Chapter 12: The Hand That Rocks The Mabel: Li'l Gideon

Stan was leading a group of unsuspecting customers around the Mystery Shack. It was late in the day, and he had them outside for a last scam to make money.

"For tonight's final illusion," concluded Stan, "we have the incredible 'Sack of Mystery.'" He pulled out a sack with a question mark sown into it. "When you put your money in, it mysteriously disappears."

The customers obliged with Stan's simple scamming trick.

"Of course!"

"That makes perfect sense."

"What a nice man."

"Totally worth the drive."

Meanwhile, Dipper, Mabel, and Soos were in the living room, all huddled on the armchair, watching a TV show. I was sitting in the dining area of the room, huddled over a book, trying to catch up on some homework, while also trying to enjoy the show with Soos and the twins. I've never had the best study habits. I was also still recovering from the previous day's battle with the wax figures, and was now battling off fatigue.

"The tiger was badly injured in the explosion," said a surgeon voice over on TV. "But we repaired him, with a fist." The screen showed the tiger with an muscled arm clenched into a fist. Then a title appeared with the words "Tiger Fist!"

They living room audience cheered for the tiger. The fist punched the tiger in its face. The title screen appeared again with an announcer saying "'Tiger Fist!' will return after these messages." A commercial with a pair of hands throwing doves into the air appeared on screen.

"Hey, look!" said Soos. "It's that commercial I was telling you guys about." Curiousity got the best of me (that, and the science textbook was mind-numbingly boring). I paused in my reading, got up form the table, stood by Soos to watch.

The next scene was a shot of some majestic mountain view ( I was gonna guess the Rockies)."Are you completely miserable?" asked a Southern voice. The commercial then played a scene of a man weeping in his bedroom. "YE-ES!" cried the man.

"Then you need to meet..."

"Gideon," whispered another voice. A silhouette with a question mark inside it and the name "Gideon" popped on screen.

"Gideon?" asked Dipper.

"What makes him so special?" asked Mabel.

"He's a psychic," said the Southern announcer.

"Ah-roo?" asked Mabel. She sounded like Scooby-Doo.

"Don't waste your time with other so-called 'men of mystery,'" warned the voice. A scene of Stan walking out of the outside john and shaking a trail of toilet paper from his slipper was played. "Fraud" was stamped over him.

"Learn about tomorrow tonight, at Gideon's 'Tent of Telepathy.'" A bunch of disclaimers scrolled up the screen, and then there was some message to someone named Carla about always loving her but never having the guts to say it.

"Wow," said Mabel. "I'm getting all curious-y inside."

"Well, don't get too curious-y," said Stan as he crossed the threshold, flipping up his eye patch. "Ever since that monster Gideon rolled into town, I've had nothin' but trouble." He removed his coat, and place it on a coat rack made from antlers.

He flashbacked to a moment when he was previously trying to find a parking space in a parking lot. He found one, but then Gideon's RV sped in, and a crowd of adoring fans clustered around it. "Gideon!" muttered Stan.

"Well, is he really psychic?" asked Mabel in the present time.

"I think we should go and find out," said Dipper, looking up at me and Soos.

"Yeah," I said, surprised that I wanted to step into a fortune telling house, one of the forbidden places my parents told me to never consider dealing with. I knew that psychics couldn't be trusted with the truth, but all the same, I was curious-y too. I tried to defend my agreement to myself with a plausible excuse. "Considering that they explicitly trashed Stan's reputation, I think we should learn a bit about this guy and see if he's legit. You know, kind of like 'know your friends, but know your enemies better.'"

"Never!" declared Stan, undoing his western style tie, and sticking it in his coat pocket. "You're forbidden from patronizing the competition! No one who lives under my roof is allowed under that Gideon's roof."

"Do tenants have roofs?" Dipper asked me.

"I think we just found our loop-hole," I replied with a smile.

"Yeah," agreed Mabel. "Literally." She held up a string with a loop tied in it. "Wha-amp, wha-amp!"

Boy, would Mom scream at me if she knew that I was being this blatantly disobedient, I thought.

"So come down soon, folks," called the same announcer from the Gideon commercial. "Gideon is expectin' ya."

-cue Gravity Falls theme song-

That evening, many curious-y patrons came by to the Tent of Telepathy to see what marvel Gideon might be. Standing at the entry way was Bud Gleeful, the man who was the announcer promoting Gideon.

"Step right up there, folks," he encouraged. "Put your money in Gideon's 'Psychic Sack.'" He held a sack with Gideon's emblem, a five-pointed right-side up pentagram with an eye in the center. Five pointed star with an eye. That was the first red flag for me. For once, I was beginning to agree with Stan. People handed money into it with the same complacency they had with Stan as they stepped inside.

The tent was wide enough to hold several rows of pews and a curtained stage. There were speakers and a piano sitting upstage right, and the curtains were a deep blue that contrasted with the white tent canvas overhead. The whole place had an American tent revival meeting vibe to it. This was not at all what I expected from a psychic, who I was told from many a Christian source would be divining lies and blasphemies from demons. If they played a gospel hymn like "Victory In Jesus," I would be sold.

I was seated by Mabel, who was already eating popcorn. On her right side sat Dipper, and on his right side was Soos, eating a taco.

"Whoa, this is like a bizzaro version of the Mystery Shack," noticed Dipper. "They even have their own Soos." He pointed to a handy man carrying tools, who had the same face and build as Soos did. Soos glared at him as he chewed.

I searched the crowd frantically. Maybe this was a bad idea after all."If any of you see my doppelganger, say 'Sannah-I-a, Annenbaum-Ta, and I'm out of here." It wouldn't surprise if there were doppelgangers out here.

I was feeling so conflicted with everything I was seeing. How would I know if this was a good idea or a horrible one?

"It's starting," whispered Mabel excitedly. "It's starting!"

I guess I'll find out now, I thought.

The lights dimmed out, and music that signaled a big entrance played. Spotlights danced over the audience's heads and played along the stage and it's closed curtains.

"Let's see what this 'monster' looks like," said Dipper to himself.

A spotlight settled into the center of the stage, where the blue curtains would separate, and a dark imposing silhouette behind the curtain stepped forward to center stage. But when the curtains parted, the silhouette turned out to be a cute, freckly nine-year-old boy with a blonde pompadour wearing a cape. He wore an American flag pin on his coat, as if to make him appear patriotic.

"Hello, America!" said the child with a Southern accent. "My name is Lil' Gideon." He clapped twice, and doves flew from his insanely huge pompadour. The audience cheered, and Soos sat awed at the magic trick.

"That's Stan's mortal enemy?" asked Dipper dubiously.

"But... he's so widdle," said Mabel.

"And his hair's so huge," I remarked. Wonder how much hair gel was suffocating those birds.

"Ladies and gentlemen, it is such a gift to have you here tonight!" said Gideon onstage. "Such a gift! I have a vision. I predict you'll soon all say 'Awww-oh.'" He turned his face from the audience, and then turned back, his smile rosy and his eyes sweet like a puppy.

"Awww," said the audience.

"It came true," whispered Mabel.

"What? I'm not impressed," said Dipper.

"Me neither. This guy is a total charlatan," I said in agreement

"You're impressed," said Mabel, not believing us.

"Hit it, Dad!" Gideon pointed to his father, Bud Gleeful, who struck up a gospel tune on a piano. Gideon removed his cape, and tossed it to a woman in the front row, who was overjoyed at receiving it, but then had to fight off other women who wanted an object worn by the fake child prodigy. Gideon then began to sing.

"Oh, I can see what others can't see,

"It ain't some sideshow trick, its innate ability.

"Where others are blind, I am futurely inclined,

"And you too could see, if you was widdle ol me!" He giggled to himself.

"Come on everybody!" he called to the audience, grabbing his bolo tie. "Rise up!" Everyone rose their feet at his command. "I want ya'll to keep it going!"

We rose to our feet, whether we intended to or not.

Dipper was more than just surprised. "Wha-? How did he-"

"Keep it going!" commanded Gideon, and the audience started to clap as he sang another line. I frowned, not enjoying his mockery of good gospel music one bit.

"You wish your son would call you mooore," he sang, pointing to an elderly woman sitting in the front row.

"I'm leaving everything to my cats!" she exclaimed, waving a fist in the air. One of the cats in her lap yowled.

"I sense that you've been here befo-o-ore," he said to another audience member wearing and holding Lil' Gideon merchandise.

"Oh, what gave it away?" asked Sheriff Blubs bashfully.

Dipper became more and more skeptical. "Come on," he rolled his eyes.

Gideon step down the aisle by us and spoke to Mabel.

"I'll read your mind if I'm able," he said, winking at her. The audience around us continued to clap to the music.

"Something tells me you're named 'Mabel.'" He stepped away to get back onstage. "How'd he do that?" she asked, stepping closer into our row so that I could see her name sown clearly onto her sweater. I rolled my eyes.

"So welcome all ye,

"To the Tent of Telepathy,

"And thanks for visitin,' widdle ol me!"

A neon sign with his name was lowered above the sage, and blue flame effects sprouted on stage as the song ended in a finale.

Gideon was tired from singing and dancing. "Oh my goodness," he panted.

The audience cheered and cheered for him, and Soos and Mabel joined them.

Gideon pulled a water bottle from his coat, and sipped from it. "Thank you!" he called. "You people are the real miracles!"

"Whoooo! Yea-heh-hah!" cheered Mabel.

The audience exited the tent, happy and good-natured as if they had attended a revival meeting.

"Man," said Dipper. "That kid's an even bigger fraud than Stan. No wonder our uncle's jealous."

"Aw, come on," said Mabel. "His dance moves were adorable! And did you see his hair? It was like 'Whoosh!'"

"You're too easily impressed," said Dipper.

"Yeah, yeah!" She poked him, and the two laughed and prodded each other.

I came out talking with Soos. "I'll give it to him, the kid's smart selling his smile and all that, " I mentioned to him. "But I feel like this was all a sort of mocking farce against evangelical Christians."

"But why are you taking it so personally?" asked Soos as we joined up with the Pines twins.

"Well, my dad loved gospel music, and played it everyday in church," I elaborated. "My mom used to sing songs like that on Sunday morning. Everyone in my church back home loved it. My parents thought that the best cure for the Christian who was unhappy or unsatisfied in his relationship with God was a good old Southern-style revival meeting. Now, I'm trying hard to not feel like he ruined it for me."

"Oh, don't be mad, Isannah," said ever cheery Mabel. "Just think of how revival-ish he was trying to be and laugh about it." She laughed a little herself.

"You're right," I said. "I shouldn't let this get me down. I mean, it was just a tourist trap, not an actual revival meeting."

"We should be getting back to our own tourist trap," mentioned Dipper as the twilight began to fade.

"Yeah," agreed Soos. "Let's get back to the Mystery Shack. I'm up for more tacos."

"And I've got a chapter of history to read," I remembered.

As the foursome walked away, Gideon stepped out from his hiding place behind the tent flap where they had spoken. He watched them intently as they headed home.

This wasn't so bad, I thought. I don't know why I was worried. Nothing's up with that kid.

Boy, if I could only see what the future had in store.

The next morning, I was packing my books for a couple of classes I would have until mid-afternoon. I was in the dining room with Dipper, who was sipping a glass of water. I felt fatigued. Spending the evening out to go to a tourist trap with so much homework to do for the next day wasn't the idea I've ever had.

To interrupt my mantra of "Books, wallet, phone," Mabel ran in, saying in a constrained voice, "Check it out, guys! I successfully bezazzled my face!" She wore a huge assortment of plastic bedazzle gems all over her visage, even on her eyelids. "Blink," she blinked painfully. "Ow."

"Is that permanent?" asked Dipper. This was ridiculous, but this was Mabel.

"Maybe you should see a doctor," I added, a little concerned.

"I'm unappreciated in my time," replied Mabel, feeling insulted. The doorbell rang.

"Somebody answer that door!" called a groggy Stan.

"I'll get it!" replied Mabel, rubbing the gems off her face as she went. When she opened the front door, she expected someone tall, but seeing no one, trailed her eyes down to a blue suit and a blonde pompadour.

"Howdy," said Gideon Gleeful.

"It's widdle ol' you!" said Mabel, thrilled to see the cute fake psychic.

"Heh, heh, yeah," replied Gideon awkwardly. "My song's quite catchy. I know we haven't formally met, but after yesterday's performance, I just couldn't get cha laugh out of my head."

"You mean this one? Ah, ha, haha, ha, huh."

"Oooh, what a delight! When I saw you in the audience, I said to myself, 'Now there's a kindred spirit. Someone who appreciates sparkly things in life.'"

"That's totally me!" exclaimed Mabel. She laughed, but then started coughing up more bedazzle gems. They landed and stuck to the collar of Gideon's coat. "Enchanting," he whispered. "Utterly enchanting."

"Who's at the door?" hollered Stan from inside.

"No one, Grunkle Stan!" called back Mabel.

"I appreciate your discretion," whispered Gideon. "Now Stan's no fan of mine. I don't know how a lemon so sour could be related to a peach so sweet."

"Gideon!" Mabel giggled with false bashfulness.

"What do you say we step away from here, and chat a bit more?" he asked her in secretive tone. "Perhaps in my dressin' room."

Mabel inhaled excitedly, barely believing her good fortune. "Make-overs! Ho-hoo!" she poked him hard in his widdle tummy. He chuckled awkwardly, then said "Ow."

As the door to the closet in Gideon's dressing room opened, Mabel gasped in delight. The place had the most adorable, trendy outfits waiting to be worn!

"Do you see somethin' you like?" asked Gideon. "'Cause I do," he said, glancing up at Mabel's priceless face.

She laughed and replied with confused happiness, "What?"

Later that afternoon, Mabel and Gideon waved good-bye in front of the Mystery Shack, and Mabel walked inside. She and Gideon had done a bizarre make-over on her, curling her bangs and the tips of her hair, and applying a pink bow for hair, purple eyeshadow, extra blush, bright lipstick, and long pink fingernails.

Dipper was slouched on the armchair in the living room, enjoying a peaceful hour of reading the journal, while I had just gotten home, and was throwing everything from college off my back, and getting myself a bag of chips from the kitchen. Neither of us expecting Mabel to come in and surprise us.

"Hey, Dipper," she said, walking up behind him. "What's going ooooon?" She leaned over his head, and dangled her long fingernails over his face.

I walked into the room, and screamed in fright. "Mabel?! What happened to you?"

"Who-oa!" he said slapping her hands away. "Where've you been?" He stood up to talk to her. "And what's going on with those fingernails? You look like a ... wolverine."

"I know, right?" She made a "roar" sound and slashed her nails like animal claws. "I was hanging out with my new pal, Gideon. He is one dapper little man."

"Mabel," addressed her brother. "I don't trust anyone whose hair is bigger than their head."

I didn't really care about Gideon being her friend. He made her happy, and so long as the two of them weren't doing anything illegal or getting into some kind of trouble that could get me into some kind of trouble. Lack of sleep and lots of homework can really deteriorate your morale.

"Oh, leave him alone," Mabel replied in a defensive tone. "You never want to do girly stuff with me. You and Soos get to do boy stuff all the time."

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Hey, dude," called Soos as he walked into the living room carrying a package of hotdogs. "You ready to blow up these hotdogs in the microwave one by one?"

"AM I?" He and Soos ran into the kitchen, and popped the hotdogs in the microwave. They laughed and cheered as hotdogs popped like corn. "One at a time! One at a time!"

"My point exactly," said Mabel.

"Brothers," I muttered.

"Why can't you and I do something girly together?" Mabel asked me.

"I'm sorry, Mabel," I replied apologetically. "But I have a school project due this week, and tomorrow I have an enormous test to study for."

"Oh, you always have a dumb test or a dumb project to work on," she complained.

"Believe me, Mabel, I would much rather braid hair and do make-overs with you than write up labs and study the history of English battles. But since I need to work on getting a career, I need to get through at least three in half more years of schooling, and then have all the time in the world."

"Awww," she said disappointed. She went upstairs to undo the 'make-over,' leaving me alone with my guilt and homework.

Later before evening, Mabel and Gideon were sitting together on the roof of Gideon's family's factory by the edge of a cliff. It was a quiet place for the two new friends to converse.

"Whoa! The view from your family's factory is nuts!" said Mabel as she gazed at the town "Good thing we both brought our..."

"Opera glasses!" they said simultaneously, producing the mentioned item. They peered through their own pair at each other, laughed like a couple of old pals, then used them to gaze out over the downtown city hall area.

"Mabel," said Gideon. "When I'm up here, lookin' down on all them little ol' people, I feel like I'm king of all I survey." His voice had dropped down to a sinister whisper. But he returned to his natural tone."I guess that makes you my queen."

"Wha-aat?" replied Mabel in a nervous laughing sort of voice. "You're being so nice to me right now. Quit it!" She shoved him playfully.

"I can't quit it," Gideon replied. "I am speakin' from the heart."

"From the where now?"

"Mabel, I've never felt this close with anyone. So, so close." He reached a hand for her hair and stroked it, inhaling in creepy sort of way.

"Look, Gideon," she said, taking his hand away. "I, um-" But she had to stop his hand in mid-reach for her hair. "I like you a lot, but let's just be friends."

"At least just give me a chance," he said, undeterred. "Mabel, will you do me the honor of going on a date with me?"

"A play date?" she asked hopefully. He shook his head no.

"A shopping date?" Still no.

"It'll just be one little ol' date," he promised, taking hold of his tie. "I swear my lucky bolo tie."

"Ummm," replied Mabel uncertainly. She really wasn't interested in that kind of thing with him. He was the cute fall back for girly activities, not an age-appropriate eligible bachelor. But he gave her his "Awww" face, and she unwillingly conceded.

"Okay, then" she replied. "I guess."

"Mabel Pines, you have made me the happiest boy in the world!" he cried, hugging her. They held each other, Mabel already questioning her decision.

"Are you sniffing my hair?" she asked him.