a success.
Remus Lupin finally intervened with my wardrobe malfunction. He got the dress and makeup off, and my hair is deflated again. I must say I miss the dress a little. It was so nice and silky and felt like sunshine on my nether regions. For such a quiet bloke, Remus sure is interesting. I didn't get to know him that well last year, but he's our friend now. Very mysterious. And serious. And he leaves his underwear on the floor. But he has this mischievous side that's extremely entertaining if you can coax it out.
Oh, I just remembered the reason for this letter. Since we have to do that stupid Transfiguration project together, you kind of have to start talking to me. Actually talking, not pouring squid brains on me accidentally-on-purpose. That doesn't count as interaction. Go relearn your social skills, Evans.
As I said before...darling greasy Sevvy isn't my problem. So what if you're having marital tiffs? You can still talk to me. You're missing out. I'm pretty awesome. Did you see me catch that Snitch in tryouts?
Sincerely,
Just talk to me. It's harder to bug you when you don't respond.
P.S. Sirius said to tell Marlene thanks for levitating him into the lake when he went up to meet her on the Astronomy Tower. He still isn't dry and would kindly like to know what in the name of sweet Merlin possessed her to do that.
P.P.S. I rather liked Hogwarts Harlequins as a nickname. How about Gryffindor Goonies?
P.P.P.S. I actually did enjoy the story about the bunny in the supermarket. I cried tears of rainbows and moonlight when Fluffers found the spinach at last.
BoysarestupidandruinmylifeIh adadateforhomecomingandthenh edecideditwasn'tgoingtoworksoyourstrulyisgo ingstagwithherbestgirlfriend s
Potter,
How is it not your problem? It's completely your fault Sev and I aren't speaking to each other. Those abominable toilets...
How about a deal? Once he and I are friends again, I'll start talking to you. Maybe it'll even be in time to do our Transfiguration project. Now it's your problem.
And whoop de doo, I'm glad you remember the hippogriff poop incident. You'll be getting comeuppance for that shortly. That's also the reason why Marlene threw Sirius in the lake, by the way. Your lovely gift got all over her hair. I think that's how they flirt, though. Get poo in each others' hair and throw each other in the lake. Seems completely logical to me.
Thanks for all the details about Remus. I'm sure your friend would be thrilled to hear you talking about how he leaves his knickers lying about. I could have gone my whole life without hearing that snippet of information.
Sincerely,
Strangely enough I miss not responding to you when you're annoying me. I came up with some truly excellent one line responses that I couldn't use.
P.S. Gryffindor Goonies. I really, really, really, truly, completely hate it.
P.P.S. Remember the deal. Once Severus and I are friends, I'll talk to you again. It probably won't be kind. But it will be words coming out of my mouth.
Kind of a semi-ish important chapter next.
Highlighted Reviewer: Lady Elizabeth of York. Well, I would have had to mention sixteen separate reviewers, and what with all the crap in my life I simply don't have time. EVERYONE, PLEASE NOTE THAT I LOVE YOU ALL UNEQUIVOCALLY. That being said I'm glad you enjoyed :)
Sorry, peeps. It's been a bugger of a week. Hopefully next update I'll be free from the curses that are writers' block and PMS.
112 reviews, baby. That makes me happy. Can we shoot for 120? Or over. That's okay too :D
Don't let the Muggles get you down.
Americanathogwarts
