Author Notes – One of my favourite chapters so far this one. Hope you like it, we're be back to the main storyline in the next chapter. As always, thanks for reading.
Rating – T.
Note – I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters, that privilege belongs to JK Rowling.
CHAPTER TEN
Shadows from the Past II
'So let me get this clear in my head,' Harry said, and Cedric paused in his story to take a swig of pumpkin juice. 'When you and Oliver parted at the end of your fourth year, you were sort of maybe in a relationship...of sorts perhaps.'
'I suppose you could put in like that,' Cedric replied. 'Though perhaps that's too simple.' Harry realised he was being facetious, and couldn't help but grin. 'So, yes, at the end of the year, Oliver told me that he wanted to see where things took us. Now as you can probably imagine I was a little bit sceptical considering his earlier behaviour.'
'I get it,' Harry cut in. 'So did he write to you over the summer in the end?'
'He did,' Cedric said, and from his robes he produced another roll of parchment. 'I thought I'd got rid of all the letters but I found this one at the bottom of my trunk the other day. I must have just thrown it in there and forgotten about it.' He handed it to Harry who took it and opened it. 'Take a look.'
Dear Cedric,
Hope the holiday is treating you well. We're having a great time in Italy, my younger brother caused a bit of a stir when he accidentally corrected the lean of the Leaning Tower of Pisa, but luckily Mum was able to put it right before anyone could say anything. How was your holiday in Egypt? I've always wanted to go but we haven't got round to it yet. I want to hear all about it in your letter back.
I've also had a great to deal of time to do some thinking about us. If I'm being totally honest I haven't been able to get you out of my head. Even when we're visiting some famous landmark or eating in these amazing restaurants, I just find myself thinking that I wish you were with me. I do wish you were here, I miss you a lot. I don't think I've ever looked forward to going back to Hogwarts more than I do now, just to see you.
Anyway I'd better go now because we've got an early start tomorrow morning. Hope to hear from you soon.
Oliver xxx
Harry finished the letter and handed it back to Cedric, feeling distinctly uncomfortable. What Oliver had described pretty much summed up exactly how Harry himself felt about Cedric, and it bothered him that anyone else felt that way, even it had been quite a while ago. Was this jealously, he thought to himself, as he contemplated this entirely new emotion. He had never felt jealous in this way before, he might be envious of Ron's family life, or Hermione's brilliance, but he had never felt romantic jealousy before.
Cedric seemed to realise what Harry was thinking. 'Hey listen,' he said, placing his arm around Harry's shoulder. 'I know what you must be thinking, but you need to know that this is all over now. It was a long time ago, before I'd even met you...and now, well let's just say that Oliver doesn't even register on my radar compared to you.' Harry looked at him, and could tell that he meant it. He smiled, and Cedric smiled back.
'Damn,' Harry muttered. 'I wonder what I must have done to deserve someone as fantastic as you.' Cedric blushed a little, and admonished him with a light punch on the arm. 'Seriously though,' Harry continued. 'You're completely brilliant.' They lost several seconds to kissing at that, until eventually Cedric broke off.
'Now then, you've got to let me finish the story, otherwise we'll never get to the end.' Harry pulled a fake sulking expression at the prospect of no more kissing. Cedric sighed and gave him another quick peck on the lips. 'Honestly, I can never resist your fake pout.'
'You love it,' Harry said with a flirtatious wink.
'No, I'm very annoyed now, in fact I may not offer you another biscuit.' There was a pronounced pause. 'Oh go on then,' he relented, passing Harry the tin, who took a ginger nut and nibbled it lightly, looking at Cedric expectantly.
'Not then, where was I?' said Cedric theatrically. Harry rolled his eyes. 'Ah yes, the summer holidays. Well, let's just say that it was a restless few weeks for me, not knowing what to expect when I got back to school. I desperately wanted to talk to Oliver and quite by chance I bumped into him on the Hogwarts Express...'
Cedric was scouring the train looking for Oliver, but so far he had had no luck at all, and was beginning to get a little disheartened. It had been nearly two months since he had last seen him and, apart from the occasional letter, there had been very little contact between the two of them. Cedric had to admit that he missed the older boy, and now that he had a chance to see him, he wasn't going to waste any time at all. He had rather unceremoniously left James and his other friends in another compartment, saying that he desperately needed to use the toilet, and set off down the train, looking in every section for Oliver. He had been gone over ten minutes now, so his absence must have become quite conspicuous.
He was just about to give up and return to his friends when he spotted the object of his quest tucked away in a small compartment at the back of the train. Cedric couldn't quite believe his luck that Oliver was just sitting there alone, as though he was waiting for him. He hurried forward, undid the catch on the carriage door, and entered the compartment. Oliver looked up when he heard the door open, and when he saw Cedric his face split into a wide smile. He leapt to his feet and they embraced, each clinging to the other after so long apart.
'Well now,' said Oliver when they broke apart several seconds later. 'Fancy seeing you here.' He gestured to the seat and across from him and Cedric sat down, feeling apprehensive. 'So how was your summer?' Oliver continued, sounding casual.
'Not bad, you know how it is,' Cedric replied. 'I...er...missed you.'
'I missed you too,' Oliver said and smiled. 'Here, I brought you something back from Italy.' He opened his trunk and rummaged around inside for a moment, before producing a small wrapped parcel, which he handed to Cedric, who took it, not having expected this gesture at all. With his hands shaking slightly, he unwrapped it delicately. Inside was a small ornamental Golden Snitch, complete with silver wings. Cedric lifted it up and examined it closely, it looked very fragile but was beautifully made, down to the last detail. 'It's a speciality in Italy,' Oliver explained. 'Their ornaments are all of that quality.'
Cedric found his voice catching his throat, and so couldn't say anything for a moment. He quickly regained his composure. 'Thank you,' he said. 'I wasn't expecting...I mean, that's really kind of you.' He checked that no one could see into the carriage before leaning forward and giving Oliver a quick kiss on the lips. 'Great, I wish I'd thought of bringing something back from Egypt for you now.'
Oliver waved his hand. 'Don't be silly, I hadn't planned this or anything. We were just looking round a shop and I saw it and thought of you. My Seeker,' he finished simply.
'Careful now. With talk like that, your team might think your fraternising with the enemy. Seriously though, thank you. That's really thoughtful.' He put the Snitch back inside its wrapping and tucked it safely inside his robes. 'I promise I'll look after it.' They sat looking at each other for a moment in silence, Cedric choosing his next words very carefully. 'So, have you had any thoughts about...you know, where things are between us?' There was a noise outside and they both looked over, there was a confused looking Gryffindor standing outside gesturing to Oliver and then to the lock on the door.
'Ah,' said Oliver, getting to his feet. 'There's Jordan.'
'I'd better go then,' Cedric said, and Oliver nodded. It was fairly clear that he was very uncomfortable with anyone seeing them together. 'I'll see you around yeah?' Oliver nodded again, carefully avoiding eye contact, and Cedric opened the compartment door and strode off quickly down to the corridor. He heard Oliver apologising to his friend before he was out of earshot. He didn't know what to think now, Oliver had been so thoughtful with the gift he had given him, but as soon as his friend appeared, it was like Cedric was a complete stranger. Perhaps things were not going to be simple as he had thought just a few minutes previously.
He quickly found his way back to his own compartment, where James was sitting with his feet on his trunk, lazily flicking his wand back and forth, making a Chocolate Frog fly through the air. Cedric watched it for a moment, before drawing his own wand and pointing it a frog. There was a crackle of energy and it turned into a carrot. 'There, much more healthy,' he said, and James snorted with disgust. Cedric bent down. 'You dropped the card that comes with it.' He took a quick look at the wizard on the front who he recognised from the shoulder length brown hair and silver waistcoat, before handing it to James. 'Him again.' James grunted and dropped the card into his trunk.
They passed the journey mostly in silence. Cedric preferred it this way, he was still thinking about his encounter with Oliver. He reached into his robes and pulled out the Snitch, examining it again. It really was beautiful, and Cedric clutched it tightly in his hand. At that moment, there was an almighty crash, and the train began to rapidly slow down. The Snitch tumbled out of his hands and rolled under the seat as the door of the compartment slid slowly open. Cedric dived to the floor to retrieve it, and when he staggered to his feet again, the train had come to a complete standstill.
'What the hell's going on?' said James. Cedric could feel the temperature dropping significantly, ice was forming on the outside window. He felt a sudden wave of cold dread hit him, and he saw in his mind an image of his thirteenth birthday, and he relived again the feeling of utter despair as he stared at the candles and wished that he could just run away and hide from himself, that gay Cedric would just go away and die.
He looked over at James, who was lying back in his seat, his eyes rolled up into his head, and a terrified expression on his face. Cedric knew what was happening, but he couldn't quite believe it. He got another shock when there was another crash from outside the compartment and Oliver came barrelling inside, shaking uncontrollably, his face white. 'Cedric,' he breathed, collapsing into Cedric's arms, who supported him. 'Dementors.'
'Oliver, Oliver!' Cedric said, shaking him. 'Listen to me, what are we going to do?'
'I don't know,' Oliver whispered, his breathing become much heavier. 'Listen, I'm sorry about earlier, I shouldn't have just blanked you like that when I saw Jordan.'
'Don't worry about that now,' Cedric replied, feeling both annoyed and a little touched that even at a time like this, Oliver was worried about having upset Cedric. He helped Oliver stand up and supported him over a seat, where he sat down gingerly. There was a hissing sound from nearby accompanied by the noise of a billowing cloak. 'They're here.'
The Dementor appeared in the doorway to the compartment. Its rattling breath drew all the remaining warmth from the air as it stepped into their space. It turned to each of them in turn before settling on Cedric. It moved closer, and Cedric could feel all his bad memories threatening to overwhelm him, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. Then, all of a sudden, Oliver snapped into action. Getting to his feet, he produced his wand from inside his robes, and pointed it straight at the Dementor, which was now only a few inches from Cedric.
'Expecto Patronum!' Oliver yelled. A silver lion erupted from the end of his wand and charged the Dementor, driving it back out of the compartment. The lights flickered back on, and the warmth began to return to the air. Cedric saw Oliver's face appear in his vision as he began to regain his senses. 'Are you all right?' he asked, his voice creased with concern. Cedric nodded slowly, and Oliver pulled him upright and into a hug.
After a few seconds, James cleared his throat loudly. They broke apart, and both looked at him, feeling embarrassed. 'Sorry,' James said, looking awkward himself. 'It's just I thought I should check that you were both all right.'
'I'd better go and check on my friends,' Oliver said. Cedric nodded, and Oliver began to move towards the door. He paused, looked at James for a moment, and then walked back and kissed Cedric deeply. Cedric was slightly taken aback, and a second later, Oliver was hurrying out of the compartment.
He looked at James, who raised his eyebrows. 'I think you've got some explaining to do,' he said. Cedric sighed and sat back down as the train sputtered back into life.
Cedric sat down in the Great Hall on the morning of the first Quidditch match of the year, Gryffindor vs. Hufflepuff, and stared grimly at the ceiling; the rain was coming down thick and fast now, and there were flashes of lightning every few seconds that illuminated the enchanted ceiling. He wasn't looking forward to playing the match in these conditions but knew better than to think it might be cancelled. It had been something of a surprise when he had been summoned to Professor Sprout's office and told he would be the new Captain of the Hufflepuff Quidditch Team. Considering that he had only been made Seeker a year ago, this was a very fast promotion, and he hadn't had much time putting together the team he wanted for this match, and the prospect of playing a Gryffindor team at the peak of its ability was not something he was relishing.
The last few weeks, however, had been extremely happy for Cedric. After the incident on the train, Oliver and he had grown much closer, and now they spent a lot of time together. Whenever they had a spare moment, they would get together and spend their time talking, or even just sitting in the library together and working. Their relationship was still a strict secret, however, with only James knowing and, although they were very much together, Oliver was still reluctant to label it anything, he certainly never referred to Cedric as his boyfriend, a fact that was beginning to frustrate him. There had been some tension between them for several days, and Cedric put this down to the impending match when their two teams would be competing head-to-head, and given how seriously they both took Quidditch, it was perfectly natural that this would be an awkward time for them.
He looked over at the Gryffindor table and could see Oliver huddled together with the rest of his team, and they were talking quietly. Oliver looked up and saw Cedric watching him. Cedric smiled and quickly returned to his breakfast, not wanting Oliver to think he was trying to hear what they were discussing. At about ten, he got up from the table, collected his Quidditch robes and broomstick from his dormitory, and headed for the changing rooms to get ready for the match.
It didn't go as he had expected. He knew that being bigger than Harry Potter would have been an advantage in these conditions, but he hadn't been expecting the sudden appearance of the Dementors, and certainly he hadn't been prepared for Harry to fall from his broom. He could remember the exact moment, just after he had caught the Snitch in his glove, looking back and seeing Harry falling towards the ground. He had felt a dull thud in his stomach, but he knew there was nothing he could do, and it was a great relief when he saw the younger boy slow and land gracefully on the ground, unconscious. So, here he was, waiting outside the Hospital Wing for Oliver, who was inside consoling Harry on their team's loss.
He heard the door open and Oliver stepped out, looking dishevelled and extremely upset. When he saw Cedric, his face lightened slightly, but a moment later he frowned again. 'How long have you been waiting there?' he asked.
'About an hour,' Cedric replied, although it had been somewhat closer to two hours. 'I wanted to see if you were all right.'
'Oh, I'm absolutely stunning,' Oliver said sarcastically, and Cedric grimaced a little at his tone. 'Just lost my last chance to win the Quidditch Cup, but apart from that, I'm great.'
'That's not true,' said Cedric quickly. 'You only lost by a hundred points, you can still make that up in the next two matches.' He paused for a moment. 'I went to Madam Hooch and tried to get the result annulled, but she refused.'
'I heard, thank you for that.' Oliver looked so dejected that Cedric didn't really know what to say beyond that. 'Listen, I've really got to go, lots of work to do and all that.'
He began to walk away from Cedric. 'Oliver, wait!' Cedric said, and Oliver turned back. Cedric hurried to catch up with him. 'Come with me.' He took Oliver's hand, who looked round nervously to check that no one was watching them, and led him from the Hospital Wing to the Prefects' Bathroom on the fifth floor.
'What are we doing here?' Oliver asked, as Cedric said the password and the door swung open to reveal the bathroom.
'It's the only place we can go,' Cedric replied, closing the door and locking it. 'I want to spend the night here,' he continued, looking Oliver in the eyes. 'With you.' And so they did.
Spring was coming at last, Cedric thought as he looked out of the window of the Owlery. The snow was finally beginning to melt and, considering it was now early February, it was well past time. He finished attaching his letter home to his owl, before carrying him over the window and letting him fly away. He turned and made his way back to the Hufflepuff Common Room.
When he got to his dormitory he found James lying on his bed. 'There you are,' James said, getting to his feet. 'Nice to see you without that stupid grin on your face for a change. I bumped into Oliver earlier, he wants to speak to you.'
'Oh right,' said Cedric, and he felt the usual surge of excitement. 'Did he say when?'
'After dinner apparently, he said he'd meet you in the Entrance Hall.'
As Cedric emerged from the Great Hall that evening after dinner, he spotted Oliver standing by the gold hourglasses. He passed Harry Potter heading in the opposite direction, who smiled and nodded at him, as he made his way over to join Oliver. 'Hey,' Cedric said, and clapped Oliver on the shoulder, who shuddered and recoiled slightly. 'What's the matter?' asked Cedric, a sickening feeling developing in his stomach.
'Not here,' Oliver said. 'Let's go outside.' He led the way onto the grounds and out of sight of the main entrance to the castle. Cedric could tell that whatever Oliver wanted to talk about, he wasn't going to like it. They stopped, and Oliver turned to face him. 'I can't do this anymore,' he said simply.
'Can't do what?' Cedric asked, although he had a nasty feeling he knew the answer already.
'Us,' said Oliver, looking down at the ground. 'It's not going to work. We need to end it.' He reached inside his robes and produced a letter that he handed to Cedric. 'I got this today.' Cedric took it, opened it and began to read.
Oliver,
Your mother was sorting through your things the other day when she came across a letter from someone called Cedric. The language used in the letter implied that the two of you were in some sort of romantic relationship. I can only hope that this is some sort of terrible joke, otherwise I will be extremely disappointed in you. I didn't raise you to behave in that way, and I hope you have a good explanation for this letter.
Father.
'Well he sounds lovely,' said Cedric sarcastically as he finished the letter. 'Don't you see this is a great opportunity for you to come clean about everything.'
'Are you insane?' Oliver said forcefully, and Cedric grimaced, knowing which way this was going to go. 'I can't do that. You read the letter, he'll bloody kill me if he finds out what we've been doing. You don't understand.'
'Oh really do I not?' Cedric said, beginning to get angry now. 'Don't you think I'm worried when my father finds out I'm gay, but it's something I'm going to have to deal with. And so are you, you can't run away forever.'
'I'm not gay,' Oliver muttered. 'I can't be. My family won't allow it.'
'Won't allow it?' repeated Cedric, hardly believing what he was hearing. 'It's not a case of what they'll allow. You're gay Oliver, I think what we were doing the other night is conclusive proof of that.'
'I don't know why you're getting so upset,' Oliver interrupted, his voice getting louder. 'You got what you wanted didn't you?'
Cedric gaped at him for a moment. 'This was never just about the sex,' he said furiously. 'You've always meant so much more to me than that. I love you, you stupid idiot. Surely you can see that.' There was a moment of silence, and then Cedric realised what he had just said.
'You don't love me,' said Oliver. 'You can't. What we've got...isn't real love.'
'This isn't you talking. This is your father talking. I can't believe you're doing this. You're a coward Oliver. A coward.' He pulled from his robes the Golden Snitch that Oliver had given him, the Snitch that he carried everywhere. 'When you gave this to me, are you saying that wasn't real love?'
'I'm sorry,' Oliver said. 'We're done.' And with that, he walked away, heading back to the castle, leaving Cedric alone standing by the lake. Cedric lent back against a tree and sat down, his head in his hands. He couldn't believe what had just happened. He had told Oliver that he loved him, and had received nothing but coldness in return, and now just because of Oliver's ignorant father, their relationship was over. He began to cry.
Cedric really hadn't planned on going to the Gryffindor-Slytherin Quidditch match, he didn't want to have to sit and watch Oliver for any prolonged period of time. But James had eventually persuaded him that he couldn't miss the crucial match of the year that would decide who would win the Quidditch Cup, and so he found himself in the stands, waiting for the two teams to emerge from their changing rooms. Now that he came to think about it, this would be his last chance to watch Oliver play Quidditch before he left school, so perhaps it was a good thing that he was there.
The match was one of the most gripping that he had ever seen. He had done the calculations beforehand and worked out that Gryffindor needed to win by over two hundred points to win the Cup, and so every moment was tense and thrilling, each goal being potentially very significant. In the end, when Harry caught the Snitch and Gryffindor won the game, Cedric couldn't help cheering and clapping with everyone else. He knew how much this would mean to Oliver, but it hurt so much that he wasn't able to share it with him. He decided not to join everyone else spilling onto the pitch, instead he made his way back to the castle alone.
As he was leaving the Hufflepuff Common Room that evening to go to the library, he was surprised to see Oliver waiting for him. Cedric wondered how long he had been waiting there, not knowing how to get into the Hufflepuff dormitories. 'Hi,' Cedric said nervously, the last thing he needed right now was another argument.
'Hey,' Oliver said, and he looked just as uncomfortable as Cedric felt. 'I wanted to talk to you.' He gestured towards the Entrance Hall, and Oliver followed him out into the grounds. He always seemed to end up there for all the serious conversations in his life.
'Congratulations on today,' Cedric said, as they stopped by their usual spot near the lake. The anger that he had felt towards Oliver had disappeared long ago, and had been replaced by a sense of sadness and disappointment. But even so, this was Oliver's big moment and Cedric thought it was right to acknowledge it.
'Thank you,' Oliver replied. 'After six years of waiting, it's good to finally get my hands on the Quidditch Cup.' Cedric wondered whether he would ever experience that, but thought it was unlikely given the sorry state of the Hufflepuff team.
'Yeah, well you deserved it. You played brilliantly.' Oliver smiled, causing Cedric's heart to ache horribly. He had thought that he was just starting to get over Oliver, but it seemed that he still had a long way to go before he stopped feeling so miserable.
'Listen, I wanted to see you before the end of the term. To say goodbye.' Cedric didn't know how to respond to this without bursting into tears again. If he was being honest, before today, he hadn't given much thought to the fact that Oliver would be leaving Hogwarts very soon, it had always seemed so far away but now it was almost upon them. 'I got into Puddlemere United,' Oliver continued. 'I got a letter today saying they've accepted me.'
Oliver had told him about his application to join the professional Quidditch team a few months ago, but Cedric had completely forgotten after everything that had happened. 'Wow,' he said. 'Congratulations. I knew you'd make it.' He desperately wanted to hug Oliver, to tell him how proud he was of him, but was just about able to restrain himself.
'I guess you were right, right about a lot of things,' said Oliver. He turned and looked out across the lake. 'Seven years. Where does the time go?'
Cedric moved over and stood next to him. 'That way,' he said, pointing at the sky. 'All we've got is the present.'
'I know,' Oliver said quietly, and then turned to look Cedric in his eyes. 'I'm sorry Cedric, I'm not ready to be open about who I am. I know that makes me a coward, you were right when you said that, but I'm not ready.'
Cedric thought about this for a moment. He could respond angrily, tell Oliver that he needed to face his own problems or they would never go away. But the truth was that he was too tired to argue, and he had known for a while that the situation was hopeless, and so he just nodded and said, 'I understand. You need to do things in your own time.'
Oliver smiled. 'I'd better go, I just wanted to say goodbye.' Cedric nodded, once again trying to hold back tears. 'We had fun yeah?' Cedric looked up and saw that there were tears sparkling in Oliver's eyes, and he too was doing his best to stop them.
'Yeah, we did,' he said simply. 'Goodbye Oliver.' He enfolded the older boy in his arms and they stood and hugged. It seemed far too soon when they broke apart. Oliver reached up, and wiped away the tear that had begun to roll down Cedric's cheek, before turning around and beginning to walk back the castle. 'We did have fun,' Cedric murmured.
'And there you are,' Cedric said after he had finished his story. 'And I didn't hear from Oliver after that until I got this letter this morning.'
'I see,' said Harry, who was still getting his head round all the details. 'Poor Oliver, sounds like he had a terrible time.' Cedric nodded. Harry hadn't known how to feel when he had first heard about Cedric's history with Oliver, but now he knew the whole story, it only served to make him understand Cedric a lot better, and that was a good thing.
'So now you know the story,' Cedric said, looking at him nervously. 'I hope you're not still angry about me keeping it from you until now.'
'Of course not,' Harry replied quickly. 'I know why you did it. It's only helped convince me of what a genuinely wonderful person you are.'
Cedric smiled. 'I guess what the whole thing taught me is that what makes us human is that we care, and because we care, we never stop trying. I didn't stop trying with Oliver, because I knew what he really wanted, but he just couldn't see it himself. But I think it's worked out in the end, Oliver can go away and decide what to do in his own time, and now I get to be with you.' He winked at Harry, who couldn't help but grin.
'Yep,' Harry said. 'You're all mine.'
Cedric reached into his robes again. 'And just in case you're not convinced of that. I want you to have this.' He took out the Golden Snitch that Oliver had given to him, and handed it to Harry, who took it and examined it closely. It really was as beautifully crafted as Cedric had said, down to the last detail.
'I can't take this,' Harry said, although he was touched by the gesture. 'It's yours, you should keep it.' He tried to hand it back but Cedric waved his hand, refusing to take it.
'It's yours now Harry. I insist.' Harry realised there was no point arguing and just smiled, putting it inside his own robes to keep it safe. 'My Seeker,' Cedric said simply.
'Thank you,' said Harry, leaning forward and kissing his boyfriend. They lost a minute or so to some frantic kissing. Eventually they broke apart. 'Thanks for telling me that story.'
'No problem,' Cedric said, putting his arm around Harry's shoulder. 'You had a right to know. Now, do you have any secret exes that I need to be made aware of.'
'If only,' Harry replied. 'My love life was pretty much nonexistent before you came along. I think it's been worth the wait.'
'You really mean that?' Cedric asked.
'Absolutely,' Harry said. And he did.
