New Intros 6
Disclaimer: I don't own this series or any other series. I am just floating an idea. I am making no money, nor plan to, off this venture. If you think of suing me over this, then grow up.
I would like to first personally thank all of those reviewing my stories. I enjoy reading your comments, and try to correct the grammatical errors I miss with my final read-through as well as my spell checkers. The suggestions you all make will help make this story better for everyone to enjoy, as well as allow me to fix some plot holes I may unintentionally leave. If you find any, let me know, and I will correct them and repost the chapters.
This group is based on a Groundhog's Day concept, if time was looping, and certain members were aware of this.
These are their insanities.
New Loop #1:
"All who vote we don't allow Sakura to conduct any more medical experiments without our permission and approval, raise your hands?"
Both Naruto and Sasuke did so.
"Oh, like you never did anything like this before."
Sasuke just snorted. "We didn't make pod people, T-viruses, zombie hordes, reduce everyone to LCL—"
"Quit pointing out my bad results!" she yelled as they ran. "What about my good results?"
"Oh, you mean like what?" asked Naruto, dodging an attacker, shoving a mana bolt into it, and destroying the thing. "Should we talk about the time you turned us all in Pokémon?"
"I still say you are blowing this way out of proportion."
"Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated."
"YOU CREATED A BORG OUTBREAK, SAKURA!" yelled Naruto, several newly formed Kage Bunshin moving ahead of them to clear a path out of the village. "Hinata is their queen!"
"Oh, it was just a little—"
"HINATA!" yelled Naruto. "Do you not understand that?"
"Dobe's right," said Sasuke, using a Chidori-enhanced sword to decapitate … Danzo? "This Loop will not end well."
"Well, we survived the zombies," she said, punching an assimilated Kabuto deep into the ground.
"Yeah, because it's not like Borg nanoprobes won't adapt to handle say … a Rasengan," Naruto snorted.
"I say we cripple her next Loop and have Sai as a member," said Sasuke.
"… That's low," murmured Sakura. "You guys make me think you don't love me anymore."
"You're the one who made a Borg Queen Hinata," said Naruto, stopping as a familiar group of drones surrounded them.
Hyuuga. Assimilated Hyuuga in the first form of the Gentle Fist.
In addition, beside them was the Queen.
"Come, Naruto," she said with a smile. "Be one with me, join the Collective."
"… Sakura?"
"Yes?"
"… I've never hated you as much as I hate you right now."
Sasuke paused a bit, turning to face her. "I'm going to take a guess here. You plan to work on Omega, don't you?"
She stayed silent, before charging towards the Hyuuga Borg.
"… She is really starting to scare me, Teme."
"I think we were safer when she was a nympho."
New Loop #2:
"Choosing another to replace me, huh?" asked Tsunade, as she entered the tent.
"Lady Tsunade!" cried out a few people. Danzo's eye closed, his smile fading away.
"We thought you were still in a coma," stated one of the Fire Lord's men.
The Fifth Hokage snorted. "I think I'm better qualified to give my own diagnosis," she stated. "I am curious as to why you would offer my job to Danzo, a man who has cost us so much."
"Excuse me?"
"I too would like to see this … evidence," said Danzo, making a move to stand.
That move was ended as Tsunade flickered, reappearing behind him and shoving him back into his seat. "Don't leave yet, the fun's just starting," she said with an even smile.
"I'll spell it out as simply as I can," she started. "Pein was created because this man was making a pact with the Hanzō. They didn't like the movement a guy named Yahiko was making, so our dear Danzo here made a pact for his help."
"Lady Tsunade," started one of the Fire Lord's men.
"They had him kill himself, then tried to eliminate his followers, which resulted in Pein becoming the man who attacked our village."
"This is all nice conjecture on your part," said Danzo, making to stand up again, before Tsunade reappeared behind him and slammed him back in his seat.
"Fine," she said. "Since you all have such small attention spans…
"Danzo helped make Pein, Pein killed Jiraiya, Jiraiya wrote the "Icha-Icha" series.
"Therefore, you can inform the Fire Lord and the world that because of Danzo, there will be no more books." Releasing Danzo, she made her way out of the tent, enjoying the feel of the rising fear and killing intent focused behind her.
"That was cold, Naruto," smirked Sakura, as 'Tsunade' exited the tent.
"You'd think so, wouldn't you," smirked the blond, disappearing in a small blur as the shape returned to the familiar blond Anchor. "I just don't feel like dealing with his ass anymore this Loop."
"Be honest, you just did that so when Konan returns, she'll follow you around like a lost puppy, or should I say a horny Hyuuga."
"… Maybe," said Naruto as the duo left, ignoring the scream of mercy behind them.
"Man, Sasuke will be pissed he missed this."
New Loop #3a:
"Fine then!" Naruto yelled at the retreating figures of his team, tied to the pole at the training grounds. "I don't need any of you! I'll go make my own team, maybe my own village!"
When his senses told him they were gone, hidden Kage Bunshin not detecting anyone nearby, the Jinchuuriki smirked as he used some Force to remove the bindings.
So far, he had played the Loop as if it was the original, as if he didn't have all those cool abilities, powers, or access to technology beyond this world.
Time for Ranma's jutsu!
Ranma had used a combination of magic, chi, chakra, Force, and several other paths of power to take Kage Bunshin to the next level: Doppelgänger. Even with the knowledge of how to do it, you needed to be able to pull off creating ten thousand Kage Bunshin. But they were more durable than a Kage Bunshin. In effect, you created a fully functional clone, disperses when dead or desired, could be used to create a 'mental network' of sharing information and such—something Naruto still couldn't quite do but Ranma insisted he had once covered the entire Federation with them.
You created a living being, a full clone that fought as well as you, as strong as you, and was self-sustaining—at least as much as any other being.
And now Naruto was going to use it in a Loop where no one else was 'awake'.
"Well, I did warn them."
Sarutobi rubbed his forehead. "Someone stole all that food."
"Yes, Hokage-sama," said the ANBU agent.
"I see," he murmured. "Make inquiries to our suppliers. We need that food replaced. Double security in case—"
"Sir!" cried out a female ANBU member, appearing in the open doorway. "You … you need to see this."
"Are you telling me that over one night, someone constructed a whole village mockup of Konoha less than a kilometer from us and no one noticed anything until the morning?" bellowed out the Hokage, standing back from the new village's main entrance.
"We are not sure, Hokage-sama," said the lead ANBU.
"Yeah, great work," snorted Anko, there in case it was her old teacher doing this.
"Perhaps we can be of help."
Blinking, the group looked up, spotting people dressed nearly matching the Leaf ANBU.
"And you are?" asked Anko.
"We are the elite guard of the Hidden Ramen village," said their lead ANBU.
"… Someone get Kakashi and his team. Somehow, I think Naruto is behind this."
Sarutobi continued to stare in shock as his group—several ANBU, Kakashi, Anko, and Kakashi's team—made their way through the apparent Village Hidden in the Ramen.
Narutos.
Everywhere one looked, there were Naruto clones, each one dressed, hair styled, acting just like a counter-part in Leaf. He'd already seen Naruto-versions of Kakashi, Gai, and Hiashi Hyuuga, complete with Byakugan eyes.
Even the female form usually only seen in the Sexy Jutsu was done the same way for the female copies. I really need to sit the boy down for a long psychiatric evaluation.
Of course, they might have made the trip quicker if Anko and 'Anko' weren't glaring at each other.
And how the hell did Naruto get the 'Anko' Naruto to summon snakes?
"How did Naruto do all this?" asked Sakura. "I mean, he knows Kage Bunshin, but to this level…"
"This is beyond Kage Bunshin," said Kakashi. "These are actual bodies. I'm not even aware of any technique that can do this. Were it not for how things appear to my Sharingan eye, I would have assumed it was some form of genjutsu."
"You have not suffered enough, Sasuke."
The last Uchiha stopped, turning quickly as he tossed three kunai at the voice.
The figure wearing a black robe with red clouds casually deflected them, staring at the boy with Sharingan eyes.
"My mistake," murmured 'Itachi'. "I thought you were my brother, Sasuke."
"You'll pay for this, Naruto," growled Sasuke. "I am the real Sasuke Uchiha!"
'Itachi' raised his eyebrow. "Very well then, you shall suffer as I have planned for my brother.
"Now then," he said, reaching into his robe. "Who would like to see pictures of Sasuke being potty-trained?"
"DIE!"
"Hey!" came out a very familiar voice. "We don't allow fights like that in my village!"
The group looked up, spotting what they thought was their Naruto.
"Are you the real Naruto?" asked Sarutobi.
"I'm Naruto-0 if that's what you mean," stated the blond. "See, Jiji; I made my own village! Ain't I cool!"
Goal: bankrupt Leaf. Teach them to leave me behind. MWA HAHAHAHAHAHA!
New Loop #3b:
"Are you sure we should be doing this, Brat?" asked the dog-sized Kyuubi, standing beside Naruto inside the Hidden Ramen's stadium. "These aren't normal Doppelgängers. We're taking full-tier Jinchuuriki."
Naruto just snorted. "Oh, come off it. How many times have you eaten the other Bijuu?"
"Hundreds."
"Their hosts?"
"Well, that one Loop where we came in early and somehow Orochimaru got all the other villages with them to attack, including pulling that three-tailed turtle out of the lake."
"No, it was still inside Yagura of Kirigakure, but that's beside the point," waved off Naruto. "The point is we can do this."
"You really want to create three special Jinchuuriki teams to send to the Chuunin Exams?" asked the Kyuubi. "Wasn't the Sannin team enough to mess with the Hokage?"
"Nah, that was to mess with the Sannin. You really think Orochimaru will let that slip?"
"Depends on what our Kabuto fed him," replied the fox evenly. "And why do I see the beginnings of nine Doppelgängers?"
"Well, we do need a nine-tailed demon fox," offered Naruto. "Besides, Konoha will be too busy over the next few days to try and kidnap me or invade the village."
"Oh?"
"Have we made any headway?" asked the tired Sarutobi, wishing Naruto would dispel whatever technique he was using and come home. Ever since Ramengakure had formed, it had been pure chaos in the Land of Fire. Allies were busy trying to find out why said village was informing them that Ramengakure would still honor their treaties. Missions were being lost to the fake village—how had Naruto even learned about the Sannin and how they acted when they were children?—and teams he would have sent on those missions were being sent, but often they would run into the Ramengakure counterparts doing the same mission.
Naruto had even copied Sai—the newest member on Team 7—as learned during the mission to the Land of Waves.
"No sir," said one ANBU. "Every time we try and launch an assault, we are rebuffed by … well, us."
"We should launch a full assault," stated Danzo.
"Oh really?" asked Sarutobi. "I got a report from their Kage," he said, tossing it across the desk to the elderly thorn in his side. "He busted several ROOT attempts to infiltrate his village. Care to explain?"
Danzo however was saved when a member of ANBU burst into the room, panting heavily. "Sir, what we feared has happened!"
"What is it?" asked Homura.
"Sir, a Maito Gai from Hidden Ramen has arrived to challenge the Maito Gai of Hidden Leaf!"
"… Fuck."
"Yosh!" cried 'Gai' of Ramengakure. "While I do not doubt that you seek to inspire the Flames of Youth within your village; the fires will always burn brightest in Hidden Ramen!"
"Alas, I must disagree, my hip and youthful double," said Gai of Konohagakure. "For as I have told my youthful students, only those of Konoha truly possess the Will of Fire!"
"You tell him, Gai-Sensei!" cried Lee.
"How dare you doubt the passionate words of 'Gai-Sensei'!" cried 'Lee'.
Both Neji and 'Neji' reached into their tunics, pulling out a flask, and began to drink from it. The world just wasn't ready to handle Gai and 'Gai'.
New Loop #4:
"Dobe, this has to be the stupidest idea you've ever concocted," stated Sasuke as he watched the platform descend, giving him his first unobstructed view of Tipoca City.
"Hey, this is a Grade-A prank here," stated Naruto.
"Did Sakura's own cloning attempts not teach you a lesson?"
"Hey, that was done by Sakura," replied Naruto. "I'm getting professional cloners here."
"Ah, so you mean in the end, you'll be professionally screwed when the shit hits the fan."
"Me?"
"I sure as hell am not claiming knowledge or responsibility for this," he muttered, waving at Naruto's package.
"Hey, it'll be funny as hell!"
"Right, while you're at it, let's clone Squirrel Girl, Madara, and Deadpool as well. I'm sure you think those are good ideas for pranks as well!"
"Well, kinda with Squirrel Girl. I mean, the Sith Lord defeated by a girl and her horde of squirrels? Come on!"
"Okay, fine, I'll grant you that one is a nice image. Not that I wanna see it mind you, but nice image."
"Hey, look at it this way, Teme," the blond Gray Jedi said with a smile, "at least I wasn't stupid enough to bring Sakura with us."
"Bring me here why?"
"Well, with their cloning technology you could—GAH!" squealed Naruto, turning around and seeing the pinkette Gray behind them. "How the hell did you get here? I scanned my ship twice!"
"Well, I just held on outside the ship," shrugged the Looping kunoichi. "And these people are advanced cloners?"
"Good going, Dobe. I didn't think Payback was faster than the speed of light."
"I know nothing, I saw nothing, and when we get back, I will fake the logs to prove I had nothing to do with this," stated Sasuke as their craft headed back towards Anime, the homeworld of the Gray Jedi.
"Hey, I think this was a field trip well spent," said Sakura. "Oh, I can't wait to come back and get my purchases."
"Why do you even have their blood samples on you?" asked Sasuke.
"Hhmph, I won't even dignify that question with an answer."
"Good," muttered Naruto, entering the bridge, "because I'm sure we'd feel much better not knowing."
"I'd like to know why you paid them in Bijuu-infused cell cultures," asked Sasuke. "We were at least offering technology to undo their planetary water issue. They loved that more than the money Sifo-Dyas was giving them."
"Hey, as a medical ninja, I need to keep working towards new discoveries."
"Sasuke, the reason probably falls under 'stuff man was not meant to know'," offered Naruto.
"Half what she does falls under that category," snorted Sasuke. "Besides, how are these clones of Ranma's two forms a prank?"
"I sorta had the 'no fraternization' block removed from them."
Sasuke could only blink. "Okay, so it will be an ongoing hell you've created for yourself. So if I may ask, what did Ranma do to deserve this stupid prank?"
"The last Fused Loop, he hit me with some Nyannīchuan, so I spent the next few Loops with a Jusenkyo curse."
The Uchiha paused at that. "Wait, Jusenkyo curses incurred during a Loop only last for the length of the Loop. How the hell did that curse last longer than one Loop. And come to think of it, didn't you develop a jutsu to do something similar?"
"I'll have you know I worked very hard to alter that magical matrix to last longer than one lousy Loop," stated Sakura.
"Wait; it was you?" screamed Naruto.
"Duh, as if Ranma would play around with Jusenkyo," Sakura said without concern.
"So basically Dobe screwed himself for no reason."
"Basically."
"… Teme, can we go back and cancel my order?"
"Nope, because you made them agree not to cancel it and ignore any calls from you until the date we know the Clone Wars will start," smirked Sasuke.
"And besides, you have any idea what I could learn after seeing their techniques in action with so many subjects?" asked Sakura.
"… Way to go, Dobe; you gave her more things to play with."
"… This whole trip never happened!" Naruto stated rapidly.
"Jedi mind tricks won't work on us."
"How about bribes?"
New Loop #5:
"You know," muttered Sasuke, "if I hadn't seen you personally do stuff more stupid than this, I would be pretty shocked right now, maybe even worried."
"You're not worried?" asked Sakura.
"I'm not the one facing Lee," he replied.
Looping again, the trio was in the second half of the second stage of the Chuunin Exam, meant to reduce the number of competitors to less than ten for the final exam. Thankfully—not to mention some Kage Bunshin with excellent hacking skills—the 'random' selections for the fights were proceeding as they had in the first Loop.
"It isn't that bad," stated Naruto, as the 'youthful drink' he offered Lee began to show itself.
"Naruto," said Gai, "exactly what was in that youthful energy elixir you offered my young charge?"
"Oh, one part energy drink good to revitalize the spirit and body and one part…" he paused, drawing out the tension. "I forget, but the bartender called it a Jägerbomb."
"I have never heard of—wait, did you say 'bartender'?" asked Gai, paling.
"Yeah," said Naruto. "You won't believe what ninjutsu goes on in a bar!"
"Yosh!" cried out the drunken Lee, wobbling on the field. "Yo-you remind me of someone," he said, pointing to the left of Gaara.
Gaara just stared, not sure how he was to proceed, as the boy was not acting like any drunk he had run across before. The match hadn't even begun and his opponent was about to collapse.
"Well, it'll be an interesting fight," muttered Sakura.
"I'll say," smirked Naruto, holding up the empty liter bottle Lee had drank from.
Sighing, Sasuke activated his Sharingan. It was like a train wreck you could see coming, you couldn't look away.
New Loop #6:
"My first impression of you is… Where is the third member of your team?" asked Kakashi.
"He never showed up, Sensei," muttered Sakura.
"Damn it, Naruto!" raged Inner Sakura. "You better not have cost me my chance to be with Sasuke-kun because you're skipping our meeting!"
Kakashi just sighed. "Okay, our first mission will be to track down your missing team member." Funny, I wonder where he is. I thought his profile stated he'd never miss this.
Meanwhile, in a random anonymous swamp, the Hall of Doom raised itself from the watery floor.
"Must it say that every time we have a meeting?" asked Gaara.
Naruto shrugged. "No clue, I got this place off a friend a while ago." Damn you, Saotome; I knew I should have kept the receipt.
"Hall of Doom?" asked Yugito, container of the two-tailed Bijuu.
"Fitting title according to those who know of us," muttered Rōshi, holder of the four-tailed Bijuu.
"Better place to hang out than some of our villagers," groused Utakata, the container of the six-tailed Bijuu.
"And why is he at the head position of the table?" Fū asked, container of the seven-tailed Bijuu.
"Hello!" waved Naruto. "Nine-tailed Bijuu here! And I provided this place, even gave you guys a way to get here so Akatsuki can't capture you."
"Who?" asked Yugito.
"Fill you in later," said Killer Bee. Damn black fire spewing bastards…
"So, exactly what will we be doing this Loop?" asked Garra.
"Loop?" asked Fū.
"Eh," waved off Naruto. "The last people who owned this place conceived of half-baked plots to rule the world."
"So you want fully baked plots to rule the world and need us to do it?" asked Yagura, container of the three-tails.
"More like to mess with those who seek to use our power for their own benefits," offered Naruto.
"Ya mean mind-fuck the assholes," restated Killer Bee.
"Ah," said Gaara. "As long as we do not need to wear weird costumes to hide our identities so we are not hunted down."
Naruto paused as he reached under his podium. "Define 'weird costumes'?" he asked, wondering if his second purchase from Saotome was going to be another bad investment.
New Loop #7:
"I don't know about this, Dobe," whispered Sasuke.
"Come on, Teme, it'll be fun!"
"That's what you said about the last Loop," growled the Uchiha.
"Oh, you enjoyed yourself. I heard they even made you the main attraction for their fertility festival. You always wanted to rebuild your clan."
"They were going to sacrifice my reproductive organs to their Gods!"
"Well, it's your own fault for going down to a planet even Kirk was weary of."
"I fail to see—"
"Kirk!" exclaimed Naruto. "The man who put STD in Deep Space Travel!"
"… Fine," growled Sasuke. He should have noticed something then. "But how often do you run into bipedal women with three breasts?"
"Not so rarely that I'll go to a planet where they sacrifice male genitals," he offered, as he poured more water into the vials. "Now stop whining like an emo and help me! This will be my best prank ever!"
"I thought your best prank ever was using genjutsu so Orochimaru and Jiraiya made out during the Chuunin Exam."
"That was Sakura. I don't do yaoi."
"This prank says differently."
Naruto just glared at the Uchiha, an evil smile forming on his face.
"Do it, Dobe; and I Chidori your head, resetting the Loop and costing you the prank."
"Damn it."
Kakashi blinked as he sat in the bar, wondering why people were gawking at him. Ever since his new genin team had passed, he felt different, off balance.
But some Icha-Icha and some rice wine, he'd feel perfect.
"Nice rack, kakashi," smirked Anko, sitting beside him. "Learned the blond brat's jutsu?"
"Huh?" he asked.
Anko just blinked as she stared at him. "You're henged into a female version of yourself."
Kakashi blinked and looked down.
"NARUTO!"
"How exactly did you get away with that?" asked Sasuke.
"Because Permanent Jusenkyo water has no chakra, nor could he tie it into me." Naruto stated. "Though he insisted I teach him my Sexy Jutsu so he could look normal. Plus, I gave him a reasonable enemy to target, since as Dead Last I could never have done such a thing."
Sasuke groaned as he rested his head in his hands. "The one-armed nin?"
"The one-armed nin," Naruto nodded.
Well, Kakashi had to leave," said Sakura, walking up to the two. "Some one-armed nin struck again.
"And since I know that bullshit excuse, what is the prank and why wasn't I invited?"
"Because you and the phrase 'small scale' don't get along," snorted Naruto.
"I can help too!" she stated.
"Fine," said Naruto, tossing her one vial. "Impress me."
"I'm impressed," Naruto admitted, watching a top-heavy Haku try to defeat Sasuke.
"Does that happen to all males?"
Naruto nodded. "I think Jusenkyo was created by a pervert. Kami knows what else that type of person could have created."
"SWEETO!" rang a cry through the Hidden Mist.
"The intruder has groped the Mizukage! KILL HIM!"
