The first day of Hanukah found Puck on an airplane on his way back to Lima. The trip was a little more organized than his last one had been, and all of his roommates knew that he was leaving town. He'd be back in two days' time to take his last final of the year, but Brittany was coming with him because Rachel had insisted that she wouldn't let him go alone. She would have gone herself had it not been for school commitments that she couldn't really get out of without her grades suffering, and Brittany's empty schedule had allowed Puck's best friend to head back to Ohio without any kind of conflict. She had only cried a little when he had kissed her in the hallway outside the loft. He knew that she was scared for him, but for right now, he just needed to focus on what was going on back at home.
Puck's mom was waiting when they stepped off the train that had taken them from the airport out to Lima. She hugged her son long and hard while Brittany squeezed an excited Becca tightly. The two friends quickly exchanged partners before heading off toward the Puckerman car. Puck was glad when Brittany pulled Becca a little bit ahead so that he had time to talk to his mother alone.
"Does she know that you have the appointment this afternoon?"
She shook her head forlornly as she looked in front of her where Becca was talking animatedly with Brittany. "No, I didn't want to tell her anything until I knew exactly what to tell her," she answered. "She's supposed to go over to one of her friend's house for the rest of the day. I probably shouldn't have pulled her out of class this morning, but she was just so excited to see you that I couldn't resist."
The four of them headed off for lunch and a little light shopping, just picking up a few thing they'd need later to make dinner. Brittany offered to take Becca to her friend's house when they stopped at Puck's house to pick him his truck. The two girls drove off in his trusty truck while he took his mother's keys from her shaking hands to drive her to the oncologist's office. Brittany showed up while they were still waiting in the little room just outside the x-ray bay, sitting firmly on the other side of his mom to hold her other hand tightly while Puck clung tightly onto the right one.
A few hours later, they had the official diagnosis that had matched the doctor's first opinion. Her cancer had returned, this time a little stronger and more aggressive. The doctor actually felt like she had a great chance at a full recovery with this new experimental therapy they'd been working on, but the nurse in his mother wanted to do further research and consult with a few doctor friends before agreeing to the protocol. Puck's hand was cramped from all the notes he had taken when they'd met with the doctor. That night over dinner, he gave his mother a beautiful leather journal and an engraved pen for the first day of Hanukah. When all of this was over, he wanted his mom to have a beautiful place to write things that weren't filled with fear and sadness and regret.
The next day started off early, with his mother heading to the hospital for her morning shift and Brittany going to her own house to visit with his parents. Puck had gotten permission to keep Becca out of school for another day, wanting to just give her another really great memory before the cycle of cancer treatments started all over again. He also had saved his Hanukah gift for her from the previous day so that she'd be able to open them both at the same time. Rachel had helped him pick them out, and he had to admit, he was pretty excited to see how she would react.
"Noah, are these real?" she asked in amazement, carefully fingering the silver bracelet that rested in a black velvet box. He had picked out the charm bracelet on a whim when he had been walking through an art fair near NYU back in October. The first thing he had chosen was the soccer ball with the little black and white diamonds, knowing how much his sister loved the sport. "It's so pretty."
"They are real diamonds, so you have to take extra good care of it, Bex," he told her sternly. He then handed over another tiny little box. "This one is from Rachel and me. She actually picked it out."
Becca slipped away the deep blue ribbon and flipped open the box to find a silver Star of David charm with a single blue sapphire hanging down from the middle. "Wow, this one is even prettier!"
"Rachel got one just like it to wear on a necklace, so you two are kind of twins," he said, knowing just how much Becca would like that. "Here, do you want me to help you put it on?"
Puck clasped the little silver bracelet around her dainty wrist and smiled proudly as she held it up in the sun. She grinned at how it glinted, refractions of rainbow dancing all over the interior of his truck. He must have caught her staring it at a hundred times that day, and he knew that every cent he had spent on the expensive gift had been worth it. Becca hadn't always gotten the best of everything, so she deserved to have something that made her feel special. Later on, after they had told her everything at the family dinner table, he watched her fingering the Star of David charm nervously. He couldn't help but whisper later as he tucked her into bed, "Keep it close, Bex, it will protect you."
There were tears on both ends of his flight the next day. His mother hugged him tightly when they got back to the train station with Brittany. He reminded her that he would be home in five days, but he couldn't help but tear up a little himself when she told him goodbye. Brittany distracted him with idle chitchat and stories until they were back in New York. However, as soon as she spotted her fiancee waiting at La Guardia, he was all but forgotten. A moment later when Rachel came flying into his arms, he thought to himself how he couldn't really blame Brit.
He didn't have much time to catch up with Rachel before they were headed to Tisch with his portfolio of sheet music. He had his final in his arrangement class where he had been charged to give a modern song a classical twist. It hadn't been easy to transform the Avett Brothers song into something out of the Sixteenth Century, but thanks to a borrowed harpsichord and a resourceful girlfriend, he had managed to turn the piece into a duet completely different from the original.
"All it will take is just one moment and you can say goodbye to how we had it planned," Puck sang, his fingers easily working over the small keys of the harpsichord. "Fear is like a habit, run like a rabbit out and away, through the screen door to the unknown."
Rachel gave her voice a slightly refined English accent to match the place and time he had imagined in his head when he had rearranged the song. "And I want to love you and more. I want to find you and more. Where you do reside when you hide? How can I find you?"
"Cause I want to send you and more. I want to tempt you and more," he replied in song, slightly layering the beginning of his verse over the end of hers. "Can you tell me that I am alive? Let me prove it."
"You and I, we're the same. Live and die, we're the same," they sang together in unison, looking deeply into each other's eyes. "Hear my voice, know my name. You and I, were the same."
"Left like a pharoah, sing like a sparrow anyway, even if there is no land or love in sight," Rachel went on, moving behind him for a little dramatic effect. She trailed her hand around his waist, across back an finally down his arm on the other side. "We bloom like roses, leave like Moses out and away, through the bitter crowd to the daylight."
"And I want to love you and more. I want to find you and more," Puck sang to her, moving his hands to the left of the keyboard so she could play to his right. They both smiled as they turned to face each other. Rachel couldn't have storyboarded it better herself. "Can you tell me that I am alive? Let me prove it to ya."
"You an I, we're the same. Live and die, we're the same. You rejoice, I complain, but you and I, we're the same," they sang together, this time slower. Their playing slowed to match the new tempo. "Lie and die, we're the same. You and I, we're the same. Hear my voice, know my name. You and I, we're the same."
Afterward, on the walk back to the loft, Puck pulled out the gift he had chosen for their third day of Hanukah. She had already opened the tickets to Madame Butterfly (first day) and a new bottle of her favorite perfume (second day) while he had been gone, but he had been especially excited for her to open this one. Inside was a set of guitar picks with lyrics to "Sweet Caroline" on them that he'd has especially made. She had decided that she had wanted to learn guitar a few weeks ago, and he thought she looked pretty hot playing his now that she had started to get some things down.
He decided that it was time to tell everyone about his mom the next day, so he called a roommate meeting before he headed out for his shift at the bar. They were all in the living room, pizza and beer between them, when he broke the news. Brittany and Rachel had already known the details, but it didn't stop them from crying all over again. Blaine was pretty stoic for his part, but Puck was surprised when Sam was the one to completely break down. Puck had awkwardly accepted a hug from the blonde and thanked him for his promises to keep his family in prayer. Sam was a good guy with a strong faith, and Puck knew that he could take all the positive press with the Big Guy Upstairs that he could get.
"We knew that she was probably sick, but this is definite?"
"Yeah, Sam, it's definite," Puck told him. "She starts chemo again on December 12th. They are going to give her two really strong dosages over the holidays. They had wanted to delay things until after the New Year, but you know my ma, she insisted."
"And what happens after that?" Blaine asked carefully. "More chemo? Radiation?"
"She's going to go back to the oncologist to get started on a holistic protocol. They want to try a mix of things and give her some time for the naseua. We'll know what the next step after that will be at the beginning of January," he explained. "There is a chance that I won't be able to come back next semester. Ma and Rach have teamed up to make me to promise to wait until after that appointment before I decide what I want to do."
"You know that we'll miss you like bananas if you're not here, right?"
"I'll miss you guys too, Brit," he smiled fondly at his best friend and her fiancee before reaching over to elbow Sam. Rachel squeezed his hand beside him. "And these girls also made me promise not to try to do this alone. Rach told me about the schedule you guys have for December. You did all that before we even knew, and I want you guys to know how much I appreciate all of you. You four, you're my family. You guys, my ma and Bex, you're what really matters."
He couldn't believe it when he was the one who suggested a group hug after the meeting broke up. All four were all too eager to wrap him up in a tight embrace, one that was only loosened when he promised to give them presents if they let him breathe. He left for the bar with a smile on his face after he'd handed out little bags of chocolate coins to Brittany, Blaine and Sam, and one with vegan carob for Rachel. They really were a family.
Puck woke up late the next morning to an empty loft with Finn on his mind. He knew that his very tall childhood best friend would want to know what was going on, but he had been dreading making the call. Finn and him were on good enough terms, but it still got a little awkward when he asked about Rachel. Puck knew that the two would always care about each other, probably even have a little bit of love somewhere in there, but he didn't want to think much about it.
"Hey, man," Finn said as soon as he picked up the phone, and Puck could hear the grin on the other end of the line. "You'll never believe where I am."
"Oh, yeah?"
"I'm visiting Quinn actually, and we were just talking about you. She said that her mom ran into you at the grocery store in Lima last weekend."
"Yeah, I was back to see my ma and Becca," he replied. "That's actually what I called to tell you about."
Finn must have sensed something was up because Puck heard him muffle the phone and say that he was going to take the call outside. "What's going on?"
"Well, I know you know my mom had the tests and everything, but we got the diagnosis back and it's not good," Puck confessed. He felt tears welling his eyes, ones that he hadn't really cried for his mother yet. Even with all the support he had with everyone, it was different when it was just him and Finn. Finn had been there for some pretty gnarly stuff, like his dad leaving, and Puck knew that he could trust him to just listen. "It's bad actually, real fuckin' bad. Stage three, can you believe that shit? She's fuckin' terrified."
"When's her first chemo appointment?"
"December 12."
"I'll be back in town then. I'll roll with, bring cards and tell your mom those jokes like I used to when we were kids. It always seemed to work. It might distract her."
"Yeah? She might like that. That way Rach can stay with Becca and keep her occupied," Puck decided. "I don't want either of them around that, you know? Ma gets really protective of the girls."
"Dude, you're always going to be my brother. She's my other mom. You know there's nowhere else I would be if you guys need me, right?"
Puck had known that but it was easy to forget sometimes. "Thanks, bro."
Rachel dragged Puck to temple the next night, the first time he'd made it since Hanukah had started. She made him wear a suit and dressed up in a pretty navy dress herself and held his hand as they repeated the prayers in Hebrew. He felt better coming out than he had coming in, and rewarded her with a genuine thanks and a kiss on the cheek when they walked out into the cold New York night. They made polite small talk with a few of the other attendees and went over to compliment the rabbi on the beautiful service. Afterward, while they warmed up with hot tea at this place with a fireplace that she loved, she pulled out a gift for him.
"It belonged to Daddy's father. I never met him, but from what Daddy says, you are a lot like him," she said as he looked down at the old pocketwatch. "He carried it with him all during the war, it was the only thing he brought with him when he escaped from the camp and came to America. Daddy said that he swore it had special powers of protection. I'm not sure that's true but I like to think it is. I hope it will give you the same kind of courage and grace."
"Rach," he said in astonishment. "I can't take this. It belongs in your family."
"You are family, Noah," she reminded him, shaking her head as if he had just said the silliest thing. "Trust me, Daddy and I both think thta he would have wanted you to have it."
Puck was on the phone with Mike the next day as he came home from picking up his grades at Tisch. It had been a strong mix of As and Bs, a grade card that he couldn't wait to show off to his mom. The Asian boy had already finished at Joffrey and was back in Lima. Puck had sent him by the house to check on his mom and sister after telling him about everything that was going on. Mike was a good friend, one that Puck sometimes forgot to appreciate. In a lot of ways, Puck thought he might miss him the most of all his friends from high school that weren't in New York, even more than Santana or Finn.
"They're doing well, Puck, you don't have to worry."
"Thanks for going by there, Chang," he said. "I know Ma likes the company and Bex wouldn't shut up for ten minutes about how cute you are. She said that you showed her some of your ballet shit. She thinks you're a god."
After promising to catch up with him when he was back in town, Puck hung up his cell and started the slow ascent up to the loft. Rachel was standing outside, clearly pissed, when he reached the front door. "What's up?"
"They won't let me inside!" she yelled, turning her face toward the door to make sure that the roommates could hear her. "It's a surprise for us. I've had to pee for ten minutes!"
"Patience, grasshopper," Sam called back in response, Brittany and Blaine laughing with him. "Just one more minute, we promise."
"It better be worth it!" she screamed back.
"You're going to eat your words when you see this, Rachel," Blaine informed her.
A minute later, Brittany pulled open the door and Rachel stalked past. However, his girlfriend stopped short when she took in the beautiful sight before her. Their roommates had set up a traditional Hanukah feast with all the typical foods. There was even a silver menorah in the middle of the table, surrounded by blue and white confetti as well as a few wooden dreidels.
"Sam and Blaine did most of the cooking, and I got some things from that kosher deli I know that Puck loves," Brittany said proudly as Rachel slowly circled the table. Puck reached out and hugged his best friend. "I did the table too. Did I get it right?"
"It's perfect, Brit," Puck told her. He let go of her and went over to hug Sam and then Blaine. "You guys, this is awesome. I'm starved, and you got everything just like Ma always has."
"I know, we had a little help planning the menu," Blaine said. "You guys were awesome about helping us with the Christmas tree after we came home from Thanksgiving break, and we wanted to do something to celebrate your Judaism."
"Yeah, dude, I don't know much about Hanukah other than the whole eight presents thing, but this food is pretty awesome," Sam said. "Your ma even walked us through how to make the bread. It only took two tries, but I think it came out right."
Puck ate so much that night that he passed out right at the dining table and slept through the entire night. He woke up in a panic early the next day when he realized that he had a flight to catch in three hours. Rachel, of course, had already packed and just needed to grab a shower to get ready. He took a quick soak before throwing some clothes together in a backpack along with his sheet music and phone charger. With his bag over his shoulder, a guitar in one hand and his girlfriend in the other, Puck just barely managed to make it to the gate in time to head back to Ohio.
They had lunch with her fathers after they met them at the airport in Columbus. They talked on the drive back to Lima about the weather and the gossip in town and his family. Rachel hugged him when they dropped him off at his house to catch up with his mother and Becca. They had plans to get together later, and he couldn't believe how much he missed her only a few minutes after she had gone.
The rest of the afternoon was spent celebrating the last day of Hanukah with Becca and his mother. They had several days worth of presents to open, and using all of that week's tips on the pearl bracelet for his mother had definitely been a good idea when she saw the tears in her eyes. They had a light dinner, and Puck made sure that everything was good at the house before he begged off to go pick Rachel up. The two of them didn't really want to do much, so they bundled up and headed out to the lake to just talk. Puck managed to find a blanket underneath the seat of his truck, and they ended up wrapped together in it on the tailgate not too much later.
"Sing me something?" she asked once the conversation had lulled. It was pretty quiet, most of the sounds that typically went with being at the lake silenced by the cold weather.
"Help, I have done it again. I have been here many times before," he sang, his voice vulnerable. "Hurt myself again today, and the worst part is there's no one else to blame."
"Be my friend. Hold me, wrap me up," he strummed. "Unfold me, I am small and needy. Warm me up and breathe me."
"Ouch, I have lost myself again," Rachel picked up. "Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found. Yeah, I think that I might break. I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe." She closed her eyes, tears still managing to break past her lids. "Be my friend. Hold me, wrap me up. Unfold me, I am small and needy. Warm me up and breath me."
He stopped playing the guitar and reached over to cup her cheek. Her eyes snapped open. "Be my friend. Hold me, wrap me up," they sang in unison. "Unfold me, I am small and needy. Warm me up and breathe me."
When they had finished the song and he had shifted his guitar away again, Puck drew her close to his body and pressed his lips to the side of her head. "Love you," he whispered softly, so quietly that she could have easily missed it. However, when she looked up at him over her shoulder questioningly, he knew that she hadn't.
"I love you, too."
Lyrics credit to "Breathe Me" by Sia and "Live and Die" by the Avett Brothers.
