Regretting her actions the night before immediately, the following morning Jen set about punishing her lack of control by pushing herself to perform the task that Leliana had mentioned to her. Finding Warden Blackwall and solving the mystery of the disappearing Grey Wardens. She threw herself into the task, acting like a woman possessed and demanding that Iron Bull, Varric and Solas be ready one hour after first light.
She thought that Varric and Solas looked concerned at her manic behaviour, but Iron Bull merely looked amused. Whether he had been taught something similar, she didn't know. However, she suspected that he recognised someone trying to regain control through their work. For years her work had been more than enough for her, hopefully it would continue to bring her solace.
Sadly she was wrong. Warden Blackwall turned out to be a mild mannered man, who had a steady head on his shoulders and would be an asset to training the Inquisition's army, along with helping her own scouting parties. However, he knew next to nothing about the Grey Warden disappearance having been on his own for a long time, and with his unkempt black hair and slightly shabby appearance Jen was inclined to believe him.
It was disappointing and not the distraction that she needed, especially as the bandits that ambushed them had been so pathetic Jen had been able to dispatch all but two of the ten herself. Even Bull's praise didn't cheer her and she couldn't help but feel that Leliana was going to be disappointed with Blackwall.
The light was fading by the time Jen's small party returned to Haven. At the gates Bull had bidden farewell and returned to his Chargers; Varric and Solas also drifting off not long after. Jen's legs felt heavy, beginning to protest at how she had treated them that day. She had really pushed herself hard against the bandits. Just as she was about to enter her cabin she heard a shout behind her.
"Lady Trevelyan!" wincing internally she turned. A breathless scout was running down the track towards her. He was young, perhaps only 16 with short dark hair and the wiry build of someone who had grown very quickly in a short period of time.
"My Lady," he said saluting smartly. "Sister Nightingale requests your presence at the scouts tent immediately. She wishes to be debriefed on your latest journey."
Ah of course, she would want to know if she had discovered anything further about the Wardens. "Tell Leliana I will be with her shortly," Jen said curtly, turning back towards her cabin.
Upon entering she gazed longingly at the bed for a good minute before shaking herself and turning to the washstand. She peeled off the layers of supple leather encasing her body, then the softer cotton shirt and breeches she wore underneath. Carefully removing her underclothes, she stood for a moment marvelling at how her already strong body appeared even more toned. Undoubtably a product of all the tasks that a "Herald of Andraste" was expected to perform for the Inquisition.
Taking a cloth and lemon soap, she worked up a lather before methodically washing away the grime from her face and body. It felt so good to be clean again even if the chill of the winter in Haven was starting to grip her. She cast around, looking for fresh clothes and dressed quickly into her black jacket and trousers.
Jen burst through the door, hood pulled up against the snow that was falling and made her way purposely through the darkening town to Leliana's tent. She could hear voices inside and stopped outside to listen.
"What do you mean that you still aren't certain who the leak is?" said Leliana's voice angrily.
"Sister, we are narrowing it down, we just need more time!" replied the panicked voice of the young scout Jen had met half an hour before.
"You have until sunset tomorrow, you understand? No?" Leliana sounded very severe.
"Yes, I understand Sister. I will do it."
Jen stepped away from the tent opening and back into the shadows as the scout left the tent with a determined expression on his face.
"You can come in now Jennifer," sighed Leliana wearily from inside the tent.
Jen peeled the heavy woven fabric apart and entered the tent, instantly feeling warmed by the fire crackling away in the centre. Leliana was sat slumped in a chair behind her desk. She looked exhausted.
"I'd ask you how you knew it was me out there," said Jen as she sat on the vacant chair in front of the desk, "but after our talk in my cabin, I already know."
Leliana observed her for a moment. "Precisely. Raven."
Jen inclined her head.
"Since you know that I heard, what was that about before? Do we have a leak?"
Leliana closed her eyes for a second, gathering herself and looking wearier still.
"Yes, we have a leak. They passed information to the bandits on the Storm Coast, information that resulted in the death of five of our soldiers. It looks as though they did it for a quick payout, but I am not so sure. I worry that there is more at stake than it seems. That or I am becoming paranoid," she chuckled dryly. "Either way the action requires justice."
Jen studied the tightening of the Spymasters jaw, the slight clenching of her fist that lay upon the desk.
"You already know who the leak is, don't you?"
"I do." Leliana stated darkly.
"So why haven't you acted yet?"
"I want my scouts to become actively involved in the process, thus training them to be more vigilant and at the same time they are more involved to be affected by what happens when I am betrayed." Leliana's tone was so cold now. Jen knew that the Nightingale was ruthless, that was her reputation after all, but to see it first hand was unsettling. Particularly because it was like looking into a mirror and she didn't want to examine that too closely.
"Is death the only option here?" she asked quietly.
Leliana laughed softly. "You really are trying to change aren't you?"
"I just think that there are other – more creative ways to make an example. That's all." Replied Jen nonchalantly.
"But as you are aware, those methods can come back to haunt you. My choice is definite and permanent."
"I know I can hardly criticise, but I thought the Inquisition was supposed to be built on better ideals than those of Marjolaine's."
Leliana's eyes narrowed dangerously at Jen's words. Worrying that she may have pushed the Spymaster too far Jen asked quickly, "Anyway, you wished to have a debrief on the Grey Warden aspect of my last trip?"
"Please." Leliana responded sweetly, apparently not best pleased.
"Blackwall will make an excellent addition to the Inquisition as he is a seasoned soldier and is very good a training recruits, which is what he was doing when we found him."
"I am right in sensing a 'but' here, no?"
"His knowledge of the Wardens whereabouts was–" she paused for a moment, "–disappointing."
A flicker of something, a strong emotion, passed over Leliana's face.
"He claimed that the Wardens would contact him if there was anything he needed to know. But," Jen took a moment to select her words carefully. "To me, something isn't right. I know nothing of the Wardens, but I think that he is not quite as he appears. I can't put my finger on it yet, however, something doesn't add up."
"If that is the case I will try to find out more about Warden Blackwall," Leliana responded.
"Can I ask what your interest with the Warden's is Leliana?" The question escaped Jen before she realised what she had said. Old habits searching for any further information clearly hadn't left her.
It was as though a mask suddenly slipped away from Leliana's face, the carefully controlled expression disintegrating and leaving behind it the eyes of a woman who looked lost and worried.
"I will tell you a little in good faith, given how much you confided in me at my demands. But I will not tell anymore than I wish, the same courtesy I extended to you remember."
Jen nodded.
"I'm surprised you don't already know this, but I told you that meeting the Warden during the blight taught me that I could find redemption for those things I had done when I was with Marjolaine?"
"Yes, I remember." Jen murmured.
"I was lost, broken, before I met Alessia Cousland. And confused because despite what I knew in my mind, part of me still couldn't believe that Marjolaine had betrayed me. I had loved her you see."
Jen couldn't help it, her hands clenched at that admission. Leliana had loved that woman, it angered and disgusted her.
"Do not judge me in that way, you who knew Marjolaine's charms. I was young," Leliana admonished.
"Anyway, to cut a long story short, in amongst the death and horror of the blight I began to reawaken in the presence of Alessia who showed me a great kindness and what I really needed from another: to be trusted by them. And slowly as the memory of Marjolaine fell away to the Warden's kindness, I fell for her. Luckily for me, she reciprocated."
The story reminded Jen of her own past with Roderick, particularly the word reawaken that Leliana had used.
"Alessia has been affected by the calling, but she believes it to be fake and six months ago set off to try and find a cure. Three months ago was the last time I received a letter from her."
Silence fell between them at this, it hung uncomfortably. Leliana took a deep breath and suddenly the hardened Spymaster was back.
"Now you know. Thank you for your report Jennifer, I must get back to the other tasks I have to deal with."
Hearing the finality in her voice Jen stood and pulled her hood back up, tucking her black hair in. Leliana also stood, turning her back on Jen and began rifling through the papers in the chest of draws to the side of her desk.
"Thank you for telling me that Leliana," Jen said to the Spymaster's back. "I will keep a look out for anything relating to the Grey Wardens." She continued in a softer tone, knowing that Leliana would hear.
"Please don't murder the leak. Do not return to the ways that we are both trying to escape from." Jen's voice cracked and she strode as fast as she could from the tent and into the night.
