Don't Ask, Don't Tell
3 Months Ago
Rachel is sleeping quietly next to her, their bodies entwined such that she cannot tell limb from limb. She feels complete for the first time ever, like she finally can breathe and recognize the person she wants to be. It's familiar in some ways because she's always known this was who she wanted to be and this was what she had hoped to feel like.
Quinn Fabray is a quick learner and understands that Rachel was solely responsible for her current state of mind and she needed to do everything in her power to protect the brunette currently lying in her arms.
She would have to take it upon herself to always ensure that Rachel was happy and protected because she would never in a million years be able to articulate to Rachel what her presence has meant to Quinn.
So she makes a solemn promise to herself that she would always put Rachel first regardless of the cost to her, Rachel's wellbeing would always have to come first. Even if it meant hurting Rachel in the short run, the end game was to ensure Rachel was protected, always.
#$#$#$#$
Rachel can hear the shower running and wants to join Quinn even as she looks at the number of unanswered calls and messages she has on her phone. They had sequestered themselves in her room, ignoring the outside world because they needed the time to reconnect.
But Rachel's never been slow on the uptake and she knows that eventually, the outside world would encroach upon them. Which meant she would have to decide how to handle the media and Kurt and what she wanted to promise Quinn.
The latter decision being the easiest one to make because she wanted to promise the world to Quinn. She wasn't going to push or force any declarations, all she wanted to do was to let Quinn know that she wanted Quinn to be in her life in any capacity the blonde was comfortable with.
It was definitely easier said than done because Rachel was never patient or willing to delegate decisions to any other party. But Quinn was special and Rachel knows what she wants and what would make her happy, but for once, she wants to know what would make Quinn happy and if it entailed modifying her ingrained behavioral traits, then that was what she was going to strive to do.
"You're making me waste good hot water." She smiles as she hears Quinn call out, already off the bed and undressing as she walks towards the bathroom. Rachel realizes how special Quinn is in the context of her life and because of that, she promises herself that she wouldn't push or make the decision on Quinn's behalf, she would accept whatever the blond wanted to give of herself. She just prayed that Quinn was willing to give her everything.
The Present
The sun feels different on her skin, in fact everything seems so foreign even though she had spent six years living in California, it's not home anymore and Quinn does not know or remember where home really is.
Lt. Pierce is pushing her wheelchair and Quinn wants to tell her to stop, that she can do it herself and that being here isn't affecting her at all only she's lying and it hurts to know that she's finally in the same country as Rachel but they're still further away than they've ever been. She realizes that it had been her choice but also understands that she loves Rachel too much to become a burden to her.
"So you're going to have to testify, huh?" She looks up at Brittany's face and nods, unsure of what she's going to say but knowing that it's up to her to ensure that the men who killed Jesse and hurt Rachel didn't get released.
When General Sylvester had come to her hospital room to see her, she knew that it had to be serious. Initially Quinn had thought that her lack of response to the psychologist and doctors had finally got her into trouble enough for the Base Commander to pay her a visit. Only her subsequent words had stunned her enough for her to finally speak.
"Listen up Captain Q, I know you're all kinds of hurt but I'm only going to say this once so listen up. Suck. It .Up. Life is pain and the sooner you understand it, the easier all this is going to be. Now, you're going to need to fly to California." The General's voice dripping with hate as the name of the State passes her lips but she just sneers and continues. "Those jackals that killed your friend, their parole hearings are being held next week."
Quinn finally looks up, her hazel eyes alert as she understands the implications of General Sylvester's words. Yet, she still cannot bring herself to say anything, only staring straight at her waiting for her to say more.
"One Rachel Berry was set to testify."
Quinn's intake of breath does not go unnoticed but still she remains quiet, the only difference being her expression now showing fear and regret.
"But as of an hour ago, she can't make it to the hearing."
Those words and the apprehension they instill in her finally giving her impetus to speak, "Why?" Quinn's voice is soft, rusty and her hands grab hold of the bedrail so tightly because she would be reaching out otherwise, pulling on the General's coat, demanding the reason why Rachel can't go to California. She's trying so hard not to think of the worst but not succeeding as she feels fear grip her senses.
"Her manager says that she's taken suddenly ill." Sue mimes a drink bottle as she tilts her head back and knows Quinn will react to it as she had predicted.
"She can't know." She stares at the General and only continues when she sees her nod. "When do I leave?" She couldn't protect Rachel physically or stop her from drinking but Quinn could testify on her behalf. She didn't do it before but it didn't preclude her from doing it now. Rachel wouldn't have to know, she wouldn't be there to see how broken Quinn was but at lease she could still speak up.
She's roused out of her memories as a woman walks up to them, file in her hand and determined look on her face. "You must be Captain Quinn Fabray. I'm Mercedes Jones from the law firm of Frankel, Uchida, Carlyle and Kingston." She was not expecting the wheelchair or the utter look of defeat on Quinn's face but she had to work with what she had. She just hoped Kurt knew what he was doing and Rachel wasn't too surprised.
"Fuck!" Brittany exclaims smiling, the word sailing over her comprehension as she nods enthusiatically at Mercedes.
"Yes, as in them. The hearing's scheduled to take place this afternoon and we've got special dispensation for you to testify on the victims' behalf. You may need to explain your relationship to Rachel and Jesse." Mercedes had been Rachel's lawyer for the past four years and she mainly had to deal with contract wordings and conveyance.
This was new but when Kurt had explained the situation, she knew that she needed to do something. She knew a bit about Quinn and Rachel's so called relationship and how the young soldier had broken it off recently, leaving Rachel desolate and inconsolable. Kurt had thought that Quinn Fabray had been scared or just plain stupid but perhaps there was more to it than that considering the fact that Quinn looked like she had been through the wringer and more.
"Ok." Quinn nods, taking a deep breath and looking at Rachel's lawyer, wanting to ask after Rachel but scared because she didn't have a right to; her eyes wide and unblinking as they meet Mercedes's.
Mercedes has seen that look before and though she wants to ignore it, she cannot bring herself to ignore the implied plea from Quinn's eyes. "She's hanging in there, no thanks to you. They're still behind bars so we just have to make sure they remain there." She gives Quinn the once over, pleased to see her chest filled with ribbons and medals.
"You're going to have to put on a show if we want to make sure." She sees resolve on Quinn's face and is at least comforted in knowing that even if she wasn't with Rachel anymore, she seemed determined to do her best here.
"Just tell me what to do."
#$#$#$#$
Rachel knows that Quinn is nearby but can't bring herself to hope. She feels Kurt hand cover her own, stopping her fingers from digging into the sides of the car seat.
"Relax, we'll be there soon and you'll get your chance." He had got the message from Mercedes that Quinn had arrived and was testifying. He's not sure if he should tell Rachel about the wheelchair knowing how on edge she already was.
"Whatever happens, you know you'll always have me." Her eyes meet his and he can see her uncertainty but also her resolve reflected back. "Just promise me you'll say what you need to her but also give her a chance to explain."
Rachel's always suspected that Kurt knew more than he let on and had a hand somewhat in her history with Quinn. She knows she could force it out of him but in the end, he had helped her get Quinn stateside and it really came down to her and how much Quinn loved her considering she already knows how much she loves Quinn.
#$#$#$#
Mercedes's language over the phone is unrepeatable and even Brittany eyes bug out when she hears it. Quinn's quiet, her hands in fists on her lap as she looks out the window, her expression almost stricken as she realizes that all her efforts may have been in vain. As always, she has fallen short of making a difference and it hurts tothink that Rachel will suffer because of it.
"They had a priest as a character witness for god sake." Mercedes is almost apoplectic as she recounts how they had used religion to try and condone part of their past actions. "It was.." She glances at Quinn and stops her words. "I gotta go. We may still have a shot."
She sees Quinn finally look at her, regret etched on her face "I should have been there six years ago." She had recounted the incident in her clear voice, how the four men had acted in the bar and how she had thrown them out because they had threatened Rachel and Jesse. However, she could not really give further context on what happened next. She hadn't been there to see the attack ad had only arrive at the aftermath.
So she had been honest though about how guilty she had felt and how the incident had affected her albeit indirectly and how she knew in her heart it affected Rachel.
"What else can I do?" There's desperation to her question as she realizes that she is indeed useless to Rachel. Quinn's so mired with guilt such that she does not even notice the new entrant into the room until a voice speaks up.
"You can hold my hand while I testify." The voice is tentative as Rachel stares at Quinn. Her hands wanting to touch her but she's rooted to the spot. She takes in the wheelchair, Quinn's leg in an elaborate cast the weight loss and the paleness of her skin, still marred with faint scars and scratches.
It finally made sense, sort of, but it still didn't negate the hurt of Quinn's rejection. She had clearly been injured and instead of turning to Rachel, Quinn had rejected her. Even with that, all Rachel can think of is holding Quinn's hand because she was so scared out of her mind and about to face her attackers again.
She wants so badly to reach out but in her heart she knows that the decision has to be Quinn's, Rachel knows that she could profess her love or take the first step but she wants Quinn to make the choice. Even if Quinn didn't choose her, she would at least know either way instead of living in hope and dying slowly inside.
She meets Quinn's hazel eyes, seeing the hurt and pain flow through but also something else, something undefined yet familiar and Rachel involuntarily takes a step forward.
Quinn had felt so incomplete until she heard Rachel's voice and saw her standing not three feet away. The only problem was that she still felt so broken inside and neither Rachel not her love for her could change that. She hears Rachel's plea and has to press her hands into her lap so as not to reach out no matter how much she wants to. She stares at the brunette taking her in, noting the way the sun glinted off her hair and how her eyes shone with unshed tears.
She had received some absolution from Rachel for Jesse's death and the attack but she's so broken because she now carries the guilt of Ally's death as well and there was no way she would expose Rachel to that. It was inconceivable to burden Rachel with her problems and injuries.
Quinn does not want the moment to end but then Rachel takes the step forward and her instincts kick in as she places her hands on the wheels, turns the chair deftly and pushes herself away without a word.
She's not fast enough such that she can hear Rachel's cry and Mercedes's curse, "Hell to the no. What the fuck is that girl on."
End Part 12
So my Quinn is extremely stubborn and completely bull headed. And yes, she will get some sense kicked into her in the next chapter. And the next flashback should finally explain why Quinn feels so guilty about Ally and is kind of punishing herself and protecting Rachel.
