WOW, things are hectic. Ash and Evie have been constantly puttering around in my head, even as I write tests and grade papers and generally bustle around being all professorial. I have a span of a few days where I actually have some free time, though (FINALLY!), so expect another chapter soon.
In Which Things Are Most Definitely Not Back To Normal
I sat up when I started getting a cramp in my leg, and he released me. I gazed into his face, noting that the surface time had scoured his skin raw and red, and he hadn't healed himself. Of course he hadn't. Ash didn't have any stored curses left in him. Not that he was any less deadly for it- there were plenty of curses that didn't rely on pre-consumed potions, and he still knew them all. His exertions had left him bleeding from several scratches on his arm- no, not scratches. Clawmarks. There were others, less deep, scabbed over, that still had to be plenty painful.
"Surface demons?" I asked, and he nodded, eyes bright and hard. Ash's time on the surface hadn't left him any gentler, I could sense that much. He was wounded on more than just the physical level. "I've got a healing curse left- do you want it?"
He looked at his injuries, and shrugged. "I'll be fine," he said. He kept staring at me, a brittle, measuring stare that made me fear the flaws that he might be seeing. Was he looking at my aura, now entwined with Al's golden glow? Was he weighing all the ways I'd been unfaithful to him? I'd probably just insulted him by offering him a healing curse. Who knew what was in his head? I felt heat rising to my face, but didn't ask. There was still too much of a chasm between us, erasing the comfortable familiarity we'd shared before.
"Will you tell me what happened to you, after Nick kidnapped me?" I asked finally.
He turned off the spotlight and looked around the room instead. His eyes paused on the empty spot on the bookshelf, where Red's bottle had sat. When I'd moved in with Al, it was the only thing I'd taken with me. "You went to Newt when I left you, yesterday," he said, ignoring my question. "I heard you summon her. I figured you'd have her stick me in a bottle or something. You bargained for the safety of your friends, instead. I thought you'd given all that up."
"No," I said, amazed at how my voice didn't tremble. "Never."
He nodded, looking away again. "I hadn't even thought of them."
I blinked. Well, shit. I'd been feeling ever so clever for beating him to the punch, and he hadn't even begun to wind up yet. "Then what were you planning on doing for your grand vengeance plan?"
Ash shrugged, for all the world like a boy with his hands in his pockets. It could have meant anything, but I couldn't detect any hint of the wouldn't you like to know? vibe I expected. "What did you promise her?"
My forehead crinkled as I realized that now I was beholden to Newt for no really pressing reason. Or maybe they were still in danger? I didn't know how to interpret Ash's tone of voice, and he had threatened to do them all in at one point. "She wants me to buy Rachel's mark from Al…" The remembered sensation of Al forcing his way into my mind made me wince and curl in on myself, the magnitude of his betrayal, his pain. I'd let Al in before, unhappy as I'd been about it, but he'd never held me down and forced me. I shuddered, unable to suppress the whimper of disgust and hurt at the memory. Was it worse that I'd felt the magnitude of his rage and desperation, and could sympathize? I had never desired such intimacy, not with Al of all people. I could forgive him most of the abuse, but never this. It would be a long time before he earned an ounce of my trust back, if ever. I tried to push the memory from my mind, not wanting to let Therese pounce on the moment of weakness and work herself into a lather again. Heaven knew what she'd do when I let myself think about the second half of the betrayal- those who'd hidden Rachel away from us. Not to mention Rachel herself. I gritted my teeth. So much to angst over. So little time…
"He's trying to reach you," Ash said, and I glanced back at him, startled. "I'm blocking him."
"You can do…you're still in my head?" I asked. Good lord, how did I let all this happen? How had I allowed not just one, but two demons access to my private mind?
"Well, not in it so much as lurking nearby. Since yesterday," he said. "Waiting." Waiting for what? A way in? Gathering intel so he had good dirt to torment me with? "I was already on my way when you called me. Good thing, too, or he'd have done way more damage."
Should I have been relieved? His voice was so…empty, his face so blank. Was he still trying to figure out where he stood? Or how he felt? I hated when he looked so still and emotionless- usually it was because he was hiding a depth of emotion that would soon burst the dike and overwhelm us. He could at least have had the decency to look annoyed at what Al had done. Or maybe he was plotting Al's demise in some slow, suitably demonic fashion. I just couldn't tell and it was driving me bonkers! "Thanks," I managed. "For getting me out of there, and blocking him. I just...can't deal with him right now."
"I know," he replied, the hint of a smirk quirking his lips. "He was about to be toast." Ash held up the silver bracelets he'd apparently salvaged from the surface when we'd left. "I admit, I nearly let you do it."
My face grew hot as humiliation warred with horror at just how close I'd come to seriously losing it. I'd given Therese free reign, and she'd nearly gone nova again. Ash had pretty much thrown himself on the grenade for Al, risking his own skin to distract me long enough to bring me down. It'd been close. Some of those burns on his skin might have been from me, I realized. I tried to chuckle, like it didn't matter, but my own complete loss of control was still too frightening. "Yeah. He owes you a hell of a favor."
Ash looked at his hands. "A life for a life," he said quietly. There were volumes in that simple phrase, volumes in another language that I couldn't begin to decipher.
"Ash…" What's wrong? How do we fix this? How do we begin to heal again? I didn't know where to start.
He regarded me with raised brows, waiting for me to finish. There was an air of arrested hope, as if he were waiting for me to say the magic words. But I just felt the gulf between us seemed to widen even further for his lack of willingness to try to bridge it himself. He'd saved my life, saved Al's life—did that mean he still cared? Or was it self-serving in a way that I couldn't yet see? He was still keeping to his promise, I decided. Still claimed me as his. Just…it was all weird now, and I was suddenly terrified of saying exactly the wrong thing.
The silence stretched between us. Finally I caved and asked what I needed to know. "What do I do? What do I do, now? He was supposed to be my mentor, but I can't—I just can't."
Ash snorted. "You'll stay here, of course. With me. But you'd already picked him as your teacher, long before all this happened. Deal with it."
I stared at him, floored. He'd as good as said it: I warned you. Nyah, nyah, nyah. "Ash—"
His silent judgment as painful as accusations would have been. "He really is the best trainer left. You'll survive it. I did."
Somehow it hurt more that he'd accepted my arrangement with Al instead of still being angry about it. A week ago I'd have been relieved, but now it felt like a kick in the stomach. What the hell is wrong with me? "He put you through hell and you didn't try to kill him? Not even once?"
Ash began counting on his fingers, reached ten, looked thoughtfully at the ceiling, then counted another dozen or so. "Lost count. And that was before the Prohibition was put in place. Since then I've had to be more subtle about fucking with his life."
"That's why you had his stuff, when I got here? And he sued you to get it back?"
Ash grinned, mirthless and satisfied. "It's not the first time." I detected a bare trace of amusement, as if he were already moving past the hurt and pain and putting another hash mark in the "Al" column of the Ash vs. Al scoreboard. "Eternity gives you a long time to plan. Even someone as paranoid as Al gets tired of constantly looking over his shoulder."
Appalled and fascinated both, I wondered whether Ash, the most paranoid demon I'd ever met, ever stopped looking over his own shoulder. "Can he still get into your head?"
"No. We're not linked any longer, at least not at that level. Honestly, Evie, he's done far worse to me. You get over it."
I stared at Ash, absolutely dumbstruck once more. "Get over it. That's your response to all this."
Ash's brow furrowed. "You want me to coddle you? Protect you from the big bad demon teacher?"
I had to look away, fury and hurt a churning mess in my stomach and prickling my eyes. Then I sneezed. Adrian, you have perfectly awful timing. Standing quickly, I jerked the silver bracelets from Ash's grip, to prevent me from cursing anyone through a mirror. No sense in taking out my rage on Adrian…even if he'd lied to me, too. The thought stopped me mid-motion, and I had to fight Therese for a good three seconds before I could slip the bracelets on. Surely Adrian knew that Rachel was alive. The two friends I thought I could count on had screwed me over, too. God, that thought hadn't had time to sink in yet. Was Rachel that desperate to escape Al?
Ash gave me a questioning look. "Going somewhere?"
I felt my breath leave in a rush that was a half laugh, half huff. "Do you care…? Adrian's calling. I need my mirror." I jumped from the room to the lab, the last place I'd seen my calling mirror. I was sick and fucking tired of being the sensible, mature person who knew better than to taunt a demon.
But hell, maybe I wasn't even taunting him. Maybe Al hadn't broken something that wasn't already broken. Maybe this whole incident had brought forth the cruel reality in crystal clarity- Ash had never cared, just been following his possessive demon bullshit programming out for the same reasons Al had tried to bind me after losing Rachel. Because I was a fucking demon woman, and because I was fucking there. We'd just lost the luster of our sexual infatuation, that's all. Time to settle down into a convenient, loveless arranged bullshit demon alliance. Woohoo.
Damned if I'd ever let the bastard taste my blood again, though.
I also knew better than to call Adrian in the mood I was in. But I felt myself aligning my fingers on the appropriate glyphs anyway. Therese was driving, even as Evie cautioned her that she was probably about to lose her only ally in the Coven. Therese didn't give a bloody damn who I pissed off at the moment. I answered the call with little grace and a lot of mental grump. What?
I have the... Adrian caught my altered mood the moment he picked up. More bad news…?
I put a hand to my temple, feeling, for the first time, like a demon unwillingly summoned might feel- full of contempt for my puny potential summoner and his awful timing, when I had far more important things to worry about. Of course I wouldn't attack Adrian, but I wasn't in the mood to be very nice, either. Let's see…Made a truce with Al, then he attacked me. Ash and I managed to talk things out and fix nothing. And I found out the only people left whom I had any trust in have lied to me. That about sums up the last hour or two. Pretty eventful. What did you find out?
H-how? Adrian realized right away that the jig was up as far as his deception. No, wait. Evie, I didn't want to lie to you—
But you did. Pierce did. Rachel did. Hell, Trent and Ceri were fucking lying to my face even as they tried to get me to trust them with this whole elf business. I stared at the lovely designs on the mirror, seeing his white face in my mind, but feeling absolutely no mercy. Nice touch, drugging me back there, by the way. Something in the coffee?
Adrian was mentally wringing his hands now, and feeling him enter damage-control mode just set me off even worse. No, no, no, please, it wasn't like that—
It doesn't matter. At that moment, nothing mattered. I'd had it with everyone. I wanted my own place, away from everyone and everything, to be left alone to focus on myself and nothing else. I'd fucking train my own damned self. With books. Ash, Al, the rest of the world could kiss my ass.
Well, no, wait…there was still Hope. The most inappropriately named woman in the entire bloody Ever After.
All right, there was ONE person who hadn't screwed me over. Yet. It was probably inevitable, though. Well…I guess there was Newt, too. She'd actually been pretty straight with me, except for the whole memory-stealing bit. Though she'd more than amply paid me back for that, hadn't she? Maybe I should go shack up with her. My mental brakes came on with a screech. Hold on, there, partner…If, given the choice between Al and Ash, Newt is coming out on top…? Perhaps you should consider whether you're thinking all that clearly…
Adrian could probably hear most of my thoughts, but I didn't care. Evie…please. I had to go along with it. I didn't want to. Let me…please let me explain.
His heartsick emotions were worming their way past my defenses, dragging queasiness in its wake- no, wait, that was the feeling of Ash, summoning me back to the library, apparently too fucking lazy to get his ass out of his chair and follow me. I guess he cared after all…? Heh, not likely. I'd wounded his pride, poor dear. Furious, I fought his summons, fought it until the pain had me wheezing and groaning around the hard knot in my gut. Fucking demons! I exploded. I felt Adrian wince. Fine. Fine, fine, fine. Whatever. I'll signal you when His Nibbs sees fit to let me have a moment alone. Don't summon me until then, or he'll just yank me right back.
I jerked my hand away from the glass before I lost control of my strength and shattered it. All this being yanked back and forth against my will was a total bitch. First thing I'd do once this whole Hope thing was done…?
I'd reset my password, and tell nobody what it was. Ever.
