Thank you to Lady Cougar-Trombone, Mickey12Boo, and LabGirl2001 for sharing your thoughts regarding last chapter! I'll send a reply as soon as I can. :)
Second update of the weekend and the last before our break. It's one of my favorites that hopefully you guys will enjoy.
Twelve.
By the time the elevators opened, Chase was confident that he knew what he was going to say. He searched around the living room for Torrance while he mentally repeated the words that he wanted to tell her, in the manner that it had to be delivered. When he didn't find her there, he checked the balcony. It was empty. He then proceeded to the library, both hoping and not hoping to see her there.
That room, too, was empty.
He was tempted to go back downstairs and ask Adam one more time where the girl was, but he was positive that his brother would refuse to give him the information again. The eldest seemed to have been terribly unimpressed by his recent treatment of their visitor and had therefore insisted that, if his little brother really wanted to apologize, he was going to have to do all the work himself. Chase couldn't honestly say that he didn't understand why Adam reacted that way. The more he thought about his constant sulky and mean disposition whenever she was involved, the more he realized that he could have been better.
He was not going to justify his actions, but the truth was that uncertainty had a lot to do with his foul attitude towards her. There were so many things they didn't know, so many things that seemed false, that he found it hard to trust her. What made it harder was the news she delivered. It was beautiful in its impossibility, being told that they were going to see their loved one again, that he didn't want to believe it. He didn't want to keep his hopes up and then get disappointed. He didn't want his heart to be broken again.
But after learning from Leo that she had not lied and learning from his family that she really did mean well, he trusted her now.
He also wanted to say he was sorry for what he had done.
Chase turned to go his way to the back of the house to see if she was in the garden, but before he got far the doorbell rang. He paused, not sure whether to get the door or to continue on, but in the end he decided to act on the former. With long strides, he walked towards the door then opened it. Who he saw surprised him.
The shorter girl, with her wavy locks swept to the left side of her face, had her hands in a nervous knot in front of her. After recognizing him, she eased a little bit. She flashed the pretty smile he had known of since the first time they met, making her honey-hued eyes more disarming.
Chase blinked. "Mathai."
"Hi, Chase," Mathai said, shyly tucking her hair behind her ear.
Chase's brows wrinkled lightly in curiosity. "What are you doing here?" he asked. He glanced out to the driveway. "How did you know where I live?"
"I actually didn't. Know where you live, I mean," she said. She pointed to no particular direction behind her before explaining, "I went to where you went to high school. I was going to ask whether you visited or something because I haven't seen you around the campus for days now, and I haven't heard from you, but the principal said you haven't been there. Actually, she said that your siblings had missed school, too. I told her I was a friend from out of town and didn't know where to go, and she gave me your address."
Chase fought the urge to roll his eyes. It was unbelievable that the high school principal still didn't know how to withhold information.
After biting her lips, Mathai added, "I just… I wanted to find you and talk to you, Chase. I wanted to say I'm sorry." She hesitated to continue for a moment. She then sighed. "Theodore told me what happened and why you've been avoiding me."
Chase's frown cleared though inwardly, he still felt hurt after remembering the whole situation. He was also upset – he wanted to be upset – but then he realized that refusing her apology wouldn't be fair. As someone who was also seeking another person's forgiveness, it was only right that he grant it. "Look, Mathai, you don't have to explain everything to me," he said. "You're under no obligation to. We're not in a relationship. We barely even went out, so," he shrugged.
"But, see, that's the problem. I don't want you to think that I was never serious about wanting to go out with you in the first place," Mathai pressed on. "Chase. I like you. I really, really like you. I was looking forward to our date that night! But then you said you weren't coming and, and, and Criss was there with his friends, and my friends invited them over to our table, and – what was I supposed to do? I couldn't just ignore him."
"Wait. Are you blaming me for what happened?" Chase asked carefully.
"No! Of course not! At least not entirely," Mathai said. "But, if you had been there, I would have been with you."
Unable to help himself, Chase scoffed softly in incredulity.
"I know, I know I'm not perfect," Mathai acknowledged. "But you have to at least give me some credit for putting an effort just so I can ask you for a second chance. I don't know how many times I have to say I'm sorry, but if that's what it would take for you to reconsider again, I'll do it. Chase, you're not like the other guys I've met before. All I'm asking is a second chance, please."
Chase shook his head. "I'm sorry, Mathai," he said. "Forgiveness, I can give. Second chance, it's too late."
"Too late?" Mathai repeated. "What do you mean?"
"I would explain, but I don't have the time," Chase said patiently. "Thank you for coming all the way here."
"Wait. Chase—"
"Chase Davenport?"
Both Chase and Mathai looked at her.
Torrance walked closer, her features blank as she regarded the two other teenagers.
Chase faced Mathai again, quite unsure whether he should explain or not and who he should address first.
Mathai, however, decidedly broke the silence. "Hi. I'm Mathai Dinesh-Johnson. I attend the same university Chase goes to," she introduced. She smiled. "You must be Chase's sister."
"I'm not," Torrance said plainly.
Mathai looked at Chase then Torrance then Chase again. After forming her own conclusion, she said, "Oh. I see." She then asked Chase, "When?"
"Sunday night, pizzeria at Pasadena," Chase said guiltily, knowing that that answer would need to be discussed later on when he talked to Torrance. "We met at the parking lot."
Mathai chuckled dejectedly. "Oh. Okay. Now I'm really sorry," she said. "Well, I'm going to go now. I'm sorry again, Chase. I hope that, even if things didn't work out for the two of us, things would work out well for the two of you." With a quick smile at Torrance and then a longer lasting one for Chase, she waved goodbye. Then, she made her way down the driveway back to the street where she parked her car.
Chase slowly closed the door after she was gone. He turned around and faced Torrance then said, "Hi."
Torrance said nothing.
"I was looking for you because I wanted to talk to you," Chase said as he walked over to her.
"Well, here I am," Torrance said.
The neutral and nearly emotionless way she spoke to him caused Chase to be more nervous. Still, he knew she deserved to hear what he had to say, so he forced his nerves to still and just speak out. "I guess there's no better way to start off than just saying I'm sorry. I've been a jerk. I said things and did things without even really thinking about how it would affect you as a person," he said. He scratched his head. "Well, I guess I did have some kind of awareness that the things I did was affecting you in some way, but I just didn't care as much as I should. Truth is, through all these months, I've been holding you responsible for Leo not being with us. I thought you were the one who sent the letter, and I thought you were the one who caused his death. Or not really death."
He risked a glance at Torrance's face to see how she was receiving his apology, but she still held the same expression. He continued. "I guess it was easy to just think bad of you," he admitted. "And I let that rule the way I treat you, and for that I am very sorry."
Torrance ponderously stared at him for a while that Chase began thinking that his apologies couldn't afford her forgiveness. Then, she responded, "I do not find your being angry with me or being suspicious of me as problems. I did not in the beginning, and I do not now. But what creates a strain between us is your fear."
Chase frowned. "My fear?" he said.
"You are afraid of losing control," she said, and her words, though spoken gently, struck Chase hard. "It scared you six months ago when you had to fight against an enemy you cannot see. It frightened you in an unspeakable way when your brother was taken away from you, with you not being able to do anything about it. Now you're scared again. You're scared of not knowing what to do. You're scared that Leo will get hurt. You're scared that bad things will happen because of you."
Chase thought about it. She was right.
"There is nothing wrong with being afraid," Torrance told him. "It is, although, a fault to feel like you must solve every problem that comes your way by yourself."
A minute smirk tugged at an edge of Chase's lips. "I know," he agreed, lifting his eyes up to meet hers. "It's just that, that's who I am. That's who I'm supposed to be. I'm supposed to be the problem-solver. When something comes up, I feel like everybody's expecting me to come up with a solution. It comes with being the mission leader, I guess. When I don't, I just feel completely lost, like I'm not good for anything."
Torrance frowned in disagreement. "Being mission leader is not your worth, Chase Davenport," she said. "You are warmth, and resilience, and intelligence, and love. These and countless more make up who you are. They are far greater than just a solution to a problem and are what your family and others are expecting from you."
The smirk on Chase's face grew into a smile.
Torrance returned the expression. "I accept your apology," she said.
Chase nodded. As a guarantee, he held out a hand. "Do over?"
Torrance shook it, ending the friction between them once and for all.
"So, what's our next move?" Chase asked.
"Retracing," Torrance said. "I doubt we will be able to make another connection. The simulation earlier was timed perfectly, but it may not be the case this time. Douglas Davenport might grow suspicious, and it might put Leo in more trouble."
"Alright."
"Even though your brother didn't tell you where he is, you still need to recount everything you saw in the simulation," Torrance added. "Hopefully there were some landmarks that he had seen, heard or smelled that he had subconsciously mentioned." Her mind then ran against a worrisome thought, and a shadow of it indistinctly darkened her features. "How is he?" she asked.
Chase understood. "Let's just say that we need to find him very soon," he replied.
Torrance nodded.
"You know, he asked me what I thought of you," Chase said.
"Did he?"
"Yeah. He said he understands about me not trusting you, but he told me that I should. He told me you were an honest person."
Torrance mulled over those words, and it produced in her lips the kind of smile that Chase was sure he hadn't seen there before. "Maybe it will be best if I go back downstairs to resume my work," she said.
"Sure. I'll come with."
Torrance led the way to the elevator, with Chase walking in right beside her. On their way down, Chase couldn't stop thinking about that smile. He knew it was only logical for her to have a different reaction when it came to Leo. They had been traveling and working together for six months, and they seemed to be really good friends.
What bothered him, however, was the unshakable hint of jealousy that kicked in somewhere within him when he thought of them becoming something more.
to be continued.
