Elements of an Ill-Fated Romance

Chapter Nine: Inadequacy

Playlist: Brave by Tawgs Salter {Just put it on repeat and enjoy!}

I think I'll be brave

Starting with you

But I'll fall away

If you tell me to...

They stayed there long after the sun went down watching the coming of night. Bright bursts of stars as they began to light up the sky one by one until the inky black expanse of space was filled with them. Standing side by side, a gentle wind chilled by the water brushed over her skin making her shiver creating goosebumps on her exposed forearms. Tucking her hands into the pockets of her jeans she smiled despite the weather. There was something extremely comforting about this place… in this moment, with him.

Looking over she watched the incandescent light of the crescent moon create a glow across Damon's pale cheeks wondering how someone of his nature could offer comfort after everything that he had done. It didn't make sense and in the back of her mind she wondered how she could justify this shaky friendship that was slowly developing between them. He had cost her so much… intentional or not the price was still the same… and yet here they were.

He turned to her almost as if hearing her silent thoughts. Shedding his leather jacket with a heavy sigh he handed it to her. "Put this on before you freeze to death." He stated.

She smiled. "Thanks." Slipping her arms through the sleeves she wrapped the lapels around her tightly already feeling slightly warmer as his scent enveloped her.

He stared at her for a moment, his expression unreadable before speaking again. "We should get back."

She nodded. "Yeah… It's getting pretty late."

They walked back in a heavy silence; weighed down with all that went unsaid. They reached the parking lot, his car the only one still there. Unlocking and opening her door he gestured for her to get in. They shared a silent stare before he closed the door and jogged around to the other side.

Tucking her hands into the pockets of his jacket she felt the card that he had hidden away. Holding it between her hands she exhaled as images passed across her mind's eye… every year… no matter where he was. She could sense Stefan's love and equal frustration humming inside her. It was strange how in tune she was becoming with all things connected to Damon. She didn't know what to make of it. She would need to confer with the Grimoire when she got back.

The sound of the door closing snapped her back to the present as Damon settled in beside her.

"You're beeping." He stated.

Furrowing her brow she looked at him in confusion before his eyes went down to her purse.

Her phone… she had left it in the car during their little excursion. The red indicator light blinked rapidly almost angrily at her as she pulled it from her bag. Seventeen missed calls in all… all from Elena. She sighed.

Before she could decide if it were better to call or text her best friend her phone rang making the choice for her. "Hello?"

"Bonnie… Thank God I was so worried about you. Are you okay?" Elena asked.

"I'm fine… I'm good."

"What happened to you? I haven't heard from you all day and your car was still at school but I haven't seen you…" Elena began and Bonnie smiled at her friend's concern.

"I promise Elena… I'm okay."

"Where are you?" She asked.

She swallowed hard. "Maryland."

"Maryland… what are you doing in Maryland? How did you get to Maryland? Bonnie I'm…" There was a muffled voice in the background. Bonnie could hear Elena's confused voice on the other end. "What? Why?" Elena asked someone in the background before directing her attention back to Bonnie. "Sorry that's Stefan… he wanted me to ask if you were with Damon by any chance."

Looking over at the man sitting beside her she sighed. "Actually yeah…"

"You are; why?" She asked truly concerned that perhaps her boyfriend's brother had gotten Bonnie mixed up in something.

"There were… these reports… about backpackers in Maryland. Thought it might be vampires… so we came to check it out." She replied. That was the truth…mostly. At least on her part that is. She could see the smirk on Damon's face.

"More vampires; Oh my God!"

"But it was a false alarm… just… a few mountain lions that's all." Her reasoning sounded lame even to her own ears and she obviously wasn't the only one because there was a long pause of silence on the other end.

"Bonnie..."

Closing her eyes she sighed. "Elena… just… trust me on this okay? Mountain lions… just mountain lions." She repeated.

"Okay… we'll go with that… for now." The last two words were a clear indication that this conversation was far from over.

"Thanks. I'm actually on my way back so… I'll see you later?"

"Yeah… I drove your car to Stefan's." She stated.

Bonnie smiled grateful that she had given Elena a spare key to her car after her last accident. "Thanks…I'll pick it up there. I really appreciate it."

"Just… be careful okay?" She asked softly.

Looking over at the man in the driver's seat she felt a small crooked smile come to her lips because quite honestly she didn't think she could be in safer company. "Yeah..." She stated softly.

Disconnecting the call she sighed and leaned back into her seat. "So… mountain lions huh?" He asked.

She rolled her eyes. "Shut-up!"

"You do know that Stefan is probably filling her head with all the horrible ways of how I manipulated you into coming with me."

"You did manipulate me!" She pointed out obviously.

He exhaled a deep exaggerated breath. "I told you that I would've taken you back."

"Only after you lured me away from school under false pretenses,"

He shrugged. "Because you would have come with me otherwise?" He asked looking over at her. His tone was light but there was a seriousness behind his eyes that she couldn't deny.

Staring at him for a moment she sighed. "I guess we'll never know… will we?" She answered softly before turning back to the passing scenery.

Once again the car was silent, the gentle hum of the engine lulling her into a light slumber… Her mind conjuring fleeting but no less vivid images of a past she never knew…

A young boy no more than the age of eight, lean in build with dark hair and fair skin stood before a woman, his upturned palm stretched out, his face full of impatience and joyful expectation. His bright blue eyes alight with innocence he stared up at a her. Her dark hair held up in pins, her skin as fair as the boy before her and her smile gentle she smiled warmly as she placed something small in the boys hand. Wrapping slender fingers around his creating a small fist she closed it tight bending down to his level. "Just for you…" She whispered in his ear before smoothing back the dark locks that fell across his forehead… the young man smiled, his blue eyes catching the light of the roaring fire as he ran into her and wrapped his arms enthusiastically around the bottom of her billowing skirt. She embraced him closely and he laughed.

And as the images faded three little words, barely above a whisper tickled her ears like the sounds of wind chimes in a winter storm.

'Happy Birthday Damon…'

She awoke with a start looking around to gather her bearings. Running a hand roughly over her face she exhaled deeply trying to bring back the image that was dancing on the edges of her mind. The little boy's laughter tinkling faintly as it drifted further and further away. She jumped slightly at the gentle hand on her shoulder as she looked up into Damon's face. His eyebrows furrowed in something that looked akin to concern.

"Another nightmare," he asked.

But she couldn't hear him so caught up in the blueness of his eyes… the blackness of his hair that slightly fell over the front of his head and all at once as if she had been watching him through opaque tinted glass the haze was lifted and she could see him clearly. She exhaled a shaky breath as her heart slammed against her ribcage because she felt it… she felt her heart practically burst with the overwhelming emotion of love… pure and innocent love of a boy for his mother. This boy... this man; she could see them both so clearly as the memory came back full force. She swallowed hard.

'What the hell was happening to her?'

"Bonnie…" His voice was unsteady and she realized she hadn't answered him.

"I have to pee." She spoke suddenly and noticed the strange look on his face.

"Okay… there should be a rest stop coming up."

"No… let's uh… let's go to the next actual exit… I don't like restroom bathrooms." She offered. She knew she sounded strange but there was something inside her telling her that they needed to go to the next exit.

He quirked an eyebrow and gave her a smirk but sighed nonetheless. "If you say so."

She remained silent as they pulled off the highway. "Make a right at the light." She instructed absently. If he noticed her giving him directions to exactly where they were going even though she had never been here he didn't mention it, just did as he was told. They stopped at a small hole in the wall convienent store that would have been easily missed by those that didn't know the area.

"And this bathroom is better, how?" He asked.

She ignored his question grabbing the handle of the car door. "I'll be right back." She stated and then disappeared inside.

A few moments later she emerged, hands in the pockets of his leather jacket.

He watched her silently as she re-buckled her seat belt and waited a beat. "So I'm guessing you're not going to tell me what that was all about?"

"I told you… I had to pee." She answered.

He nodded with evident disbelief. "Right… and I feed off of small woodland creatures!" He shot back sarcastically.

She looked over at him and smiled as her fingers brushed against the small brown paper bag stuffed in the pocket of his coat that she just purchased. "It's witch stuff… which means you can't ask about it!" She shot back throwing a smile that was all sass and just bordered on being flirtatious.

He smirked. "Touche Bennett."

Switching on the radio they drove on.

Turning to him she sighed. "Does he send you one every year?"

He sighed knowing she was referring to the birthday cards. "Yeah… I'm not even sure how he knows where to send them… but every year like clockwork one always finds me… You would think that after over 150 years he would let it go. I mean technically that borders on stalking."

"He cares…"

He rolled his eyes. "He's sentimental… and sappy."

"…and you love it." He scoffed as a response. "Which is why you save them all,"

"I just don't want to hurt his feelings."

"Right because harassing him around town is so nice of you!"

He shrugged. "I'm his older brother… that's my job!" He shot back and saw her roll her eyes. "Besides I mean after 150 years of birthday cards you would think he could get a little creative and maybe spring for an actual present once in awhile!" He stated with a smile.

"Do you have any fond memories… birthday wise I mean?" She asked trying to place it in the time line of his life.

He hesitated as if thinking over her words. He opened his mouth as if about to say something and then at the last moment changed his mind. "After more than a century they sort of bleed together." The tone of his voice told her he was holding back; that he was lying to her. But what right did she have to call him on it? The memory wasn't hers to know of. She sighed and watched as he turned to face her, throwing a flirtatious smirk her way he shrugged. "But this one might stick out for a while… you know unless Stefan decides to spring for a stripper next year."

She rolled her eyes but said nothing more her fingers still slightly brushing the package in her pocket hoping that maybe… maybe this one would stick out for him if she could help it.

Two Hours Later…

They pulled up to the Salvatore boarding house neither of them making a move to get out of the car. His hands still on the steering wheel he exhaled deeply. "About today…" he began trying to find the words that could make sense for everything that happened.

"I had a good time." She cut in. "All magic ju-ju aside it was a… a good day… Let's just leave it at that."

Meeting his gaze she gave him a crooked smile seeing the slight confusion in the furrow of his eyebrows. For some reason she didn't need to know what fueled his actions. All that mattered was that he had come to find her…She had come to realize that Damon Salvatore didn't do anything that he didn't want to and that meant on some level, he wanted her company… and beyond that she really didn't want to analyze it.

Getting out of the car she met the cool night air with a deep inhale. She could practically taste the change of the season on her tongue… a potent bittersweet mixture that danced over her pallet.

Coming around to the front he leaned back into the hood of his car and crossed his arms over his chest. "Well aren't you just full of surprises today… I don't think you've ever just let anything go where I'm concerned?" He pointed out.

"Must be something in the air."

"Or maybe you're just starting to fall madly in love with me." He joked.

Shaking her head she ignored the flip that occurred in her stomach. "Not likely… you're not my type remember?"

"And yet you allowed me to drag you over state lines just because…" He remarked softly. Pushing himself off the hood he took the few steps that separated them. Only a foot apart he reached out brushing a wayward lock of her hair behind her ear and when he spoke his voice was soft and contemplative. "I guess you're just good that way… I think I may have to start calling you 'Benevolent Bonnie' huh?" He asked.

"Loyal to a fault; right?" She threw his words from earlier back at him. Shrugging slightly she tries not to dwell on the fact that she can still feel the ghost of his fingerstips across her brow long after they've moved away and instead tries to focus on her breathing.

He watches her and he can't help but notice the way his leather jacket seems to swallow her frame making her seem so tiny in comparison to the amount of power that resides right beneath her surface.

'She looks good in my clothes.'

The thought comes and goes so quickly he has to blink to make sure it's his own.

He nodded taking a step back. "You know loyalty has its limits."

"Not with me it doesn't." She replied softly watching the blue hues of his pupils shift in color as he tries to sort through this enigma of a person. Trying to reconcile the judgy witch with the compassionate loyal friend that stands before him.

And there is something in his eyes that shows his conflict. He can't understand how she can offer up so much for those that give her so little in return.

"She doesn't deserve you." The words are soft and he doesn't even realize he's said them until they are out there, hanging between them... an unexpected truth. There is a moment of silence and he's on the very precipice of offering an apology until he sees the sad smile that ghosts her lips and the dimness of light in her usual green orbs and he realizes that he hasn't said anything she hasn't already thought herself.

"We don't always get what we deserve... sometimes we get what we get."

He furrows his brow because he doesn't like her answer even if it is accurate. "Is there anything you wouldn't do for her?" He asked somewhat still in awe of this limitless loyalty that he can't fathom.

"Probably not and if there is I hope I never have to find out." Sighing deeply she looks out into the night. "Friendships aren't always built on equality...sometimes they are built off of need and necessity to create balance between people." She remarks taking a hand and running it through her hair. "My need to blend in balances out her need to shine… I mean who would ever notice little Bonnie Bennett when standing next to Elena Gilbert?" She asked wistfully and there is no malice in her tone; no residual ripples of bitterness. Just a universal truth she has come to accept.

"I think you underestimate yourself and give Elena too much credit...you're not as easy to miss as you might think."

She looks at him and the smile she offers is a mixture of wistful disbelief. "So… you still have more question," She points out needing to change the subject.

He nodded. "One last question…" He remarks giving it real thought and she raises an eyebrow. He exhales a breath out of sheer habit. "When Elena called…Why didn't you just tell her the truth? And before you say it this isn't about Elena... it's about you..." He points out and smiles.

She shakes her head and stood there for a moment pondering the question. 'Why didn't she tell Elena the truth?' She furrowed her brow. Perhaps because she didn't know what the truth was… or more accurately she didn't know how to give voice to the truth. She couldn't vocally interpret this thing that was developing between her and Damon. Because it went against the very nature of who she was. Damon was a complete contradiction of everything that she stood for in every way… and yet she couldn't deny that there was definitely something between them… an energy…a bond… something indiscernible that existed… like the pressing heat of the sun, or the weight of an oncoming storm… it couldn't be seen but it could definitely be felt. How did you give voice to something like that? She trusted him with her life…yet questioned absolutely everything that came out of his mouth. What sense did that make? She sighed. "She wouldn't understand." She replied.

"Do you?"

She looked over at him, and their eyes locked if only a moment and she would swear that he was almost daring her to back down… to put a wall between them… separate herself from this force that was steadily growing before things got too heavy. She opened her mouth not sure of what she would say but was halted when they were suddenly bathed in light from the Salvatore Boarding house.

Looking up there was Elena in the doorway, the soft glow of light shining behind her. "I thought I heard a car pull up… are you guys coming inside or what?" She asked staring from witch to vampire and then back to the witch.

Bonnie smiled. 'Saved by Elena.' She thought to herself as she looked up at Damon. He smirked as if being able to hear her thoughts. "Next time Bennett." He stated before leading her up the steps.

Crossing over the threshold she followed Elena into the den and stopped short at the sight. The entire room was dark lit merely by the soft glow of birthday candles from the cake in the center of the room.

Turning she looked up just as Damon took notice of the scene and saw his eyes soften. Elena sighed coming toward him with a genuine smile. "Stefan told me that today was your birthday so I thought we should do something to celebrate."

He quirked an eyebrow at her. "You do see the irony in this situation don't you; a birthday cake for a dead guy." And although there was sarcasm in his tone and a smirk on his lips Bonnie could see in his eyes that he was truly touched by Elena's gesture.

"Stop being difficult and come blow out the candles." She instructed beginning to lead him back to the desk.

"Fine but I draw the line at anyone singing happy birthday." He remarks directing his last statement at his brother who is standing over the candles. Elena reaches out and grabs his hand to draw him to the lit birthday cake. And there is something in the obedient way in which he follows her that does something to Bonnie's insides. Makes them twist and ache in a way she didn't think was possible. And she realizes in that moment that he would follow Elena anywhere.

The thought makes her swallow hard and causes her to look away.

She follows them a few steps behind and stands around the desk as Elena makes a fuss about blowing out candles and making wishes. She can see that he's touched and impressed by the lengths that Elena has gone through for him. And as her fingers brush the small package inside her pocket she can't help but feel that perhaps her gift falls short of what her best friend has so easily put together.

She makes an excuse that she has to use the restroom just as Elena begins to help slice the cake and as she walks the long hallway she catches sight of herself in a mirror on the wall. Her dark hair is suffering from the long car ride, limp and lifeless. She pulls it away from her face, brushing her bangs back before tying her tendrils back into a low ponytail. She gets a clear view at the puffy bags beneath her eyes and the dullness of her complexion and frowns. She's never thought herself to be ugly... perhaps a bit average but that's never bothered her. Because when your best friend is the epitome of Editorial beauty, you get used to people looking you over. It was sort of her thing. But as she stares at her reflection and makes silent notes of all the things she lacks she comes to realize for the first time in her entire life she feels inadequate to her best friend.

Running her hands over her face she turns away from the mirror needing to get away... needing to put some distance between herself and those in the next room. Coming back to the den she stands at the threshold watching Elena stand between the two brothers. It's tragically poetic and creates a dull ache in her chest and stinging behind her eyes.

With a silent backward step she retreats into the hallway once more making quick work of slipping out of Damon's leather jacket, and placing it on a nearby chair. Clasping the small brown bag in her palm she smiles sadly as she turns it over and the contents fall into her opposite hand.

She stares at them for a moment not hearing Stefan come up behind her.

"Bonnie..." He trails off as she whirls around, her surprise evident in her wide green eyes. "Are you okay?"

She exhales deeply. "Yeah... I was just... getting ready to go."

"So soon; you haven't even had any cake." He points out.

"I'm really not that hungry and I want to get home before my dad does... I'm still 'technically' grounded from the last time I was out all night."

He nods. "Yeah... you know if the stakeouts are causing a problem we can always make other arrangements... I don't want you to get into any more trouble because of us." His tone is sincere.

"It's fine... I can handle it."

"I also... I wanted to thank you." He hesitated seeing the confusion in her eyes. "I don't know all the details about your road trip... and whether it had to do with vampires... mountain lions or... whatever... I'm just really glad that Damon didn't have to spend the day alone."

Once again she could feel Stefan's love for his brother almost like soft vibrations beneath her skin. She smiled. Reaching out to touch his arm, the small objects in her palm fall to the floor.

"I got it." He stated picking them up examining the small rectangular pieces in his hand. "Wow...Sam's Saltwater Taffy. I haven't seen these since I was a little boy... I didn't even know they made them anymore." He stated softly completely oblivious to the shock on Bonnie's face. "You know when I was small... my mother would buy these for Damon on his birthday every year... no matter what. They were his favorite..." He exhaled deeply before looking up into her green orbs. "Are these..."

"I get car sick." She lied. "I just happened to pick them up on the way back..." She watched as he furrowed his brow and cocked his head to one side as if not believing her. "You can have those... I don't need them anymore." She rushed out feeling as though she would suffocate if she didn't remove herself from this situation.

"Uh... thanks... maybe I'll give them to Damon... or you could." He hedged.

She shook her head. "I'm sure a couple of taffy's pale in comparison to the birthday cake and decorations that Elena and you put together." She struggles to keep her voice from cracking. "Besides I really do need to go."

Watching her with careful eyes he nods. "You want to say good bye to everyone?"

"No I'll just call Elena tomorrow or something... besides this is Damon's day... and I don't want to... you should get back to the party." She was already backing up for the door his eyes still on her.

"Okay... whatever you want."

"Thanks." She turned, her hand on the knob before looking over her shoulder at the young man still watching her. "And tell Damon I said Happy Birthday."

He nodded seriously. "I will."

She gave him a crooked smile once more before her exit.

Stefan watches the door for a long time until Elena comes into the foyer. "Hey... where's Bonnie?"

"She said she had to get home... before her dad." He stated somewhat distractedly.

"She didn't say good-bye." Elena pointed out thoughtfully.

Stefan looks over at his girlfriend. "Yeah...she said she would call you tomorrow."

"She was probably really tired from today... Maryland and back...with your brother can't be easy on her... you know how Damon gets under her skin."

He sighs looking down at the candy in his palm. Bonnie's scent lingers in his brother's jacket on the armchair where she left it. "Yeah... yeah I'm starting to see alot." He remarks.

She nods and reaches down to intertwine their fingers. Bringing them to her lips she kisses them softly. "Come on... before Damon eats all the cake." She smiles leading him back into the Den.

Damon looks up and notices they're one body short. He quirks an eyebrow. "Where's my co-pilot?"

"Went home... she was tired." Stefan remarks and watches his brother closely. Damon eyebrows rise slightly before he can help it and the silent question in his mind can't help but be read.

'She didn't say good-bye?'

"She wanted to get home before her dad did... However... she did leave these behind...something about getting car sick." He remarked dropping the taffy into Damon's hand.

The older man simply stares for a moment, his eyes going from the candy to Stefan's face and then back to his palm.

"That's odd... I've never known Bonnie to get car sick." Elena chimes in but her voice is distant to Damon's ears as he focuses on the gift in his palm.

Bonnie's words from earlier filter across his mind...

'Who would ever notice little Bonnie Bennett when she's standing next to Elena Gilbert?'

"I would..." he answeres softy.

I think I'll be brave

And say how I've wanted you...