3 months later…

It's late in the afternoon and Erin is alone at work. The bullpen is empty and free from the usual hustle and bustle. Everyone is out on a call. The white board behind her is clean, a contrast to the top of her desk, which is littered with files on Gerard Bolton, aka. Ghost. She's been receiving files from an unknown sender for the last couple of months containing addresses to stash houses, warehouses, and most important, names of Bolton's business associates. As a result, the team switched their strategy and instead of pursing him all over Chicago, they decided to smoke him out by slowly dismantling his business. This strategy is working – it is taking a little longer, but it insures that he will have no legs to stand on once he is apprehended.

In the midst of all these files, there is another, tucked in the corner. Erin pulls it out and leafs through a few copies of credit card receipts and a grainy picture taken just outside a gas station in Kenosha, Wisconsin. She looks at the calendar and it's been almost three months since anyone has seen or heard from Jay. She's been trying to track him down, but he doesn't want to be found. Will thinks he's in Wisconsin or as far up as Canada. She has driven aimlessly by that same gas station where he was last seen and around the area many times. All his cards are flagged, as is his passport. So far, nothing.

She takes a deep breath and the fluttering inside her belly begins. Not yet full movements, but small, effortless waves rippling across her stomach. She closes her eyes and leans back – taking it all in. At nearly five months pregnant, Erin is learning to relish these seemingly small milestones in her pregnancy. It's the only time when she doesn't feel so lonely. When she knows there something there, something that gives her purpose.

"Hey, kid," Hanks says.

Erin opens her eyes and blinks a few times. She completely spaced out for a minute there.

"Oh, hey, Hank," she says and watches his eyes land on the opened file on her desk. Before Hanks has a chance to nag her she says, "This is nothing," and closes the folder.

"Didn't look like nothing," he says, watching his pseudo-daughter's face fall as she tucks the folder in a drawer.

Erin heaves a deep sigh. "He should know," Erin says, placing her hands on her growing baby bump.

Hank nods. "He should know. But when you find him make sure you unholster your gun."

Erin smiles. "I'm not angry at him," she says.

Hank eyes her suspiciously.

"Not anymore," she clarifies.

Erin is past thinking how this whole situation is unfair. She's past being angry and hurt. Being pregnant has been a real lesson in taking every day as it comes. She doesn't know what's coming next. She has no control over it, and she is just sort of flowing right now.

"I just want him to know. Give him a chance to be in her life. I don't want her to resent me. I don't want to turn into Bunny."

Hank pulls a chair and sits next to her. "What if he doesn't want to be in her life?"

"Then…."

Erin hasn't thought about that. But leave it to Voight to bring it up. In all honestly, she would be devastated. After all, she knows he's a good man. They both made mistakes and Erin feels very guilty for pushing him away. She knew he was hurting, but she didn't listen. She wanted him to be the Jay from before and that was not fair. She is not the Erin from before, and it was silly for her to have those expectations for him. She wants to find him and apologize. She chose to keep this baby, and she would offer him the same courtesy.

"Then what?" Hank repeats.

"I guess it will be just the two of us then," Erin says, sadness lacing her words.

"And me, kid," Hank adds and ruffles the top of her hair. "And me."

Erin smiles.

Hank has been very supportive. He was not shocked or angry when she told him about the baby. He was sad – sad that she was in his office crying, asking him what to do, when this should've been a happy moment in her life.

"So," Hank motions to the rest of the files on her desk. "I see you got another box of files on Bolton, uh?"

"Yeah," Erin smiles. "From the same unknown sender."

Hank smiles. "Be ready to summarize any new finding to the team."

"I will," Erin says.

Hank pats her knee and gets up. He retreats into his office leaving Erin alone with her thoughts. She feels the baby kick. It is a tiny flutter, an odd and extraordinary inner tickle. This whole pregnancy has been an overwhelming unbearable and beautiful thing. Although she will not admit, it was very easy to love this baby immediately and unconditionally because of her love for Jay.

She feels a knot in her throat and a tightness build in her chest. She takes another deep breath.

One day at a time.

**x**

"And that should be our next move," Erin informs the team, motioning to the new information neatly organized on the white board.

"Are you sure Starvos is Bolton's henchman? He is a low level pimp down in Riverdale." Kevin says.

"I'm not sure. But so far these leads have panned out," Erin says. "So we should move on Starvos."

The team nods in agreement.

"The point here is to knock Bolton off his pedestal – striking him where it hurts," Hank says. "So be ready. We go first thing tomorrow."

The team scatters back to their desks, but Kim makes a beeline for Erin.

"Hey," Kim says excitedly. "I have everything ready for tonight."

Erin rolls her eye amused. "I'm just putting the crib together," Erin reminds her.

"And I got paint samples for the room," Kim adds.

"It better not be any shade of pink," Erin says.

"Nope, not pink. I promise."

Erin smiles. Kim has been an unexpected friend lately. Always ready to help. Erin could totally put the crib together, but she just wants some company tonight. It's when she's doing these otherwise mundane chores that she misses him, or the idea of him. She doesn't want to have those thoughts circling in her head. But that's how her "new" brain works. In order to drown those thoughts, Erin invited Kim over to help.

**x**

There is a knock on the door and Erin yells, "It's open," from where she is perched on the spare bedroom floor.

She hears the door squeak open and Kim call out, "I brought food!"

Erin pulls herself up and walks out of the bedroom. "I thought we were going to order pizza."

"Well, I had to drop off some stuff at my sister's place, so I stopped by Au Cheval and got us burgers."

"No you didn't!" Erin exclaimes.

Kim lifts up the Au Cheval bag for Erin to see. "I heard you talking about their burgers, so I thought I should try it."

"They have the best burgers in town," Erin says snatching the bag from Kim's hand. The juicy aroma quickly fills her nose.

Kim shrugs her coat off and toes off her shoes. She walks into to the apartment and peeks inside the bedroom. "You started without me."

"No, I didn't. I just organized all the pieces," Erin says from the kitchen.

"You have most of if put together," Kim says.

"Nonsense," Erin insists. "There are lots of little screws to tighten still."

Kim rolls her eyes and watches Erin pitter-patter in the kitchen. She sits on the island just as Erin places a burger in front of her.

"Dig in," Erin says. "I don't have beer, but I have ginger ale."

"I will just have some water," Kim says.

Erin grabs two bottled waters from the fridge and takes a seat next to Kim. They eat mostly in silence, taking mouthful, slowly savoring the food. Once they are done, they clean up and retreat to the spare bedroom. Because Erin has pretty much assembled the crib, Kim offers to tighten the screws and set up the bedding while Erin sits on the floor watching.

"Have you thought about decorations?" Kim asks. "Or a theme?"

"Not really," Erin shrugs. "I thought of keeping it simple. Neutral."

Kim nods. "Well, I brought paint samples," Kim says pulling out a small bag with tin cans from inside her bag. "See if you like any of them."

Erin looks through the bag and pulls out the tin cans. Slowly, she opens each of them, imagining the color covering the walls. One of the colors, catches her eye – electric blue.

"You like that one?" Kim asks, looking over Erin's shoulder.

"No, um, yes…but not for the walls," Erin says. "The color reminded of… you know what? Never mind." Erin dismisses the thought. "Oh look, the crib is done."

"Yeah," Kim nods. "But I think you have the wrong size sheets," Kim says stretching the sheet over the mattress for Erin to see.

"Oh, I think those are for the changing pad. I just washed a few crib sheets. They are in my room."

Kim follows Erin to her bedroom and watches as she rummages through a stack of clean laundry in her closet. Kim can't help herself but eye inside her closet. Erin looks back and sees where Kim's eyes have landed – Jay's side of the closet, still intact.

"I, um, don't know what to do with them," Erin explains.

"Oh, I wasn't… looking, I wasn't trying…" Kim stumbles.

"Look, I know what you must be thinking," Erin begins.

"I'm not thinking anything," Kim quickly interjects.

Erin stands up and plops herself down on the bed. "I've been trying to…let go. But I can't. Not when I'm continuously reminded of him," Erin says gesturing to her belly. "And I don't know what to do." Erin's voice breaks.

Kim takes a seat next to Erin. "I don't know what happened between you two. But I know what I saw." Kim places a stray strand of her hair behind her ear and looks straight at Erin. "You guys loved each other. And I know this kid is a product of that love."

A lonely tear rolls down Erin's cheek. "I've been trying to find him, but I haven't gotten a single lead in months. And I know he is out there. I know he is the one sending me those files on Bolton." Erin takes a deep breath and says, "I want to tell him about her." Erin's hand moves protectively over her stomach. "Somehow I think if he knew she was coming he would…snap out it."

"Jay is hurting, Erin. Only Jay can save Jay."

"No," Erin disagrees. "I think she can save him. She is saving me right now. If he only knew…"

Kim runs a comforting hand over Erin's back. She's never seen Erin this vulnerable. "Jay can't disappear forever, right? He will come up for air at some point."

"I'm so angry at him, you know? But at the same time, if he walked through those doors I would feel…relieved." Erin wipes her eyes and adds, "I don't want her to grow up without a dad, like I did."

Kim nods.

At that moment, their work phones go off. They frown, not expecting any work related calls. Kim is the first to pull her phone out.

"Burgess," she says. "Okay. Yup… okay. Be there in 10."

"What's up?" Erin asks

"Starvos just turned himself in. He wants a deal."


Thanks for reading. All comments/criticism are welcome. Cheers!