CHAPTER 12
"No can do, Doc. You're not here to take away everything in our archives." Jack shook his head firmly.
"Jack, you've got stuff in here that should be out in the universe – stuff that should be used and cared for and explored." The Doctor almost threw his hands up in the air in exasperation.
"Most of the things we have in here are weaponry of some form or the other." Jack pointed out, the Doctor grimacing as he thought the same thing as the captain. "And we aren't going to just hand it back to be used. The more that's in here the better."
"But what about when you leave this place in a decade or in a century? What happens to it all then?" He challenged, still vaguely queasy about the fact that he was inside one of the Torchwood institutions.
"It'll be in the hands of someone I trust to take over from me." Jack replied with conviction.
"Fine, fine. But If I find out you've got something in here that's beyond dangerous, I'm not going to be impressed." He took a long drink of his tea – for he'd somehow kept a hold of it in the whirlwind of his discovery – and sighed. "This really is good tea."
"It's not the only thing he does well." Jack said with a grin, to which Niamh tugged hard on his hair. "Ow!"
"Don't talk about Tad like that to him." She said moodily, pointing stubbornly at the Doctor.
"Sweetheart, I was only joking." Jack said gently, peering down at her.
"Not allowed to." She said in a huff, forcing herself away from him until he put her down. She gripped her panda closer and skirted around the Doctor, not turning her back until she could flee to Ianto and Griffin.
"Have I done anything in particular to upset her?"
"No, I don't think so. Maybe she's just heard too many stories about me travelling with you." He said with a shrug and a wistful look in his eyes as he watched Niamh run into Ianto's arms and mutter something darkly to him, his lover flicking his eyes up with raised eyebrows. "Ianto tells them to Griffin sometimes. You're his new favourite super hero."
"Really?" There's was a genuine surprise in the Time Lord's voice.
"Yup." Jack tore his eyes away from Ianto's and shot the Doctor a grin.
"Who did I kick off top spot?" The Doctor asked almost instantly, sitting back in the chair.
"Spiderman."
"Wow." He looked highly impressed as he drained his mug.
"I know." Jack chuckled gently, the Doctor joining in.
It died away a few seconds later, the atmosphere stilling. Apparently, the Doctor had some ambience around him that could do it – the TARDIS had always been the most calm place Jack had known until he'd moved in with Ianto. Where peace was once the image of his room on the TARDIS, it was now their comfortably sized bedroom with the extra large double bed.
"I really am proud of you, Jack." The Doctor said gently. Jack looked at him and saw the expression and the age that had made him give his life a hundred times and more to defend him. "What you did out there - standing up to me, protecting them… It got a whole lot clearer to see your place in time when you did that. I think you're finally living your life."
"What do you mean?" Jack frowned slightly and took the seat across the desk. The Doctor leaned forwards and steepled his fingers, regarding Jack over the top of them.
"I ran away because you scared me. For all my life, I could trust and rely on time being set and fixed and unchangeable. But then you came along and it was like a foot stamping on a mirror." The Doctor gestured whilst he spoke. "The cracks and damage in my mind's eye scattered to the edges of my vision and it was so hard to even think about the centre of the devastation.
"But what's changed?"
"I think, it began to heal in that year on the Valiant, the cracks coming back in a bit. Then when you decided to come back here, to stay with your team, it got clearer still. This place gave you a degree of purpose in your life – gave you the chance to live, not just exist." The Doctor smiled sadly, as if in apology. Jack felt himself grow slightly uncomfortable under the gaze that was fixed on him. "Now, you've got young Mr. Jones and those kids out there and you've been living for them, enjoying your time… But something changed, something just happened – like you made a decision that changed the course of your life."
"What's new there?"
"I'm not joking, Jack. However subconsciously you did it, you just settled almost completely back into time. You're still a fixed point, that'll never change, but the ripples out from you are manageable."
"You know what they say about old age."
"You were never totally sure if you'd stay, were you?" the Doctor watched him curiously, refusing to let him change the subject. "Just then, defending them, that wasn't a conscious decision, that was instinct. You answered your own question. But my question is why you hadn't made your decision yet."
"They were accidents." Jack said bluntly. "Carrying Griffin was one of the most terrifying but worthwhile things I've ever done. Holding him for that first time, watching Ianto sing him to sleep – it was incredible. But I got pregnant again."
"What happened?"
"I denied it the entire time then I shot myself, eight months in. I almost killed our little girl because I thought I'd already ruined Ianto's life enough with Griff."
"You weren't yourself. But I don't think you knew who that was to begin with. It's clearer for you now, isn't it?" The Doctor watched him, almost analytically, but with enough compassion to be caring. Jack looked at him hard, letting his mind fall into place as the other spoke. "You can see who you want to be and you can be it. You can be that partner and that father and one day, you'll be that proud grandfather, holding your grandchild for the first time. You'll be able to watch them grow and be there. It's a wonderful feeling."
"But I'll outlive all of them."
"I outlived mine, didn't I? Before the time war, I was a husband and a father and a grandfather. I know what it's like to have a family, Jack, and I know that nothing made me happier." He smiled warmly and Jack managed to smile in return, feeling something click into place, almost imperceptibly, in the back of his mind.
"Even after all this time, how can you read me like that?" He took a deep breath and shook his head lightly, watching the doctor with a smile.
"For all your years, you really haven't changed. Trust me. The man who went out to face a legion of daleks? He's still in there, he just threatened to turn my own ship against me."
"She'd do it as well, if she met them."
"Oh, I know. She picked up the signal first, knew you were here and pulled me away from a meteor shower near the most beautiful cascade." Jack watched his eyes glaze a little and that contented half smile he knew so well as he stared off towards the ceiling for a moment. "They'd love it, Griffin and Niamh."
