Chapter 12 - Back At The Hotel (Posted 29 March 2011)

Josh took Drake back to his hotel room. They were both nervous. Josh wasn't sure what he was supposed to do or say. And Drake was just plain scared.

Bad thoughts just kept piling up in his head. What if I mess up and he just leaves me again?

When they were inside the room, Josh could see Drake's nervousness. He looked out of place, and appeared to be slightly shaking. So he did the only thing he could think of; he grabbed his hand and pulled him into a light hug.

"If you're uncomfortable..." Josh didn't want to do anything that would push Drake over the edge.

Drake gave a breathy sigh against Josh's chest. "No... no... I'm ok..."

"Are you cold? You're shivering."

"Sorry... I'm not cold, I just... I'm worried." Drake mumbled. "I can't believe you're back. It feels so weird... to have you touching me. But... it's not a bad feeling. It's the opposite, really, which is why this is so scary..."

"There's no reason to be scared, Jake." Josh promised him. "Anything we do isn't wrong."

"It should be, though." Drake said, despite his tightening hold on Josh. "We were brothers for years."

"But we're not related. We were just really close friends. We shared a room. We were inseparable. Like you said, we even touched each other all the time. We even kissed. Did any of that ever feel wrong?"

"No..."

"So why should it feel wrong now?"

"I don't know. I... you're probably right. But I think... It's been so long, Josh. It's been so long since I've really been with anyone. And I'm afraid of being hurt again." Drake felt himself start to cry against Josh. "You just... you came into my life and then you just... you just left! You just left and I never saw you again! And I felt like that's what I deserved, Josh. I..."

"Jake..." Josh couldn't take it anymore. Seeing Drake like this was maddening. Drake was supposed to be the confident one. He was supposed to be the strong one when someone else crumbled. Not the other way around. But suddenly it was all backward. "How many times must I tell you that I'm sorry? My biggest regret is not talking to you."

Drake sniffed, but the tears and snot didn't stop running down his face. He just sobbed into Josh's chest, drenching his shirt. "Josh... I love you."

"I know. I'm so sorry. I didn't ever mean to abandon you, Jake. I just felt so... confused. I tried looking for you. I swear, if I could go back and make sure we kept in touch I would! In a heartbeat!"

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to make you feel guilty. I just wanted to... to tell you that this is really hard for me. It's hard to see you again. I want... I want... you. I need you, Josh, but... but what if you just end up going away again? I've already been through that once. And look at me. I'm a mess. I can't do it again."

"You won't have to do it again, I swear. Jake, I never want to let you go ag-..."

Josh was interrupted by a pair of lips pressing roughly against his. Drake was kissing him again. His lips were so soft and sweet, but they moved with such a fury, Josh was hardly able to keep up.

"Promise?" Drake asked into the kiss.

"I promise. Even... even if this doesn't work out... I'll always love you. I'll always be here for you."

"Good. I need you." Drake pawed at the back of Josh's neck.

"I need you too, Jake."

"Drake." Drake whispered.

"What?"

"It's Drake. You can call me Drake."

"But... you said..." Josh was already lightheaded, so this only added to his confusion.

"I know what I said. But... it's too strange to have you call me Jake. Besides, Drake and Josh sounds much better than Jake and Josh, doesn't it?"

"Well, yeah... but, are you sure? I mean... all that stuff you said about leaving your old self behind..."

"Doesn't mean anything now." Drake said, kissing his jaw. "I changed because you left. Now that I have you, I can be Drake again."

"I thought you said you were scared?"

"Jake was scared. Drake takes risks. Especially for you, Josh."

"Do you have some kind of multiple personality disorder or something?" Josh tried to joke, but began to consider the possibility.

Drake giggled darkly. "I'm being serious, Josh. We already know we love each other. Why shouldn't we give this a chance?"

"So... it's really ok?"

"I'm still not sure. But I can't let this opportunity slip away."

"Wanna go to the bed?"

"You move fast." Drake pulled Josh over toward the large hotel bed.

"I missed you." Josh said as if that explained it all.

"I missed you too." Drake replied as he was pushed down onto the firm mattress.

"You really wanna do this?"

"Do you?"

"Absolutely." Josh's voice was saturated with need.

"There's your answer, then."