Disclaimer: I don't own the story or characters featured in Gilmore Girls, however I have a fertile mind and a fan orphan heart.
A/N: Well, you already know that I'm a slow writer. The good part is that I am a legitimate perfectionist, so all the old chapters are officially rewritten and updated. Yay!Thank you for all the reviews sent to the last chapter, you guys are really amazing and thanks for keep reading.
This chapter will be a little quieter, but it is very important to the final course. Sadly I must say this story is heading towards the end and we should have less than 5 chapters left. I hope you have fun til there and please continue to leave me your feedback.
CHAPTER CONTEXT: After the previous special chapter, we return to Rory's POV. This chapter takes place immediately after Chapter 10.
CHAPTER 11 - LOUD AND CLEAR
I'd never been very good at subtleties, maybe an inheritance from my mother. Seeing Mitchum in this situation brought me conflicting feelings. Obviously, I didn't wish him the worst, but I felt a pile of nothing towards him. Nothing, except for Logan.
This atypical morning started very well, but ended up leading us toward the hospital. Logan didn't try to communicate with anyone else, instead, he was the most miserable person driving a Porsche. In my mind, I was a constant reminder of how disappointed his father would be, possibly during the last moments of his life. So, I said nothing.
My first impression upon entering the hospital was dazzling and a little scary. How can someone die surrounded by the best? That was the frightening contrast: behind this luxurious waiting room people were facing their last minutes of life. Logan's tired eyes reflected exactly the same impotence; they hadn't shed a tear so far, but inside were lost in sorrow.
I avoided touching him as we walked in the long white aisles with exaggeratedly bright lights. I tried to ignore the feeling that no one wanted me there; instead, I just focused on figuring out if they already knew about me, but I just assumed it was so irrelevant that it would go unnoticed. Why would they be talking about me?
I saw two blonde women — dressed from head to heels in light tones — talking to a doctor. It was a long time ago, but I could easily see that it was Honor next to his mother. She held a beautiful baby in her lap as she listened intently.
Logan stepped in front of me and hugged his mother tightly, then his sister. Shira avoided looking me in the eye, while Honor greeted me politely. The petrified look could mean many things, but it led me to the conclusion that they knew. Feeling the coldness between us, I decided to sit and let Logan be comfortable with his family.
3 hours and 10 coffees later, I still sat patiently in the waiting room, updated with all gossip I could store without irreversible brain damage. The conversations around me were depressing, going from wounded people to terminal illnesses. I felt hungry and my bladder wasn't willing to give me a break, so I prepared myself to leave. Although I was worried about how Logan would interpret my attitude, I needed to rest and I was not being useful there. Logan had checked me out about 3 times so far and brought me some snacks, but I felt like I shouldn't bother him with anything. I was getting ready to leave and say goodbye, but Honor approached me with a promising smelling package that I assumed was food.
She sat down by my side gently offering the paper bag. On another occasion, maybe I would have been embarrassed to accept it, but not this time.
"Here. I assumed you would like some food right now. It's not like it's a big meal, but it might help."
"Thanks! That's very sweet of you." I mentally thanked all the gods inside for that moment while I reached out Honor's gift.
"You're welcome.", I enjoyed the sandwich. Chewing became an excuse for my lack of creativity to start a subject. Talk about Logan or the baby would be too awkward, so I decided to keep quiet. The dilemma was there until she broke the silence. "This is Jake, my youngest son." She said, pointing to the stroller she carried.
"Hi, Jake!" I said to the beautiful child in front of me. "He's beautiful. How old is he?".
"He's turning one in a few months, but we also have two girls older. Sophie, 9, and Delilah, 5.", She leaned over to show me the screen saver of her cell phone. The photo seemed to have come out of a margarine commercial, it was so perfect. The ultimate family photo.
"Wow, it looks like you and Josh built a beautiful family. Congratulations!"
"Yes, thank you ... Just as you and Logan are about to do." She warmed up the subject leaving me goosebumps.
"Maybe ..." I said quietly. A silence hovered over us.
"Look, Honor. I have no intention of causing any trouble in your family, I just ... "
"Rory, it's okay. I'm not here to judge you. To be honest, I'm not too surprised by that." She interrupted me gently touching my thigh with a slight smile on her face, as a gesture of comfort.
"What does that mean?"
"Nothing, I just kind of already knew. Or felt it. " Honor shrugged her shoulders.
"How?" Her words were so unexpected that I left my last bites of sandwich left forgotten in my hands.
"A few weeks ago, Logan came to visit me for the weekend and I let it slip about your book. From his reaction, I realized he wasn't that surprised, which made me believe that you were in touch somehow."
"Oh… and did you read my book?" I probed, trying to predict if she knew some sordid detail.
"Not yet, but now something tells me that I should order my copy right now." A little grin was on her face.
I felt comfortable with her while we laughed at my sudden suspicious reaction. I always liked Honor; I had forgotten how great she could be.
"But in spite of that, I must say that it wouldn't be necessary. I saw in his eyes that there was something, I wasn't sure until my dad called freaking out last night, just like a decade ago. Deep down I always knew." She continued.
"Knew what?" I asked just because I wanted to hear her say.
"That somehow, you were the one he's always been looking for." I sighed and she continued. "Don't get me wrong, my brother has dated many girls, but none have been like you. Odette was fine, but she wasn't like you." She paused and choked on her own emotion. "He will need you more than ever. Please be with him."
"I want to be, but don't you think your father will pull through this? I mean, there's nothing that can be done, he's got so much ..."
"Money? Influence?" Honor lamented as she shook her head.
"I was going to say resources, but it fits." I nodded whilst raising my eyebrows in agreement.
"I'm sorry to interrupt you this way again, but it won't save him, Rory. Not even money can do it." A cliché is a cliché for a reason, I thought.
"I'm sorry to hear that, Honor." I reached out her hand and laced our fingers together without thinking first. When the idea of how inappropriate that could be came to mind, it was too late and I was already doing it. I was afraid she would reject me, but she held it and squeezed it back instead.
We were silent for a minute and she wiped away a few lost tears. I knew how was like pretending to be fine. The silence stretched on and she finally spoke again.
"Well, I should go look for some news." She said getting up and looking overwrought. She must not have slept a minute that night, and Jake seemed to have given up using his batteries.
"You can go; I'll stay with him for a while."
"Really? Would you do that?" Honor sighed, relieved, still recovering.
"Of course! You need a moment for your thoughts, and besides, a little baby training wouldn't hurt, right?" I looked at the harmless baby in the stroller.
She smiled awkwardly for a moment hesitating leaving her son, but somehow, she decided to trust me and I thanked her for it.
"OK! I think this works for me. Thank you, Rory."
I realized how crazy I was as I watched her walk away. Although I had read all the pregnancy books, I still had no experience in actually taking care of one, and I had just offered myself to do it. Jake sensed his mother's absence and soon started to cry after her departure, putting me totally in the spotlight. The crowded reception of worried visitors, cast me annoyed side glances, thinking I was somehow responsible for the baby's irritation.
Great, I thought. A pregnant woman who didn't know what to do. I grabbed Jake gently from his stroller and started to lull him to sleep, begging him to pity me and eventually calm down. I tried to remember all the childhood songs my mother used to sing, but nothing came into my head. When nothing else was working, I saw Logan approaching us.
"Hey, what's going on?" He murmured, playing with Jake's little feet.
"Ah ... I offered to take care of him so Honor could rest for a while, but it turns out I suck at it and I don't know what to do ..." My voice was thick with panic and anxiety. The staring bystanders had started to move their eyes away from our little exchange to get on with their own thoughts.
"Relax, Ace. Just give him to me." Logan waited for me to hand him his nephew with outstretched hands. At first, I thought it was some kind of joke, after all, when would Logan Huntzberger ever risk having his designer cloths drooled on by a baby? It wasn't plausible that.
"Wow!" I let my surprise slip aloud.
The way they looked at each was lovingly, like there was intimacy between them. The baby's laugh was a beautiful sound. I was hypnotized; Logan smirked to me in amusement at my adoration and astonishment.
"What?"
"Nothing ... I'm just having fun with you discovering my skills" He said nonchalantly.
"You make it look so easy. How do you do that?"
"Well, I used to help Honor take care of the kids on the weekends."
"No Logan, seriously… How?"
"Your surprise hurts me, Gilmore."
"You must be kidding."
"I certainly am not."
I was waiting for him to deny his newfound skills and laugh at me, but he didn't. Instead, he was cradling the baby, who was leaning against his chest.
"Oh my God. You're really telling the truth, right?"
He chuckled softly and answered me with a small nod as his hand propped Jake's head and led him back to the stroller.
Whilst he tended to him, a very elderly lady approached us with a serene smile on her face and took us aback with her observations.
"Your husband is a great father. You are very lucky!"
I felt my jaw drop at least twice between the quick glances I exchanged with Logan. Although this happened for a fraction of a second, my uncomfortable mood was loud and clear and I could swear that Logan was somehow only further amused by the situation.
Logan took the control and decided to speak for me. "Thank you!" He replied with his charming smile and wrapping his arm around my shoulders, hugging me closer to himself. I smiled; embarrassed as the woman walked away, muttering about how we reminded her of her own young family, sixty years ago.
Logan stood up and began to push the stroller with one hand, leading me with the other, towards the hall. We said nothing on the way, but I was relieved that it was not a big deal to him to try and fill the silence.
I knew we couldn't avoid it for a long time, but my job was to keep him comfortable, instead of bringing more problems. He was struggling to keep it together such as the last time I visited him in a hospital, 11 years ago.
"So how's your dad?" I took the guts to ask, stroking his arm.
"Well ..." Logan scratched his head in reflection just out of habit. I could see the words trying to form in his mouth as he carefully chose them. "It's not as bad as I thought, but it's not good either." He spat.
"And that means ...?" I bowed my head waiting for a more detailed explanation.
"He is sedated and must be hospitalized for some time. He still has some treatment options, which is the good news, but even then the odds are low, which is bad." Logan said crashing his tired body in the chair, breathing deeply.
"I'm sorry, Logan." Even though I knew I couldn't help him, I tried to show my comfort patting him soothingly on the back. He smiled politely at me, but then he returned to his sad face.
"What's the diagnosis?" I continued.
Logan sighed. "Stage 3 Leukemia increased by anemia, with enlarged lymph nodes and some malfunction in the liver."
Oh my God! I thought to myself. It seemed like a bad scene, but I tried to hide the inner discouragement to keep him strong.
"And what can you do about it?" I whispered, disguising the fright in my voice.
"Ah ..." Logan massaged the back of his neck as he continued. "I convinced my mother that he can't take anymore decisions, so she signed the papers authorizing the immunotherapy treatment. It may not be a final solution, but at least it will give us a little more time. She's pretty shaken up. It's been really hard for her too. "
I was preparing to comment, but then Shira interrupted us.
"Logan, can I speak with you for a minute?" She fumed.
"Yes…" He rose from his seat.
"In private." She said sending a venomous look toward me.
"Mother, you don't have to ..." Logan closed his eyes as he prepared to start an argument. I couldn't allow that to happen, so I interrupted.
"It's okay." I said. I was the problem bothering Shira. I knew it, and so did he, so I decided to spare him another stress.
He looked at me, gauging my emotions, but instead I just nodded to reaffirm my decision.
Logan and his mother pulled away, but I could still see her face melting with anger. Logan had his back to me leaning against the wall while his mother spoke biting her tongue with such irritation. Eventually she threw stormy glances at me, taking turns between my face and my belly.
That was more than I was willing to put up with. I knew it wouldn't be easy to face the Huntzerbergers' nest in their habitat, but Shira's negativity was starting to hurt me. I knew she was suffering and probably didn't intend to inflict half the rudeness and negativity she was doing, after all, fake smile have always been her trademark. However, not even Shira was in the mood to pretend anymore, so I packed my things and put on my coat, ready to go.
The afternoon came; I still needed a good meal and a decent night's sleep before my flight back home in the evening. I wanted to think about Logan too, but I felt guilty about living this precarious routine. I punished myself with the idea that I was not treating my baby properly.
After much discussion, Logan seemed defeated by the fatigue of arguing with Shira and returned to me. He wanted to tell me something about the conversation, but I didn't care about his mother's words anymore
"I guess I should leave." I spat.
"Right ... I imagine that you need to rest." He rubbed his hands over his weary eyes.
"So do you." I said, grabbing his hand gently.
"Yeah, but we'll take care of you first. I'll take you home ..." He picked up his coat.
"Logan, wait. I mean I think I should go home. In Stars Hollow." I gave him a mirthless smile, knowing deep down that it wasn't what either of us really wanted.
"Wait, why?" Logan reacted in protest.
"I got the feeling you really need to stay with them right now. Besides, I have some appointments with Dr. Frank and I promised my mother we were going shopping for the baby this weekend. I can't say she's not excited about it." I smiled, tenderness filling my eyes.
Logan moved closer and pulled me toward him. "Will these purchases be in pink or blue?" He said softly, relaxing his shoulders and smiling at me.
I couldn't stop the big involuntary smile that stretched across my face.
"I don't know yet." I said, wrapping my fingers in the collar of his shirt.
Logan moved even closer and wrapped his arms around my waist. "Maybe we can find out together."
"Really?" I cocked my head back resting my palms on his chest.
"You surprise keeps hurting me, Gilmore." He said mockingly, feigning a hurt expression.
"I'll keep in mind." I smirked in return.
"I was waiting for a better moment to tell you this, but I want to be fully involved. You're giving me best thing in my entire life." He paused for a second and tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear. "I really feel that I shouldn't let you go back, but I won't push you with that decision." His eyes glittered as they met mine.
My heart throbbed and chills ran down my spine.
"I really appreciate it, Logan, I want it too, but now I need my family's support and you need to be there for yours. Besides, my flight is already scheduled for tonight. I had even thought about postponing it, but I don't think it's the best option now. We'll have time, right?" My hands ran up his chest, bringing them over his shoulders and to the nape of his neck.
Logan nodded his head in agreement even though he wasn't happy about it. He moved away from me and his agitated hands filled his pocket. He didn't seem willing to trying to convince me anymore.
"All right." He seemed disappointed, but deep down he knew I was right.
"I'm calling a car to take you and it should be here in 5 minutes, but Rory…" He held my hand gently. "I want you to promise that we'll continue this later." He gazed into my eyes.
"I promise; I'll keep you in the loop." I lifted my right hand, mimicking an oath. His eyes crinkled when he smiled. That beautiful one I couldn't resist.
"Okay, Ace, but I'm not just talking about this part." He mischievously smiled.
"What are you talking about then?" I demanded, almost asphyxiated by the closeness of our bodies.
Without another word, he kissed me passionately. I almost felt my legs fail, but his arms protected me by holding me tight, keeping me safely upright
"We didn't end this." He finally said when we resurfaced. My heart hammered at the suggestion that besides the baby, there was an us.
"Well observed." I reacted, still numbed by the electricity between us, when Logan's cell phone rang.
"Are you sure about that?" He said, checking the device and seeing the car had arrived and was waiting outside.
"Yes. Don't worry. I'll be fine." I confirmed, regaining myself.
"Fine. Will you call me when you get there?" He shone me a brilliant pair of puppy-like eyes.
"Absolutely." I smiled.
"Okay." Logan leaned over and kissed me again, hugging me tight next. I let my body relax and I rested my chin on his shoulder as I hugged him back.
"I'll walk you out." Logan started to lead me towards the nearest exit, when we heard a frantic voice calling him back.
We glanced back and to see Honor rushing towards us.
"Hi, did you come to pick up Jake?" Logan asked, raising his eyebrows in response to her hurried look.
"Not really, I mean, that too, but the doctor wants to see the two of us immediately."
"Just us?" Logan repeated, confused and wrinkling his forehead.
"Apparently yes!" Tired, she rested a hand on her hip.
Honor was sharp in her words as she took control of her son's stroller once again. The sudden message left Logan undecided on whether he should see me out first or follow Honor.
"I'm fine, Logan. I can go by myself. I promise to call you when I get there." I decided for him and placed another peck on his lips.
From the concerned look she held, I didn't want Logan to feel obligated to do something for me, it was my turn to do something for him.
"Alright then." He finally agreed.
"Goodbye then.", Embarrassed for kissing him in front of her sister, I just hugged him this time, taking my purse and leaving. Before turning around, I scanned the place looking for Shira, but she wasn't there. I wondered at what point she decided to get away from us. It wouldn't surprise me if it was from seeing our kiss.
Remembering the last two days, could not say it was tedious. There was a lot of information to process and my mind stayed busy on the short path to the vehicle. Towards the end, I spotted Shira sitting on the front steps, smoking a cigarette. I didn't know if ignoring her would have been the best option, but she did was the one who approached me.
"You're leaving already, huh?" The fake smile had finally show up.
"I have a flight to catch." I gave her no further explanation and made it clear my lack of interest of to continue that conversation.
"You're not good enough for him, you know. He didn't see it then, he doesn't now, but soon he will." She scowled, looking tempted to slap me.
I wasn't willing to take something lying down. I knew I could regret some words, but I would definitely regret even more if I didn't say them.
"Then you have nothing to worry about, right?", I stared back at her as she swallowed her next words.
Shira certainly didn't expect to hear that. She wasn't sure what she was saying, just trying to hurt me the way she was hurting. She was lashing out, determined to cause misery wherever she went.
Her smoke polluted the air. The cold wind brought it to me to the point of making me sick.
"You're bold, Gilmore. So is your mother and grandmother. Sadly, both are lonely and unhappy women without someone at her side. " She tried to poison me with her vile words, each letter and syllable dripping with hate.
"No, that's you. You are a sad lonely woman who has never been loved by your husband. Unlike my grandmother and my mother. " I hissed, earning a gasp from her.
She didn't answer, I just watched the anger consuming her from inside. I almost felt sorry for her.
"Look, I'm going to save you some time and wish you well. I know you're hurting now and I'm sorry. Although you didn't have the dignity to call my grandmother when my grandfather passed away, and you're here vilifying her, I will not be like you. Logan doesn't deserve this."
Before I stormed out to the waiting car, I had one last thing choked up inside me and it was the perfect time to say it.
"By the way, you're going to be a grandmother again. You better live with it."
Without further ado I headed to the car, slamming the door behind me and directing him back to the apartment. I couldn't lie, I was a little pleased that I'd taken those words from my chest. Now I was sure that no one could stand in our way if we didn't let them.
Confident, I got back home and the whole flight went unnoticed under my fatigue. I knew I would be home at dawn and my mom would be sleeping, so I stepped into the house carefully not to make any noise or even wake up Paul Anka. I collapsed on my bed without taking off my clothes in a deep, heavy sleep.
The next morning, I woke up calmly. I stretched my muscles and felt my body relax with no rushing to get up. It seemed like everything was right in my world again until I run my hands over the soft sheets and feel a weird damp next to me. Suspicious, I looked at the tips of my fingers and my eyes went wide. I felt a fear that couldn't compare to anything filling me. I screamed in panic and woke up the whole house, with my mother appearing at the doorway after skidding down the hall from her room.
"Rory, what's wrong?" She entered the room flustered, still half asleep.
"Mom, I'm bleeding."
A/N: Scary end, huh? Luckily I already have the next chapter written and I won't leave you waiting too long. That would be mean, right? Please tell me what you think.
