Thanks so much to everyone who is still reading this. I'm going to be without wifi for the next week but hopefully will get a few chapters written in that time so updates will be quicker.
"Come and sit with me Elizabeth." Shelagh beckoned reaching out her hand to the clearly tormented young woman.
Elizabeth rose and came to sit next to Shelagh as she took her hand. They sat in silence for some time, Shelagh giving the young girl time to collect her thoughts and work out exactly what she wanted to say.
"I have always felt God was guiding me." She began. "This is a house of science and my parents have never understood my faith. They have never discouraged me from it but it isn't something they have themselves, I've always felt a bit different to them because of it. As I have gotten older my faith has become stronger and there are times when I feel that I want to devote my life to God and do his work." Elizabeth paused and a tear slipped from her eye. Shelagh used the thumb of her free hand to wipe it and Elizabeth looked her in the eye. "You understand don't you?" She almost begged.
"I do. I felt the same calling when I was your age. However, when I approached the convent the sisters told me I was too young to know my own mind." Elizabeth looked at her distraught. "They didn't turn me away, rather they suggested I do my nursing training before I joined the order. I will confess it was a long three years but in that time my certainty of my calling only grew and I entered the order when I was 22 – some of the sisters thought I was still too young but I was a headstrong Scot and I was so certain." Shelagh told her remembering that time of certainty of her future.
"Obviously you were wrong though." Elizabeth said.
Shelagh thought for some time before she spoke. It was a topic she was not comfortable talking about and she certainly didn't want to give this confused young woman the idea that you could become a nun and then change your mind.
"I believe that God has a path for all of us and I have never been happier than I am at the moment but the path for me was one that caused a lot of heartache and soul searching. If I had not been a nun at St Nonnatus I would never have met Patrick. When we met he was married to Timothy's mother and we were nothing more than work colleagues, but his wife died and he and Timothy were so lost and heartbroken. I prayed every day for God to send someone to make their lives complete again. I didn't realise it at the time but just the fact that I was praying so hard for someone to love them was showing that I had very strong feelings for them both. Eventually I began to realise that my feelings for Patrick were not ones I should be having as a nun and I tried so hard to pray them away but the prayers didn't work and the feelings and the guilt grew." Shelagh paused remembering that tormented period of her life.
"While I was being treated for TB I had time to truly think and listen to God. I realised that if God's plan was for me to serve in another way then I should embrace that and stop fighting against it. I had been tormented by my feelings for over a year but when I finally came to that conclusion it was like a weight had been lifted from me. I have no doubt that this is the road God wants me on but I can't regret my years with the order because they made me who I am and that is who Patrick fell in love with."
Elizabeth absorbed everything she had been told. "I feel I have a calling to do God's work but when I hold Angela I also feel a longing for motherhood."
"Oh Elizabeth! The two don't have to be mutually exclusive. You don't have to become a nun to do God's work. I feel like I do His work everyday by helping the people of Poplar but then I come home to my family and my life feels so full. You are so young yet and have so much of life to experience, God will be with you on that journey and he will guide you, just be open to all the paths he offers you and your heart will know which one to take."
Elizabeth was crying openly now. "Thank you! Thank you so much. I have been so confused and I didn't know who to talk to." Shelagh reached out and pulled the young girl into her arms.
"You are more than welcome and even when I leave I will only be a phone call or a letter away and you will be welcome in our home any time."
Elizabeth wiped her eyes. "I think I had better splash some water on my face otherwise mum will wonder what we talking about. Elizabeth rose and left the room. If she had looked back she would have seen her mother enter from the other door and sit next to Shelagh.
"Oh Shelagh. I don't have the words to thank you. Ian and I knew she was struggling with something for so long but I had no idea. She's right we are a faithless lot, no wonder she felt she couldn't speak to me." Alex began to wipe at her eyes too. "Perhaps I should have more faith in God because surely he sent you to us to help Elizabeth." Alex leaned over and hugged Shelagh, their friendship cemented for life.
….
Shelagh lay in bed that night after her emotionally exhausting day. She happily welcomed her husband's embrace as he lay behind her.
"I hear your nurturing instincts were in overdrive today. Ian and Alex are about ready to offer you up for sainthood."
"Patrick! You do exaggerate. I didn't do anything other than listen and tell Elizabeth about my own life." Shelagh spoke honestly not believing she had done anything that monumental.
"And that is the beauty of you my love. Your quiet way of counselling and nurturing has such an impact and you are completely unaware. I know it's a time you don't like to talk about which makes you even more amazing."
They lay in silence for some time just listening to each other and the sound of Angela's occasional snuffles.
"I can't believe she is two already." Shelagh said quietly. "The time is going so fast. I feel like I want to hold on to every precious moment." She rolled over to face her husband. "Patrick, after the baby is born I think I would like to cut back on work for a few years, perhaps cut back on my days at the practice and not work in the Maternity Home?"
Patrick stroked his wife's face. "You know I will support whatever you want to do although you know how much I love working with you and if you wanted to keep working full time we can make it work."
"I think I would like to spend the baby's first year at home like I did with Angela and just handle the administrative side of the practice, besides I will be feeding this little one." She gently caressed her ever expanding stomach. "I won't be able to rely on you or Timothy to feed her like I did with Angela."
"I'm going to miss that." Patrick confessed quietly.
"Miss what?"
"Being able to feed this little one." Patrick hand joined his wife's. "I know you struggled with not being able to feed Angela but I will confess that I loved being able to do that for her. Coming home from a late call out and being able to sit there at 2am and feed her – it allowed me to calm down and let all my tension just wash away before coming to bed. And seeing those eyes looking at me – well anyway, I'll miss it with this one."
Shelagh had never known how much feeding Angela had meant to Patrick, she had merely seen it as the one thing she desperately would have loved to do for her daughter and couldn't. "Perhaps after a few months we could introduce the odd bottle just so you don't feel left out?"
Patrick smiled at his wife knowing what a huge concession that would be for her. "Let's get you home and her delivered safe and sound first and then we can discuss feeding regimes."
"Speaking of going home, have you given any thought to how we are going to get home? Perhaps you should accompany Trixie and Tim and then drive the car back?" Shelagh suggested, not liking the idea of being without Patrick even for a few days.
"I've actually been thinking that with three children maybe we should consider buying a bigger car, perhaps an estate car?"
"But Patrick you love your car, surely you can't want to sell it?"
Patrick laughed. "Did I mention selling the MG? I thought we could use the MG as a Practice car for late night call outs – especially if I am going to take on a partner. The new car would be our family car."
Shelagh looked at her husband and saw the slight nuances in his face. "You have already purchased one haven't you?" She asked firmly but lovingly.
"Not purchased exactly." Patrick confessed wondering how his wife could read him so easily.
"Then what …. exactly?" She asked suspiciously.
"I may have put a down payment on one that is due to be delivered in about two weeks. They are even going to install a marvellous new thing called a car seat for Angela. It sits her up high enough to see out the windows but keeps her contained in the back of the car."
"I don't know what to do with you sometimes Patrick Turner." Shelagh said exasperated. "A second hand car would have sufficed perfectly well. Next time you plan to make a large purchase I would appreciate at least being consulted beforehand, even if you do plan to ignore my protests." Shelagh kissed him letting him know that he wasn't really in trouble.
Patrick wisely kept his plans for the purchase of a new, larger house to himself for the moment. He could only push Shelagh so far before she would dig her heels in and he knew if that happened they would be living in the flat until they retired.
