"I like my women how I like my glasses; sitting on my face," Leon said as he walked Helena home.
"You do realize there's an obvious flaw in that statement, you don't wear glasses," Helena slurred, her arm over his shoulders as he helped her stay up and walk despite her adamant arguments of being able to handle herself just fine.
"Yeah, I heard that from Hunnigan," Leon confessed.
"I like my women how I like my webservers; insecure and full of exploitable holes. I heard that from Hunnigan," Helena said.
"Oh, my God," Leon doubled over in laughter.
"Okay, since the worst 'I like my women how'-flirts apparently came from Hunnigan, we should declare this a draw," he then said, sighing deeply and still chuckling. Helena nodded in agreement, actually kind of glad that she wasn't the clear winner of the playful contest.
Leon walked her into the apartment building and escorted her up. After they'd finished the six-pack he'd had in his cooler, they'd headed over to the nearby bar for a couple more pints (and most importantly to use the restroom). Leon had forgotten that Helena was a lightweight and that three bottles of beer, one pint, and one shot of vodka were enough to drop her under the table. In this case, literally... at which point he'd decided it was time to walk her home.
"Dude, I live here, I have a key, what are you doing?" Helena laughed softly when he rang the doorbell. Hunnigan answered the door, visibly surprised at the sight of them.
"Howdy ma'am, I believe this lost little lamb belongs to you," Leon said, tipping an imaginary cowboy hat.
"I dread to ask... so I won't," Hunnigan commented and moved to take over the duty of ensuring Helena stayed on her feet instead of falling flat on her ass.
"For the record, I didn't realize she can't hold her liquor until it was too late, so I'm innocent," Leon then said and Hunnigan chuckled softly.
"I know, thanks for bringing her home."
"No problem. Good night," he smiled before turning to head out.
"Night," Hunnigan responded and closed the door before helping Helena peel off her clothes and guiding her to the bedroom. Helena slumped onto the bed, pulling Hunnigan with her and turned to face the older woman.
"Boop," she then said and poked Hunnigan's nose with her fingertip, her face lighting up with a brilliant (albeit drunk) smile as she did so and apparently found Hunnigan's somewhat agitated sigh highly amusing.
"You're surprisingly annoying when you're drunk," Hunnigan smirked, her voice somewhat stuffy because Helena was still pressing her finger on her nose and across her lips.
"And you're surprisingly secretive," Helena pouted, patting Hunnigan's nose. The older woman swatted her hand away from her face and rubbed her nose to get rid of the tickling sensation that lingered. She then captured Helena's hand into her own to keep the younger woman from continuing her drunken antics.
"I know," she muttered.
"I mean, we've been together for, like, over two years, you should've told me, there was time."
"I know," Hunnigan repeated.
"And sure, it doesn't make a difference in practice, but I feel that I deserved to know sooner."
"I know."
"You sound like a broken record, is that seriously all you've got to say?" Helena scoffed.
"Well, what am I supposed to say? What is there to say? You're right, I should've told you, but I didn't and I'm sorry that I didn't, and that's... pretty much all I can say," Hunnigan reasoned.
"Fine, but I still want you to fight with me for three days because I'm bored."
"I... what?" Hunnigan scoffed.
"Leon has a theory that I pick fights with you because I get bored if everything's too calm for too long."
"You didn't tell him about Emily, did you?"
"Give me some credit," Helena rolled her eyes, "Of course not, and what the hell would he care even if I had told him? Though, I'm surprised he didn't know, he was around when you were expecting, wasn't he?"
"True, but most our interactions happen through phone or otherwise not in person, he rarely sees more than what's above my shoulders," Hunnigan explained.
"Still, someone must've noticed."
"Well, director Shepard knows, I had to tell him why I wanted to use up all my accumulated overtime and vacations at once. But other than that, you'd be amazed. Most people probably thought I'd gained weight and were too polite to just ask, and when it became impossible to hide it with clothes, I was off to my leave."
"I'm surprised Shepard agreed to that," Helena smirked.
"He probably wouldn't have if I hadn't said I wouldn't be needing the maternity leave afterward," Hunnigan chuckled.
"Emily's a great kid, I kinda wish you'd kept her," Helena murmured, half-asleep as she was beginning to pass out.
"I'm pretty sure she wouldn't have turned out as great if I'd had a hand in raising her," Hunnigan confessed.
"...yeah, and you would've named her One," Helena then realized and Hunnigan laughed softly.
"There's that too," she agreed in a whisper.
"I'm still kinda mad at you," Helena then grumbled, her words in contradiction with the way she snuggled closer to Hunnigan, burying her face into the other woman's chest.
"I don't blame you," Hunnigan said and ran her fingers through Helena's hair.
"Oh, my God, I just realized that this is what penis-envy must feel like," Helena then proclaimed suddenly.
"I already regret asking, but... what are you talking about?"
"I hate that I couldn't have been Emily's father."
"Jesus," Hunnigan chuckled, "Even if it had been physically possible, at the time you were eighteen and running off to join the military," she pointed out.
"For your information, I wasn't 'running off', I enlisted for the incentive money, which I then used to help pay for Deborah's schooling, so don't even dare to imply that I wouldn't have made a responsible father," Helena lectured.
"All right, I admit you'd make a great dad," Hunnigan humored the younger woman.
"I so would!" Helena exclaimed, "I'd teach the kid to fly a helicopter and how to play the drums."
"I didn't know you could play the drums," Hunnigan frowned.
"I can't, but I'd learn to and then I'd teach. And you know what else?"
"What?"
"I would not let you name our child Two," Helena finished her mini-rant and passed out.
"You are such a ridiculous woman sometimes," Hunnigan smiled and kissed the sleeping woman's forehead softly.
Helena woke up to the loud rumble of thunder. The storm she'd been hoping for earlier had finally arrived and was tearing at the trees outside. Helena didn't feel hungover per se, but she could certainly tell she'd been drinking. Hunnigan was still asleep and Helena got out of the bed quietly. Catnip glanced over her as she passed his doggy bed, yawned and grumbled a little before settling back to sleep, deciding the human's antics weren't interesting enough to warrant getting up.
Helena went to grab a glass of water before heading to the study. She slumped on the couch there and sighed, still unable to decide how exactly to feel about everything that had been dumped on her recently. A part of her wanted to get angry, insisting that she'd been wronged... and while it was technically true, the other half that insisted getting upset over it would be pointless, because nothing would change no matter how furious she got.
"I hate this crap," she grumbled to herself and reached to grab the controller, switching the console on and hoping to get her mind off things by playing video games, but that didn't go over as planned either. She'd barely gotten to the co-op lobby before getting booted out.
A LAN cable is not connected, the console informed her.
"Yes, it is, you fucking-!" Helena yelled and almost threw the controller, but decided to take her frustration out by punching the couch cushion instead. It would be cheaper than having to buy a new controller... and replace whatever it would break upon impact. She sat there fuming for a moment before getting up and marching into the bedroom.
"Hunnigan, wake up," she said and shook the other woman's shoulder a little.
"What?" Hunnigan frowned and sat up, reaching for her glasses and squinting at the clock. It was barely half past four in the morning.
"I can't get online and I need you to fix it."
"Who am I, your tech support?" Hunnigan sighed.
"No, your setup is the reason I have this problem so if anything, you're like... the opposite of tech support," Helena argued and Hunnigan stood up, rolling her eyes and walking over to the study.
"For heaven's sake..." she groaned and opened the laptop's lid, leaning sit on the edge of her desk and logged in.
"Don't complain to me, if you hadn't refused to do this the first time I asked, we wouldn't be having this conversation," Helena shrugged and crossed her arms over her stomach. Hunnigan inhaled deeply and cleared her throat as she grabbed the controller and went to check the console's online settings before proceeding to type out series of numbers on her computer.
"I didn't refuse, I said that you gotta forward ports," she mumbled as she did just that.
"I don't even know what the fuck that means and you expected me to figure it out even though I asked you if you'd do it?" Helena argued.
"Well, I'm sorry, I forget that not everyone's a nerd!" Hunnigan snapped, finished typing and slammed the laptop shut, "There, go play!" she rolled her eyes then, put the computer away and stood up.
"Thank you! Was that really so fucking hard and so fucking much to ask!" Helena growled at her as she was exiting the room.
"You know..!" Hunnigan began, turning on her heel, but cut herself off before finishing her sentence; instead she literally bit her tongue before clicking it and shaking her head.
"I am not going to stand here fighting with you over something as stupid as a minor case of miscommunication regarding port forwarding! Especially because I know that's not what we're really even fighting about, you just want an argument."
"You're right, I do want an argument!" Helena yelled.
"That's wonderful. I, on the other hand, want to go to bed," Hunnigan said and was about to leave again when Helena grabbed her arm and stopped her, knowing perfectly well that if she let Hunnigan go, the other woman would ignore the problem until it went away when Helena finally reached the point where she could no longer stand the silence and the sulking.
"I am so fucking furious at you for not telling me the truth sooner, but at the same time I know I shouldn't be, and now I'm stuck in this God damn loop of contradicting feelings, and I have nowhere to put them and I don't know what to do about them!" Helena shouted in exasperation.
"I understand, but I don't know what you expect me to do about that! I can't say anything that would fix it and I can't travel back in time either!"
"I need you to help me with this! I need this fucking disgusting feeling to go away!"
"How! I would, you know I would if you'd just tell me how do I fix this!"
"I don't know," Helena whispered and slumped onto the couch, sucking in a shuddering breath and buried her face into her hands to hide her frustrated tears. Hunnigan went to sit beside her and slowly wrapped her arms around Helena, kind of expecting the younger woman to just shrug her off agitatedly, but instead, Helena gave into the embrace.
"I'm sorry," Hunnigan apologized, knowing it didn't make it better, but aware that there wasn't much more that she could say. Helena nodded and wiped her eyes, sighing deeply and nodding slowly as she pulled back from the embrace. They sat in silence for a long moment, listening to the storm that had quickly begun to pale in comparison to the storm brewing inside the apartment. Finally, Helena turned to face Hunnigan.
"I actually feel a little better now."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. Yelling at you helped," Helena quirked an eyebrow and Hunnigan chuckled ruefully.
"Well, you're allowed to yell as much as you want about this, I'll give you that," she said.
"I'll remember that," Helena scoffed amusedly, "Can we just kiss and make up?"
"I'd like that," Hunnigan nodded, even though they both knew it wouldn't be quite as simple. Helena would brood over this for a while longer whether she wanted to or not, the bad memories and all the hurt feelings bubbling up even long after, inevitably resulting in another argument. Not today, probably not tomorrow, but definitely soon. However, considering everything, Hunnigan was willing to let her have her argument, she felt Helena had deserved a free pass.
"I don't want to lose you over this," she said, leaning her forehead against Helena's and the younger woman shook her head a little.
"You're not going to, I'm just hurt, but it'll heal in time."
"I'm gonna try to figure out how to fix this, I promise."
"I know," Helena nodded and leaned to plant a light kiss onto Hunnigan's lips.
