Precious

Chapter 12 - The Feeling of Loss

It had been three hours since Panther was sent to the sick bay. I looked at his body keenly through the door of the sick bay. He had severe burns and wounds, bloodstains all over, and he was breathing hard. It was... horrifying. It was strange - normally I would be delighted when I saw blood gushing out from people, or even mine. However, when I saw him clinging to his very life, for some odd reason, I felt quite... worried. It was as if I was afraid that he might stop breathing.

"The medical tools in this ship are crap!" Wolf shouted as he hurled a broken disinfecting ray. "Damn it! Where are those tools when you need them?!"

"Aahh!! It... burns... ungh..."

"Just hang on, Panther... Hang on!"

"Ungh... I couldn't... bear... it..."

The vixen injected some anesthetics to the cat. I was a bit worried about that though - who knew how old the drugs found here were. His eyes... his pupils were growing and shrinking. I gulped, fearing that he might not make it.

"All right, sewing all open wounds," Slippy ordered, holding a sterilized needle with sutures. "Guys, be careful not to stitch improperly. Krystal, apply the cold ointment on his burns and apply compress!" I never knew the frog was also skilled as a medic. Wolf knew how to treat himself and maybe Fox as well, and Krystal had learned stuff when she was with us. "Careful!"

My heart was throbbing fast. I had never felt such tension when beholding someone who was gripping for his life. And to think that I enjoyed such occasions before in my life. But why did I suddenly change?

"You okay there, Leon?"

Falco startled me. I forgot - he didn't join with them because he had no medical expertise. Or maybe he had his own reasons. "N-no... Panther's there, nearly dying, and I feel strange."

"What do you mean by 'strange'?" I couldn't understand as well.

"Is it normal for someone to feel worried or afraid when they see someone else dying or being hurt a lot?" It was a silly question, to be honest. I wasn't a normal person who lived with his emotions for the most of his life.

He tapped my shoulder and told me, "Well, people would normally sympathize, and some would normally not care. But this is Panther. He is your teammate. It's normal for you to be worried, especially when he is in a critical situation like this." I see. "Oh... I didn't mean to make you feel bad."

"I'm fine. Now that you said it... I am worried... very worried."

I observed Wolf, Fox, Krystal, and Slippy. They were trying their best. The frog was doing his best. The vixen was listening attentively. The wolf was getting hot-headed and irritated. The fox was trying to calm down Wolf while keeping cool under the frog's orders.

"Why... why aren't we in there?"

"I got issues with medical stuff," Falco spoke while nodding his head a bit. Embarrassed? "I could be doing wrong things that it might cost someone's life, you know."

"Careful... I see," I told him. I wanted to tell him so much on the thoughts that lingered in my head. "I couldn't help them inside as well because... aside from being new to this emotion, I... I had a fear of accidentally killing Panther. I might suddenly enjoy seeing him covered in blood that-"

"It's okay," Falco tapped my shoulder again, "besides, if we join them it's gonna be too crowded."

I really didn't want to feel so much anxiety. Maybe I thought that if many people would be helping, he would recover quite fast.

"Well... I'm going to sleep. See you in the bunk." He looked at me to the eyes, and I could see some sort of sympathy from his eyes. Or was it more than sympathy? "Don't worry! He'll be fine. We might not have the best tools, but we have the best medics!" He patted me again before leaving. It felt so warm and fuzzy, that for a moment, my worries vanished. I wanted to express my gratitude, but I didn't know how.

The door opened, and Wolf came out, cursing while sweating hard.

"Damned ship! If we only had the tools we wouldn't have this much trouble operating him!" he shouted. I raised my eyebrow, wondering why he exited the room. "What are you looking at?"

"Shouldn't you be helping them back there?" I asked.

"They told me that I needed to cool down!" he yelled. "How can I relax when one of my teammates is dying in front of me?!" Well, that was good to hear - at least he actually cared for us.

"Well, at least you're showing that you cared for us," I told him. He was a bit shocked of course. "What? I thought you only see us as pawns."

"Just shut up," he growled. I wanted to irritate him for acting like a jerk, as a payback. "At least I am doing something around-"

"You were doing something."

"Fine then," he growled again. "At least I was doing something to help, and not going all emotional!" Again with his annoying arguments. "Panther's my man, and so are you. You're both my responsibility."

"But you never actually treated us like 'men'," I argued back. I wanted to punch him to the face, but as always, I'd rather hurt him through his emotions. "You don't own us, Wolf. Until I see something genuine from you, I will never consider you my leader!"

"Why you...!"

He was about to punch me.

"Wolf!"

I stopped the fist with my hands. The momentum weakened upon hearing Fox's voice.

"Wolf, what are you doing?" he asked the grey lupine. "Why are you two arguing? I only made you cool down, not bring your rage onto Leon!"

"That's it! I've had it here!" Wolf shouted while storming off to the other hallway. I saw a short sight of his eye. Was he... sad?

"You okay, Leon?"

"Fine... Just fine," I responded. I might as well sleep on this. Too much things had happened and I didn't want to bother them. "I'll... I'll sleep."

"I see..." Fox went back to the sick bay. He looked back a bit to the hallway to see if Wolf would come back, but he didn't.

I walked back to the cabin room. I took off my clothing and put on my sleeping dress - a blue sleeved shirt and pajamas. It took me a while to notice Falco, who was half-asleep in his white shorts at the lower bed. "Going to bed too, huh?"

I sat on his bed and sighed, "Yeah... Got a fight with Wolf earlier."

"Added too much pressure on you, huh?"

"Sorta... It's kind of difficult to move around trying to get familiar with feelings and emotions after sealing them for quite a long time."

"Heh, well, I find it nice, actually," Falco chuckled. "I like the new you. Less irritating. More rational."

"A bit confused... but yeah, it feels... nice."

For some odd reason, I wanted something. An expression of gratitude... The last thing I recalled was cuddling the bird. It was really... light. The only thing that could top it was Fox's message from the intercom.

"All right guys... We did it. Panther's all patched up and resting."

Nothing was sweeter.