Des' fragmented point of view. Picking up a little while after Breezehome and going up to about the same time as the last chapter.
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Enjoy!
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Chapter 12
~.o.O.o.~
I was blacking out more and more often now. Thankfully I never seemed to leave the house in Riften but two weeks had gone since my last drop of the only liquid that could sustain me and I couldn't trust myself any longer. Not only was it a hassle that people ran or turned aggressive at the mere sight of me, but the worst part was my instinct to hunt. It was becoming increasingly difficult to ignore, especially when people turned in fear and fled, and I was scared that I would one day in the very near future, find myself standing over a corpse.
I couldn't let that happen. I needed help. And I knew just where to find it.
~.o.O.o.~
The smell of blood from the mangled foes strewn about me was burning my throat and my nose. It felt like it was eating me from the inside out as the blood sang a taunting song that left me screaming in pain and frustration.
Why were these people attacking me? And why was I defending myself? I didn't want to hurt them. I wanted to be released. Why was I still fighting?
There was so much blood, the smell, the color, the pain it brought. It was all driving me slowly further into my insanity.
"Isran…" was all I managed to croak out before falling to my knees in the pool of gore that used to be my comrades in arms.
~.o.O.o.~
Isran wouldn't help me. He only locked me in a cage with a potion and an ultimatum.
"Drink, or rot in there."
Why wouldn't he help me? He promised he would and he of all people should have little problem with my request.
I only wanted to die…
The potion was hurting my head, crumbling my resolve and I hated it. I threw it out of my cage in a fit of despairing rage and watched it shatter on the wall far away on the opposite side of where I was. My bitter satisfaction was short-lived as the smell of fresh blood sparked that excruciating fire inside me again, it fogged up my mind and left me with nothing but darkness, pain and loneliness.
I think I was screaming after that.
~.o.O.o.~
Serana…
She was the reason Isran wouldn't grant me my wish. I had overheard them as they argued before she rushed in to fuss over me. She tried to comfort me and she fought against Isran's wish to honor my pleas.
Every day she would come to clean the mess of a shattered potion and every day she left me a new one.
My own personal hell.
~.o.O.o.~
I was being moved. I didn't know to where or why and I couldn't find the will to care. That woman was with me. The bane of my existence. Thankfully she didn't offer me any more potions but she was talking a lot. Or at least I think she was. It could have been my own mind. It was so hard to focus.
~.o.O.o.~
I was back in the one place I had wished never to see again. Castle Volkihar. I refused to use the bed, to even so much as touch the goblets and trinkets found in the room and every bottle I saw I smashed into a million pieces before I settled into the armchair by the fireplace to watch the flames dance.
Serana was with me often, always irking me with her coaxing to live, feed and move on. I think I ended up shouting her across the room a couple of times.
I didn't want food nor comfort. If I wasn't going to be allowed death then I at least wanted to be alone until the deep sleep claimed me.
~.o.O.o.~
Darkness and pain. It was all I could feel, it was everywhere I looked, everywhere I turned and it was never ending. My entire body was on as much fire as the logs in the fireplace but the flames wouldn't consume me. They never allowed me release or respite and the comfortable darkness I was waiting for, was always lingering just outside my reach but still close enough to suffocate my every breath.
All I wanted was for this to end. But the deep sleep never came.
~.o.O.o.~
The woman I couldn't remember the name of was closing in on me. She hadn't done that since I shouted fire at her, but now she brought humans and was daring to approach me again.
She stopped at my warning and I think she was talking but I didn't care. Why did that incessant woman continue to dog my existence?
I hated her.
What was that she had said so many moons ago? I could scarcely remember. Focusing was almost impossible now. It was something about love and wanting someone to live. Did she mean me?
The woman started her approach again and I whirled on her.
No I wouldn't let her. I would find the will to fight through the pain, through the darkness and I would thwart her attempts of prolonging the inevitable. If she wouldn't honor my wish for death I would let time wither me to nothing. I would prevail.
I know I shouted her across the room this time.
~.o.O.o.~
One human remained when all else was quiet again. That baleful woman was baiting me and I would have none of it. As long as the human stayed safely on the other side of the room I could ignore it. I bit down hard on my instinct to feed and gradually got used to the increase in pain.
That smell though. I couldn't focus and the memories eluded me but I knew I had smelled that human before.
I dragged my ass mechanically over to the chair by the fire again. The constant dancing of the flames was all that kept me anchored to this world. The fire kept me from losing my mind completely.
"Des… please…" the voice was pained and broken, but it pierced effortlessly through my fogged mind to linger in the forefront on my thoughts.
I know I had heard that voice before.
~.o.O.o.~
I don't know why I got so angry but the smell of the human had instilled long since dormant feelings of possessiveness. I didn't understand and I didn't care. Stopping that vile being attacking what I instinctively knew was mine was now my only concern and I acted on pure instinct as I ripped her off of the human, smashing her into the floor with every ounce of strength I possessed.
The thing tried to get past me and take my human again. The rage I felt was invigorating and when the punch landed in that repulsive beings face I felt a morbid glee at the crunching sound. I pounced, dragging the sagging heap of meat up to my face before crushing it in my arms. I felt my nails pass through skin, felt the intense heat burn my entire being at the smell of its blood and I felt my instincts slowly overriding my senses.
I felt my teeth pierce the porcelain skin in front of my nose, I heard the crunching as my jaws locked around my prey and I think I heard screams, but the taste of life and the euphoric bliss that followed drowned out everything else.
