We finally get to hear what Bella has been thinking. Enjoy!


BPOV
I honestly didn't think that I would be that woman; the one who lied about having children to a guy she really liked. I felt awful about it and knew that something like this was going to happen. I had it coming and completely deserved this.

That night at the bar when I first saw Edward, I just wanted a night away from my kids and to let loose. Jake had tried to contact me once again, but I didn't want to hear from him. He had screwed everything up and I didn't want to see him.

My friends suggested a night out and I was all for it. Angela offered to babysit and we went to this popular bar. I wasn't looking to meet someone. I just wanted to have some drinks and have fun with the girls. Then, Jessica and Lauren pointed out this guy that was really hot. I wanted a look too. They weren't lying, but I was always too shy to do something.

Jessica knew him. His name was Edward and he was a total player. Leaves with a girl and has his way with her, then throws her out. I understood why he was so popular; I even considered going over to him, but aborted that mission after taking another look. I didn't think I could get a word out of my mouth.

When he made his way over to the bar, and squeezed himself next to me, I tried to ignore him, but it was really hard. He smelled amazing and his body felt so good against mine. I tried to hold a conversation with Lauren, but wasn't able to concentrate at all. I felt his eyes on me and felt myself blushing. How was a guy like that looking at me? I figured he was trying to get a look at Lauren or Jessica.

Then I heard him laughing and turned my head. I hoped he wasn't laughing at me, though internally I freaked out a little bit. Maybe, something was in my hair or my make-up was smudged. Then he left my side, but I couldn't get him out of my head.

I had asked the girls if something was wrong with me, but they told me I looked gorgeous. I tried not to think about him and just talked with my girls.

Then I got a drink from someone and was curious about it. The waitress pointed at the table where the beautiful guy sat and I was surprised by it. Maybe the drink was meant for someone else. I smiled at him, hoping that I didn't look stupid and he smiled back.

Jessica and Lauren told me I should go talk to him, but I couldn't do that. I was a mother and didn't think that behavior would be appropriate. I ignored them the rest of the evening and tried not to think about the guy a lot. Then Jessica told me he was leaving and I was going to regret not doing anything about it.

I approached him and thanked him for the drink. He told me I was beautiful, but didn't quite believe him. I was plain, not beautiful. He introduced himself and I gave him my name. He decided to stay and we spend the rest of the evening together. I abandoned Jessica and Lauren and gave all my attention to Edward. It's a name you don't hear often, but it was perfect for him.

The bar was closing and Edward asked if I wanted to go home with him. I was nervous about it, but wanted it. I hadn't had sex in a long time and realized that was going to happen if I accepted his offer. I just couldn't believe he even wanted to have sex with me.

He must have been a rich guy; he owned the penthouse of the building and it was huge. He told me that we didn't have to have sex if I didn't want it, but I really did want it. Sex with Edward was amazing and I was sad it ended. I wanted to leave before he threw me out, but he surprised me, asking me if I wanted to stay. We had sex again and fell asleep, but I woke up quickly. I really needed to get home back to my kids.

I had regretted not leaving a note or something, but I knew he wasn't that guy. He just wanted sex and that was it. I respected that and saved myself some dignity.

Life went on and Edward was always on my mind. Angela asked me about that night and I had confessed. She was happy for me, but I told her it was just one night and I didn't expect to see him again. She didn't believe me and told me I deserved someone who would be amazing for me and my kids.

I had lost my last job, because I wasn't flexible enough and looked around. That's when Edward found me again. It turned out he owned a building and had a big company. I still don't understand what he actually does.

He asked me why I didn't leave a note and I was surprised at that. He wasn't that kind of guy. I explained myself and he told me I was special to him. That caught me off guard. Why would someone like me be special to him? We had only known each other for one night. I didn't really believe him and then he got mad, saying I was the best sex he had ever had. Then we got interrupted by his work. He asked me for my phone number and I entered it into his phone. I just couldn't believe it.

He called that evening and I was very surprised. I just assumed he wouldn't give me a call at all. I had just put the kids to bed when he called and I felt a little guilty for not telling him about them. I felt strongly that it wasn't something you tell a guy you had just had a one night stand with.

He wanted to have a date with me, but I didn't answer him right away. I needed to arrange a babysitter before saying yes to him. It probably didn't sound good when I told him I would call him back about it. We talked for hours on the phone, but I really needed to sleep. Sophie had the tendency to wake up early and that was hard for me.

He offered me a job at his company, but I felt offended. I was able to find my own job. I didn't need his charity. He apologized quickly.

I called him the next day and told him I would go on a date with him. I just wasn't ready to have him pick me up at home. I was a little embarrassed after seeing his apartment. I told him I would meet him there, but he had a hard time accepting that.

Our first date was a disaster. My cab showed up late and I arrived at the restaurant way too late. Then Edward was mad at me for paying the cab. I shrugged it off and he was acting so weird. Then our reservation was cancelled, because we were late. He was so mad about that, but I just laughed at it.

We went to his place and he ordered some Chinese. Everything in his apartment reminded me of our night together and it turned me on. I had promised Angela I would be home on time tonight so at midnight I announced that I was going home.

Then we had a heated discussion about drinking and driving and considering my past, I wasn't allowing it for him to drive. It doesn't matter how much you drink. A little bit was already enough.

I stormed out of his apartment and he didn't run after me. I got in a cab and got home. I decided to text him so he would know I got home okay. He didn't even respond to it and I had had enough of him. We had fun together, but I accepted that that would be the only thing we would ever have.

I wanted to tell him my story, why I acted the way I did. It isn't something you tell someone over the phone and maybe it wasn't smart of me to ignore his texts. If was sweet of him that he wanted to apologize, but it felt like I had done something wrong and that I should apologize.

After a few days I decided it was time to tell him my story. I liked him and if I wanted to take this to the next level, I should be honest with him.

I told him about my relationship with Jake, but left out my kids. Maybe it was wrong of me, but I wasn't ready to tell him everything about me. He should know why I was against drinking and driving. If he accepted me, then he could know about my kids.

I had some bad days where I thought about the accident and about the girl who died. I wondered about how we would be known if the accident didn't happen. Jake and I would still be married and we would form a loving family with our kids. I would be a stay-at-home mom and Jake would work. I wouldn't live in this crappy apartment, but sometimes life doesn't go as planned.

I took a huge risk when asking Edward to drive me home. He was nice to me and understood my story and I should do something back. I told him not to make any surprise visits, but didn't tell him why. I just couldn't hide my kids when he would be standing at my door.

I feel awful now when I think back about my time with Edward. I should've told him about my kids in the beginning, but I knew he had something against kids. I acted selfish. I wanted to have something with him and that's why I didn't tell him about Lucas and Sophie. I wanted to see where Edward and I would be and if it was really getting serious, I would tell him about the kids.

If he didn't accept it, then it would be a shame, because I really like him. But if he somehow did accept it, I would introduce him to Lucas and Sophie. I dreamt about that moment a lot, but I was acting stupid and digging my own grave.

Our second date wasn't that amazing either. His brother had a date with his wife the same night at the same restaurant. He's a funny guy, but Edward couldn't see the humor in it.

He was so mad and considered leaving so we could be alone. I enjoyed watching him squirm and I had fun. His brother couldn't handle a serious conversation, but you could see that he was happy with Edward dating someone.

I screwed it up when we were back at his apartment. I received a letter from Jake that morning and wanted to forget about it. I wanted to feel loved and I wanted to know that Edward was there for me. Maybe I was wrong in acting like that, but I was offended when he turned me down for sex.

It would've been my wedding anniversary that day and maybe it was wrong of me to go on a date with Edward. He took me back to his apartment and he was really nice to me.

I think that was the turning point in our 'relationship'. He was taking care of me and that's not something you do for a one night stand. I could've told him about my kids then, but I don't know what held me back.

Before I knew it I was having dinner with his parents and his brother and sister and their families. I don't know how I ended up like that. If I wasn't sure about our relationship before, I knew now that there was something serious going on between us. I definitely should've told him about my kids then. Instead I decided to keep it a secret.

There were times I felt awful about it, but it felt nice to have a life that didn't involve my kids. I don't know if it made me sound awful, but with Edward I wasn't a mom. I was just Bella and sometimes I needed that.

I knew he didn't like kids and it really showed that night. When I saw Alice I freaked out. Her son, Noah, is in the same class as Lucas. She eyed me the whole evening and even mentioned that I looked familiar to her. if she found out, all hell would break loose. I should tell Edward about Lucas and Sophie before Alice figured it out.

I didn't…

Edward called me soon after that, asking me if we could talk in person. He wanted to discuss us and I was nervous about that. We couldn't become serious if I didn't tell him about the kids.

I invited him over to my place and he was surprised at that. I don't know why I did it. It meant that I would have to get rid of everything that would say I had children.

Angela agreed to take Lucas and Sophie for the night. My apartment didn't feel as homey as it was with my pictures and all the toys that would be spread around the place.

Edward surprised me when he talked about us starting a relationship. I knew something needed to happen between us, but I doubted our 'relationship'. How can you have a relationship when I'm not being honest with him?

I should've told him that night, but I didn't.

I don't know what's wrong with me, but I think I was afraid of losing him. We had such an amazing time together and I would miss him if it ended between us.

We had sex that night, but I knew it wasn't just sex. It felt like we were making love and it scared the crap out of me. I wasn't ready for that kind of thing.

I had it coming when we woke up really late the next morning. I wanted to bring Lucas to preschool so Angela would be here around 8 o'clock. When Edward woke me up and I realized the time I knew that I was in trouble.

He questioned my behavior and I was freaking out. He would hate me in 15 minutes and I could do nothing about it. It was my own fault and I felt awful about it. I had hidden my kids from a great guy, all because I was afraid to lose him. To me, it felt like I was ashamed of Lucas and Sophie and I wanted to cry at that thought. They were the best thing that ever happened to me and I couldn't imagine my life without them.

When Angela knocked on my door I was afraid to open it. Edward looked reassuring at me, but he didn't know what was behind that door.

Then Lucas pounded at the door and yelled at me to open the door. Angela was probably wondering what was going on. Edward's face quickly changed to horror when Lucas and Sophie threw themselves at me and told me how much they missed me.

I think he got it then and I felt like crying. This wasn't how I imagined it. I would tell him about my kids, without them being here and in my dreams he would accept it and we would live happily ever after. Yeah, I should really stop believing in my dreams.

"Wait Edward, please let me explain," I said as I followed him. I tried my best to keep the tears from pouring, but he was really leaving.

"What do you want to explain? That you fucking lied to me and led me on? I thought we were getting serious, but I think we were feeling different things," he said and he sounded so mad.

"I just … I knew that you didn't like kids," I said, but it wasn't a good excuse.

"And you think you could've kept them a secret forever or something? That's just plain stupid," he said and that really hurt me. I deserved it and it wasn't fair to him.

"No … I don't know what I was doing. I like you so much and I planned on telling you. I didn't want you to find it out like this," I said and now I was really crying.

"Keep telling yourself that. How did you think I was going to react? That I was just going to be happy with it and be a dad for them. I won't ever be that person and I don't want to be that person. I want to have my freedom and kids just tie you down. I'm done with you," he said and left. He didn't look back and this was the end for us.

The tears were falling freely now and I tried my best not to make a lot of noise. Lucas and Sophie were behind me and I didn't want them to see me like this.

"Why don't you take Sophie and go play in your room," I heard Angela say and I heard footsteps leaving towards Lucas' room.

"I'm so sorry Bella," Angela said and hugged me.

"You don't have to apologize. I should've told him about them. I'm so stupid," I said and cried some more.

"You're not stupid Bella, you were just scared. I agree, it wasn't the smartest thing to keep them hidden, but I get it," Angela said.

"He doesn't want to see me again. I thought I finally found someone after Jake, but now he just left," I said.

"If he really likes you, he will come around. You just have to be patient and let him think about this," Angela said. I was so blessed to have her as my friend. She was always there for me and my kids and I could always count on her.

"Do you want me to take Lucas to school?" Angela said, but I shook my head.

"No, I'll do it. You should go home. You need to rest," I told her.

Angela and Ben have been married for 2 years now and Angela was 8 months pregnant with their first child. I was so happy for them, but I was also a little jealous.

Jake and I weren't ready for a kid when I got pregnant with Lucas. I was ready to go to college when the pregnancy test turned positive. Jake was happy about it, but it felt like my future was ruined. Don't get me wrong, I love Lucas a lot, but he wasn't planned.

We moved to Seattle so Jake could go to college and I took care of Lucas. With the support of both of our parents we made it. We figured out that I would take evening classes when Jake was done with college and had a job. Then the accident happened and everything turned upside down.

Jake went to jail and I found out I was pregnant again. My dad told Jake, because I didn't want to see him. I filed for an annulment and my parents kept supporting me. It was hard to do it all on my own, but I managed. I met Angela and she helped me out a lot. She babysat a lot for me when I had to work, because I couldn't lean on my parents forever.

"Do you want to stop by today to talk?" Angela asked me.

"No, I'll be fine," I said. I was lying, because I wasn't fine and wasn't going to be that anytime soon.

"Don't deny it Bella. He will come around, trust me. You're an amazing woman, but you just made a little mistake," she said and hugged me.

I was glad I had the day off from work and I could spend it, doing absolutely nothing. Angela left and I was alone with the kids. I really needed to take Lucas to school or he would be late.

"Come on Lucas, we should get going," I said to him and he came running from his room. He hugged my legs and I wanted to cry all over again.

"Is everything okay mommy? You don't have to be so sad," Lucas said and the kid really knew me.

"Everything is okay and I'm not sad. Let's get you to school," I said and grabbed Sophie.

Sophie and I were home alone now and she was playing with some toys. I tried to call Edward several times, but he wasn't picking up his phone. I wanted to explain myself some more and I wanted to apologize for lying to him. He didn't deserve this.

He had been honest from the beginning. He told me he didn't do serious relationships, but he changed his mind and decided I was special to him. He told me about his views on kids and marriage, but I thought if he could change his mind about relationships, he would change his mind about the rest too.

I texted him a couple of times too, because I really wanted to talk to him. When I didn't receive a reply from him a few hours later, I knew that it was the end for us.

The next day I was standing at Lucas' school. Sophie was playing with some other kids and I was waiting for Lucas to get here. School was done in a few minutes and then we would have weekend.

"So, he finally figured it out," I heard someone say behind me. I recognized her voice and didn't need to turn around so I could see Alice.

"I knew you looked familiar, but it didn't click until later. Edward is really upset," Alice said, but I just focused on Sophie. I wasn't in the mood for her making me feel even worse.

"You know, I liked seeing this change in Edward. You were really making him happy and you were changing him. Mom was so happy when she found that Edward was seeing someone. We had fun at dinner, but I just can't understand why you would lie to someone you supposedly care about. I don't think I could ever keep my kids a secret. I'm just curious why you did it," Alice went on and on and I was so glad when I heard the school bell ring. I didn't want to answer her, afraid that I would start crying again. Lucas and Sophie didn't need to see me like that.

"Yeah, I know when I'm not wanted. I will go now, but I thought maybe you need someone to talk to. Here is my number and you can call me whenever you want," Alice said and gave me a piece of paper. She walked away after that and I was surprised by this. Why would she do this?

I guess it was time to really think things over and decide if Edward was still worth fighting for.