Hey readers, just wanted to say a quick word.

Firstly, thank you for reading and giving this story some interest. (means I'm doing something right. and I'd love any and all feedback. whether this story is or isn't to you or things you would like to understand better. id love to hear your thoughts.)

Secondly, I want to apologize for not updating in a few months, as I had been busy with college, but that has all finished now so all my free time will be going into completing this emotional rollercoaster with the gang. Hopefully, I'll be back with doing weekly updates! (don't know about you guys butI'mm excited to get back into writing and keeping you guys interested!

Thirdly, I will be going over the previous chapters I have uploaded and will be fixing and upgrading the storyline, to make it flow better - and fix the obvious spelling mistakes. (my bad) Hopefully, within the next couple of days/weeks ill have finished updating the previous chapters and start uploading more.

SPOILER - I am in the process of making a Prolog about Kurama, to help you guys have a better understanding of him and his interest. AND book two is in the makings in my scribble book which is focused on Gaara and his past and problems. Plus it gives you more on the inside of the other couples lives that are formed through Naruto's past catching up with him.

Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy the updated chapters and future chapters.


CHAPTER TEN
A million feelings...
A thousand thoughts...
A hundred memories...
One Person


Gaara suddenly felt a familiar warmth alone the left side of his body and moved closer to it as he felt safe. As he relaxed further into the warmth that moved around him, the scent of sun, dirt, and honey filled his scenes.
'I've smelt this before...When I was in the hospital... Who was in Hospital with me?'

Gaara's mind was heavy as he struggled to make sense of the hazy memories.
'I remember seeing something blue... and it's leaking? And there's a noise...words? I can see the outline of someone... and they're crying... over me? Is it my Sister? No, her hair isn't that messy... then who is it?'

Slowly forcing his eyes to open just the slightest, he found himself pressed up into someone's chest. Pulling back so he can look up at the face of the person he was embracing. All Gaara could notice from being half asleep, was the familiar messy yellow hair that had fallen over their face.

o-o-Flashback-o-o

"Hurry up man, if I'm late for tryouts because of you…" Sighing, I bent down and picked up my bag off the floor, not really caring about what Kankuro was saying. He had been standing at my desk trying to get me to get up and watch him at tryouts because we had to wait till Temari finished taking her driving test. Not like she hasn't been driving us around without her license already. I stood up swinging my bag over my shoulder, and step away from my desk, just to get my brother grabbing my wrist, obviously not carrying that I hated being touched, and dragging me all the way to the bottom oval. It wasn't like he wouldn't get onto the team. He was a blocker. He had been all through middle school. He had the body and strength, and any couch not wanting to put him on the team would be irresponsible, brain-dead dumbass, and that was putting it nicely.

Once we arrived at the stadium, he finally let go and began to run off, before stopping and looking back at me saying "stay" like I was a dog or something. Tugging on my bag strap so it sat on my shoulder better, I rolled my eyes before turning to leave. I didn't give two shits about watching Kankuro touch other males openly and get away with it. 'Closet gay'. as he called himself, yet he was out to us. I can't really blame him for coming out the way he did. When Temari nags, she nags, and she just wouldn't stop asking why he hadn't brought any girls home yet. Something in him had been off that whole day, so when he went off at her saying that he was 'sick of her trying to hook him up and complaining not having a girlfriend when he will never get one because he is gay!'. It took him a while to figure out after his angry rant that he actually, 'came out' and by that time she had already wrapped her arms around him and apologized.

I groaned rubbing my temples, I could feel another headache coming on. I didn't want to stay around, and leaving was the best choice in my eyes. Running a hand through my hair, I sighed as I took one last look at the field before moving. Out of all things I could be thinking about, Kankuro's coming out was at the top of the list, and stuck in my head. Trying to shake the thought, I wasn't paying attention to anything around me, I just wanted to leave. So, when someone bumped into me, I didn't really have much time to react and counter it and found myself closing my eyes, bracing for impact. But it never came. Opening my eyes, I watched wide blue eyes look me over, to make sure he wasn't hurt anywhere. The longer I looked at him, the more I realized that he was worried, about me, about hurting me. The only thing that was stopping me from hitting the ground, was one of his strong hands wrapped around my wrist. The only way I could come close to describing the position I was in, would be Matrix.

"Are you okay? I'm sorry I wasn't looking where I was going when I ran around that corner. I just didn't want to be late, like always. Haha… You're ok, right?" The worry in the blonde's voice made a warmth spread across I chest again, and I found himself able to speak as the blue eyes searched for an answer. All I could do was nod slightly and look away, before getting pulled up. "I'm glad you're fine." The smile that came across he face was genuine.

I noticed that the blonde, Naruto, still hadn't let go of my hand yet. It didn't feel weird, him touching me. As I continued to look at our conjoined hands. I began to notice that I could feel the warmth radiating front him, and begin to travel up I arm. It was a poison. MY body wasn't used to it, and I wanted to let go and run, but I wanted more of the feeling. But when I noticed that he was no longer in front of me and I was standing there alone, I felt cold, like all the light and warmth just left all at once.

This feeling was that foreign to me, that I didn't hear anything else the blonde had said or felt him let go, even if I was looking at our hands at the time. I frowned as I looked back at my hand, before turning around and looked over at the oval. I could see the blonde apologize for being late to the couch and setting his bag down with the rest.

'How long had I just been standing there looking at my hand?'
Instead of leaving like I had originally planned, I found myself standing off to the side of the stadium, watching the blonde-haired boy dance around the other players, showing off with the type of talent he had. I noticed how well the blonde worked with two dark-haired males and Kankuro, like they had always been playing together, and not their first time.

The whole time I watched them, was like I was watching an actual match.
'They're teamwork is disturbing and not normal for people who never met. They aren't letting the original team make any passes or score, that won't end well. They're on fire. But it's obvious when you looked at the other team, that they were getting really annoyed. Don't play with fire if you can't handle getting burnt.'

The blonde made another score and everyone cheered. I noticed and couch smiling and writing something down

'If they wanted to make a comeback and get back into the game, their first and only choice of action would be to remove the blonde from the field.' Just as the thought crossed his mind, like predicted, the blonde was taken out and hit the ground hard. At the sound of the whistle, the game came to an instant standstill and everyone began to crowd around him. Without realizing, I found himself walking closer to the edge of the field, trying to get a better look at the blonde who was still laying on the grass. It took some time for the blonde to come back and start talking, and when the hospital was mentioned he jumped right up and acted like nothing happened, which didn't turn out like he had planned, due to him swaying and the trickle of blood running down the side of his head.

All I could do was watch as the blonde gave in and allowed himself to be taken to the sick bay for a check-up, but as the blonde walked pasted, I tried to say something but the blonde spoke over me like he didn't even notice I was there…

'Why should I care if someone doesn't see me? That's what I've always wanted… but what is this pain I feel in my chest?'

It was about a week before I saw the blonde again, walking through the school gates, but when the blonde walks up to a group of people and instantly start laughing and mucking around with, I felt something that I had never felt before, nor could he explain what the feeling was that spread across my chest, or the way my mind starting overthinking, or the way the voice started to get louder.

As days turn into weeks, and weeks into months, and months to years. The more I tried to ignore the feeling, the more I started to spot the blonde from a far distance or in crowds. If it wasn't for the color of his hair or the smile that he seems to always have, it would be from how his energy just lights up any room, or how he is able to make anyone smile.

But it wasn't until halfway through the second last year of school before the blonde did something unexpected. It wasn't a big deal or anything but it made me react in a way I didn't think I was able to. It was just the normal school rush in the halls for lunch and someone run past, shoulder barging me with enough force to spin me around and knock me to the ground. But I didn't reach the ground like my books and bag did. When I realized what happened and that I didn't reach the ground again, I looked at what had caught me I was caught by, someone who wasn't even facing me. Who just so happened to be that certain messy blonde. His arm was stretched out and hand was around my forearm. Before I knew it, I was pulled back to my feet without a word said, or even a look. He was still in mid-conversation with his friend and no one really noticed the whole ordeal. He stopped me from hitting the ground and getting walked over.

But as I went to say thank you, he was already walking down the hall. Apart of me wants to believe that he has just been ignoring me since that day 3 years ago, but another part of me believes it's something else. Something that I have no real answer for, but the more I think about it the more I realize all the little things that would happen when he was around. From, dropping my bottle out of my bag in class, he would catch it before it hit the floor and put it on my desk. To, holding the doors open for me to walk into class when my hands are full. All those little things that he has done over the years, he never once looked at me. It's just been a type of reaction of his.

It was beginning of our last year in high school when he made eye contact with me again. Those big blue eyes looked at me with so much worry and care. And his hand he offered me to help me up. It was just like a dream, and that was short lived. And once his eyes were off of me I disappeared. It was better this way. After 3 years why would he care if he bumped into me? It would be best if I just forgot about him, but Kankuro caught on and dangled him in front of me. And we were in the same homeroom class again.

I thought nothing would change this year, until the kiss under the stadium.
'Was I just a game to him? Were all these years just to chew me up and spit me out? What was he playing at? I don't understand. What could he mean by doing and treating me this way? Treating me what way? I wasn't his friend, nor someone he paid attention too... It was obvious that I didn't mean anything to him in the past... so why now? Why kiss me now?' My head was racing and my heart wasn't normal, and for the first time in a while, I black out from an act.

My appointment with the shrink was living hell. They wanted to know more about how I felt, what was going through my head. Especially when I experienced my first kiss with the person I liked. It was all overwhelming for me, and I just continue to sit there in silence trying to come up with those answers, but my head and lips weren't cooperating, so for most of the session I sat there like a grumpy goldfish, just opening and closing my mouth.

If having my own head filled with thoughts and questions and pointless overthinking, coursed by myself was bad enough, the therapist kept prying until I ended up having another attack. I wasn't mad at them, it was a first for me to be like this, and everyone including myself wanted to know what was on my mind and what exactly I was going through. In the end, after I calmed down and made an appointment for next month, the Shrink gave me a months' worth of medication and sent me on my way.

-"Sorrow is a part of our existence. Even the best among us cannot escape feeling sad at times. It is when you are feeling sad, that you develop new insight about yourself."-

'That's what my shrink said...but I still don't understand... am I sad about this happening?'

Another sigh escaped my lips, as I through an arm over my eyes and laid on the bed with my legs over the side.
'I don't understand any of this...but that look in his eyes when he looked up at me after Kankuro punched him...'

Grabbing my chest with my other hand, I couldn't understand the pain I was feeling.
'It makes right here hurt...so much...But I can't get rid of this pain. I tried. Four tablets down and I can still feel this pain. I don't understand anything...'

Rolling over onto my side and curled into a ball, and watched as the wind moved the curtains. Every now and then I would see the dark sky outside. I was home alone.
'Temari won't be back till around midnight, and Kankuro might not even come home tonight... So I'm all alone, left to deal with this unknown pain in my chest that wouldn't go away and these thoughts... but would I actually ask them but it?'
-"...You love him..."- Kankuro's voice played over in my mind.
'...Love...what is this thing? Why? Why does everyone keep saying 'Love'?''

Grabbing a pillow and held it tight to my chest.
'Why do I have to be this lonely? What's the point of it all?'

Closing my eyes I cleared my mind... well tried to clear my mind. I just wanted to forget about everything that happened today and try to get some sleep. For someone like me... sleep never did come easy.

After a while, my head was spinning and I felt groggy. Side effects, from taking the doubled amount of my medication when I wasn't meant to, was my guess. I tried to make my way out of the room and towards the stairs and had to use the wall to help to stay upright. Slowly and carefully made my way down the stairs, but miscalculated and slipped on the bottom step, landing hard on the ground and back. I couldn't feel any pain that would have been sent to my brain, but I knew it would have left a mark on my lower back from where I landed on the step.
'If I didn't walk away... how far would I have let him go? How far would I have gone?'

I pushed myself up and hobbled over to the sink and pulled a cup from the rack and filled it with water. Downing the first cup full of water, hoping it would subside the dry throat, before turning around and stumbled a couple of times, before reaching the living room table. I couldn't see clearly anymore, everything was spinning and my body was shaking uncontrollably. Lifting the cup up to my lips and went to take a sip, but ended up dropping the cup, covering myself with water. The class shuddered into pieces as it hit the titles, seconds later my head hit the table.

Slowly opening my heavy eyelids to see a blurry outline of a figure leaning over him. 'Who?... Naruto? is that you? wait.. Where am I? What's going on? Why am I so cold?'

Raising a hand to cover my eyes from the light, the throbbing from the back of my head made itself noticeable as well as the lower back pain. When my eyes adjusted to the lights from above, I could see my Sister and the tears in her eyes, but couldn't understand why. I tried to sit up but my body was too stiff to move like I had been laying on the cold floor for at least a couple of hours.

As I tried to swallow the pain but was meant with a foul taste in my mouth, followed by a bubbly feeling rising up in my chest. Trying one last time to sit up, my head started to spin again, and I tried to pushed it back, but as a result I started to throw up... but there was nothing left in my stomach from throwing up at school, and ended up regurgitating foam from the tablets mixed with blood and stomach acid.

After collecting my surroundings and managed to stop throwing up, I could see the worry in the eyes of my siblings, but my thoughts were elsewhere. On a certain Blonde haired jock at school, who was the first person to notice me, without noticing me.

o0o0o0o

My eyes flew open as I took a deep breath and sat up coughing and rubbing my throat.
"Gaara!" My ears were ringing and eyes were sensitive from the light, and started to cough again but was suddenly stopped by someone wrapping their arms around my body. "I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry!"
The smell of rain and honey filled my nose as I was taken into a tight damp embrace. "N-Naru-to?" My throat hurt move then it did before, and the hug I was receiving got tighter. Slowly raised my heavy arms and wrapped them around the Blonde's back, and allowed myself to be completely embraced.

I noticed a noise that came from the blonde which sounded like someone trying not to cry, and all I could do was ball my hands into a fist, grabbing his shirt. The pain in my chest that started all this, was still there, but in this embrace, I could feel it turning warm.
"I-I heard your voice...I-It gave me hope...I-It brought me back from the darkness... Th-Thank you..." The sobs started to get louder.

"You shouldn't be thanking me...I'm the reason behind this whole mess...but...but...I'm glad you're back...Because now I get to tell you to your face..." Naruto finished saying before pulled away from their embrace. Grabbing his shirt tighter, I looked up at the Blondes bright blue eyes, that where tinted red and puffy from crying so much "I'm not ever letting you go, because I love you." I looked at him wide-eyed and then moved forward and locked their lips together.

It was the first time that I had heard someone outside of my small family say those words. Words that I realized that I had longed to hear. Words that came from the Blonde who has an impact in my life since our first encounter.

o-o-End Flashback-o-o

"N-Naruto" Gaara looked at the sleeping Blonde in front of him and placed their foreheads together. "Naruto. .. wake up... I remember. I remember it all. I remember you."