Shattered Reflection
There were many ways of making a go of it. Somehow, mine was immensely disappointing. That's what I thought anyway, as I curled up in a ball in the corner opposite of the bed. I had the sweats. The shaking wasn't helping either.
Hot, cold, tired, hyper, grumpy, happy, hungry, full, it just boiled down to yet another night I couldn't sleep.
I rested my head up against the icy stone, how much more could I take this…?
I supposed, as long as I could, then beyond.
What other choice did I have?
"…after that, you will need to go and talk to him about the mission that he apparently failed to even embark on. Such trash, all of them. They don't understand that they are expected to work, do they think Lord Aizen created them to lie around?"
My eyes slid shut. A couple days agoI had found out how to stay on my feet with practically no energy, yesterday I figured how to swallow yawns and today it seemed I had learned to mentally shut down and not know it. That was of course until Ulquiorra's words entailed something about bananas dancing around monkeys.
"I'm sorry, could you repeat that last sentence?"I mumbled and pried an eye open.
The Espada was looking at me with those laser eyes again, "what is wrong with you?"
For someone told to be incredibly smart, today he was proving to be not the brightest crayon in the box.
"Nothin'" I shook the sleep cloud away from my head. "So you want me to go to this person and do what again?"
"You will do nothing," he shifted his attention back to the papers on the desk.
"Okay," I tipsily turned, "I'm off then to fulfill your majesty's wonderful orders."
"No," the Espada dipped the pen in the ink to accent the one-liner.
I wondered what I had missed, "No?"
"No," he looked up straight at me, "instead, you are going to stand there and tell me about your insomnia."
I had looked in the mirror before I went about my daily tasks. I knew that I looked worst than usual but for the self-absorbed Ulquiorra to know something was wrong was scary. The tipoff was probably somewhere between the dark black eye circles or the fact that I could hardly stand without tipping over.
"I don't have insomnia," the fake grin ate at my face, "you see Ulquiorra, insomnia is for silly people. I am not a silly person."
The Espada's face leveled off at annoyance, "do not lie, trash."
"Why would I?" I shrugged the 'trash' comment off. "Now do you want me to go and get this stuff done when you want it done or when you're done interrogating me?"
"I don't have to interrogate you. I already know the true. I have seen the tapes of your sad little self wandering the past week and a half."
Oops. The grin dropped like a stone and I wished that I hadn't started trying to walk off my stupid security cameras, I should have thought a bit more. Then again, I was too tired to think. It was a bit of a problem.
"Ah…yeah you see, I'm out at night because I always forget-forget-um….to…" I ended the flawless lie with a sigh and I leaned back against the wall, "Yeah. Why not? Sure, let's call it insomnia."
"Do you know what I have in front of me?" I closed my eyes against his words.
"Bunnies? Birds? A multicolored rainbow?"
He didn't even bother trying to attack my sarcasm, "Ten different reports from different security personnel saying the same thing."
This time, I didn't respond.
"I have let them stack up for about four days," Ulquiorra paused and I heard him spread the papers across the desk, "I cannot ignore them any longer."
Opening my eyes, I stared at the white flawless floor, "they're ARN reports…right?"
"Yes."
The Arrancar Relapse Notion. Memories of a long forgotten past are remembered, that's the rough explanation. There's so much conflict within us when it happens, it all becomes useless. It turns into your run-of-the-mill version of insanity.
An executive decision is made from there…swords are drawn…then it's quietly put to an end.
And now, I supposed, I wouldn't be far behind them.
The Espada sighed, "What am I going to do with you, fraccion?"
"Sign the paper and send me off on my merry way to be killed?" It was the driest question that I had ever asked.
Twisting the pen in his hand, he looked down at the paper, "So you do not deny it."
I thought about it for a second before I answered, "No. But I'm better than it. I won't let this… thing ruin my life. I'm better than it."
Funny thing, 'my life'. If you wanted to be technical about it, I was already way past dead.
"Explain to me what is happening," Sitting back in his chair, it was his turn to close his eyes.
Just the slight mention of it brought back the pain and the overwhelming sense of joy. It was weird to feel the emotion, especially since I knew that it was slowly ripping me apart.
"I've been having this dream," I started off awkwardly, "and then afterwards I wake up and I'm sick. I always feel all these weird emotions… then after a long time, it all fades away. I've tried to go back to sleep. It just starts all over again."
"What happens in the dream?"
The irony of it all hit right then and there. "The human me dies. A beam falls on the back of my head and I die right there and then."
Together we fell into silence. There wasn't much to say to that.
Finally, he opened his eyes, "I am giving you five more days, if there is no improvement by then, it is over."
I smiled but he cut me off before I could say anything more, "You should also know that I will be leaving for a classified mission in four days. No one knows about it, so do not be stupid. Now, fill my tea and leave."
As I put my hand on the doorknob, he spoke up again, "Why are you a hollow?"
It seemed so funny to ask, such a simple question to such a complicated answer, but I answered anyways.
"I became a hollow because I was in the middle of playing the biggest piano performance of my life."
The days passed through my fingers like water. Nights into days and then back again into those awful nights. The dream sapped away everything. I couldn't feel my fingers anymore. I couldn't see color anymore in this grey world. I couldn't even smile. I lost so much weight a leaf could have knocked me over.
I was barely moving. I was barely talking. I was barely even thinking.
Ulquiorra became a distant mountain, so far, far away. He kept his promise but it was too late. He didn't even look anymore.
The tea cup shattered. The contents went everywhere on the floor.
How could I have dropped it? It was in my fingers just a second ago.
Broken porcelain was everywhere. Their wet reflection showed nothing but exhaustion.
I crumpled to the floor and stared at them. I would have to get up and clean up the pieces. Would it be the same? Would it be the same for me? Shattered, broken, unfixable, just swept away?
I don't know how long I sat there. Maybe I just did not want to get back up. Ulquiorra was gone on that mission of his. I could stay here for a while.
Resting my head against my knees, I closed my eyes and let the world slip away. Just for a second, I would.
Of course, I never got a break, because in that second,
All hell broke loose in Las Noches.
Thanks to Lucky. Unlucky .13, Winter 'neechan and TheCrimsonKiss for reviewing! Also, thanks to Rose202 who fought more grammatical monsters in this then you can ever guess.
We have a special little section today because something amazing happened yesterday. Yesterday Winter 'neechan gave me my first piece of fan art ever! I won't get into the long cliche story of how when I started writing fanfiction I dreamedof fanart. It's quite the sob-story. The end result is this: I am ecstatic. It's an awesome picture of Sola that can be found on Deviantart just by searching "Sola Kiri" Or by this link http:/winter-oneechan.(remove)deviantart(me).(please) com/art/Sola-Kiri-286818305
I am honored. Today, Winter'neechan gets her own section. That's how honored I am.
I bet none of you were looking for this chapter, Right? I'm not one for cliffhangers, but this was just too good to past up. I am really going to leave it at that because I REFUSE to spoil how this one ends.
Review?
-Q
Kubo Tite=Ulquiorra Quinhywvar=Barely Alive Sola, easy enough yes?
