Chapter Twelve
Autumn:
I wasn't just sad- I was crushed. I lost all interest in things that normally keep me going.
I hadn't really felt like eating- and today was no exception.
I didn't know how I could go from extremely and overly happy and in a matter of minutes be completely depressed. It didn't make sense.
I was still clueless to what I had done wrong. Yes, I showed up unexpectedly, but did Justin really have a right to overreact like that? Was I really that big of an embarrassment?
Blair walked into our room and flopped down on the bed next to me- hugging me tightly, silently.
I knew that there was nothing that she could say, and I knew she knew that too, but I would have loved to hear an "it will be alright" speech right about now.
After a while we decided to go to sleep, she slept with me tonight- I didn't want to be alone.
Around 2 in the morning I heard my phone vibrate on the nightstand, I wasn't in a very deep sleep, so I awoke at once. I rolled over and checked it- it was from Justin. The text read:
Justin: Autumn, please. I know that I'm the last person you want to hear from right now but… I need to talk to you. I need to hear your voice. I need to see your face. Now.
The message hurt me. I didn't know if I was overreacting, but then I remembered the hurtful exchange of words and I got… Angry. I slammed my phone back down on the nightstand and rolled back over.
I didn't care if Justin was hurting- I want him to feel the pain that I felt. A few minutes later my phone vibrated again. Justin.
Justin: PLEASE! Babe, I'm literally DYING here. Can we please hang out so we can talk? I'm begging. Just hear me out.
After a few more texts from Justin arrived before I finally replied, silent tears sliding down my cheek.
Autumn: Justin, you have no idea how bad you hurt me. I will agree to meeting somewhere to talk. Tomorrow. You can pick the time and place- I'll be home most of the day. Thanks.
Justin: Thank you SO much. I'll pick you up around noon.
I didn't reply- I didn't need to. I just wanted to know why he bothered texting me and making plans- he didn't want to be seen with me. He had obviously made that perfectly clear. I rolled back over and thankfully, sleep finally came over me.
The next morning I woke up and told Blair about today's plans. We ate breakfast and went to the Barbie room to pick out my outfit. I had to look perfect.
After a short browse of our closet we chose a pair of destroyed jean shorts, a black tank top with pink, orange, blue, and yellow graffiti on it and the coolest shoes ever besides high heels- Sperry's.
We curled my hair and put in a baby blue bow in it. Blair did my makeup- she put on top eyeliner and a crème eye shadow that made my deep blue eyes pop.
When we heard the doorbell ring, I took a deep breath- internally cursing myself for the automatic butterflies that arose in my belly, no matter how hard I tried to fight them back.
I opened the door and greeted him. He hugged me around my waist and I only half-heartedly returned it.
As we approached his car he opened the passenger side door for me and then walked around to the driver's side and hopped in.
We drove around for a while in a surprisingly comfortable silence. He pulled over onto a dirt road, shut off the car, and turned to face me.
He was the first to break the silence. "Autumn…" he started.
"Autumn," he tried again. "I made a huge mistake. I meant every word I said," my heart sank. "But not the way you thought I meant it," he added.
My heart lifted, feeling hopeful. "Then how did you mean it, Justin? Because I'm dying to know," I said, dripping with sarcasm.
He looked at me sadly before speaking, thinking it over. "What I meant was… I wanted to keep our relationship out of the public eye. I've had too many relationships destroyed by the press- I will not let that happen with us. But now that I went a whole forty-eight hours thinking I'd lost you, I want to tell everyone," he waited to see my reaction.
"Oh, Justin. Really?" I asked, feeling a heavy weight lifted off my chest.
"Really. I don't care who knows. Because I know we will survive anything. I just want you to be mine" he said, kissing my forehead.
"I've always been yours, Justin. Just as long as your mine" I said those words with all the sincerity in my heart.
He leaned over and kissed me softly, yet I could feel the emotion behind the tenderness. I caressed his cheek, feeling so good to have him back
It felt so good to be happy again. To breathe again.
He pulled away and smiled, brushing my hair out of my face. "Come on let's get you home".
Blair:
After Autumn left I went up stairs and went out on to the balcony.
I sat down and just listened to nature while I had some tea.
My phone vibrated and I figured it was Taylor. I was wrong. It was my Dad's Mom, Loretta.
I answered it.
"Hey, Grandma, How are you?" I asked.
"Not good." She replied. I could tell he'd been crying. I instantly started panicking.
"Gran what's wrong?" She didn't reply, so I tried again "Gran what's wrong? Tell me!"
"It… It's Richard."
"What about Grandpa?" I asked.
"He's…He's…" And then she started crying again. I had no idea what was wrong but I needed to know.
"Gran, Come on just tell me." I pleaded.
"He's Dead." As soon as she said those words, I couldn't move, couldn't think; couldn't do anything.
I was frozen. "I… Uh…I'm… Sorry." I said as silent tears ran down my cheeks. I felt like someone had knocked the breath out of me.
"Hun, I hope your okay. I know you were really close to Gramps."
"Yeah…Well I got to go Gran… Bye." I hung up and just started balling.
My grandpa, Richard, was like a dad to me. He was always there for me, when my dad wasn't. He was the dad I always wanted, but never got.
I needed Autumn, but I didn't want to bother her because she's with Justin.
So I decided I'd go to Taylor's and talk to him. He always made me feel better.
20 minutes later
I arrived at Taylor's and I didn't see his car. But I thought maybe he was still here.
Seth, Taylor's dad, answered the door. He saw the tears running down my face and he pulled me into a hug. I cried for a long time in Seth's arms. When I gained control of myself, about an hour later we moved to the couch.
I told him about my Grandpa and I told him how Gramps was like my father. He shook his head and kept silent the whole time.
When I was done he asked me some regular therapist question and I graciously answered them.
"Do you want some water?" He asked me. We'd been talking for close to two hours. I wondered if Autumn was home yet.
"Yeah, thanks." I said as he got up and got me some.
I was still crying a little. Every minute or two a couple tears would escape my eyes.
The front door opened, and Taylor walked in. He froze when he saw I'd been crying and I was still crying.
"What did I do?" He asked, horrified.
I laughed, half heartedly, "It's not you. I came here so I could be with you. I need you. And when I got here your dad was here so he and I talked it out…" I trailed off.
"Talked what out?" He asked, still looking a little worried.
"My grandpa died, and he was like my dad." I said as silent, hot tears ran down my face.
"Oh." He said as he pulled me into a hug. He was so soft and he made me feel safe. He smelled woodsy.
He picked me up and carried me up stairs to his room. He gave me a huge sweat shirt that came down to my knees.
When I looked at him he looked at me with worried eyes. I couldn't get over how gorgeous he was.
I didn't want to get undressed and put the sweat shirt on. By My Self.
I stood up and raised my arms. He just looked at me, with a confused look.
Then it clicked in his head. He knew I wanted him to help me undress. He shook his head.
"Blair. Your not thinking… No…" He said.
"Please." I said through the tears. "Please. I can't do it by myself. I need you." I whined.
I don't know if it was the tears, or the whining but he came over and pulled off my shirt, revealing my lingerie bra.
At first he paused, not knowing what to do. He then undid my pants and slid them off, revealing my lingerie.
He grabbed the sweat shirt and went to put it over my head. I stopped him. I wanted to take my bra off too.
"What about my bra." I said. It wasn't a question, and he knew it. I turned around, and he undid the snap. My bra fell to the ground.
I tried to turn around and face him, but he wouldn't have. He just grabbed the sweat shirt and pulled It over my head covering me up really fast.
He then let me turn around and kiss him passionately. This wasn't like our other kisses. This kiss wasn't lust or want-it was need. Right to the point, that I needed him.
Our tongues dueled as Taylor laid me down on the bed and he held himself with his elbows so he was hovering over me. I pulled him closer.
I pushed him off of me so I was on top, and straddling him. I took his shirt off and rubbed my hands all over his stomach.
He groaned. And that set me off. I unbuttoned his pant and slid them off. Leaving his boxers to cover himself.
I kissed him and then down his neck and back up to his ear. I licked his ear, and he shuddered. I smiled triumphantly.
I then kissed down to the top of his chest. I then kissed, gently, and slowly down his stomach. Stopping at the top of his boxers.
He then all of a sudden rolled over. He put all his weight on me but he wouldn't let me kiss him.
"Blair. Stop. You have no idea what you're doing right now. You may think you want me, but you'll end up regretting it tomorrow. Just go to sleep." And with that he rolled off of me and pulled the covers over us as he put his arms around me.
I kissed his neck, "Good night." I said, and he kissed my forehead.
Even though my grandpa died, I had a really good dream about me and Taylor. It seemed, Taylor made the nightmares go away. And I was grateful for that.
