If Only Chapter 12

Disclaimer: Same as before don't own them so don't sue me.

Warnings: I did bold for a reason folks. This chapter turned out a lot darker than I planned. so the warnings need to be heeded. This section contains violent imagry as well as descriptions on non-con sex and violence. Please be aware mature themes at work here.

A/N: Thanks to everyone who is letting me know you're enjoying the story. Please keep letting me know what you like and what is wrong. None of us can get better if we don't know what we are doing wrong. Thanks for the support.


There is a reason why people fear the dark. Not just the dark itself but what hides in it's embrace. In the dead of night sometimes all you can do is pray for the light of the dawn. The evil stalking the brothers knew the penchant humans had for prayer, he'd heard it countless times falling from the lips of his victims the promises and pleas made trying to bargain for another breath, another life and then finally for their death. Their fear and terror as it was pulled from those tortured lips was the sweetest candy to be savored. When his commrades had found the young one, Sam, he thought fondly, it had been a refreshing change.This one had power and was already filled with such dispair and pain that breaking his will seemed like it would be only too easy. He'd wanted to harness that power, channel it, to give him back a body, something he missed. He never regretted his choice to trade his body for power and a way to protect his followers. All leaders, all parents, had to make sacrifices, and he thought himself no different from them. Giving up his mortal body was a small sacrifice compared to all he had gained, the the power and the ability to protect his commrades,his children, and give them what they needed to survive,but there were times that he missed the call of the flesh.

In Sam Winchester he'd found the vessel that would allow him both flesh and power. But from the beginning something blocked him from breaking Sam, true they had abused his body and mind but even then the boy would have slipped from his fingers, willing to wait the for inevitable death instead of submit to their will. Sam just hid himself away in his mind, waiting, for what, the evil was unsure of until it had finally tapped into Sam's thoughts and memories.It hadn't taken long after that to discover the key to the lock that was Sam Winchester was his brother Dean. So he watched and waited, making sure the tethers he'd set in the youngest Winchester's mind would recieve the images of the torture and death of his children's most recent offering. He'd hoped it would've driven the brothers from hiding, sent them searching for the victim,but alas it didn't.The eldest Winchester was far smarter and more determinded to protect his brother then he'd given him credit for.

In the elder Winchester brother, he'd found a truly worthy opponent, the boy was a predator in his own right and like a mother protecting her cubs nothing was coming between him and his brother. Not that he hadn't tried. He'd fed well on both of their repressed fears and anger, trying to nudge them onto the path that would seperate them. To get his hands on the key that would allow him to unlock Sam, body and soul.But neither one was falling for the bait. He'd played on Sam's fears and ravaged body to no avaail, then tried to force Dean's anger, guilt and even his fearof being abandoned to the forefront. Still he hadn't succeeded in seperating the brothers. If anything it had driven them closer together.

He'd gotten closer to breaking Dean this afternoon then before but he'd still been able to pull himself free before he'd done any real damage to Sam. The only reason he'd been as successful as he had was Dean was bordering on meltdown, far too little rest and far too much adrenaline and worry left him wide open to manipulation. Now the goal was to keep him on that edge until he could force them over into the abyss and as the hours ticked closer to the coming dawn the next battle was launched and the field of combat was in the minds of the two brothers. While physically safe behind wards and charms,their location still unknown,both of their minds were open to the subtle currents that fed on fear and desperation. Both brothers had things they feared, things they'd yet to share and chuckling evilly to himself he hoped to break them both before the sun pushed over the horizon.

In those cold hours before dawn both the Winchester brothers slept their dreams dark and deep, both unaware that while they were physically safe, the battle they were fighting was now for control of their minds.


Dean wasn't sure what pulled him from sleep, laying still in the dark of the room he was listening for what had triggered his return to awareness. Listening to the sounds of the room, he realized it wasn't something he'd heard but something he wasn't hearing...Sam...in the dark he couldn't hear his brother.

Fear drove him from the couch in one swift movement. Crouched on the floor waiting for his eyes to adjust to the dark. He looked over to the chair where Sam had been sleeping earlier, instantly noting that his brother no longer occupied the chair,dread grabbed his heart as he realized there was no way Sam would've been able to manage to get himself out of the recliner without some assistance or at least waking his brother. Then he heard a noise, a scraping coming from the kitchen. Moving with the stealth born of years of training Dean moved forward to the door.

The sight that greeted Dean froze him in the doorway in sheer horror. The kitchen was gone and in its place Dean found himself instead standing in a grimy candle lit room. The air was thick and oppressive, the scents from the various candles and incense in the room doing nothing to cover the stentch of fear and death that pervaded the room like a physical object. Dean knew he was dreaming but even in the realization of it he was unable to snatch control of it away from whatever was guiding this little terror train. As much as he tried he couldn't bring himself back to a waking state.Unwillingly his gaze was pulled across the room to the actions taking place on the altar.

Dean wanted to turn away or claw his eyes from his head, so he wouldn't have to see, to know the truth of what he'd only so far had imagined his brother had gone through. Trying to move forward he found he was stuck where he was no way to move forward or back. Simply an observer in this sick game. With the lack of control over his actions Dean suddenly understood this wasn't a nightmare spun of his own guilty conscience this was the real thing the memory of the event in all its brutal honesty, being played out for Dean in all its demonic glory. Dean decided he may not be able to change the course of events that had already occured but he could control his actions in this realm. "Come on you fucker, if we're going to do this then at least show yourself."

The voice Dean had come to know and hatedrifted across the space on a current all its own, speaking as if to a small child who didn't understand the gift it had been given. "Now Dean my presence would only serve to distract you from the show we've worked so hard to provide you." the voice then turned hard. "It's time for you to see what you wrath brought to your brother. How he paid for his betrayal, in mind, body and blood. Now watch and learn the penalty for not being careful about what you wish for."

Dean's eyes could only see the altar and the body tied down to it. He couldn't look away couldn't close his eyes to shut it out. Before him his brother was bound and gagged on his stomach, his head turned towards Dean. He could see the gash on his head still flowing blood freely and the eye that he knew was now swollen shut was starting to puff and turn purple. Sam's eyes were squeezed tightly shut tears sliding down his face mixing with the dirt, grime and blood already covering him. Dean could tell he was trying desperately to breath around the gag in his mouth and the rope around his neck. Dean's eyes traveled down his brothers body, he could see the brusies covering his brothers back, the blood that still slowly dripped down the backs of his thighs and legs. Evidence of his violation at the hands of these animals.There was a bloody handprint on his hip that made Dean swear to kill whoever put it there. The whimper of pain from Sam drew Dean's eyes back up his body.

On the far side of Sam a man stood with a box of wooden kitchen matches. Dean watched as he dropped the just struck match onto Sam's unprotected back. Sam's body convulsed in pain as the match licked and scorched the unprotected skin turning it red the charring it an angry black before the match went out. What tore at Dean the most was that Sam didn't try to flinch away, even when the process was repeated again and again. Sam had lost the capacity to do more than feel what was being done to him. His eyes never opened and other than the garbled whimpers and tears,Sam made no move to break out of his bonds. Dean memorized the man's face telling himself that when he found him he would see what it was like to burn. The man was joined a short time later by a woman who blocked Dean's view of his brother. Because her back was to him by the time he realized she was in the room he never got a look at her face. She walked over to the man just as the last match burned out. "Master said I could ride the toy." she said coyly running her fingers across Sam's fresh burns, watching in glee as the body bucked and trembled beneath her touch before reaching up and over the altar to kiss the man.

The man laughed heartily reaching up and grabbing Sam's head smiling as his face turned red as the rope bit into his throat cutting off Sam's air supply. "Hear that little man, time for you to be of service again. Now remember fight me now and I'll make sure you never find peace, we'll keep you alive like this forever."

Dean could only watch as they untied Sam's arms and legs taking care to never loosen the binding on his neck. Dean winced in sympathy as Sam's burned and battered back was pushed back against the unyeilding surface. Curses flowed from Dean's mouth as he was forced to watch his brother manhandled then raped at the hands of these monsters. He watched as his brother was forced to climax, screams tearing from him as they pinched and tore at his body." Something in Dean snapped at that moment and a primal scream was ripped from him as he fell to his knees hands pounding into the floor until they were bloody.. The rage pouring through him starting to give him control back over the nightmare. "You Bastard! I will see you dead!" Dean bellowed as the scene in front of him faded away.

"Now Dean is that anyway to act after what we've done for you? All we taught him." An indistinct form asked crossing the space between them slowly. "You gave him to us, his despair over what he'd done making him weak and sloppy just like you kept reminding him. Your words, distrust and anger,carving a bigger wound in him then even poor Jessica's death had done.That pure heart called to us, the one you've tried sooo hard for so long to protect, nearly defeated by your own words, can you blame us for breaking him so prettily for you?" Finally taking shape of a man in a suit, he looked down at Dean,the man's face constantly changing so it was hard to tell what the features were other than those cold black eyes that never faltered."You knew he'd be a bigger target with his new abilities and still you punished him and pushed him away knowing that somewhere out there in the dark something would come for him, we'd come for him,and prove that he couldn't take care of himself. Prove to Sam that he was the unworthy one...the pathetic one. Isn't that what he called you? The one thing you couldn't push aside, the fact you felt he now longer needed you, that you had become obsolete.

"Are you planning on boring me to death here? We've been here and done that. I'm not buying, so sell crazy down the road."Dean responded trying to deflect the fact that he was slowly starting to gain control of the dream and wake up. His eyes never left the man's as he continued on his monologe, as if Dean had never spoken.

"You're wrong in one thing young hunter.You see I've been far further into little Sammy's mind then probably even he has. It's quite a mess in there all this pain and guilt and fear. Sam doesn't hate you, far from it, he still worships you as all he'll never manage to be. He know's you were daddy's favorite and he know's he'll never be a more than a disappointment to you. A burden for you to carry until you die protecting him. That's what he really fears, your death leaving him alone in the world. You may not want to hunt without him anymore but you'd survive.Sam doesn't have anything to live for without you. So breaking him is really just a matter of breaking you."

"Never going to happen." Dean stated flatly starting to stand.

"We shall see hunter we shall see." in an instant the room went black and then awareness slammed into him and Dean was running through the darkened house for the bathroom, heaving his dinner into the toilet as what he'd seen ran behind his eyes.

Dean stood up shakily flushing the toilet and rinsing his mouth out with cool water from the faucet. He squinted his eyes as he turned on the bathroom light to take a look in the mirror. 'Just a dream, No' he thought firmly 'another attack' he looked down at his hands and saw the raw bloody trails on his knuckles and the deep ache in both hands. He turned the faucet back on and let the water soothe the abraded skin, trying to sort through what had just happened. Dean knew that he needed tofind something to block the dreams now as well. He'd been caught unprepared thinking the salt and charms were enough to keep their enemy away and he was wrong.It came to him with blinding clarity that if he was attacked in his dreams then Sam would be as well.Dean feared that in his already weakened state what effect this would have on him. Dean had just moved out of the bathroom back towards his brother when he heard Sam cry out.


Sam awoke to find himself back in a hospital bed. He tried to bring a hand up to wipe the sleep from his eyes to find that he couldn't. Looking down he saw that both of his arms were in restraints. Pulling frantically on the bindings his head came up searching for Dean, for someone to explain what he was doing here and what was going on. Seeing no one he prepared to call out for help when the door opened. Dean strolled into the room with a doctor both looking serious.

"Dean? What's going on why're we back at the hospital. What happened?"

"Sam, what do yo mean back at the hospital, we've never left. You're sick. You just need to some time to rest and relax and then I'll be back to take you home."

"I don't understand Dean? I'm not sick I was taken.."

"Stop it Sam." Dean said angrily. "You're not well and I can't drag you around with me like this. You can't take care of yourself, and I'm not going to be burduned with you any longer. The doctor here assures me you'll be just fine and I can come back and visit you in a few weeks. It's for the best Sam. You know this iswhere you deserve to be."

Sam felt the world fall away from him. Dean was leaving. While he was still in the hospital. 'Wait that isn't right I wasin a house with Dean earlier' he thought quickly.Whywasn't Deangoing to wait for Sam to heal.Sam's head pounded under the pain radiating over his body.Sam didn't think it could get any worse until the doctor spoke and that voice came from that smiling gentle face. "Relax Sam, we'll take good care of you. We'll make you part of our little family. I know there are people dying to see you again." that oily voice promised.

Sam watched as Dean turned to walk out the door Sam started to beg earlier thoughts of where he'd been gone in a panic."Dean! Please don't leave me here, please it's him, I'm sorry."

"I don't care Sam." Dean said resignedly never looking back,

"You're all ours now Sam, no one left to save you." The doctor grinned evilly moving to run a hand down Sam's body. "All ours."

"Dean! No!" Sam screamed and then he was being pulled from the darkness.


Dean leaned over Sam desperately trying to wake his brother up. Dean was happy there were no neighbors about for once. Otherwise a visit from the cops would've been forth coming. Sam's scream could've woken the dead.

"Sam, Sammy, I'm right here. Open your eyes" Dean said firmly seeing his brother fight to regain consciousness.

Sam complied and his eyes flew open locking with his brothers. "Dean, don't leave me!"

"Take it easy, it wasn't real, I'm not going anywhere."

Sam took a moment to calm down and Dean switched on another lamp. Looking over at the clock it read 4:37, 'well, at least we got some sleep' Dean thought watching his brother pull himself together.

Sam shifted restlessly in the chair, the pills from earlier having worn off sometime in the night. Part of him wanted to take another to make it all go away the better part of him knew to be afraid of what would happen when he stopped feeling the pain. He was caught by surprise when Dean uttered the line usually reserved for him.

"Sam, we need to talk."


A/N: ok so little cliff hanger. Also sorry this chapter really became very Dean centric very unintentionally. When plotting out the attempt to break Dean down I realized that they only way to break Dean was using Sam. They really are two sides of the same coin and while you may torture them until hell freezes over seperately threaten the other and the whole dynamic changes. At least that's my two cent take on it. Also sorry this went really dark but it needed to be done. Chapter 13 should be up by the weekend with any luck. Please let me know what you think. Thanks again.