So, some chapters ago Sam got to go on about being happy (of course then things went to hell after that, but anyway). This doesn't really have anything to do with that, but it's sort of Dean's version of the same thing. Except it's pretty much the flipside of Sam's "in love and happy" piece.


Not Some Imaginary Tale,

Things that dreams are made of

Dean has realised a long time ago that there's never going to be any happy endings for anyone in his family. Maybe he realised it when he was four years old and holding on to his baby brother as his whole life burnt to the ground. Maybe not. At least it wasn't very long after that and the exact moment doesn't really matter, because it's been true from that moment on.

There's no happy endings for any of the Winchesters. Dean has known it for as long as it matters and he's learnt to live with that. He learned to ignore any dreams he might have had for himself, because it was obvious they weren't going to happen anyway.

Dad had had his happy ending taken away from him and all he's looking for is vengeance. And Sam, Sam had always been looking for his happy ending, convinced that it was still out there, hidden in some normal life and all he had to do was find it. Dean had known that could never end well, had known that sooner or later Sam would realise that he wasn't cut out for normal. And there Dean was, had always been, stuck between dad's search for vengeance and Sam's yearning for normal. All Dean's ever done is try to be the best son and the best brother he could be. Maybe he's managed it and maybe not, but at least he knows he's done the best he could. That has to count for something, doesn't it?

It's kind of funny (except it really, really isn't) how dreams of his own still crept up on him, despite all of that. Not the kind of dreams like dad has, of finding the thing that killed mom, of finding answers. Of course he wants that, but not to the point of obsession. Far more than vengeance Dean just wants dad to be okay, wants him to be alive and well and not gone to god knows where. Yeah, that's one dream.

Dean doesn't dream of being normal, like Sam does. He wouldn't know what to do with it. But when Sam's dreams of anything normal shattered with his girlfriend's death Dean finds himself wishing that he could give his brother all those things that Sam wants. Dean's happy as all hell to have his brother back with him, he won't deny that, but still if he could give Sam his perfect world, Dean would. Too bad the world isn't ever going to be perfect and shit's always going to happen to people who don't deserve it.

He loves his family more than anything in the world. But dad had mom and Sam had Jess and at least for a while they got to believe that they'd found their own happy end. Dean's never had that, never fooled himself into thinking he could have that. Maybe Dean's got it better then, because at least he never had to loose that, but somehow he can't quite make himself believe it. Maybe he'd like to think for a little while at least that things will work out in the end. For a precious few moments he'd had Cassie and he might have been in love with her and maybe he could have… but that was over before it really even began and it's not like that was much of a surprise.

Dean has never dreamt of happy endings, not like dad, not like Sam. And the only thing he has beside his family is an unpredictable and deadly, blue eyed blond, with far, far too much energy and a cold eyed killer with a superiority complex a mile wide and the pride to match. Dean's never seen any happy endings there, but it's the best he's going to get and Dean has learned to take what he can, for as long as he can.