WOOOOOO!! I'm feeling a bit silly. Sorry. Anyway, this is Kuleha as requested by Krentenbol. Next up is Cindry.

I...don't have much to say about this. Other than it kind of made me a fan of Kuleha x Zeff. Just a little.

Enjoy.

Reviews:

dandy wondrous: Thank you! Yeah, those Ninja-assassins like to sneak up on you. And no, you don't want to know. Or do you? o_O

ShaolinQueen: Thank you! A perfect combination between smart!sanji and morning!sanji...I wonder if I could pull that off...maybe next time. No, not quite...but I hope you enjoy it anyway.

ohlordies: Thank you very much! It does doesn't it? Like it shouldn't but it does. ;p And I hope I don't disappoint!

Splatter Fall: Yeah, he really should take the hint. ;p He should have his own buissness cards.

Krentenbol: So true, on every level. Yes! Mr. Nine is probably my favorite male not-Mr. 2-baroque works agent! Shame he got so little screen time...I wonder whatever happened to him...

debuzz: Plot! Where?! Maybe, probably. Cindry's next right? So yeah. Thank you!

kingston: Well, between you, me, and everyone else reading this, Lucci was originally suppose to be Naruto. O_O Sanji and Zoro were supposed to get into this whole thing about ninja-assassins vs assasin-ninjas but yeah. It got wierd so Naruto became Lucci, and Lucci became out of charactor. That alternate ending might be it, unless I get convinced and inspired enough to write a SUPER SECRET SPECIAL date later. Maybe as a Zoro-birthday special?

HorusTheAvenger: Thank you very much! I'm glad you are enjoying it so much!

ReadR: Well, let's just say they met up with Ivankov and Inazuma and there may or may not have been extreme cross-dressing/gender-bending...now I'm interested in what happened. I might write something about it later.

And I don't own One Piece, but Sanji's on the new cover story! *fangirl squeal* Did Zoro ever have a cover story? I don't think so!


"Hey dumbass! Watch what you're doing!" Sanji shouted.

"What're ya talkn' 'bout?" Carne answered, "I'm just cook'n over here!"

"No, what you're doing is trying to poison all of our customers away! Do you want this place to go out of business, or are you really just that stupid?!"

Carne was about to retort when Zeff kicked them both in the head. "Eggplant! Your shift ended thirty minutes ago! What are you still doing back here?!"

"Trying to keep this place in business!"

"My cook'n ain't that bad stupid brat!" Two more kicks to the head.

"Shaddap! Eggplant, get out of here! I refuse to pay you for overtime!"

"Che, whatever shit-geezer." He sauntered out of the kitchen and fished through his pockets for his caner stick.

"Sanji!" Sanji looked up to see Chopper waving eagerly at him, sitting at a table with an elder women dressed in striking purple pants with a matching jacket, a white t-shirt with a pink flower on it, sporting a belly ring, who could only possible be the young doctor's mentor/adopted mother, Dr. Kuleha.

Sanji put his unlit cigarette back in his pocket and walked over to them. "Chopper. And Dr. Kuleha I presume? What brings you here?"

"Doctorine is in town for a convention of some kind, so I'm treating her to lunch." Chopper replied. "Are you off right now? Do you wanna join us?"

"Of course." Sanji sat down in between them.

"That was quite some argument in the kitchen before…" Kuleha said. Sanji blushed a little.

"So you overheard that…they usually aren't that loud…"

"Yes they are." Chopper stated bluntly. "Sanji, are you giving the other cooks a hard time again?"

"I wouldn't have to if they had even the slightest idea of what they were doing."

"They're not going to get any better with you kicking them through walls you know." Sanji shrugged.

"So you're Zeff's protégé, am I right?" asked Kuleha.

"Tch. If you want to put it that way…I suppose." Sanji answered. The strange doctor cast a scrutinizing glance over his person.

"He and I go back a bit you know."

Sanji felt fidgety for some reason. "Yes, I've heard…"

Suddenly Chopper's beeper went off. "Gah! It's an emergency! I'm sorry Doctorine, I need to go. But, you can play with Sanji until I'm done."

"Of course, I wouldn't except you to abandon your patients just for me. Besides, this kid looks fun." She winked at Sanji.

"Yeah, wait what?"

"You don't mind do you Sanji? You wouldn't abandon a defenseless lady in an unknown town all by herself would you?"

"Kuleha is many things, but defenseless ain't one of them." Zeff said, appearing out of nowhere. "How've you been?"

"Been doing good, keeping busy. How's the leg?"

"Bah, old news. So you gonna kidnap my Sous Chef now?"

"Well, my little Tanuki is leaving, and this town is unknown territory. Who knows what some people might do to obtain the secret of my youth?"

Zeff chuckled. "If that's the case, I could lend you my Lil' Eggplant for a while. We won't really need him until the dinner rush anyway."

"Ah, there you go then. You can play with Sanji while I'm gone." Chopper hopped out of his chair. "Bye Doctorine, Zeff. Thanks again Sanji!" And with that, he left.

"Well, I don't want to spend all day sitting around this dump. We should head out." She stood up and grabbed Sanji's wrist and pulled him into a standing position.

"Whoa, wait what?"

"You can just put this all on Sanji can't you?" She asked Zeff.

"Of course. Everyone does it." Zeff chuckled.

"Doesn't mean they should though…" Sanji muttered.

"Oh, but you wouldn't make a young lady such as myself pay for it would you?" Kuleha grinned and winked at him.

"I-uh-I-oh, forget it." Zeff chuckled again.

"You have fun you two!" Zeff shouted as Kuleha pulled Sanji out of the restaurant and onto the streets.


"So, where to first, my lady?" Sanji asked while putting on his sunglasses.

"I need to do some shopping. I heard this town has some lovely boutiques, and you look like you're up to carrying a bag or two."

"Did you just kidnap me to be a pack-mule?"

"Heeheehee, don't look so down on yourself." She patted his cheek. "Now c'mon! We're burning daylight here!" She dragged him down the street and into the nearest clothing store.

"Chopper's gonna owe me big time…" Sanji muttered as Kuleha started going through the clothing racks.

"What's your size?" She shouted over to him. "Your color is obviously blue, but what size are you?"

"Wait…are you shopping for me?"

"Heehee, maybe." She pulled out a blue skirt.

"You know I'm a guy right?"

"Yes, I am a doctor. Chopper told you to keep me entertained though, right?" She smirked and went to go look at blouses. Sanji ground his teeth together.

"Owes me soo much…"

After picking out a whole bunch of outfits, Sanji was pushed into a dressing room.

"Is the cross-dressing actually necessary?"

"Of course! I'm being entertained, aren't I?" He could hear her smirking.

"Yeah Sanji, we want to see you in a skirt!" He knew that voice…

"N-Nami Swan?! What are you doing here?"

"Well, Robin, Vivi, and I were having a girls' day out and we just happened to wander in and Doctorine here just happened to find us..."

"Robin and Vivi are here too?" Sanji groaned.

"Now Mr. Cook, you wouldn't want to disappoint us would you?"

"If…if you're feeling uncomfortable about it Sanji…you don't have to…"

"What are you talking about Vivi, of course he does. Right, Sanji?" He could hear Nami smirking too…but at least hers was cute, he assumed.

"You can do this Sanji…it's for the girls…" he gritted his teeth and got changed.

When he appeared from the dressing room ten minutes later, wearing a light blue blouse with a matching skirt and heels, the girls were outside waiting expectantly.

"You're right! The blue really does bring out his eyes…" Nami said.

"Sanji…you look so adorable!" Vivi said, blushing. Robin and Kuleha shared a laugh. Nami brought out her phone and took a few pictures.

"Nami…is that necessary…?" Sanji asked dejectedly.

"Of course, we wouldn't want everyone else to miss out on this now would we? Share the memories Sanji!"

"Wait…you're sending them to people?" His face went horrorstruck.

"Just a few people…Kaya couldn't come today…Zoro's an obvious choice…Bon Clay might get a thrill out of it…" Sanji froze as she hit the send button.

"You didn't…just…to Zoro…and Bon…Nami Swaaan! Why do you do this to me?" He put his arm in front of his eyes and turned his head away.

"Aw…" emitted from all the girls, and a few customers who stopped by to see what was going on. Nami snapped her camera phone again.

"You remind me of a few of my famous friends…" Zoro's text ringtone. Sanji groaned, he didn't really want to deal with this right now, but answered anyway.

Sanji-

U knw weve ben frnds since Hskool…n u cn tel me nething…rigt? Cuz u knw i dnt judge…Luf dnt care ether...jus want u 2 knw we suport u no mater wat…

Sanji had to use the majority of his self restraint to not break his phone while he texted back:

FUCK YOU

He slammed his phone shut and turned back into the dressing room. "I'm going to change."

"Good idea, you can try on the red one now." Kuleha chuckled. Sanji twitched


"Heeheehee, well that was surely entertaining." Kuleha remarked while guzzling down something from a bottle that Sanji didn't know where she got it from.

Sanji sighed. He was back in his black suit with his blue-pinstripe shirt. "At least one of us was entertained…"

She stopped outside a medical store. "Come on." She grabbed his wrist and dragged him inside.

"Am I going to have to be a guinea pig, because I do still have some pride."

"I'm a doctor first. I would never jeopardize you health seriously in anyway." She started looking around. "Chopper's been overworking himself again. When he does that he forgets to take care of his body and who knows what he tries to put in it to try and keep up. Doctors always forget to look after themselves."

Sanji looked at her curiously. "I handle most of his meals. He's getting enough nutrients if that's what you're worried about."

"I'm not worried. And you can't control everything he puts into his body, can you?"She grabbed a bunch of things that Sanji didn't quite know the name to and made her way to the checkout counter. "You'll be paying, right?"

Sanji sighed and handed her his credit card.


"Well, this was quite a day, eh kid?"

"Yeah, I guess. What are you going to do with that?" He nodded at the bag.

"This? It's a surprise for Chopper. Don't go squealing now…" She got a gleam in her eye that made Sanji not even consider crossing her. They had ended up on the boardwalk overlooking the ocean. Sanji stopped and leaned against the railing. "Don't you have to head back to work soon?" Sanji took a puff from his cigarette.

"Not for a few more hours." Sanji stared up at the sky. Kuleha jumped and sat on the railing next to him with more agility then should be allowed for her age.

"Should I even bother asking?"

"Hm?" Sanji looked at her curiously.

"You've been distance for the past hour or so. I don't need to be a doctor to know something's up."

"I guess." Sanji took another puff from his cigarette.

"SANJI!!" Said man looked up just in time to see Luffy come flying at him and knocking him over the edge of the railing. Zoro winced.

"How high up is this?" he asked. Kuleha looked down.

"I'd say about twenty feet, give or take."

"Those medical bills are going to be expensive…"


Sanji woke up to find himself face down without a shirt on the couch in his apartment. He tried to sit up, but the immense pain that shot through his back had other plans.

"Ow." He collapsed back onto the couch.

"Ya happy?" Sanji turned his head to find Kuleha and Zoro standing over him.

"Wut happened?" He asked.

"You broke your back." Zoro answered simply. Sanji just blinked.

"I had to do an emergency procedure to re-align the bones in your spin. Your roommate here mentioned how your insurance might not cover random idiots pushing you off of boardwalks, so I brought you back here and healed you myself." She took a drink from her bottle. "Now it's off the insurance, but you owe me."

"Chopper'll pay. He owes me." He turned over and tried to sleep.

"Heeheehee, I'll bet." She turned to Zoro and handed him some pills. "Just make sure he takes these twice a day with food. He'll be back to his annoying self in old time."

"Oh joy."

"Well I best be off. Chopper's been calling me for the past half hour. Probably worried his little head off." She downed the rest of the bottle before throwing it into the trash and leaving without another backwards glance.

"She seems interesting…" Zoro commented. Sanji made a non-committal grunt. He moved Sanji's legs and sat down. "Look, Sanji, about those pictures…"

Sanji growled. "She and Nami and Robin made me! I demand that you delete them and never speak of it again!"

"Aw, but Bon's going to be so upset." Zoro smirked. "He's been trying to get into your pants almost since we moved in…"

"Don't care. Burn them."

"They're digital. Besides, you do look kind of cute." Sanji wrapped his legs around the other man's waist and squeezed. He thought he heard a few ribs crack. "Okay, they're gone…from my phone anyway."

Sanji turned his head and looked at him. "What…"

"Luffy thought you looked cute too. Never knew he had a cross-dressing kink. And of course, Bon's got his copies and I'm sure Nami made plenty of back-ups by now…"

"For your sake I hope you're kidding." Zoro laughed.

"Of course I am. We're not that creepy." He slapped Sanji on the back. Sanji hissed with pain. "Sorry." Sanji shot him a murderous glare. "I'm…just going to go to bed now…you gonna sleep here…I guess so, you can't move!" he made a nervous laugh as he got up. Sanji turned his head and continued glaring. "Goodnight!" Zoro rushed into his room and slammed the door. Sanji grumbled and turned his head over to get some sleep.


For those of you who are wondering, the ringtone is from I Have Friends in Holy Spaces by Panic! At the Disco. As for why...well, it was what was playing when I was writing that. ;p Oh, I don't own that either.