I really enjoy writing this story. However, I am still trying to portray the characters as human beings, each with reasons for their actions. Which is quite hard to do, since I've had to think from three different perspectives with these 'Tales of the Manipulated' I'm doing. I hope I'm not making a complete mess of it, because it is quite difficult since everything has to fit together like a jigsaw.


Despair,
It is all I know.
Pain,
It is all I feel.
Loss,
I feel so robbed.
Lost,
Because everything was taken from me.
Hurt,
Because you do this.
Betrayal,
It is what I feel
Liar,
Is what I am.
And it is all because of you that I have been made this way.

- TDW

...

"The basis of shame is not some personal mistake of ours, but that this humiliation is seen by everyone."
- Milan Kundera

Chapter 10: Insubordination

Gin's heart sank. It was Aizen. His heart started pounding again, hitting the wall of his chest with every beat. Why him? Why now?

What did he want? To just hurt him some more?

He contemplated not going. He thought long and hard about not going, about not subjecting himself to whatever torture lay waiting for him. He thought about running away, maybe to the human word, and never coming back again. Go somewhere that nobody could find him. He didn't care if it was illegal; all he wanted was to just get away from it all. From Aizen. From his torture. From the abuse.

He thought about it, he thought very long and had about it, but in the end he found himself going back there. Why?

Because it would only make it worse if he didn't go. There would just be more pain. It was that simple. It's not that he actually wants to go, but that he has to.

He just has… no choice.

He walked slowly. Not so much caring at the looks of fear and wariness he got as the crowds dispersed before him. His nervousness building up inside of him continuously with every step he made, and every breath he took wracked him insides. He could feel the chills run up and down his spine. But this was nothing. The real terror was yet to come. The unknown was yet to befall him again. And no matter how much he prepared for it, and no matter how much he mentally gathered himself, it would still shock him. Always.

Getting to the door and stepping in slowly, almost shyly even, and not really knowing what to expect, Gin walked in.

Would he be angry this time? He didn't know. He would never know. Because he would jst change so quickly, so rapidly that he couldn't even react quick enough. And the scariest part of it was that it would be the tiniest of things that would trigger this change in Aizen. It would only take for the wrong word to slip from his tongue, or for his voice to betray the wrong tone. But sometimes it wouldn't even be that. Sometimes he would change personalities without warning.

"The schizophrenic bastard."

Not that Gin would ever tell him that. He wouldn't even dare to. Because he knew what the consequences would be if he did. Because he feared what he could do, he was afraid of him.

Gin walked further into the room, only to find Aizen quietly sitting behind the desk upon his arrival. He had a pen in his hand and he was writing something.

"Oh hello Gin. I wanted to talk to you for a moment."

Gin swallowed, the fear growing stronger in the pit of his stomach as Aizen set his pen down on the desk.

"What did ya wanna talk to me about?"

Aizen only said two words to him, but these two words made the most impact. And for Ichimaru Gin, these two words made the earth stop spinning.

"Kira Izuru."

"What?"

"Don't play innocent with me, Ichimaru." Aizen continued slowly, his voice cold and emotionless. No doubt he was angry.

"You hurt him."

Aizen's glare was cold. Everything about him was just, cold. And Gin trembled. His hands shaking, splurting out words before his brain could even register them. Before he could even consider the consequences. He was angry an afraid.

"It's all your fault!" Gin yelled out at him. "If ya hadn' a made me nearly drown 'im-"

"That," Aizen cut in, stopping Gin from even finishing his sentence. "was your own damn fault."

"And jus' how were it my fault? It were you that suggested it in the first place!" Gin screeched, all sense of rationality having left him as he tried to defend himself and his actions.

"That was not your fault, you were angry. Angry at yourself, angry at me. Of course you would have taken it out on somebody… so why not poor little innocent Kira? Tell me, did you enjoy hurting him?"

"Shut up!"

Aizen looked at him, getting up from the desk and completely ignoring the distress Gin was in over the situation. Of course Gin never wanted to hurt Izuru. How dare he even ask that question. But Aizen's glance changed, it was now more of a smirk, a smile of defiance. Of intrigue.

"Oh, now I see." Aizen mused to himself, to Ichimaru. "You have some sort of connection with the boy, don't you?"

"And what if I do?"

Aizen smiled, letting a wicked grin cross his jaw line as he spoke.

"Trying to befriend him are we?"

"That ain't none a your business!"

Gin tried to keep his composure, and stop his rattling breathing. Aizen was trying to provoke him further, just waiting for him to slip up. Create an excuse to hurt him again. But Gin would have none of it. He was breathing heavily, panting almost in comparison to the ever calm and collected Aizen standing only a few paces away from him.

"He will hinder our plans Ichimaru."

"Don't ya mean your plan... Taichou." Gin spat, with as much distain as he could muster. For truly, he hated what this man could do to him. But Aizen just remained silent. Pausing for effect. His voice returning to its previous state of emotionless calm.

"So does he trust you now?"

"Yes."

Gin looked away, unable to even look at him. At the man who was making gain trust only to betray it later on. But something in him just snapped. He didn't want to do this. And the room went completely quiet before Gin broke the silence by banging his fists down onto the desk again.

"I didn' want ta drown 'im!"

"But you did. Do not lie to me Gin, you wanted to cause him hurt."

"An' why d'ya think that is?"

"You did it because I told you to. Because you know what the consequences will be if you disobey me, don't you?"

"Bastard." Gin hissed. "Liar."

It went quiet. And Gin snarled at Aizen again, once more telling the truth that it was he who had tried to murder Izuru Kira.

"I drowned him."

Aizen just looked at him, his facial expression not changing as he raised his hand and gave Ichimaru Gin yet another slap across the face. Indeed, he was angry. And Gin had just added fuel to the fire.

"You're just lucky you didn't kill him Gin."

Gin just grinned back. Neither of them saw the topic of their conversation disappearing from the other side of the door, which had just been left slightly ajar for him to see and hear everything.

"Yer a fuckin' bastard."