It became clear that there would be no fighting. And she wanted to, looking at the Turk's white face, his hard, dark eyes. Along with the phone, her rod had fallen and she looked down into the darkness of the lower stairwells, felt totally vulnerable. The Turk seized her around the shoulders with strong hands, and she jolted back purely on instinct, missing the soft look in his eye, how his grip lightened, just slightly.
"I take no joy in this." He said, and she just looked at him, eyes moving down the high slope of his cheek to the grim line of his mouth. There was something heavy in the pit of her stomach, something acute and unfamiliar. Do you believe in him now?
Yes, he wanted to say, yes. But then there was this feeling pressing down on her, like hearing too many voices in her head at once, too many angry, sad voices. There were days like that, when she just laid down and closed her eyes because it was too much loss, too much death to combat with faith. She had wondered more than once, if her ancestors believed she could handle more than she really could.
She was losing something now, and she knew it. But this weight was her own loss. It felt like Sephiroth's hands at the backs of her thighs, imminent loss of some innocence she'd never be able to get back. And she had been ready for that, for him to have her body before her secrets. She wasn't ready to lose faith in him, the faith she'd used as a shield for so many people that warned her.
But her heart was sinking as she looked into the Turk's face. She didn't think he was lying. Sephiroth wouldn't betray her like that, would he?
Do you trust me?
Yes, she thought to herself. But her heart was changing, recognizing in an instant, its blindness. The Turk led her down deeper and she felt the chill creep up to them as they walked, she saw fluorescent lights and felt something in her memory shake loose.
It might've been the longest walk she had ever taken, she thought, swallowing her heart down. She thought her mother must be worried right now. She'd never stayed at the garden quite this late, so there was no excuse Elmyra could make. She wondered if she was ever going to see her again.
She stopped and turned to face the Turk.
"My mother, she doesn't know where I am." She said, as if he would care. But somehow, it never seemed more important. She thought of the past months she'd spent hiding, lying to her mother about the things she was really doing, and who she was doing them with.
She felt guilty, never more like an ungrateful child. The Turk turned her back around with light hands, didn't say anything.
Aeris felt her hands trembling. The very last thing she'd ever said to her mother was a lie.
She could smell heavy antiseptic, death, deep in the white walls around them. There was no happiness, just clean, wide space. She felt so small, more vulnerable than even when Sephiroth would lift her up off her feet, and kiss her so hard she could feel it in her fingertips.
Her heart sank. Where are you? She thought, did he even know she was gone, levels below where he slept at night? Had he come back yet, opened the door to his apartment and found it empty? She wondered if he would call for her, search through his rooms.
But there was a small poisonous voice, wondering if he already somehow knew she was here, wondering that if he somehow didn't would he care enough to come for her. She banished the thought quickly, thought of his rare, reluctant smile, his calloused hand in hers, strength just barely veiled.
"He'll come for me." She said quietly, and there was a hitch in the Turk's step. He still said nothing, but she turned her head and he seemed-sad, though she couldn't figure why.
"Do you think so?" a voice said, and she snapped her head up.
"Professor Hojo." The Turk said, pushing her a few more steps forward. Hojo, she blinked at the name, remembered suddenly the conversation she had with Sephiroth that one night. He had reacted so violently to the mention of this man. His eyes had been bright, without remorse, when he declared with such calm conviction that this man deserved to die.
Aeris felt a terrible pull in heart. She watched as he squared out his rounded shoulders to stand totally head and shoulders above her. He was tall like Sephiroth, and dangerous in a way that was somehow more palpable, more complete.
His dark eyes scanned her, and then coolly held to her face. She only looked back into his eyes because she didn't know what she would find there. She wanted to fly back away from them when she did see them, and the uproar now in her head that sounded like anger, panic. It wasn't hatred in his eyes, but something worse. She didn't quite know how to identify it, but she felt it, his cold scrutiny, and in him a proud, frighteningly deep void that only just started in his eyes, and could not have ended with his heart.
She felt his emptiness cast on her like a shadow. But there was also this inscrutable feeling she had, that he knew her beyond this moment she stood before him. And she felt like she knew him, which was the strangest part. She felt that pull in her heart, saying this wasn't the first time she had looked up at his face and felt as if he was taking something from her that she'd never be able to recover. If Sephiroth was death and power, than she didn't know what this man was.
"I need to go home." She said a little disconnectedly, knowing full well that wasn't going to happen and her voice shook, her hands trembled. She thought of her mother again. Hojo's expression didn't change, he only motioned towards the inner lab. The Turk was reaching for her arms then, somehow sensing that the fight would return to her.
And it did. She was turning, hair flying in her face when she twisted and tried to run in the opposite direction, but the Turk was directly in her path, solid and strong when she attempted to push past him. His eyes were still, and his feet were steady to the ground when he grabbed her wrists. She yanked and pulled, but all she was doing was exhausting herself. She stopped then and looked at him, breathing hard into the little space between them. She looked up at his face, and she couldn't recall having really looked at him closely before.
His face was carefully empty, smooth, young. His eyes were the visibly brown kind.
"Please, I'll…I'll stay in my perimeter." She offered weakly, feeling disappointment in herself. But more important than anything now, was the fear she felt looking into the eyes of the professor, the closed door farther off. Fear for good reason.
And maybe she was imagining it, falling into the comfort of wishful thinking, but something shifted behind the Turks cold stare, quickly, gone just as fast as it had come. The ghost of aching faded, and he said,
"There are some things we have no choice in."
And Aeris just stared. He was right, there were. No one got to choose the situation they would be born into, no one got to choose the kind of blood coursing through their veins, even if that blood and heritage was dangerous to have, inconvenient for moments you might have thought to be free or fall in love. Love, she thought, feeling odd. You didn't get to choose who you loved either, and above any of these, she didn't want to change that. She would never change it, even though there was a doubtful voice in her head telling her not to be foolish anymore, to look outward right then and know she was where she was alone, because she foolishly loved a man who was nowhere to be found.
Love, she thought, surprised. And what a time to know it, as she was being turned around, led to that room. The Professor walked a few paces ahead of them, white coat sweeping back in his was some excitement now that he had about him, but Aeris tried not to notice it, listened instead to the small sounds of her mother's bracelets moving on her wrists. She stepped inside and didn't really feel the terror return full force until the Turk stepped away from her and made to leave.
"Professor, I will post a few of my own down here, to insure that-" Hojo scoffed.
"If Sephiroth decided to pay a visit, I assure you, a few of your own would be of no help. Don't waste your time, I trust Sephiroth will not waste his time searching." Hojo said, and the Turk looked almost incredulous.
"Professor-"
"I know him better than anyone ever will." The Professor said softly, put a on a fresh set of gloves.
"The President has requested that you have extra security." Hojo raised an eyebrow, sighed.
"Very well." He cast a look in Aeris' direction. "However, your assistance is no longer required. You can go."
The look on the Turk's face was all the more noticeable for the empty expression he usually kept. Aeris saw the loathing, and was sure Hojo saw it too, but simply didn't care.
"Sir." The Turk nodded and left, closing the door behind him.
The moment the door closed, Aeris hugged her arms around herself. She could feel his intent, even though she had no idea what he was planning to do. There didn't seem a thing she wouldn't do, to not be in a room alone with him.
"Sit down." he said, motioning to the bed. She stood where she was, and he stopped. "Obstinance will get you no where," he said turning his back on her to attend to a tray on the counter, "It in fact, gets you where you are right now." He held a needle up to the light, set it back down gently. "If you had done what you were told to, and stayed within the generous boundaries you were given, I would not be forced to do this now." He spoke almost as if she wasn't there. "Such irresponsible, erratic behavior does not convince me you can be trusted to stay put, and I can't have you putting all my hard work in jeopardy."
He turned and pressed a square of folded paper against her chest.
"You ought to resign yourself, girl. This will be a lot easier for you if you do. Now, remove your dress, and put that on."
She looked at the folded paper in her hands and unfolded it to see it was a thin, open backed gown.
"No." she said, more out of panic than conviction. She looked at his face then, and the edge of his mouth twitched with genuine annoyance. Sephiroth had that same tell.
"I assure you, you have nothing I have not seen before."
"I..." her chest was tight, she couldn't imagine the first man to see her naked would be him. She didn't even know why she would have to undress, what was he going to do to her?
If you don't, I will be forced to sedate you and do it myself." She blanched at the idea of his hands anywhere on her body.
She bit her lip, and tried to banish the wet heat behind her eyes, the heat in her cheeks. With slow, reluctant hands she took her dress off. Quickly, he said, and she sped her progress, hesitated at the undergarments before he grumbled that he meant everything. She turned away from him and undressed the rest of the way, hunching into herself. She wanted to go away and hide somewhere, she would've given everything not to be seen.
The cool air of the lab brushed the bared curve of her backside, and she hurriedly unfolded the paper gown all the way, trying not to tear it. She felt open and naked not only to Hojo, but the eyes of her ancestors that always followed. She felt humiliated, disappointed in herself for the fight she wasn't putting up, and the unfamiliar doubt in her heart.
She put the gown on backwards, so that she could hold it closed at the front. Still facing away, she folded her underwear, bra and dress, one on top of the other. She couldn't have explained why she felt the need to do it, but staring at her stack of clothing it just seemed so important to remember what she'd been wearing this night.
Sephiroth picked that dress, taken off things she'd worn beneath it. She had picked these shoes, run down stairs and corridors in them.
"Turn around." She did, and he then told her to step out of her shoes. When she stepped out of them, he loomed even higher above her, actually smiled.
"Your father used to look at me, exactly like that." he said, tapping a clipboard that seemed to have suddenly materialized into his hands. She was struck dumb, her father? Of all the mysteries she wondered about, that was one of the things she knew least about. There was a part of her that didn't beleive him, or want to beleive him, wanted to think instead that he was deliberately provoking her.
"He was a brilliant man, once. If not incredibly naive." Hojo wrote something down. "I suppose the apple doesn't fall far from the tree does it?"
Aeris shook her head as if to deny it, but what did she know? She couldn't defend a man she'd never known, or even tell if Hojo was lying. She wondered, if Hojo had known her father, what kind of man must her father have been?
It was troubling, almost as troubling as her sudden desire to ask questions about him, even as she stood nearly naked in a sterile, white room. My father, she thought, bit her tongue.
"But nevermind that." He said with a calculating look."You are one of the last of an elite race, unexceptional in the life you lead now, but exceptional in your potential." He looked at her face. "And you have so much potential." His proximity unnerved her, even if there was nothing but a clinical interest in his eye. "So much so that I'm willing to amend my current plan. In doing this, you may have to do a few unpleasant things. "
She blinked, stepped back and felt her back hit the med bed. Hojo continued.
"As things are, this is not the most opportune time for me to begin my procedure, though I could take you in as a subject until I am ready." She could feel his breath on her face. "You are a clever girl, for getting as close to Sephiroth as you have. And because of this, you have made him party to an incredibly unfortunate situation. For reasons that are beyond me, you have had quite an influence. Filled his head with ridiculous notions, and questions...the questions, I know you are the reason he is suddenly so curious." he bit out, more ferociously than he had spoken anything yet. "He is perfect." he ground his teeth. "Perfection, child. Something you may never be able to understand, and I will not stand by as my creation is sullied by-"
"He's not your creation." she said, balling up her hands. Hojo sneered.
"He is more my creation than you will ever understand." he said, face dark. Hojo seemed to regain his composure. "And because it appears, for whatever reason, that he is attached to you, and because he is often reliant on destruction when slighted, any interference of his could be detrimental to this project." She trembled, wanted nothing more than to scream, push him away. "But if Sephiroth were to get in my way, you can be certain that he will pay the consequences regardless. Sephiroth is as perfect as I always meant him to be, but ultimately he belongs to this company, to me. And if he interferes because of you, I will be forced to punish him. Do you understand?"
Aeris felt weak, more aware than ever of how she may have endangered a man she cared about. It didn't often cross her mind because he seemed so untouchable, so... perfect, but it was true wasn't it? The powers she sought to escape, were the ones that ruled Sephiroth's life. She stared passed the walls of the white room, how selfish had she been? Only thinking about how it would be dangerous for her?
Hojo seemed pleased.
"He doesn't care for you. He sees you as a pretty thing, something fascinating he has yet to figure out. Great minds like his are often drawn to puzzles. Let him go, and I will let you go. At least until I am ready for you." he smiled. "And if you cared about him, then you'd do just that."
She stared ahead, hands clenched down tight on the two sides of the paper gown.
"Tell him whatever you must."
"I-" she started, but was interrupted by the high, shrill sound of an alarm. The lights started to flicker red, and Hojo snapped his head up, went to step away towards the door, which at that moment flung so violently open, one of the hinges gave out. A white hand steadied the swinging door to rest back against the wall, and she watched as Sephiroth stepped all the way into the doorway.
Both she and Hojo were frozen, and she stared wide-eyed at Sephiroth's tall, pale figure in the doorway. He looked-unlike she'd ever seen him. Wild eyed, and hair cast all about, messy even-which she didn't think was possible for him, he stood in the doorway holding his long sword tightly in his left hand.
He was drawn as tightly as a bow string, but she could feel the anger coming off of him in waves. The flickering red light of the alarm filtered through his hair when he moved forward, taking long, measured steps towards them, or rather towards Hojo.
She didn't know whether or not to run as she had been the whole night, scream, cry or go cling to him. It occurred to her that there was some part of her that hadn't expected him to come, and seeing him standing there was equal parts pain and relief, conflict for what she now knew she had to do. She felt it all rising in her, everything she had miraculously managed to keep settled, despite what seemed like an eternity long of being completely terrified.
She hadn't realized until just that instant, how terrified she'd been.
Sephiroth looked at her with a dark face, a face she'd never seen and never did want to see again. It would've been the wrong decision to run into his arms at that moment. She looked into his eyes and only saw her fear reflected back at her. Clutching her paper gown closed, she didn't know what to do.
He was on Hojo before she could even register it.
"Stay away from her." he ground out, with one hand securely around the white collar of Hojo's lab coat. Hoisted up against the far wall, Hojo didn't look the slightest bit frightened. Aeris couldn't believe it.
"Interesting." Hojo choked out, "Is this the part where you pretend the role of protector?" Sephiroth blinked, a flicker of something indistinguishable interrupting the anger. All too soon it was back, visibly more intense. "You don't know what you're doing, boy."
"Maybe." Sephiroth said softly, raising his sword. He seemed to be calm now, cold. "But I know what I'm about to do."
It was the shock on Hojo's face that let Aeris know that Sephiroth was utterly serious. She rushed forward, and grabbed onto his arm.
"Sephiroth, don't-"
Sephiroth just gave her that same look. Was he angry with her?
"Step away from me." he said, ordered. She looked at his sword, it already shined with red. What had he done? What had she done? She covered her mouth, and when he saw that his expression fell.
He turned to reach for her then, a strange, sudden contradiction of himself. She stepped away, outside of his reach.
"What did you do?" she said, looking anywhere but his face.
She heard something behind her and turned to see Angeal, who stepped in slowly, sensing the tension.
"Sephiroth," he said, glancing at Aeris. She couldn't look at him either. She looked all around her, the tiny white room now in disarray, cast under the flickering light of the alarm, the blood on Sephiroth's sword. All of these things were a result of her actions.
"Sephiroth, she is right there. There's no need to do anything you might regret." Angeal said, moving in closer but slowly, as if Sephiroth were some wild animal. He let Hojo down, lip curled.
"I wouldn't regret it," he said, stepping back but not taking his eyes off of the professor, "but you are right."
There were a few silent moments before Angeal suggested they leave, Sephiroth agreed, sheathed his sword, and swiftly took Aeris' wrist in his hand and dragged her out of the room.
Not two steps out of the room, Aeris stopped. Sephiroth seemed keen on dragging her still, but she was having none of it. The alarm went off, leaving space bright and purely white.
There were about five people in blue suits standing solemnly in the more expansive part of the lab, and Angeal stood behind Sephiroth. There seemed an immediate tension between the SOLDIERs and the Turks, and Aeris caught the dark haired Turk's eye as she ripped her arm away from Sephiroth's grip.
Behind her, Hojo dared to come stand in the doorway of the room they had just left.
"We're going." Sephiroth said, giving her an incredulous look. "I'll clear a path if I have to."he said, looking at the line of Turks. Aeris spotted the red-headed one, and he looked back at her, none of that strange mirth in his eyes.
"Where is Genesis?" she heard him ask Angeal in an irritated voice.
"I'm not sure, he said he'd be back, but that was hours ago."
She suddenly remembered her state of dress, and held the gown closed with two shaking hands. She didn't want anymore poeple to get hurt, she didn't want Sephiroth to be punished because of her.
But the open air of the outer lab struck her on the face then, and she glanced to the door leading to stairs, carefully guarded by that line of Turks. It was overhwhelming suddenly, too much. She wasn't running down so many flights of stairs, not swinging an unfamiliar weapon, not fighting the strong hold of a Turk, not wondering whether Hojo planned on dismantling her like his eyes said he wanted to.
Aeris breathed, inside the circle of dangerous people she knew and didn't. She felt like they were all looking at her, like the space and silence she had now was too much to bear, because all her fear was catching up to her now. It overtook everything, the relief, the need for self preservation.
The first sob that came seemed to echo, and she covered her face. She was embarrassed, panicked because she didn't feel as if she would ever stop. She had never cried like she was crying now, and no one moved around her, everyone just watched.
"No-" was all she could choke out, but it wasn't what she wanted to say, her heart was filling up with so much relief, validation finally for all of the times she decided to have faith. Sephiroth had come for her. But that didn't matter, it didn't matter.
Sephiroth stared. He too, seemed shocked by her outburst.
"No?" he said, disbelieving. "No, Cetra?" His voice was cold, and she felt every ounce of that anger she'd seen, in his voice.
She snapped her head up.
"How do you-"
"I managed to wring the truth from a Turk as I sought you out." he said, gripping the handle of his sword. Her eyes went wide. She thought about the blood.
"You didn't-"
"I did what I needed to." He said darkly. A few of the Turks shifted where they stood. "This is your mystery, flowergirl? This is what you withheld from me?"If I had known, I would never have brought you here," he bit out, "knowing what you are, and the consequences of you coming here, how could you allow me to foolishly think-
"I didn't want anyone to get hurt." she said and he stepped in towards her. She realized he still had on the clothes he'd picked her up in.
"Lies," he said softly, "You put yourself in danger, for what? Was it very amusing to watch my efforts to protect you, when all along you knew it would be in vain? Was my ignorance entertaining? And while you preached to me about truth, your desire to know beyond what I chose to show you, did it not once strike you that you might've followed the advice yourself, and allowed me to make informed decisions that do not end with unnecessary strife?" Sephiroth cleared the hair out of his face with a swift, unsteady hand. She had never seen him do that before. "This explains your solitude, your purity, your reluctance and the strange phenomena that surround you. You are different, and you are alone, isolated by what sets you apart from everyone around you, the last of your kind." He looked into her eyes. "And you withheld it from me, not because you are noble but because you thought that I-" he laughed, a manic, unfamiliar sound, "that I, would not accept you otherwise."
Aeris looked at him, really looked. And there, beneath all the anger, was hurt. It made her heart stop, to see such an open emotion on his face. It had never occurred to her that he might simply understand, that their predicaments were so similar, it would be ridiculous for him not to. She hadn't trusted that he would. But then she thought of something.
"You didn't accept me." she said, biting her lip. She looked over at the dark haired Turk. "Not all the way. It bothered you that I wouldn't tell you. And so you tried to provoke me, so that I would, press me so that I would rely on you to-"
"What-"
"You asked them to minimize my perimeter, and they listened because it served them too." A brief look of shock passed his face, not because it wasn't true, but because he hadn't expected her to know. "I denied that you would do something like that, but I felt it...that it was true." She looked away from him. "You took from the little freedom I had, so that I would be more reliant on you, so that eventually I would have to tell you, and even tonight...you didn't want to bring me here, but you were pressing me, seeing what I would do, and it..backfired on us both."
She wiped her cheek. Sephiroth didn't say anything to to deny it.
"If I had known the depth of your trouble, I would not have bothered." he said, and it stung, but Aeris didn't flinch away from it. It seemed what she needed to do was now obvious.
"Then don't." She said weakly, looking back up at him. He blinked, as if not understanding.
"Aeris..." he said, seeming to sense it, and she felt herself starting to cry again.
"I'm sorry Sephiroth, I-" she stopped, throat constricting, "I let my...infatuation get in the way of the right thing to do. This should have never started, we should've never-" she tried to gather herself again, looked at Angeal who clearly knew exactly what she was saying to his friend. "I was a fool." she said, wiping her eyes, 'but I'm not going to be, anymore."
She felt like they were standing there looking at eachother for forever, her trying to clear the tears before they fell, him looking again how she'd never seen him. She didn't want to know what this face was.
She turned away, felt him trying to close the gap and Angeal quietly telling him not to. She walked towards the door but the wall of Turks kept her from going through.
"She can go. One of you escort her home, make sure she is where she is supposed to be." Hojo's stark voice said from behind her.
Most of the Turk's looked surprised, but the dark haired Turk didn't. She looked at him. Was this what they wanted all along?
She didn't want to think that she could be controlled like that, but as the Turk nodded and Cissnei came forward to take her arm, she wondered if she had been.
Before she left, she turned one last time to see him, and he was looking back still from where he stood, something like incomprehension in his eyes. Abruptly, he turned away, face into shadow, and she let Cissnei lead her out.
The rest of the night after that was mostly a blur. She'd never cried so hard in her life, and never so ceaselessly. Even when Cissnei brought her up to her apartment and lent her actual clothes to wear, she changed in the small bathroom and tried in vain to wash her face.
She only wanted to scrub her whole body, and remove both the good and bad memories one night had given it. She put on the dress, and it was warmer than the one she had before, a long, pretty pink one she couldn't believe Cissnei was letting her wear.
She must've been a pitiful sight for such treatment, but she didn't say anything. She couldn't say anything, and didn't all the way to the car. Cissnei had something on the radio she couldn't quite hear, and the windows thankfully down.
Warm city air on her face and in her hair, she felt herself take a long overdue breath. her eyes were still tearing up, but watching the outside go by calmed her down more than she ever thought it would.
There was a dark, windy highway leading down under the plate. When the last piece of sky disappeared, Aeris looked out of the window, said,
"It was you who tried to help me, wasn't it?" And Cissnei didn't say anything, just drove, wind blowing her curly hair back. Aeris didn't wait for an answer, didn't actually expect to get one.
She took her to the house, and they sat in the car for a few silent moments. Cissnei bit her lip, looked down at the steering wheel.
"I'm sorry." she said.
Aeris looked out of the window, shook her head.
"You shouldn't be sorry." It was silent again. Cissnei was clearly searching for things to say.
"No, I am. Because when I said I didn't dream, I...I was lying." Aeris turned to look at her. "I think in some way, we all want to be free. Free to be who we want, even if it's a hero or...a Turk." she said, seeming uneasy. "Or maybe if we just don't wanna be who we've dreamed to be anymore." Cissnei met her gaze. "I think it's worse to give up and better...to be a fool." she said, and Aeris closed her eyes against the memory of saying that word.
When she opened her eyes, Cissnei was still watching her.
"Do you really believe that?" Aeris asked, and it seemed strange to her to be on the other side of the question of faith.
"I do."
And when Aeris walked into her house, she found that her mother was waiting up for her. She was never so glad to see her. She looked so old and worried , and she wanted to say she was sorry, but she couldn't say anything when Elmyra put her arms around her. She sank into the warmth and didn't think of anything else beyond her little house.
Not the murmuring planet, not Sephiroth, not anything that made her wonder what it was she believed in. At the moment, there was no answer she could give.
Author's Note: So. This took so much longer than I thought it would to get out. I hope you enjoyed this, even though it wasn't the happiest of chapters. :( The response to the last chapter honestly blew me away, thank you guys for the support! I hope to get the next one out sooner, but what else is new, ha. Can't wait to know what you guys think, this was one I really had to sit and think about. Later!
